How are you preparing your DD to protect herself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like so many of us have lived with serial harassment as young women, but I just hate that this is ahead of her, and soon, at 14. I remember so many unwanted sexual advances throughout high school, college and most especially my first job. Just feels relentless.

I've been teaching situational awareness early on and plan for her to take a self defense course. But I'm struggling with how to teach about the vigilance needed without making all men seem predatory. When I look back on that period of time though, so many of them were.

I tell my daughters to stay away from men who say "grab them by the Pu$$y", unfortunately NO ONE listened!

I wonder if more men are going to see being masculine as not giving a crap about consent. Also the claim that he walked into a women’s changing room filled with teens and early 20s woman who were in various stages of dress because he owned the place. What a horrible message the young men are hearing.

Matt Goetz is a pig. The age of consent in Florida is18 years old so Matt Goetz put in some influence when he didn’t get arrested for having sex with 17 years old. Again men in power are setting poor examples for young men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like so many of us have lived with serial harassment as young women, but I just hate that this is ahead of her, and soon, at 14. I remember so many unwanted sexual advances throughout high school, college and most especially my first job. Just feels relentless.

I've been teaching situational awareness early on and plan for her to take a self defense course. But I'm struggling with how to teach about the vigilance needed without making all men seem predatory. When I look back on that period of time though, so many of them were.

I tell my daughters to stay away from men who say "grab them by the Pu$$y", unfortunately NO ONE listened!

What about men who refer to areas where Black people simply live as an “urban jungle” ??

Are you warning her to stay away from those men too? - because Biden said that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP above and I forgot to add that I was sexually assaulted multiple times in my late teens and 20s and didn’t even fully understand it was sexual assault until the last time (when I pressed charges and was ready to testify until last-minute plea deal). That’s why I have started so early with DD.

I’m sorry this happened to you.
I’m not really understanding a sexual assault that you “didn’t really understand was sexual assault” until it happened to you several times.
Obviously that sounds horrific. Very confusing though for the guy as well if he also didn’t realize that it was against your will? Just trying to figure out how that is communicated after the fact so that he is also aware that you now realize it was sexual assault.

I am not PP but a lot of people think it isn't assault if it isn't violent rape. Too drunk to consent, froze up, groped but no penetration - lots of people wrongly think these are not assault.

How is the guy going to know that you don’t want it if you don’t say no.

Unless she clearly says yes, it should not proceed. PERIOD. My friends with boys are teaching their boys this.

If they are drinking to the point of drunk and unable to consent it shoudl not go forward.

Boys aren't animals. It's time we stop treating them like they are not capable of knowing when there is consent.

It’s well past time to stop teaching girls that they can’t use their words. Stop infantilizing women and girls. Don’t teach your daughters that her safety is anyone’s responsibility but her own, for starters.

Nope. If she is drunk or roofied or scared, it's not OK to have sex with her. Yes it would be better if she hadn't got in that situation but the partner who proceeds without consent is responsible for that choice he is making. Stop acting like men can't help themselves. And stop acting like the goal should be anything except enthusiastic participation.

No one is saying it’s okay to rape someone so come off it.

You’re talking about teaching your daughter that it’s not her fault after she’s been victimized. Meanwhile, I’ll continue teaching my daughter how to drastically reduce her chances of being victimized in the first place.

It’s magical thinking to imagine that your daughter will someday live in world where no man will sexually assault her if she gets blackout drunk at a random party, because finally someone taught all those darn rapists that they’re not allowed to do that!

Seriously, do you hear yourself?

You responded to a thread about someone's actual assault, and about how a man could possibly know a woman didn't consent. Your response was "stop teaching girls that they can't use their words." Do you hear yourself?

The post directly above yours was about someone too drunk to consent. Is that ideal? No. Should you teach your DD not to get drunk like that, especially with people she doesn't know or trust? Of course, that's a great thing to teach. AND ALSO teach boys, and expect boys, not to have sex with someone who is too drunk to consent, regardless of whether she says no. Boys absolutely have responsibility for what they do with their own bodies and whether they choose to have sex with someone who didn't clearly consent.

Stop.Being.Stupid.

You can’t control what other people do or don’t teach their sons. Just like you can’t control whether or not your son gives a sh!t. Worry about teaching your daughter to protect herself and not to rely on the kindness of strangers. The only person she can count on to watch out for her safety is herself.

Stop.Infantilizing.Girls.

You are revolting and offensive. It is not "infantilizing" girls to expect boys to respect women. To gain consent. To learn to accept no. I'm all for teaching girls about risks but that has been going on for generations. It's time for BOYS and parents of boys to play a role here. Failing to do that is infantilizing boys, if anything.

Gain consent from whom and what does that look like exactly? The two teens, which I assume we’re talking about, are hanging out and they like each other.

Are we talking about the boy asking “do I have your consent?” every step of the way? And then the girl saying back “yes, do i have your consent?” And so on?

This isn’t any normal interaction. This must be the anxious generation.

You really lack imagination. Explicit consent can be hot.

But yes, in a new interaction, asking "is this ok?" is pretty basic manners and doesn't need to be the speedbump you are imagining. Your arguments are the equivalent of the "but condoms aren't spontaneous" complaints we were warmed about in the 90s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like so many of us have lived with serial harassment as young women, but I just hate that this is ahead of her, and soon, at 14. I remember so many unwanted sexual advances throughout high school, college and most especially my first job. Just feels relentless.

I've been teaching situational awareness early on and plan for her to take a self defense course. But I'm struggling with how to teach about the vigilance needed without making all men seem predatory. When I look back on that period of time though, so many of them were.

I tell my daughters to stay away from men who say "grab them by the Pu$$y", unfortunately NO ONE listened!

What about men who refer to areas where Black people simply live as an “urban jungle” ??

Are you warning her to stay away from those men too? - because Biden said that.

This thread is about safety from sexual predators. I think it's telling that you have interpreted that as "people you don't like" or "people saying foolish things." Are you a man?

But to answer your question, I teach my kid to refute stupid and racist comments when safe to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like so many of us have lived with serial harassment as young women, but I just hate that this is ahead of her, and soon, at 14. I remember so many unwanted sexual advances throughout high school, college and most especially my first job. Just feels relentless.

I've been teaching situational awareness early on and plan for her to take a self defense course. But I'm struggling with how to teach about the vigilance needed without making all men seem predatory. When I look back on that period of time though, so many of them were.

I tell my daughters to stay away from men who say "grab them by the Pu$$y", unfortunately NO ONE listened!

What about men who refer to areas where Black people simply live as an “urban jungle” ??

Are you warning her to stay away from those men too? - because Biden said that.

+1

He never said that.

Do you guys know how easy it is to fact check? Just check Snopes it’s not that hard.

I mean, there are so many things he’s done wrong. You could at least pick one that is correct or not a lie.

But really to compare that to a felon and a rapist is laughable.

But to be clear 99.9% of people in this world, I would not want my daughter to date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP above and I forgot to add that I was sexually assaulted multiple times in my late teens and 20s and didn’t even fully understand it was sexual assault until the last time (when I pressed charges and was ready to testify until last-minute plea deal). That’s why I have started so early with DD.

I’m sorry this happened to you.
I’m not really understanding a sexual assault that you “didn’t really understand was sexual assault” until it happened to you several times.
Obviously that sounds horrific. Very confusing though for the guy as well if he also didn’t realize that it was against your will? Just trying to figure out how that is communicated after the fact so that he is also aware that you now realize it was sexual assault.

I am not PP but a lot of people think it isn't assault if it isn't violent rape. Too drunk to consent, froze up, groped but no penetration - lots of people wrongly think these are not assault.

How is the guy going to know that you don’t want it if you don’t say no.

Unless she clearly says yes, it should not proceed. PERIOD. My friends with boys are teaching their boys this.

If they are drinking to the point of drunk and unable to consent it shoudl not go forward.

Boys aren't animals. It's time we stop treating them like they are not capable of knowing when there is consent.

It’s well past time to stop teaching girls that they can’t use their words. Stop infantilizing women and girls. Don’t teach your daughters that her safety is anyone’s responsibility but her own, for starters.

Nope. If she is drunk or roofied or scared, it's not OK to have sex with her. Yes it would be better if she hadn't got in that situation but the partner who proceeds without consent is responsible for that choice he is making. Stop acting like men can't help themselves. And stop acting like the goal should be anything except enthusiastic participation.

No one is saying it’s okay to rape someone so come off it.

You’re talking about teaching your daughter that it’s not her fault after she’s been victimized. Meanwhile, I’ll continue teaching my daughter how to drastically reduce her chances of being victimized in the first place.

It’s magical thinking to imagine that your daughter will someday live in world where no man will sexually assault her if she gets blackout drunk at a random party, because finally someone taught all those darn rapists that they’re not allowed to do that!

Seriously, do you hear yourself?

You responded to a thread about someone's actual assault, and about how a man could possibly know a woman didn't consent. Your response was "stop teaching girls that they can't use their words." Do you hear yourself?

The post directly above yours was about someone too drunk to consent. Is that ideal? No. Should you teach your DD not to get drunk like that, especially with people she doesn't know or trust? Of course, that's a great thing to teach. AND ALSO teach boys, and expect boys, not to have sex with someone who is too drunk to consent, regardless of whether she says no. Boys absolutely have responsibility for what they do with their own bodies and whether they choose to have sex with someone who didn't clearly consent.

Stop.Being.Stupid.

You can’t control what other people do or don’t teach their sons. Just like you can’t control whether or not your son gives a sh!t. Worry about teaching your daughter to protect herself and not to rely on the kindness of strangers. The only person she can count on to watch out for her safety is herself.

Stop.Infantilizing.Girls.

You are revolting and offensive. It is not "infantilizing" girls to expect boys to respect women. To gain consent. To learn to accept no. I'm all for teaching girls about risks but that has been going on for generations. It's time for BOYS and parents of boys to play a role here. Failing to do that is infantilizing boys, if anything.

Gain consent from whom and what does that look like exactly? The two teens, which I assume we’re talking about, are hanging out and they like each other.

Are we talking about the boy asking “do I have your consent?” every step of the way? And then the girl saying back “yes, do i have your consent?” And so on?

This isn’t any normal interaction. This must be the anxious generation.

You really lack imagination. Explicit consent can be hot.

But yes, in a new interaction, asking "is this ok?" is pretty basic manners and doesn't need to be the speedbump you are imagining. Your arguments are the equivalent of the "but condoms aren't spontaneous" complaints we were warmed about in the 90s.

+1 Great analogy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

Same.

Same here. I think it makes 5 of us on this thread so far. I was beautiful in my teens/20s/30s and always dated very attractive, successful men (and then married one --a physician). But I was never really harassed--not even really cat called.

I don't really exude sexuality or vulnerability. I've never dressed provocatively or even very femininely. I'm not saying that women should change their dress to avoid harassment but I've always wondered why I never got harassed why other women say they were continually and I assume it must have had something to do with my clothing. I otherwise don't know.

I think people have different tolerances and perceptions of "sexual harassment."
For example, some people with heightened sensitivities today can find traditional/innocent flirtations "harassing." Some are fine with those same "flirtations" - if it's someone they like/are interested in; but consider it harassment if it comes from someone they don't want the attention from.
Then there are some who probably don't consider one construction worker whistling as they walk by a construction site one time to be harassment, whereas another woman would. Or being leered at - harassment? or just creepy?

Given that 1 in 5 women have been raped and it is hard to judge the age of others, not to mention a large portion of women do *not* appreciate catcalling, the appropriate amount of catcalling is zero.

Bring violently and forcefully raped is rare. Majority of these so called rape incidents are just regret or being too intoxicated to properly consent. While not excusable, this is avoidable. You should never put yourself in a situation where you are physically unable to consent to sex, or driving or whom you are with or the events going on around you.

As a mom of 2 girls, it’s this type of BS
right that makes the OP even have to post this thread. WTF is wrong with you PP? You think most cases of date rape are just a girl regretting it? It’s 2024! I can’t believe decades later and we still have idiots like you who have learned nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

Same.

Same here. I think it makes 5 of us on this thread so far. I was beautiful in my teens/20s/30s and always dated very attractive, successful men (and then married one --a physician). But I was never really harassed--not even really cat called.

I don't really exude sexuality or vulnerability. I've never dressed provocatively or even very femininely. I'm not saying that women should change their dress to avoid harassment but I've always wondered why I never got harassed why other women say they were continually and I assume it must have had something to do with my clothing. I otherwise don't know.

I think people have different tolerances and perceptions of "sexual harassment."
For example, some people with heightened sensitivities today can find traditional/innocent flirtations "harassing." Some are fine with those same "flirtations" - if it's someone they like/are interested in; but consider it harassment if it comes from someone they don't want the attention from.
Then there are some who probably don't consider one construction worker whistling as they walk by a construction site one time to be harassment, whereas another woman would. Or being leered at - harassment? or just creepy?

Given that 1 in 5 women have been raped and it is hard to judge the age of others, not to mention a large portion of women do *not* appreciate catcalling, the appropriate amount of catcalling is zero.

Bring violently and forcefully raped is rare. Majority of these so called rape incidents are just regret or being too intoxicated to properly consent. While not excusable, this is avoidable. You should never put yourself in a situation where you are physically unable to consent to sex, or driving or whom you are with or the events going on around you.

As a mom of 2 girls, it’s this type of BS
right that makes the OP even have to post this thread. WTF is wrong with you PP? You think most cases of date rape are just a girl regretting it? It’s 2024! I can’t believe decades later and we still have idiots like you who have learned nothing.

Not the PP but I think this because I witnessed it personally many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

Same.

Same here. I think it makes 5 of us on this thread so far. I was beautiful in my teens/20s/30s and always dated very attractive, successful men (and then married one --a physician). But I was never really harassed--not even really cat called.

I don't really exude sexuality or vulnerability. I've never dressed provocatively or even very femininely. I'm not saying that women should change their dress to avoid harassment but I've always wondered why I never got harassed why other women say they were continually and I assume it must have had something to do with my clothing. I otherwise don't know.

I think people have different tolerances and perceptions of "sexual harassment."
For example, some people with heightened sensitivities today can find traditional/innocent flirtations "harassing." Some are fine with those same "flirtations" - if it's someone they like/are interested in; but consider it harassment if it comes from someone they don't want the attention from.
Then there are some who probably don't consider one construction worker whistling as they walk by a construction site one time to be harassment, whereas another woman would. Or being leered at - harassment? or just creepy?

Given that 1 in 5 women have been raped and it is hard to judge the age of others, not to mention a large portion of women do *not* appreciate catcalling, the appropriate amount of catcalling is zero.

Bring violently and forcefully raped is rare. Majority of these so called rape incidents are just regret or being too intoxicated to properly consent. While not excusable, this is avoidable. You should never put yourself in a situation where you are physically unable to consent to sex, or driving or whom you are with or the events going on around you.

As a mom of 2 girls, it’s this type of BS
right that makes the OP even have to post this thread. WTF is wrong with you PP? You think most cases of date rape are just a girl regretting it? It’s 2024! I can’t believe decades later and we still have idiots like you who have learned nothing.

Not the PP but I think this because I witnessed it personally many times.

You are saying that you have seen women accuse men of rape several times when they just regretted it? These women just shared with information with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

Same.

Same here. I think it makes 5 of us on this thread so far. I was beautiful in my teens/20s/30s and always dated very attractive, successful men (and then married one --a physician). But I was never really harassed--not even really cat called.

I don't really exude sexuality or vulnerability. I've never dressed provocatively or even very femininely. I'm not saying that women should change their dress to avoid harassment but I've always wondered why I never got harassed why other women say they were continually and I assume it must have had something to do with my clothing. I otherwise don't know.

I think people have different tolerances and perceptions of "sexual harassment."
For example, some people with heightened sensitivities today can find traditional/innocent flirtations "harassing." Some are fine with those same "flirtations" - if it's someone they like/are interested in; but consider it harassment if it comes from someone they don't want the attention from.
Then there are some who probably don't consider one construction worker whistling as they walk by a construction site one time to be harassment, whereas another woman would. Or being leered at - harassment? or just creepy?

Given that 1 in 5 women have been raped and it is hard to judge the age of others, not to mention a large portion of women do *not* appreciate catcalling, the appropriate amount of catcalling is zero.

Bring violently and forcefully raped is rare. Majority of these so called rape incidents are just regret or being too intoxicated to properly consent. While not excusable, this is avoidable. You should never put yourself in a situation where you are physically unable to consent to sex, or driving or whom you are with or the events going on around you.

As a mom of 2 girls, it’s this type of BS
right that makes the OP even have to post this thread. WTF is wrong with you PP? You think most cases of date rape are just a girl regretting it? It’s 2024! I can’t believe decades later and we still have idiots like you who have learned nothing.

Not the PP but I think this because I witnessed it personally many times.

You are saying that you have seen women accuse men of rape several times when they just regretted it? These women just shared with information with you?

Correct. They did not use the term rape but they claimed they were forced to have sex.

Did they verbally provide explicit consent to intercourse? No. Did they communicate in any way that they wanted things to stop while making out? Also no.

Sorry, but If you are making out with a guy, and want to stop but never say no, push him away or leave, and continue to engage without stopping, that is not rape.

I know of at least 4 scenarios that fit this exact description.

Sorry ladies, but you have a voice and free will. Claiming a scenario like this is sexual assault or rape is ridiculous and harms true victims.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

I don’t believe this. It’s literally not believable. You’re writing off harassment as “normal” behavior from men.

100%. There is no way.