How are you preparing your DD to protect herself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t considering one experience “harassment”

Be is from cat calling in a street, a random comment at a party, a homeless man exposing himself on the street. Perhaps it meets the definition, but this shouldn’t be traumatizing. Just move on.

Harassment is if the same person repeatedly gives you unwanted attention after you have explicitly told them to stop.

I think this is interesting. I used to really think this and believe this and didn't really even register all the small things men did. The guy at work who blatantly looks you up and down in a lewd manner and makes a comment. The guy at work who puts both his hands on your shoulders while talking to you "make a point". The guy at the regular coffee shop you go to who comes out from the back to stare every time you are in line so eventually you just go to another coffee shop. Unwelcome looks, touches, comments. All of these are actual examples and I have so many more. I'm sure we all do. I had a guy witness one of these things and he acknowledged it later and asked me if I was okay. I was stunned. We all just harden ourselves to it and don't even speak up or think twice about it. It's sad really.

We have been conditioned to accept a certain amount of sexual harassment as just part of life. That’s why some of these women say they’ve never been harassed. They’ve overlooked things because “boys willl be boys,” and it’s just something everyone lives with. Just this very morning, my teenaged dd told me that when she was in 6th grade, she complained to the male gym teacher that a couple male classmates were saying they wanted to touch her tits. He told her that boys are just going to say stupid things and it’s only a problem if they actually touch you. This was 5 years ago, post Me Too.

Yep agree. I call BS on the “never experienced “ posters. I have no doubt they believe it and maybe a rare minority really have not. But that is in large part bc we are conditioned to accept the smaller slights, harassment, and disrespect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t considering one experience “harassment”

Be is from cat calling in a street, a random comment at a party, a homeless man exposing himself on the street. Perhaps it meets the definition, but this shouldn’t be traumatizing. Just move on.

Harassment is if the same person repeatedly gives you unwanted attention after you have explicitly told them to stop.

Do you think that something has to cross the line to illegality for it to be a problem? Because you seem awfully hung up on the legal definition of harassment in the workplace, as opposed to a widely-acceptable definition of sexual harassment that does not necessarily warrant an arrest. Legality is not the same as morality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t considering one experience “harassment”

Be is from cat calling in a street, a random comment at a party, a homeless man exposing himself on the street. Perhaps it meets the definition, but this shouldn’t be traumatizing. Just move on.

Harassment is if the same person repeatedly gives you unwanted attention after you have explicitly told them to stop.

I think this is interesting. I used to really think this and believe this and didn't really even register all the small things men did. The guy at work who blatantly looks you up and down in a lewd manner and makes a comment. The guy at work who puts both his hands on your shoulders while talking to you "make a point". The guy at the regular coffee shop you go to who comes out from the back to stare every time you are in line so eventually you just go to another coffee shop. Unwelcome looks, touches, comments. All of these are actual examples and I have so many more. I'm sure we all do. I had a guy witness one of these things and he acknowledged it later and asked me if I was okay. I was stunned. We all just harden ourselves to it and don't even speak up or think twice about it. It's sad really.

I have very rarely, if at all, experienced these things. I don’t doubt they’ve happened to you but it’s not been my experience.

Ok literal poster. I think these are examples of the types of things that happen to women. I am willing to buy that some women don't consider all these smaller moments harassment. However, I do not think there is a woman on planet earth that has never had some unwanted and unwelcome looks, touches, or comments of some kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t considering one experience “harassment”

Be is from cat calling in a street, a random comment at a party, a homeless man exposing himself on the street. Perhaps it meets the definition, but this shouldn’t be traumatizing. Just move on.

Harassment is if the same person repeatedly gives you unwanted attention after you have explicitly told them to stop.

Do you think that something has to cross the line to illegality for it to be a problem? Because you seem awfully hung up on the legal definition of harassment in the workplace, as opposed to a widely-acceptable definition of sexual harassment that does not necessarily warrant an arrest. Legality is not the same as morality.

This person's definition of harassment is made up. There is no "requirement" that you've told the person to stop and they don't stop. The actual definition in the dictionary:

behavior characterized by the making of unwelcome and inappropriate sexual remarks or physical advances in a workplace or other professional or social situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Important point: talk to all your kids, not just your daughters. Your boys may not be the type, but tolerating any sort of nonsense from friends towards people in a weaker position is being complicit. Teach your kids to call out harassment and be strong to social pressures. Everyone has a job to do, not just the girls.

Also, transgender kids are often targets. Teach your kids to love themselves and stand up to being picked on. They need to hear it from you. 🙂

I have been so impressed by the men in my life (especially when younger) who checked in with me to make sure the attention I was receiving from someone else was OK with me. They weren't agro, they just quietly asked me if I was comfortable, or if they should distract their friend who was touching me. Good job done by their parents!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

Really? Wow, you’ve been very lucky!

- signed 52 year old with teen DDs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

Same.

Same here. I think it makes 5 of us on this thread so far. I was beautiful in my teens/20s/30s and always dated very attractive, successful men (and then married one --a physician). But I was never really harassed--not even really cat called.

I don't really exude sexuality or vulnerability. I've never dressed provocatively or even very femininely. I'm not saying that women should change their dress to avoid harassment but I've always wondered why I never got harassed why other women say they were continually and I assume it must have had something to do with my clothing. I otherwise don't know.

It has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with how women dress or act. It’s the men. You have led a sheltered life, in which, apparently, you haven’t had encountered a certain type of man. Good for you, but you didn’t do (or not do) anything to prevent this from happening to you, just as the rest of us didn’t do (or not do) anything that made it happen to us.

I was a rather plain, modesty dressed, nerdy, quiet, well behaved child in school. I was sexually harassed by a teacher. I did nothing wrong. I was not the least bit provocative. You have experienced life as a unicorn and it’s insulting to the vast majority of women that you think you have controlled whether or not you were sexually harassed, and we didn’t. VERY insulting.

Agree. I was also a nerdy, quiet, frumpy, chubby teenager yet I also experienced harassment. It has nothing to do with looks/clothes/“sexiness”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like so many of us have lived with serial harassment as young women, but I just hate that this is ahead of her, and soon, at 14. I remember so many unwanted sexual advances throughout high school, college and most especially my first job. Just feels relentless.

I've been teaching situational awareness early on and plan for her to take a self defense course. But I'm struggling with how to teach about the vigilance needed without making all men seem predatory. When I look back on that period of time though, so many of them were.

I have only boys and we talk a fair bit about sexual assault, harassment, in-person catcalling and online chatter. I sometimes point it out when we see it IRL or in media. There's no shortage of examples

I don't think things get better with only the voices of women and the legal system. It takes us all.

Yes, it takes all of us to solve this issue. But as we can see from this thread, many women are in denial about what constitutes sexual harassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

You are full of shite. It happens all over the place. Take your condescending attitude weirdo and stuff it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t considering one experience “harassment”

Be is from cat calling in a street, a random comment at a party, a homeless man exposing himself on the street. Perhaps it meets the definition, but this shouldn’t be traumatizing. Just move on.

Harassment is if the same person repeatedly gives you unwanted attention after you have explicitly told them to stop.

I think this is interesting. I used to really think this and believe this and didn't really even register all the small things men did. The guy at work who blatantly looks you up and down in a lewd manner and makes a comment. The guy at work who puts both his hands on your shoulders while talking to you "make a point". The guy at the regular coffee shop you go to who comes out from the back to stare every time you are in line so eventually you just go to another coffee shop. Unwelcome looks, touches, comments. All of these are actual examples and I have so many more. I'm sure we all do. I had a guy witness one of these things and he acknowledged it later and asked me if I was okay. I was stunned. We all just harden ourselves to it and don't even speak up or think twice about it. It's sad really.

We have been conditioned to accept a certain amount of sexual harassment as just part of life. That’s why some of these women say they’ve never been harassed. They’ve overlooked things because “boys willl be boys,” and it’s just something everyone lives with. Just this very morning, my teenaged dd told me that when she was in 6th grade, she complained to the male gym teacher that a couple male classmates were saying they wanted to touch her tits. He told her that boys are just going to say stupid things and it’s only a problem if they actually touch you. This was 5 years ago, post Me Too.

Agree. My DD recently told me that in elementary school, some boys would make sexual noises and sexual comments towards her and her friends. She didn’t tell me at the time. I just found out now (she’s a senior in high school).

[Anonymous]

Why do guys think that some women are relatively left alone--in public and otherwise? Some of it is luck (especially the 1:1 harassment at work by creeps) but the public harassment varies so much by woman. I genuinely didn't experience much of it and I'm not sure why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t considering one experience “harassment”

Be is from cat calling in a street, a random comment at a party, a homeless man exposing himself on the street. Perhaps it meets the definition, but this shouldn’t be traumatizing. Just move on.

Harassment is if the same person repeatedly gives you unwanted attention after you have explicitly told them to stop.

I think this is interesting. I used to really think this and believe this and didn't really even register all the small things men did. The guy at work who blatantly looks you up and down in a lewd manner and makes a comment. The guy at work who puts both his hands on your shoulders while talking to you "make a point". The guy at the regular coffee shop you go to who comes out from the back to stare every time you are in line so eventually you just go to another coffee shop. Unwelcome looks, touches, comments. All of these are actual examples and I have so many more. I'm sure we all do. I had a guy witness one of these things and he acknowledged it later and asked me if I was okay. I was stunned. We all just harden ourselves to it and don't even speak up or think twice about it. It's sad really.

We have been conditioned to accept a certain amount of sexual harassment as just part of life. That’s why some of these women say they’ve never been harassed. They’ve overlooked things because “boys willl be boys,” and it’s just something everyone lives with. Just this very morning, my teenaged dd told me that when she was in 6th grade, she complained to the male gym teacher that a couple male classmates were saying they wanted to touch her tits. He told her that boys are just going to say stupid things and it’s only a problem if they actually touch you. This was 5 years ago, post Me Too.

Agree. My DD recently told me that in elementary school, some boys would make sexual noises and sexual comments towards her and her friends. She didn’t tell me at the time. I just found out now (she’s a senior in high school).

Wow.
The worst is when girls are drinking with guys. Unfortunately, it basically announces, I’m not “all there” to fight back (or even yell for help) if you want to assault me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

Same. I am not sure how to protect someone from something that isn't a true threat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do guys think that some women are relatively left alone--in public and otherwise? Some of it is luck (especially the 1:1 harassment at work by creeps) but the public harassment varies so much by woman. I genuinely didn't experience much of it and I'm not sure why.

Do you often walk alone in areas with a lot of foot traffic? Are you someone people find really approachable? (Do strangers speak to you often? Are you frequently asked for directions or what time it is or do you find that you have trouble ending conversations and moving on once a stranger opens up to you because you’re too nice to cut them off?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

Same. I am not sure how to protect someone from something that isn't a true threat.

WTF is wrong with you? You are absolutely appalling.