So frustrated husband refuses to go in cub scouts trip and I’m pregnant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m halfway through and let’s just say it’s not fun. It’s hard to walk or carry a bunch of heavy stuff. He has nothing to do but refuses to go on the trip. It feels incredibly selfish to me.

You pegged that right.

Just tell him he has to step up (ie, parent your first kid while you are busy growing the next one).

What a poor excuse for a dad/husband!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need more information. Is a parent required?

Yes he’s only 8. DHs won’t do anything he doesn’t want to. Doesn’t want to drive the kids to soccer? Sounds good to him so better never to sign up the kids for anything. If he won’t enjoy it he won’t do it. Wants to go to the gym so he can work out? That’s fine and they can go to childcare. Ymca childcare is the only thing he will do and he makes a big deal about it. He thinks he’s the most amazing dad ever because he takes them to the y once a week for 2 hours so they can go to babysitting. Apparently the 5 min trip in the car with them is brutal according to him and he’s sacrificing a lot. I’m on the trip now and really feeling mad at him. I have to push some heavy cart with our stuff and I’m other men are needing to help. What kind of man sends a pregnant wife and young kid to go on a trip alone? We aren’t staying in a hotel.

So why did you choose to have another kid with him? I mean you can whine and complain but you're putting yourselves in these situations.

Classic, blame her for the fact that her husband is supremely selfish.

The 8 year old is already here, and he won’t sacrifice to be there for his kid . Blame HIM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is entitled to a preference.
Would your kid *not* have been able to go without a parent?

Entitled is a good word for this guy.

But when you are a halfway decent human, you are not entitled to put your needs before those of your kid and your pregnant wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is halfway, so only 20 weeks pregnant. She knew DH didn’t want to go. She should have not gone and had kid not go.

There is nothing unsafe about walking pregnant. This is ridiculous.

She is in pain. What man could sit at home with this scenario?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Liking or willing to go camping is not a redeeming quality.

More of you need to become better people with a broader view of what might make a good parent.

so obtuse. I don't think OP likes camping, either, but since their kid is in the Scouts, and they are camping, and I'm sure he wanted to go, the dad should just suck it up. It's not like they go every weekend.

Op here. We aren’t camping in tents. We are in cabins. The beds aren’t super comfortable but it’s definitely a different experience than camping. My husband can sleep on the floor. He’s not here because he think it will be uncomfortable. I have no idea why because he wouldn’t give any reason except he wasn’t going. We have never been to a soccer game together . It’s so frustrating because I constantly need to do stuff independently from dh. He’s not interested. If it were up to him our kids would be at the ymca childcare once a week and outside playing some other days. He would never sign them up for sports. We are from a different country. I sign them up for activities so they aren’t watching tv, learning how to make friends. Living in the US is very different. It’s hard for kids to make friends in the neighborhood. We don’t have street soccer here or anything like that.

I am sorry that you are more progressive than your spouse. Did he want children? Or are his views on parenting just “traditional “ (ie, sexist)?

I suggest counseling, to see if you two can reach a compromise. He sounds like a bad father and husband to me, but I was raised in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why cub scouts is going out of fashion. Declining membership every year. It is just too much for families and no village.

You have no clue what you are talking about.

Scouting is declining because more and more people are raising prissy little boys that have never spent a moment in the woods, much less slept in them by a fire. It's the pussification of an entire generation.

Do you know how offensive phrases like “pussification” are?

Women are not weak, and being compared to a female is not an insult.

Imagine where the world would be without us?????

[Anonymous]

For for divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why cub scouts is going out of fashion. Declining membership every year. It is just too much for families and no village.

You have no clue what you are talking about.

Scouting is declining because more and more people are raising prissy little boys that have never spent a moment in the woods, much less slept in them by a fire. It's the pussification of an entire generation.

Do you know how offensive phrases like “pussification” are?

Women are not weak, and being compared to a female is not an insult.

Imagine where the world would be without us?????

Much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need more information. Is a parent required?

Yes he’s only 8. DHs won’t do anything he doesn’t want to. Doesn’t want to drive the kids to soccer? Sounds good to him so better never to sign up the kids for anything. If he won’t enjoy it he won’t do it. Wants to go to the gym so he can work out? That’s fine and they can go to childcare. Ymca childcare is the only thing he will do and he makes a big deal about it. He thinks he’s the most amazing dad ever because he takes them to the y once a week for 2 hours so they can go to babysitting. Apparently the 5 min trip in the car with them is brutal according to him and he’s sacrificing a lot. I’m on the trip now and really feeling mad at him. I have to push some heavy cart with our stuff and I’m other men are needing to help. What kind of man sends a pregnant wife and young kid to go on a trip alone? We aren’t staying in a hotel.

So why did you choose to have another kid with him? I mean you can whine and complain but you're putting yourselves in these situations.

Classic, blame her for the fact that her husband is supremely selfish.

The 8 year old is already here, and he won’t sacrifice to be there for his kid . Blame HIM!

No. She’s decided to do this at least 3 times now. How stupid is OP? One kid, fine, you didn’t know. 2 kids, you have to wonder. But 3? OP signed up for this. Stop complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is halfway, so only 20 weeks pregnant. She knew DH didn’t want to go. She should have not gone and had kid not go.

There is nothing unsafe about walking pregnant. This is ridiculous.

She is in pain. What man could sit at home with this scenario?

One OP finds attractive enough to keep procreating with.

[Anonymous]

If it were me i would go camping, have a miscarriage and divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are many countries that do not have the belief that parents must spend all their free time engaging in organized and structured activities outside the home to be good parents. Lots of kids grow up just fine playing outside and riding bikes and playing make believe etc.

I don’t think he is wrong for not wanting to spend every evening and weekend out doing organized kid sports / activities / extracurricular. Personally I see nothing wrong with kids just playing at home or outside in the yard or a park. Especially if he grew up with different cultural norms. I read the threads on here how parents never eat with their kids and can’t get their elementary school kids to bed before 10 and eat food in the car driving between activities and I would hate that life. I am sure many think I am a horrible parent as we don’t do that and my kids play outside but oh well. I am team DH. I like relaxing. Zero interest in living in a 24/7 hamster wheel where free time or down time is frowned upon.

Ok but in which culture is it fine to deprive your child of things that are normal for their peers, even though you can afford it and have time, because you're just too lazy?

NP. You have a point, but the disconnect here is that the husband doesn't see it as deprivation. Basically his wife has assimilated culturally more than he has.

OP, I think you should get individual counseling, preferably with someone who understands your cultural background. You are highly unlikely to divorce and this is probably going to be an ongoing issue. You may be able to convince your husband to participate more in the future, but it's likely going to have to be on his terms/managed instead of you laying down the law.

I do think you should sit down and discuss kid activities with him and try to get some level of commitment from him before you sign the kids up.

[Anonymous]

I think I'd have flown out a grandparent to take the lead on this and go on the trip. Bonus points if it's his parent and they have to give him a lecture on being an uninvolved lazy ass.

[Anonymous]

Wow.
Just wow.

Your husband sounds like a self-serving jerk.

Doesn’t he know that a large part of parenting involves doing what we don’t necessarily want to…..but we do things out of love, commitment + responsibility as someone’s parent.

What a horrible Father he must be!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I'd have flown out a grandparent to take the lead on this and go on the trip. Bonus points if it's his parent and they have to give him a lecture on being an uninvolved lazy ass.

Who was watching the kids while Op was camping?