So frustrated husband refuses to go in cub scouts trip and I’m pregnant

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your kid shouldn't be doing cub scouts. Don't sign the kid up for something you don't want to or cant take responsibility for managing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is halfway, so only 20 weeks pregnant. She knew DH didn’t want to go. She should have not gone and had kid not go.

There is nothing unsafe about walking pregnant. This is ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:OP is halfway, so only 20 weeks pregnant. She knew DH didn’t want to go. She should have not gone and had kid not go.

There is nothing unsafe about walking pregnant. This is ridiculous.

It wasn’t a stroll on a sidewalk. It was a hike, probably on a path through the woods, full of rocks, tree roots, fallen logs, steep drop offs, slippery patches of mud. When you’re pregnant, your center of gravity is constantly shifting as your shape and weight distribution change. Falling on your stomach can cause a miscarriage. Other campers weren’t comfortable with OP’s attempting the hike.

[Anonymous]

You should not have gone on the trip OP. And it really sounds like your dh doesn't like kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why cub scouts is going out of fashion. Declining membership every year. It is just too much for families and no village.

You have no clue what you are talking about.

Scouting is declining because more and more people are raising prissy little boys that have never spent a moment in the woods, much less slept in them by a fire. It's the pussification of an entire generation.

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/boy-scouts-reach-850-million-settlement-tens-thousands-sexual-abuse-n1272955

I particpated in Scouts for two decades and never saw a single hint of any abuse. But, I guess you would forbid your daughter gymnastics because of Larrty Nassar.

Oh lucky you! Must be everyone else is imagining it. Including the courts.

Scouts is declining because 1) Anti-LGBT stuff 2) Molesters and 3) Bankruptcy due to child molester settlements makes it hard for the organization to function.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Accept, ahead of time, what parents are willing to do -- and only sign-up for activities that match. I wouldn't do this. If it *required* parent participation for camping, I wouldn't be signing my kid up for cub scouts. Same w/crazy travel team schedules or some crazy swim schedule.

So, the kid should miss out on these activities because he has a deadbeat dad? I feel sorry for the the kid.

My DH went with DS on all of the scout camps, even though DH hated them. Part of being a parent is doing stuff you don't like *for your kid*.

Don't have kids if you aren't willing to do stuff you don't like because most of the things you do for them aren't things most parents enjoy.

Right? If I parented based on what I wanted to do I’d also be napping and relaxing Saturdays and Sundays. But my DH and I chose to have children. So we take them to soccer games and scouts camping and host play dates. If OP’s DH were overall an active father and just didn’t want to do this one thing then he could get a pass, but it sounds like he doesn’t want to do anything with his kids except pawn them off on cheap gym childcare for a couple hours. What a life for those kids.

[Anonymous]

There are many countries that do not have the belief that parents must spend all their free time engaging in organized and structured activities outside the home to be good parents. Lots of kids grow up just fine playing outside and riding bikes and playing make believe etc.

I don’t think he is wrong for not wanting to spend every evening and weekend out doing organized kid sports / activities / extracurricular. Personally I see nothing wrong with kids just playing at home or outside in the yard or a park. Especially if he grew up with different cultural norms. I read the threads on here how parents never eat with their kids and can’t get their elementary school kids to bed before 10 and eat food in the car driving between activities and I would hate that life. I am sure many think I am a horrible parent as we don’t do that and my kids play outside but oh well. I am team DH. I like relaxing. Zero interest in living in a 24/7 hamster wheel where free time or down time is frowned upon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many countries that do not have the belief that parents must spend all their free time engaging in organized and structured activities outside the home to be good parents. Lots of kids grow up just fine playing outside and riding bikes and playing make believe etc.

I don’t think he is wrong for not wanting to spend every evening and weekend out doing organized kid sports / activities / extracurricular. Personally I see nothing wrong with kids just playing at home or outside in the yard or a park. Especially if he grew up with different cultural norms. I read the threads on here how parents never eat with their kids and can’t get their elementary school kids to bed before 10 and eat food in the car driving between activities and I would hate that life. I am sure many think I am a horrible parent as we don’t do that and my kids play outside but oh well. I am team DH. I like relaxing. Zero interest in living in a 24/7 hamster wheel where free time or down time is frowned upon.

Ok but in which culture is it fine to deprive your child of things that are normal for their peers, even though you can afford it and have time, because you're just too lazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many countries that do not have the belief that parents must spend all their free time engaging in organized and structured activities outside the home to be good parents. Lots of kids grow up just fine playing outside and riding bikes and playing make believe etc.

I don’t think he is wrong for not wanting to spend every evening and weekend out doing organized kid sports / activities / extracurricular. Personally I see nothing wrong with kids just playing at home or outside in the yard or a park. Especially if he grew up with different cultural norms. I read the threads on here how parents never eat with their kids and can’t get their elementary school kids to bed before 10 and eat food in the car driving between activities and I would hate that life. I am sure many think I am a horrible parent as we don’t do that and my kids play outside but oh well. I am team DH. I like relaxing. Zero interest in living in a 24/7 hamster wheel where free time or down time is frowned upon.

Op here. Soccer isn’t 247. It’s two months out of the year. We tried the playing in the neighborhood thing but it’s not working well. Our older son was complaining he doesn’t know how to play soccer at recess and gets made fun of so I decided to sign him up. He LOVES soccer. Given that I am pregnant dh needs to step up and drive him to practice when he can. Dh was in agreement about cub scouts and told me he did it growing up. Once he learned about the camping/ cabin trips he decided he doesn’t want to be involved anymore. He will agree to stuff but later complains we are too busy. He thinks weekends should be relaxing. It’s not fair to our kids to be watched by the tv most of the weekend so he can nap. In the evening he’ll take them out but max 1 hour. Usually it’s 30 mins. We don’t live in a neighborhood where they can roam around freely. It’s not safe and he agreed about that. Given all of this our kid would benefit so much from 1 activity a season. I don’t want our child to not have friends one day at school and that’s what seems to be happening. He feels he doesn’t fit in because he’s not athletic. We have been to the playground and overheard his classmates refusing to let him play whatever sports game because they say he won’t know how. Boys need to be active. I feel for my kid and want him to be happy and have friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are many countries that do not have the belief that parents must spend all their free time engaging in organized and structured activities outside the home to be good parents. Lots of kids grow up just fine playing outside and riding bikes and playing make believe etc.

I don’t think he is wrong for not wanting to spend every evening and weekend out doing organized kid sports / activities / extracurricular. Personally I see nothing wrong with kids just playing at home or outside in the yard or a park. Especially if he grew up with different cultural norms. I read the threads on here how parents never eat with their kids and can’t get their elementary school kids to bed before 10 and eat food in the car driving between activities and I would hate that life. I am sure many think I am a horrible parent as we don’t do that and my kids play outside but oh well. I am team DH. I like relaxing. Zero interest in living in a 24/7 hamster wheel where free time or down time is frowned upon.

Ok but in which culture is it fine to deprive your child of things that are normal for their peers, even though you can afford it and have time, because you're just too lazy?

It isn’t laziness, it is different values. I don’t think it is better for my 6 or 8 year old to be busy and out of the house from 7:00am to 9:00 pm every single day. I don’t think it is better to never eat a meal as a family or to have kids sleep deprived because the sports end so late. I don’t value those things nor do I think those who spend their lives running their children around nonstop are better parents. Nor do I see down time or kids playing at home or entertaining themselves or playing outside as bad and lazy parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are many countries that do not have the belief that parents must spend all their free time engaging in organized and structured activities outside the home to be good parents. Lots of kids grow up just fine playing outside and riding bikes and playing make believe etc.

I don’t think he is wrong for not wanting to spend every evening and weekend out doing organized kid sports / activities / extracurricular. Personally I see nothing wrong with kids just playing at home or outside in the yard or a park. Especially if he grew up with different cultural norms. I read the threads on here how parents never eat with their kids and can’t get their elementary school kids to bed before 10 and eat food in the car driving between activities and I would hate that life. I am sure many think I am a horrible parent as we don’t do that and my kids play outside but oh well. I am team DH. I like relaxing. Zero interest in living in a 24/7 hamster wheel where free time or down time is frowned upon.

Op here. Soccer isn’t 247. It’s two months out of the year. We tried the playing in the neighborhood thing but it’s not working well. Our older son was complaining he doesn’t know how to play soccer at recess and gets made fun of so I decided to sign him up. He LOVES soccer. Given that I am pregnant dh needs to step up and drive him to practice when he can. Dh was in agreement about cub scouts and told me he did it growing up. Once he learned about the camping/ cabin trips he decided he doesn’t want to be involved anymore. He will agree to stuff but later complains we are too busy. He thinks weekends should be relaxing. It’s not fair to our kids to be watched by the tv most of the weekend so he can nap. In the evening he’ll take them out but max 1 hour. Usually it’s 30 mins. We don’t live in a neighborhood where they can roam around freely. It’s not safe and he agreed about that. Given all of this our kid would benefit so much from 1 activity a season. I don’t want our child to not have friends one day at school and that’s what seems to be happening. He feels he doesn’t fit in because he’s not athletic. We have been to the playground and overheard his classmates refusing to let him play whatever sports game because they say he won’t know how. Boys need to be active. I feel for my kid and want him to be happy and have friends.

Why on earth are you having a third?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are many countries that do not have the belief that parents must spend all their free time engaging in organized and structured activities outside the home to be good parents. Lots of kids grow up just fine playing outside and riding bikes and playing make believe etc.

I don’t think he is wrong for not wanting to spend every evening and weekend out doing organized kid sports / activities / extracurricular. Personally I see nothing wrong with kids just playing at home or outside in the yard or a park. Especially if he grew up with different cultural norms. I read the threads on here how parents never eat with their kids and can’t get their elementary school kids to bed before 10 and eat food in the car driving between activities and I would hate that life. I am sure many think I am a horrible parent as we don’t do that and my kids play outside but oh well. I am team DH. I like relaxing. Zero interest in living in a 24/7 hamster wheel where free time or down time is frowned upon.

Op here. Soccer isn’t 247. It’s two months out of the year. We tried the playing in the neighborhood thing but it’s not working well. Our older son was complaining he doesn’t know how to play soccer at recess and gets made fun of so I decided to sign him up. He LOVES soccer. Given that I am pregnant dh needs to step up and drive him to practice when he can. Dh was in agreement about cub scouts and told me he did it growing up. Once he learned about the camping/ cabin trips he decided he doesn’t want to be involved anymore. He will agree to stuff but later complains we are too busy. He thinks weekends should be relaxing. It’s not fair to our kids to be watched by the tv most of the weekend so he can nap. In the evening he’ll take them out but max 1 hour. Usually it’s 30 mins. We don’t live in a neighborhood where they can roam around freely. It’s not safe and he agreed about that. Given all of this our kid would benefit so much from 1 activity a season. I don’t want our child to not have friends one day at school and that’s what seems to be happening. He feels he doesn’t fit in because he’s not athletic. We have been to the playground and overheard his classmates refusing to let him play whatever sports game because they say he won’t know how. Boys need to be active. I feel for my kid and want him to be happy and have friends.

You’re really leaning into this pregnancy thing. You’re only halfway there. You have two other kids, you need to buck up and stop using it as an excuse to get out of everything you don’t want to do. Sleeping in a cabin? Taking a walk? Dropping the kid off at practice? Come on. You can’t be this feeble.

[Anonymous]

I think we would have much less anxiety and depression if people did value relaxing and downtime rather than the belief that if you aren’t rushing around nonstop and too busy to eat or sleep…then you are lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need more information. Is a parent required?

Yes he’s only 8. DHs won’t do anything he doesn’t want to. Doesn’t want to drive the kids to soccer? Sounds good to him so better never to sign up the kids for anything. If he won’t enjoy it he won’t do it. Wants to go to the gym so he can work out? That’s fine and they can go to childcare. Ymca childcare is the only thing he will do and he makes a big deal about it. He thinks he’s the most amazing dad ever because he takes them to the y once a week for 2 hours so they can go to babysitting. Apparently the 5 min trip in the car with them is brutal according to him and he’s sacrificing a lot. I’m on the trip now and really feeling mad at him. I have to push some heavy cart with our stuff and I’m other men are needing to help. What kind of man sends a pregnant wife and young kid to go on a trip alone? We aren’t staying in a hotel.

I want to feel sorry for you, but I can't. You are willfully breeding with this man again and keep signing your kids up for programs he has no intention of help with.

You need realize you are in this alone and make plans accordingly. His behavior did not pop up out of nowhere, you chose to ignore it.

[Anonymous]

My nephew does scouts in the Netherlands. The idea that kids in other countries don't do stuff with their kids isn't accurate, my nephew plays soccer, does speed skating, and scouts. That's typical for a kid there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are many countries that do not have the belief that parents must spend all their free time engaging in organized and structured activities outside the home to be good parents. Lots of kids grow up just fine playing outside and riding bikes and playing make believe etc.

I don’t think he is wrong for not wanting to spend every evening and weekend out doing organized kid sports / activities / extracurricular. Personally I see nothing wrong with kids just playing at home or outside in the yard or a park. Especially if he grew up with different cultural norms. I read the threads on here how parents never eat with their kids and can’t get their elementary school kids to bed before 10 and eat food in the car driving between activities and I would hate that life. I am sure many think I am a horrible parent as we don’t do that and my kids play outside but oh well. I am team DH. I like relaxing. Zero interest in living in a 24/7 hamster wheel where free time or down time is frowned upon.

Op here. Soccer isn’t 247. It’s two months out of the year. We tried the playing in the neighborhood thing but it’s not working well. Our older son was complaining he doesn’t know how to play soccer at recess and gets made fun of so I decided to sign him up. He LOVES soccer. Given that I am pregnant dh needs to step up and drive him to practice when he can. Dh was in agreement about cub scouts and told me he did it growing up. Once he learned about the camping/ cabin trips he decided he doesn’t want to be involved anymore. He will agree to stuff but later complains we are too busy. He thinks weekends should be relaxing. It’s not fair to our kids to be watched by the tv most of the weekend so he can nap. In the evening he’ll take them out but max 1 hour. Usually it’s 30 mins. We don’t live in a neighborhood where they can roam around freely. It’s not safe and he agreed about that. Given all of this our kid would benefit so much from 1 activity a season. I don’t want our child to not have friends one day at school and that’s what seems to be happening. He feels he doesn’t fit in because he’s not athletic. We have been to the playground and overheard his classmates refusing to let him play whatever sports game because they say he won’t know how. Boys need to be active. I feel for my kid and want him to be happy and have friends.

You’re really leaning into this pregnancy thing. You’re only halfway there. You have two other kids, you need to buck up and stop using it as an excuse to get out of everything you don’t want to do. Sleeping in a cabin? Taking a walk? Dropping the kid off at practice? Come on. You can’t be this feeble.

Op here. Every woman experiences pregnancy different. Be happy you could apparently do a lot more then me. I have very bad pelvic girdle pain and also I am high risk. Twisting in and out of the car and bed is very hard on me. If I don’t slow down I’ll end up in physical therapy, bed rest, wearing diapers to bed etc. My joints relax too much during pregnancy and take a long time to strengthen postpartum.