So are we to never have a husband-wife trip without kids for another 14 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re being a baby.

+1.

OMG. I cannot roll my eyes enough at this post. First of all, OP is clearly a dude. By wanting to "reconnect" he means he's not getting enough sex, so he thinks of one thing: a weekend away while his elderly MIL takes care of his young children. HIs wife points out why that is not realistic and, instead of problem solving, he immediately pouts and talks about marriages "fading out".

OP, grow the F up. It sounds like your wife is busy taking care of your family while you are thinking about yourself. If you all aren't getting enough time together, actually solve the problem. A good way to start will be you spending some solo evenings with your kids while your wife goes to a hotel for a massage and some sleep. That way you'll actually understand what needs to be done when you guys go away on vacation together and help you hire the right person.

+100 and it will probably backfire anyway. When my kids were very small, organizing childcare and prepping everything etc for a weekend away left me MORE tired. Not less. And then I’d worry when we were gone. If I’d had a “wonderful capable grandma” available that would obviously lessen or eliminate many of those concerns but we didn’t.

A date night (or try a date DAY when you both aren’t tired) is a far superior choice IMHO.

[Anonymous]

Go to a family resort or on a cruise when your kids hit early ES age. There are kids clubs and plenty of independent activities for the kids so you can have lots of time during the day to do whatever. At night, the cruise ships have in room babysitters available to basically watch your kids while they sleep if you want to have a later dinner and drinks.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to a family resort or on a cruise when your kids hit early ES age. There are kids clubs and plenty of independent activities for the kids so you can have lots of time during the day to do whatever. At night, the cruise ships have in room babysitters available to basically watch your kids while they sleep if you want to have a later dinner and drinks.

+1

Or even earlier, depending on the resort. We went to an awesome family oriented resort back when our kids were 5,5, & 2. The youngest was not old enough to spend time in the kids club but we used a sitter in the room for him (during afternoon hours that he napped for much of anyway) and had most afternoons free to relax. Also used an in room sitter for all three kids a few evenings, and had a late dinner and drinks etc. Can work out really well. Spent the mornings hanging out with the kids enjoying the beach/pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the age of your kids and the specific concerns with MIL (is it physical issues or mental acuity concerns, for example?), a compromise could be to leave them with MIL and babysitting/daycare to assist. For example, MIL drops them off at regular daycare & picks them up at the usual time. MIL sleeps over at your home. Mother’s helper/sitter comes over to assist at bedtime if needed. Or if the weekend- sitter/sitters for most of the kids’ waking hours to take care of any “hard work” while MIL oversees and just enjoys the kids. But again - really depends on the age of your kids, and what the concerns are with MIL.

This is what I was going to suggest and Ive seen other families do this. Basically the babysitter does the heavy lifting and the grandparent is just there overnight. I have even seen parents go away during the week because its less work for the grandparents because the kids are in school most of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the age of your kids and the specific concerns with MIL (is it physical issues or mental acuity concerns, for example?), a compromise could be to leave them with MIL and babysitting/daycare to assist. For example, MIL drops them off at regular daycare & picks them up at the usual time. MIL sleeps over at your home. Mother’s helper/sitter comes over to assist at bedtime if needed. Or if the weekend- sitter/sitters for most of the kids’ waking hours to take care of any “hard work” while MIL oversees and just enjoys the kids. But again - really depends on the age of your kids, and what the concerns are with MIL.

This is what I was going to suggest and Ive seen other families do this. Basically the babysitter does the heavy lifting and the grandparent is just there overnight. I have even seen parents go away during the week because its less work for the grandparents because the kids are in school most of the day.

We know a set of very elderly grandparents (with some health issues) who have raised their grandson since he was a toddler. They have basically done exactly this, for day to day life. Daycare every weekday and 8hrs/day of sitter/nanny help on the weekends. Aftercare daily once in elementary school. Sleepaway camp in the summers once old enough. And gradually dialed back the weekend sitter hours as he got older. Kid is now a teen and is doing great. Good friend of my DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re being a baby.

+1.

OMG. I cannot roll my eyes enough at this post. First of all, OP is clearly a dude. By wanting to "reconnect" he means he's not getting enough sex, so he thinks of one thing: a weekend away while his elderly MIL takes care of his young children. HIs wife points out why that is not realistic and, instead of problem solving, he immediately pouts and talks about marriages "fading out".

OP, grow the F up. It sounds like your wife is busy taking care of your family while you are thinking about yourself. If you all aren't getting enough time together, actually solve the problem. A good way to start will be you spending some solo evenings with your kids while your wife goes to a hotel for a massage and some sleep. That way you'll actually understand what needs to be done when you guys go away on vacation together and help you hire the right person.

I, also, am rolling my eyes so hard.

People have offered you plenty of solutions. Stop being so self-absorbed.

We never had grandparents who could babysit and yet we still were able to have occasional weekends together without the kids, and you could, too.

[Anonymous]

We typically pay our nanny to stay at our house while we travel and my parents come to supplement. My husband and I do one solo long weekend per year with this set up. And will do one longer trip for our upcoming tenth anniversary.

So- short answer is we don’t typically travel for a long time without our young kids and will leave our nanny with grandparents. I didn’t grow up with a nanny and my parents only had my grandparents watch us once for a solo trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

My kids are grown now. During their entire childhood, we went away twice without them, leaving them with my parents both times-- once when DS1 was 3 (before DS2 was born), and once when the kids were 8 and 3. I don’t think my parents ever went away without us. Both marriages survived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

I grew up UMC in the 1980’s, and my parents left us with a sitter every other weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re being a baby.

+1.

OMG. I cannot roll my eyes enough at this post. First of all, OP is clearly a dude. By wanting to "reconnect" he means he's not getting enough sex, so he thinks of one thing: a weekend away while his elderly MIL takes care of his young children. HIs wife points out why that is not realistic and, instead of problem solving, he immediately pouts and talks about marriages "fading out".

OP, grow the F up. It sounds like your wife is busy taking care of your family while you are thinking about yourself. If you all aren't getting enough time together, actually solve the problem. A good way to start will be you spending some solo evenings with your kids while your wife goes to a hotel for a massage and some sleep. That way you'll actually understand what needs to be done when you guys go away on vacation together and help you hire the right person.

You’re being way too judgmental and projecting your own broken relationship on the OP’s situation. You have no way of knowing if your guess about their family dynamic is right, and suggesting something the total opposite of what OP is looking for is either callous or delusional on your part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re being a baby.

+1.

OMG. I cannot roll my eyes enough at this post. First of all, OP is clearly a dude. By wanting to "reconnect" he means he's not getting enough sex, so he thinks of one thing: a weekend away while his elderly MIL takes care of his young children. HIs wife points out why that is not realistic and, instead of problem solving, he immediately pouts and talks about marriages "fading out".

OP, grow the F up. It sounds like your wife is busy taking care of your family while you are thinking about yourself. If you all aren't getting enough time together, actually solve the problem. A good way to start will be you spending some solo evenings with your kids while your wife goes to a hotel for a massage and some sleep. That way you'll actually understand what needs to be done when you guys go away on vacation together and help you hire the right person.

You’re being way too judgmental and projecting your own broken relationship on the OP’s situation. You have no way of knowing if your guess about their family dynamic is right, and suggesting something the total opposite of what OP is looking for is either callous or delusional on your part.

I’m a DP. OP seems entitled whiny and lazy based only on what they’ve written here— their elderly MIL, their wife, everyone has a role here to play except…the OP! Who is supposed to have kid free vacations served up at no effort at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not familiar with sleepaway camps. Looked up a random one in WV. It is $2K for 1 week session during summer. Is this a typical rate? Thanks in advance.

Yes, that’s probably the lower end of average for a private sleepaway camp though there are typically discounts for siblings/multiple weeks/etc.

There are some cheaper options through Girll/Boy Scouts and other non profit but they tend to be very rustic, have more restrictions for ages, activities, etc and fill up very quickly/have lotteries to get in.

[Anonymous]

Why not ask your own mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was speaking with my spouse about getting a weekend away together just the two of us - we need some time to reconnect. We have two young kids. My MIL lives locally, but is getting older. We haven't taken a solo trip together since when our first was an infant and my mother watched him for a weekend.

Asked my spouse if we could inquire with MIL about doing a weekend away in 2025. Spouse put the kibosh on that quickly, saying MIL is too old to watch two young kids.

So - is this it? We won't be taking another kid-free trip until our youngest is 16 and can stay home alone?

If so, I can now understand why marriages fade out.

What the hell do other people do? Or are you with your kids 24/7?

You can take day trips to nearby areas while kids are in school and with a sitter after school.

If you want a weekend trip, request your mom or his to come to your home to supervise kids and the sitter.