So frustrated husband refuses to go in cub scouts trip and I’m pregnant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why cub scouts is going out of fashion. Declining membership every year. It is just too much for families and no village.

Oh please, you don't need a "village" to do scouts, you need a parent. And this kid apparently has 2 but 1 is an enormous dud.

I mean it's fine to choose a different activity but we are in scouts and there is nothing onerous about it. Camping is an optional weekend activity for which yes parents are needed for younger kids. In ours it's usually the whole family that comes.

Why do you need one parent per child in Boy Scouts? In Girl Scouts, the ratios go up as the girls get older, but even at the youngest ages, it's 6 kids per one adult, even for overnight camping. I've never been on a Girl Scouts camping trip.

Because the Boy Scouts are bankrupt and facing a $2.5B settlement for sex abuse and are trying everything to stay alive and appear safe now. They will need to get kids to sell a ridiculous amount of overpriced popcorn to try and make it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why cub scouts is going out of fashion. Declining membership every year. It is just too much for families and no village.

Oh please, you don't need a "village" to do scouts, you need a parent. And this kid apparently has 2 but 1 is an enormous dud.

I mean it's fine to choose a different activity but we are in scouts and there is nothing onerous about it. Camping is an optional weekend activity for which yes parents are needed for younger kids. In ours it's usually the whole family that comes.

Why do you need one parent per child in Boy Scouts? In Girl Scouts, the ratios go up as the girls get older, but even at the youngest ages, it's 6 kids per one adult, even for overnight camping. I've never been on a Girl Scouts camping trip.

Because they had a major sex abuse scandal, obviously. But still, 6 kids per adult at the youngest ages for a Girl Scout camping trip sounds rough to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op take kid on trip. Pack him up and leave at bed time. Stay in a hotel with a pool. Go for a swim. Get a nice meal. Go back the next morning.

Accept you will divorce and prepare accordingly.

Op here. Thanks this is what I am thinking about doing. We packed up and I am looking for a hotel now. I don’t want to go back home because I’ll be even more stressed. I told dh yesterday my hip was hurting and I wanted him to go. He knows I’m stressed but obviously doesn’t care. Stress is really and for pregnancy. I’m going to do what I need to do I can eventually go back less stressed out.
Sigh. Thanks for the support. I was fine most of the weekend but this afternoon suddenly I just felt so bad. Almost everyone is there with both parents. I feel embarrassed for myself. Unfortunately, I’m not as fast as I am when I am not pregnant.

It really sucks that no one is helping you. I thought the whole point of scouts (boy and girl) was to build a community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I'm not hearing what I'm here for.
I'm here for suggestions of consequences OP can inflict onto her shitty husband.
I'm here for suggestions of actions OP can take to radically show her DH that he's a selfish POS and she's not going to take it anymore.

Please give OP and myself those suggestions. My microwave popcorn is getting cold, and cold fake butter is nasty. We've wasted so many pages of "divorce him" and victim blaming.

One idea is for OP to go to these things and then come back and gush over the amazing dads. “Oh it was such a fun camping trip. Larlo’s dad taught the kids how to start a fire and make s’mores and Billy’s dad told all the kids the best ghost stories at night. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to do the group hike because the trail wasn’t safe for pregnant women, but luckily Jimmy’s dad stepped up and took DS along so he wouldn’t be left out.” Take lots of photos including DS with a group of other involved hands on dads. Try to subtly shame him by highlighting all the things good fathers do.

I mean, a kind involved dad is super attractive to me these days! This gushing would be nothing but the truth for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why cub scouts is going out of fashion. Declining membership every year. It is just too much for families and no village.

Oh please, you don't need a "village" to do scouts, you need a parent. And this kid apparently has 2 but 1 is an enormous dud.

I mean it's fine to choose a different activity but we are in scouts and there is nothing onerous about it. Camping is an optional weekend activity for which yes parents are needed for younger kids. In ours it's usually the whole family that comes.

Why do you need one parent per child in Boy Scouts? In Girl Scouts, the ratios go up as the girls get older, but even at the youngest ages, it's 6 kids per one adult, even for overnight camping. I've never been on a Girl Scouts camping trip.

Because they had a major sex abuse scandal, obviously. But still, 6 kids per adult at the youngest ages for a Girl Scout camping trip sounds rough to me.

It's also because a gaggle of elementary boys are insane. You need more adults with them.

You don't have to stay at the meetings, but every Cub Scout needs an adult on the couple camping trips they do a year.

In Boy Scouts, they camp every month. Typically only the leaders go with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op take kid on trip. Pack him up and leave at bed time. Stay in a hotel with a pool. Go for a swim. Get a nice meal. Go back the next morning.

Accept you will divorce and prepare accordingly.

Op here. Thanks this is what I am thinking about doing. We packed up and I am looking for a hotel now. I don’t want to go back home because I’ll be even more stressed. I told dh yesterday my hip was hurting and I wanted him to go. He knows I’m stressed but obviously doesn’t care. Stress is really and for pregnancy. I’m going to do what I need to do I can eventually go back less stressed out.
Sigh. Thanks for the support. I was fine most of the weekend but this afternoon suddenly I just felt so bad. Almost everyone is there with both parents. I feel embarrassed for myself. Unfortunately, I’m not as fast as I am when I am not pregnant.

It really sucks that no one is helping you. I thought the whole point of scouts (boy and girl) was to build a community.

She didn't say no one was helping her.

She is envious of the other families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why cub scouts is going out of fashion. Declining membership every year. It is just too much for families and no village.

Oh please, you don't need a "village" to do scouts, you need a parent. And this kid apparently has 2 but 1 is an enormous dud.

I mean it's fine to choose a different activity but we are in scouts and there is nothing onerous about it. Camping is an optional weekend activity for which yes parents are needed for younger kids. In ours it's usually the whole family that comes.

Why do you need one parent per child in Boy Scouts? In Girl Scouts, the ratios go up as the girls get older, but even at the youngest ages, it's 6 kids per one adult, even for overnight camping. I've never been on a Girl Scouts camping trip.

Because they had a major sex abuse scandal, obviously. But still, 6 kids per adult at the youngest ages for a Girl Scout camping trip sounds rough to me.

My daughters went camping starting in first grade and there were 4 adults for 10 girls. It's usually the troop leaders plus a few extra volunteers, but never one to one, which seems like excess. Dads are allowed to go camping, too, as long as they are background checked and have a separate place to sleep and separate bathroom. I'm not that familiar with Boy Scouts, but I believe they're much larger than Girl Scouts, right? So maybe that's why? Because they don't know each other as well as in the small Girl Scout troops? I have no idea, just guessing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why cub scouts is going out of fashion. Declining membership every year. It is just too much for families and no village.

Oh please, you don't need a "village" to do scouts, you need a parent. And this kid apparently has 2 but 1 is an enormous dud.

I mean it's fine to choose a different activity but we are in scouts and there is nothing onerous about it. Camping is an optional weekend activity for which yes parents are needed for younger kids. In ours it's usually the whole family that comes.

Why do you need one parent per child in Boy Scouts? In Girl Scouts, the ratios go up as the girls get older, but even at the youngest ages, it's 6 kids per one adult, even for overnight camping. I've never been on a Girl Scouts camping trip.

Because they had a major sex abuse scandal, obviously. But still, 6 kids per adult at the youngest ages for a Girl Scout camping trip sounds rough to me.

My daughters went camping starting in first grade and there were 4 adults for 10 girls. It's usually the troop leaders plus a few extra volunteers, but never one to one, which seems like excess. Dads are allowed to go camping, too, as long as they are background checked and have a separate place to sleep and separate bathroom. I'm not that familiar with Boy Scouts, but I believe they're much larger than Girl Scouts, right? So maybe that's why? Because they don't know each other as well as in the small Girl Scout troops? I have no idea, just guessing.

No, it’s because of the history. Now its a family activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I'm not hearing what I'm here for.
I'm here for suggestions of consequences OP can inflict onto her shitty husband.
I'm here for suggestions of actions OP can take to radically show her DH that he's a selfish POS and she's not going to take it anymore.

Please give OP and myself those suggestions. My microwave popcorn is getting cold, and cold fake butter is nasty. We've wasted so many pages of "divorce him" and victim blaming.

She needs to go away for a three day weekend and have him care for the kid the entire time.

He’s taking care of the younger son the whole time OP is gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I'm not hearing what I'm here for.
I'm here for suggestions of consequences OP can inflict onto her shitty husband.
I'm here for suggestions of actions OP can take to radically show her DH that he's a selfish POS and she's not going to take it anymore.

Please give OP and myself those suggestions. My microwave popcorn is getting cold, and cold fake butter is nasty. We've wasted so many pages of "divorce him" and victim blaming.

She needs to go away for a three day weekend and have him care for the kid the entire time.

He’s taking care of the younger son the whole time OP is gone.

There are at least 2 other kids at home while OP is camping (in a cabin, not a tent) with just 1 one of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Op here. We drove back out this morning for breakfast and to help clean up. My husband helped with the clean up and got to see the campsite and the cabins. I think he’ll feel more comfortable on the next trip. Some of the reason may be him being uncomfortable and not knowing what it’s like, if he will fit in etc. He is really handy and likes volunteering. I told him camping seems more like his personality compared to staying at a fancy hotel. We both grew up not really going on vacations and staying in hotels. Vacations were to extended family members and always within our country. He can also sleep on the floor and does that from time to time because it helps with back pain. Thanks for the support. I’m not going to read anymore because I don’t want to cause myself anymore stress.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why cub scouts is going out of fashion. Declining membership every year. It is just too much for families and no village.

Oh please, you don't need a "village" to do scouts, you need a parent. And this kid apparently has 2 but 1 is an enormous dud.

I mean it's fine to choose a different activity but we are in scouts and there is nothing onerous about it. Camping is an optional weekend activity for which yes parents are needed for younger kids. In ours it's usually the whole family that comes.

Why do you need one parent per child in Boy Scouts? In Girl Scouts, the ratios go up as the girls get older, but even at the youngest ages, it's 6 kids per one adult, even for overnight camping. I've never been on a Girl Scouts camping trip.

Because they had a major sex abuse scandal, obviously. But still, 6 kids per adult at the youngest ages for a Girl Scout camping trip sounds rough to me.

My daughters went camping starting in first grade and there were 4 adults for 10 girls. It's usually the troop leaders plus a few extra volunteers, but never one to one, which seems like excess. Dads are allowed to go camping, too, as long as they are background checked and have a separate place to sleep and separate bathroom. I'm not that familiar with Boy Scouts, but I believe they're much larger than Girl Scouts, right? So maybe that's why? Because they don't know each other as well as in the small Girl Scout troops? I have no idea, just guessing.

I’m a volunteer in both organizations. It’s just a totally different ethos. GS historically tried to foster independence in girls but helping them to do things outside the family, as historically girls were really stuck doing stuff within the family. BSA is more about developing a specific civic model of boy/man (which is why it has all the required stuff like duty to god, etc.) and family camping is part of that.
But also PP was a little misleading about the GE ratios — there is a minimum of 2 adults at any time so if you took 6 1st graders camping, you would need at least 2 adults. With 12 camping, I think you need 3, and with 18, I think you need 4. There is a chart for the safety ratios and it depends both on the age and what you are doing (meeting or field trip or overnight).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We drove back out this morning for breakfast and to help clean up. My husband helped with the clean up and got to see the campsite and the cabins. I think he’ll feel more comfortable on the next trip. Some of the reason may be him being uncomfortable and not knowing what it’s like, if he will fit in etc. He is really handy and likes volunteering. I told him camping seems more like his personality compared to staying at a fancy hotel. We both grew up not really going on vacations and staying in hotels. Vacations were to extended family members and always within our country. He can also sleep on the floor and does that from time to time because it helps with back pain. Thanks for the support. I’m not going to read anymore because I don’t want to cause myself anymore stress.

LOL If you really wanted to not cause yourself more stress, you should stop having kids with someone who stresses you out. Even a second child in the circumstances is unwise but a third/fourth is insane. You can’t complain to us about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need more information. Is a parent required?

Yes he’s only 8. DHs won’t do anything he doesn’t want to. Doesn’t want to drive the kids to soccer? Sounds good to him so better never to sign up the kids for anything. If he won’t enjoy it he won’t do it. Wants to go to the gym so he can work out? That’s fine and they can go to childcare. Ymca childcare is the only thing he will do and he makes a big deal about it. He thinks he’s the most amazing dad ever because he takes them to the y once a week for 2 hours so they can go to babysitting. Apparently the 5 min trip in the car with them is brutal according to him and he’s sacrificing a lot. I’m on the trip now and really feeling mad at him. I have to push some heavy cart with our stuff and I’m other men are needing to help. What kind of man sends a pregnant wife and young kid to go on a trip alone? We aren’t staying in a hotel.

NP. Dealing with the same self-centeredness and DH thinking everything is all about him. The kids would be watching TV if it weren’t for me signing them up and paying for activities (that he has no interest in(.