How are you preparing your DD to protect herself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My only DD is not yet a tween or teen, but we live near a college campus that’s basically her playground so from a very young age it was also an opportunity to talk about safety. We’ve talked about gut feelings, staying in groups, walking alone at night, transit safety, and not leaving drinks unattended. We walk a lot and take transit together so we have signals for when we need to cross the street away from a potentially sketchy situation or hustle off a train car. There are so many lessons that are applicable even to 2nd and 3rd graders that can be added to each year with more developmentally appropriate information.

She was bullied intensely by two boys at school in a way that really mirrors how adult men prey on women, so it was an unfortunate but helpful way to learn about how to manage that kind of behavior, especially when it becomes sneaky and persistent.

I focus not on being afraid of men specifically but on situational awareness. Unfortunately most of the situations she needs to be aware of involve men, but I never said that- she came to the conclusion on her own. She has plenty of decent men in her life so I don’t see it as a problem to teach her that other men are not decent.

I hope you got her out of that school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

“I always have enough food, therefore world hunger isn’t a problem”.

There’s always one on every thread.

[Anonymous]

I think the greater statistical danger is not that they will be assaulted in the street (though yes, that is something to be wary about too), but at parties or gatherings or dates involving alcohol where everyone has been drinking. We have to teach kids better about the likely dangers.

[Anonymous]

I’ve not really had problems either.

OP, what I see in your post is lack of trust in your DD. You don’t teach her these things with lectures. You raised her. She should have a good foundation to go out and find her way. Lecturing her is belittling and will merit a lot of eye rolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

I'm happy for you, but your experience is not normal. Most of us have been catcalled, followed, inappropriately touched by a stranger, had a BF or ex get scary, etc.
And while I had been catcalled before 18, most of the stuff that happened to me, happened after 20: I don't wish it on your girls but they're barely out in the world yet so maybe don't be so cocky.

*standing golf clap*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

I’m s 48 year old woman. I got chased around a lobby of where I worked by a male colleague trying to kiss me. I was 23, fat and ugly. He was older, married with four kids. He kissed me on the lips. I was so confused about why he did this. It took me years to learn men think because of my awful looks, I’ll be grateful for any attention, that I have zero standards or morals, and that I’ll put out to make up for my ugliness .

In my 30’s a gay male boss commented on how big my boobs are. After hours when I was working late at his request and we were the only two left in the office.

In my 40’s while on a subway platform, a teenage boy told me I was fat and my boobs were saggy.

When my daughter was 11, and had the body of an 8 year old, a man started leering at her, because she was wearing leggings. I hustled her into a store.

If you think the three of you have never been sexually harassed, you are either deeply obtuse or deeply sheltered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

Same.

Male trolls.

I’m a 50 year old woman. Not everyone has the same experiences or carries the same burdens. It might not be fair but that’s how it is.

So enlightened.
Try not to cheaper your testimony by telling people to "calm down" when they are sharing their no less valid experience

And really we prepare for the worst and if my DD makes it to 50 without experiencing this, good for her. I would love that.

I’m not the poster who said calm down. But preparing for the worst is a poor strategy and most likely to be ignored. Prepare for the mid. This should be done through daily life. Have her read the Gift of Fear. She should trust her own instincts, not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

Same.

I’m 47 and the only thing I remember is getting catcalled while walking by the back of a restaurant (as a teenager).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

Same.

Same here. I think it makes 5 of us on this thread so far. I was beautiful in my teens/20s/30s and always dated very attractive, successful men (and then married one --a physician). But I was never really harassed--not even really cat called.

I don't really exude sexuality or vulnerability. I've never dressed provocatively or even very femininely. I'm not saying that women should change their dress to avoid harassment but I've always wondered why I never got harassed why other women say they were continually and I assume it must have had something to do with my clothing. I otherwise don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve told my girls that the majority of guys are nice but 10-20% are awful. So if you are at a party with 100 guys, there are 10-20 guys there looking for a girl to take advantage of. So you watch your drink, you watch your friends, and you never get too drunk to be able to get away from those guys. I also really stress that it’s okay to be rude where something seems off. A guy sits next to you on bus when there are empty seats elsewhere? Just get up and move.

Unless he is cute

[Anonymous]

Teach her to be assertive, self defense classes like bjj or wrestling so that they’re not completely helpless, prevention (trust instincts, avoid walking around by yourself at night and being intoxicated, dressing in a way that draws attention might get you unwanted attention).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

Same.

Same here. I think it makes 5 of us on this thread so far. I was beautiful in my teens/20s/30s and always dated very attractive, successful men (and then married one --a physician). But I was never really harassed--not even really cat called.

I don't really exude sexuality or vulnerability. I've never dressed provocatively or even very femininely. I'm not saying that women should change their dress to avoid harassment but I've always wondered why I never got harassed why other women say they were continually and I assume it must have had something to do with my clothing. I otherwise don't know.

I wonder this too. Not necessarily about the clothing part but why some people seem to have frequent bad experiences while others don’t.

My mom always had bad run-ins with men. Even today she has negative interactions with men and she’s in her 70s. I haven’t had that experience, at least not in any way that was significant or remotely memorable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

Same.

Same here. I think it makes 5 of us on this thread so far. I was beautiful in my teens/20s/30s and always dated very attractive, successful men (and then married one --a physician). But I was never really harassed--not even really cat called.

I don't really exude sexuality or vulnerability. I've never dressed provocatively or even very femininely. I'm not saying that women should change their dress to avoid harassment but I've always wondered why I never got harassed why other women say they were continually and I assume it must have had something to do with my clothing. I otherwise don't know.

Same. But I was “assaulted” at 15. Though, to be honest, it wasn’t a big deal to me. I was a server and was groped by an older male line cook. I immediately pushed him away, told my manager, who promptly yelled at the guy and it never happened again, and I moved on and was completely unbothered. We both still worked there another few years too. You don’t have to turn every experience in a huge traumatic event. Someone cat calls you? Keep walking. A guy says something inappropriate or lewd at a party? Walk away.

I tell my girls to avoid escalation unless it is necessary for your safety (to draw attention and get help). Often escalation can make a situation MORE dangerous and it is usually better to simply ignore and put distance between yourself and situation. You want to avoid a physical confrontation with a man- you won’t win. Always be aware of your surroundings and who you are with. Only drink with people you completely trust and have a least one person you are with that is not drinking. I do think most men are good and not abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 52 year old mom of two daughters 18 and 20.

None of us have ever had to deal with sexual harassment. Calm down.

Same.

Same here. I think it makes 5 of us on this thread so far. I was beautiful in my teens/20s/30s and always dated very attractive, successful men (and then married one --a physician). But I was never really harassed--not even really cat called.

I don't really exude sexuality or vulnerability. I've never dressed provocatively or even very femininely. I'm not saying that women should change their dress to avoid harassment but I've always wondered why I never got harassed why other women say they were continually and I assume it must have had something to do with my clothing. I otherwise don't know.

It has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with how women dress or act. It’s the men. You have led a sheltered life, in which, apparently, you haven’t had encountered a certain type of man. Good for you, but you didn’t do (or not do) anything to prevent this from happening to you, just as the rest of us didn’t do (or not do) anything that made it happen to us.

I was a rather plain, modesty dressed, nerdy, quiet, well behaved child in school. I was sexually harassed by a teacher. I did nothing wrong. I was not the least bit provocative. You have experienced life as a unicorn and it’s insulting to the vast majority of women that you think you have controlled whether or not you were sexually harassed, and we didn’t. VERY insulting.