How are you preparing your DD to protect herself?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I feel like so many of us have lived with serial harassment as young women, but I just hate that this is ahead of her, and soon, at 14. I remember so many unwanted sexual advances throughout high school, college and most especially my first job. Just feels relentless.
I've been teaching situational awareness early on and plan for her to take a self defense course. But I'm struggling with how to teach about the vigilance needed without making all men seem predatory. When I look back on that period of time though, so many of them were. |
Anonymous
|
My only DD is not yet a tween or teen, but we live near a college campus that’s basically her playground so from a very young age it was also an opportunity to talk about safety. We’ve talked about gut feelings, staying in groups, walking alone at night, transit safety, and not leaving drinks unattended. We walk a lot and take transit together so we have signals for when we need to cross the street away from a potentially sketchy situation or hustle off a train car. There are so many lessons that are applicable even to 2nd and 3rd graders that can be added to each year with more developmentally appropriate information.
She was bullied intensely by two boys at school in a way that really mirrors how adult men prey on women, so it was an unfortunate but helpful way to learn about how to manage that kind of behavior, especially when it becomes sneaky and persistent. I focus not on being afraid of men specifically but on situational awareness. Unfortunately most of the situations she needs to be aware of involve men, but I never said that- she came to the conclusion on her own. She has plenty of decent men in her life so I don’t see it as a problem to teach her that other men are not decent. |
Anonymous
| PP above and I forgot to add that I was sexually assaulted multiple times in my late teens and 20s and didn’t even fully understand it was sexual assault until the last time (when I pressed charges and was ready to testify until last-minute plea deal). That’s why I have started so early with DD. |
Anonymous
| I’ve told my girls that the majority of guys are nice but 10-20% are awful. So if you are at a party with 100 guys, there are 10-20 guys there looking for a girl to take advantage of. So you watch your drink, you watch your friends, and you never get too drunk to be able to get away from those guys. I also really stress that it’s okay to be rude where something seems off. A guy sits next to you on bus when there are empty seats elsewhere? Just get up and move. |
Anonymous
|
I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.
None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down. |
Anonymous
I'm happy for you, but your experience is not normal. Most of us have been catcalled, followed, inappropriately touched by a stranger, had a BF or ex get scary, etc. And while I had been catcalled before 18, most of the stuff that happened to me, happened after 20: I don't wish it on your girls but they're barely out in the world yet so maybe don't be so cocky. |
Anonymous
| Gosh yes, but I was so attention starved I also didn't know what was happening and sometimes liked the attention. I mean it took a lot for me to realize "I don't like this" like older men who had to touch my shoulders at work every time they talked to me and I thought I had to be nice. My daughter is very different from me. I'm so glad. |
Anonymous
|
Ours are older teens and the preparation began long ago. DH is a borderline conspiracy theorist (and mostly thinks the worst of everyone esp of the male variety) so a lot of it has been on him and he's taught them intense situational awareness, personal, physical self-defense and how to carefully handle and be weary of firearms. Both do/did JROTC, have earned their Marksmanship badge, and keep physically fit. My part has been more preventative and on the emotional side with the biggest advice of avoiding potential problems to begin with things like (1) if you know a party's gonna get outta hand, don't go in the first place, (2) if you do go to a party and it looks like it's gonna get outta hand, leave, (3) don't drink. period, (4) don't ever get in a car with someone who has been drinking -- teen or adult and (5) cultivate similarly minded friends,
Final advice is to never be afraid to flee or ask for help. Neither is a sign of weakness. That goes for everything from academics to affairs of the heart. Is it fair? No, life isn't fair. Has it kept them away from some good times? Maybe, but they've already seen the wisdom when a few things they wanted to do....turned out bad and they heard about it afterwards. Sometimes Mom & Dad ain't so dumb. |
Anonymous
I don’t believe this. It’s literally not believable. You’re writing off harassment as “normal” behavior from men. |
Anonymous
+1 Exactly this. PP is so clueless that she can't even identify sexual harassment when it happens. I'm 53 years old and it was relentless from the time I was 12 until my late 40's. That's not even counting misogyny . . . |
Anonymous
I see you've never had to commute on a bus or work as a waitress. Good for you for being born with privilege! |
Anonymous
Wait until they are working |
Anonymous
THIS!!! And if a guy says something gross or whatever, tell him to F off. I was afraid to do this when I was younger because I was always taught to be polite. Don't teach her to be poilie when someone is being rude or trying to take advantage. |
Anonymous
Look up examples of sexual harassment and see of any has happened to you all before. And, consider the fact that your DD are not telling you and/or not able to define it as that yet |
Anonymous
I'm kind of in love with your borderline prepper parenting style! |