So frustrated husband refuses to go in cub scouts trip and I’m pregnant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why cub scouts is going out of fashion. Declining membership every year. It is just too much for families and no village.

You have no clue what you are talking about.

Scouting is declining because more and more people are raising prissy little boys that have never spent a moment in the woods, much less slept in them by a fire. It's the pussification of an entire generation.

You know, antiquated notions of masculinity like this is one of the many reasons I never signed my sons up for scouts.

I taught them how to fish, build a fire, set up a tent, change a tire, fix a sink, and so much more… without having to deal with all this misogynistic Manly Man crap.

I’m a DW, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are many countries that do not have the belief that parents must spend all their free time engaging in organized and structured activities outside the home to be good parents. Lots of kids grow up just fine playing outside and riding bikes and playing make believe etc.

I don’t think he is wrong for not wanting to spend every evening and weekend out doing organized kid sports / activities / extracurricular. Personally I see nothing wrong with kids just playing at home or outside in the yard or a park. Especially if he grew up with different cultural norms. I read the threads on here how parents never eat with their kids and can’t get their elementary school kids to bed before 10 and eat food in the car driving between activities and I would hate that life. I am sure many think I am a horrible parent as we don’t do that and my kids play outside but oh well. I am team DH. I like relaxing. Zero interest in living in a 24/7 hamster wheel where free time or down time is frowned upon.

Op here. Soccer isn’t 247. It’s two months out of the year. We tried the playing in the neighborhood thing but it’s not working well. Our older son was complaining he doesn’t know how to play soccer at recess and gets made fun of so I decided to sign him up. He LOVES soccer. Given that I am pregnant dh needs to step up and drive him to practice when he can. Dh was in agreement about cub scouts and told me he did it growing up. Once he learned about the camping/ cabin trips he decided he doesn’t want to be involved anymore. He will agree to stuff but later complains we are too busy. He thinks weekends should be relaxing. It’s not fair to our kids to be watched by the tv most of the weekend so he can nap. In the evening he’ll take them out but max 1 hour. Usually it’s 30 mins. We don’t live in a neighborhood where they can roam around freely. It’s not safe and he agreed about that. Given all of this our kid would benefit so much from 1 activity a season. I don’t want our child to not have friends one day at school and that’s what seems to be happening. He feels he doesn’t fit in because he’s not athletic. We have been to the playground and overheard his classmates refusing to let him play whatever sports game because they say he won’t know how. Boys need to be active. I feel for my kid and want him to be happy and have friends.

You’re really leaning into this pregnancy thing. You’re only halfway there. You have two other kids, you need to buck up and stop using it as an excuse to get out of everything you don’t want to do. Sleeping in a cabin? Taking a walk? Dropping the kid off at practice? Come on. You can’t be this feeble.

Op here. Every woman experiences pregnancy different. Be happy you could apparently do a lot more then me. I have very bad pelvic girdle pain and also I am high risk. Twisting in and out of the car and bed is very hard on me. If I don’t slow down I’ll end up in physical therapy, bed rest, wearing diapers to bed etc. My joints relax too much during pregnancy and take a long time to strengthen postpartum.

Sounds like all the more reason you shouldn’t sign your kid up for what you can’t do. You know how your joint react, having had 2 other pregnancies, so stop doing more than you can handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why cub scouts is going out of fashion. Declining membership every year. It is just too much for families and no village.

You have no clue what you are talking about.

Scouting is declining because more and more people are raising prissy little boys that have never spent a moment in the woods, much less slept in them by a fire. It's the pussification of an entire generation.

You know, antiquated notions of masculinity like this is one of the many reasons I never signed my sons up for scouts.

I taught them how to fish, build a fire, set up a tent, change a tire, fix a sink, and so much more… without having to deal with all this misogynistic Manly Man crap.

I’m a DW, btw.

So your kids wanted to do all the scouting things like fishing, camping, fire builiding etc but you didn't let them do scouts? You sound like a really crappy mom. Why on earth would you forbid your kids from doing this with classmates and friends????

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's not going to lift a finger to help with the new baby either. It'll be a lot easier to clean up after 2 kids instead of 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are many countries that do not have the belief that parents must spend all their free time engaging in organized and structured activities outside the home to be good parents. Lots of kids grow up just fine playing outside and riding bikes and playing make believe etc.

I don’t think he is wrong for not wanting to spend every evening and weekend out doing organized kid sports / activities / extracurricular. Personally I see nothing wrong with kids just playing at home or outside in the yard or a park. Especially if he grew up with different cultural norms. I read the threads on here how parents never eat with their kids and can’t get their elementary school kids to bed before 10 and eat food in the car driving between activities and I would hate that life. I am sure many think I am a horrible parent as we don’t do that and my kids play outside but oh well. I am team DH. I like relaxing. Zero interest in living in a 24/7 hamster wheel where free time or down time is frowned upon.

Op here. Soccer isn’t 247. It’s two months out of the year. We tried the playing in the neighborhood thing but it’s not working well. Our older son was complaining he doesn’t know how to play soccer at recess and gets made fun of so I decided to sign him up. He LOVES soccer. Given that I am pregnant dh needs to step up and drive him to practice when he can. Dh was in agreement about cub scouts and told me he did it growing up. Once he learned about the camping/ cabin trips he decided he doesn’t want to be involved anymore. He will agree to stuff but later complains we are too busy. He thinks weekends should be relaxing. It’s not fair to our kids to be watched by the tv most of the weekend so he can nap. In the evening he’ll take them out but max 1 hour. Usually it’s 30 mins. We don’t live in a neighborhood where they can roam around freely. It’s not safe and he agreed about that. Given all of this our kid would benefit so much from 1 activity a season. I don’t want our child to not have friends one day at school and that’s what seems to be happening. He feels he doesn’t fit in because he’s not athletic. We have been to the playground and overheard his classmates refusing to let him play whatever sports game because they say he won’t know how. Boys need to be active. I feel for my kid and want him to be happy and have friends.

You’re really leaning into this pregnancy thing. You’re only halfway there. You have two other kids, you need to buck up and stop using it as an excuse to get out of everything you don’t want to do. Sleeping in a cabin? Taking a walk? Dropping the kid off at practice? Come on. You can’t be this feeble.

Op here. Every woman experiences pregnancy different. Be happy you could apparently do a lot more then me. I have very bad pelvic girdle pain and also I am high risk. Twisting in and out of the car and bed is very hard on me. If I don’t slow down I’ll end up in physical therapy, bed rest, wearing diapers to bed etc. My joints relax too much during pregnancy and take a long time to strengthen postpartum.

Yet you keep having more kids. Your primary responsibility is for the kids you already have. Get your tubes tied after this one.

[Anonymous]

Are you the same OP who got into a fight with DH because you let a pot boil over on the stove and he removed the pot from the flame but didn’t turn off the gas? Your writing style is very familiar.

[Anonymous]

Have you asked yourself why you keep having children with this guy? Let’s start there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it a camping trip? I would refuse to do that too. I abhor camping.

So you'd either make your kid miss it or make someone who physically would find it more challenging than you do it? You couldn't just suck it up for a weekend?

OP's husband sucks. OP needs to cancel the trip and tell their kid that he can't go because 1) she's pregnant and 2) Daddy doesn't want to go with him.

Let Daddy deal with the fallout

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we would have much less anxiety and depression if people did value relaxing and downtime rather than the belief that if you aren’t rushing around nonstop and too busy to eat or sleep…then you are lazy.

+1000

Folks are constantly complaining about how exhausting modern parenting is and how stressed everyone is but they insist on doing the same thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many countries that do not have the belief that parents must spend all their free time engaging in organized and structured activities outside the home to be good parents. Lots of kids grow up just fine playing outside and riding bikes and playing make believe etc.

I don’t think he is wrong for not wanting to spend every evening and weekend out doing organized kid sports / activities / extracurricular. Personally I see nothing wrong with kids just playing at home or outside in the yard or a park. Especially if he grew up with different cultural norms. I read the threads on here how parents never eat with their kids and can’t get their elementary school kids to bed before 10 and eat food in the car driving between activities and I would hate that life. I am sure many think I am a horrible parent as we don’t do that and my kids play outside but oh well. I am team DH. I like relaxing. Zero interest in living in a 24/7 hamster wheel where free time or down time is frowned upon.

Your not a horrible parent.
I think the horrible parents are those you described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked yourself why you keep having children with this guy? Let’s start there.

It feels like op does what she wants.

I would not y surprised at all if her husband doesn't didn't want kids.

Yet op made sure she had them.

[Anonymous]

Unless you signed DS up for scouts over DH’s objections or DH has something else very important to do, he sucks. Isn’t it mostly dads going anyway? I think my own DH would embarrassed NOT to attend and even worse- to send his pregnant wife instead…that looks really bad. That is verging into mega-jerk territory. It would be equivalent to sending him to a big mother daughter event with DD while you sit at home and relax, for no apparent reason. Lame.

I’d tell DS you can’t manage due to your pregnancy, and unless dad can take him- he unfortunately cannot attend. Maybe next year. What a lazy arse your DH is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it a camping trip? I would refuse to do that too. I abhor camping.

So you'd either make your kid miss it or make someone who physically would find it more challenging than you do it? You couldn't just suck it up for a weekend?

OP's husband sucks. OP needs to cancel the trip and tell their kid that he can't go because 1) she's pregnant and 2) Daddy doesn't want to go with him.

Let Daddy deal with the fallout

Why not mom too? Mommy really really wanted another baby despite the physical and mental toll it takes on both her and the family as the kids have to miss out again. Both parents look bad and selfish. Putting their own desires ahead of the kids. She says she wants her kids to have all these experiences but then she gets knocked up and says won’t do them anymore because her hips hurt. All her kid knows is he’s not going camping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are many countries that do not have the belief that parents must spend all their free time engaging in organized and structured activities outside the home to be good parents. Lots of kids grow up just fine playing outside and riding bikes and playing make believe etc.

I don’t think he is wrong for not wanting to spend every evening and weekend out doing organized kid sports / activities / extracurricular. Personally I see nothing wrong with kids just playing at home or outside in the yard or a park. Especially if he grew up with different cultural norms. I read the threads on here how parents never eat with their kids and can’t get their elementary school kids to bed before 10 and eat food in the car driving between activities and I would hate that life. I am sure many think I am a horrible parent as we don’t do that and my kids play outside but oh well. I am team DH. I like relaxing. Zero interest in living in a 24/7 hamster wheel where free time or down time is frowned upon.

Ok but in which culture is it fine to deprive your child of things that are normal for their peers, even though you can afford it and have time, because you're just too lazy?

It isn’t laziness, it is different values. I don’t think it is better for my 6 or 8 year old to be busy and out of the house from 7:00am to 9:00 pm every single day. I don’t think it is better to never eat a meal as a family or to have kids sleep deprived because the sports end so late. I don’t value those things nor do I think those who spend their lives running their children around nonstop are better parents. Nor do I see down time or kids playing at home or entertaining themselves or playing outside as bad and lazy parenting.

If only there were a middle ground between having multi-hours long activities every single night of the week and leaving your kids to the tv babysitter/fend for themselves until bedtime.

Most rec sports are one practice a week and one weekend game. Cub scouts involves a few pack or den meetings each month and maybe 2-3 camping trips (you don’t even have to make them all). I guess this is too much for OP’s DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you signed DS up for scouts over DH’s objections or DH has something else very important to do, he sucks. Isn’t it mostly dads going anyway? I think my own DH would embarrassed NOT to attend and even worse- to send his pregnant wife instead…that looks really bad. That is verging into mega-jerk territory. It would be equivalent to sending him to a big mother daughter event with DD while you sit at home and relax, for no apparent reason. Lame.

I’d tell DS you can’t manage due to your pregnancy, and unless dad can take him- he unfortunately cannot attend. Maybe next year. What a lazy arse your DH is.

No, it’s not all dads, I’m a mom who took my kid camping at the last camp out with another mom and son, our husbands stayed home. There was a single mom on our campout as well and most of the rest were families with moms and dads.