Trigger warning: Feels like sexual abuse but “a doctor told her to”. Am I wrong to feel this way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are two separate issues here.

One is the medical need to have given you the enemas. No, I don’t think it was abuse, even if there was a better way the implementation could have been handled.

The second is your experience of it and your nmoms dynamic with you. This is the part that I think is more significant and why it is still an issue and a triggering memory. With nmoms they just cannot validate or empathize with an experience of their child’s, especially if that experience might invoke any sense of guilt, shame or reflection of actions on their part. They will actually double down and dump that shame on the child in the form of judgment and condemnation. This makes it really difficult to ever feel understood or seen or supported by the child, even into adulthood. This is where reparenting oneself comes into play. Your mother cannot, because she is incapable of empathy for this situation, hear you and be emotionally available to your experience of this event. I would suggest some inner healing work to soothe the inner child in you that felt traumatized by this experience.

This is the most BS answer in this entire DCUM forum today. The entire forum. I see you have all the anti- parent buzz words here, my favorite being reparent, lack of empathy, inner child.

This is really sad and disgusting and the ENTIRE reason OP has twisted this into something disgusting.
Sit down and just stop. Really really awful answer and I hopd to God you aren't a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are two separate issues here.

One is the medical need to have given you the enemas. No, I don’t think it was abuse, even if there was a better way the implementation could have been handled.

The second is your experience of it and your nmoms dynamic with you. This is the part that I think is more significant and why it is still an issue and a triggering memory. With nmoms they just cannot validate or empathize with an experience of their child’s, especially if that experience might invoke any sense of guilt, shame or reflection of actions on their part. They will actually double down and dump that shame on the child in the form of judgment and condemnation. This makes it really difficult to ever feel understood or seen or supported by the child, even into adulthood. This is where reparenting oneself comes into play. Your mother cannot, because she is incapable of empathy for this situation, hear you and be emotionally available to your experience of this event. I would suggest some inner healing work to soothe the inner child in you that felt traumatized by this experience.

And to add - this type of invalidation, and even emotional punishment for trying to express feelings that the mother doesn’t want to hear, was probably experience thousands of times by you as a child and adult. So when this memory comes up for you or you try talking about it with your mom all those experiences compound upon the invalidation you feel in the present conversation. A part of you may still be trying to find wholeness in these conversations with your mom, but she is not able to provide it. Once you realize this and begin to seek the wholeness and healing for yourself (it is possible. The mother in you can reparent the child within you) then you will stop seeking it from you mother.

No. Just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Using the term "nmom" is a big clue that OP spends her time in unsupervised "egging on" forums for mentally ill people.

This is such an ignorant comment. Although there are probably blamers in these forums that aren’t taking responsibility for their role in things, a lot of people suffered emotional physical and verbal abuse from a parent who in fact exhibit strong narcissistic tendencies.

Not nearly as many as you suggest. And certainly not here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean ... even if your mom HAD gotten a second opinion it doesn't mean that second doctor would have researched and found the studies from the 1970's.

Listen I grew up in a time when your temperature was taken with a thermometer up the ass. I greatly disliked it and sometimes cried but I was not being sexually abused.

I don't think you were sexually abused. I am not sure why you're calling your mom a narcissist - are you a qualified psychologist who diagnosed her as one? Of course it would be unethical to evaluate your own mother, so....

This. I understand you feel violated but I cannot believe you are holding this against your mother.

[Anonymous]

Bonus points to OP for self-diagnosing that her constipation was a result of "narcissistic abuse" by mom when she was a baby.
Keep trailing the internet, OP, I'm sure you'll get many other good ideas!

[Anonymous]

My children both absolutely hated taking liquid Tylenol or Advil. When they were little and had high fevers requiring medicine I’d have to force them to take it, it was messy and there were struggles and tears and screaming but it was something that had to be done. As a parent, it was horrible and I’m sure it was horrible for my children but it wasn’t abuse. You don’t think that if there was an alternative to suppositories your mother would have chosen it? Not every trauma is abuse.

[Anonymous]

I had to force my toddler to wear shoes so she could go to preschool 3 days a week- or really anywhere. She hated socks and any shoe known to man for about 2 years, but loved pre school. It was quite a feat (lol, no pun intended) but even the dog got in the act to help by lying across her and licking her face.

Yeah, it's called parenting and it's life. How has an entire generation twisted this into abuse. I've seen send ups of gentle parenting and several real time examples. Probably not going to be effective down the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had to force my toddler to wear shoes so she could go to preschool 3 days a week- or really anywhere. She hated socks and any shoe known to man for about 2 years, but loved pre school. It was quite a feat (lol, no pun intended) but even the dog got in the act to help by lying across her and licking her face.

Yeah, it's called parenting and it's life. How has an entire generation twisted this into abuse. I've seen send ups of gentle parenting and several real time examples. Probably not going to be effective down the line.

NP, but the fact you equate putting shoes on to repeat forced enemas while restrained is super fucked up.

[Anonymous]

You are not in the wrong for feeling violated.

But, no. That is not sexual abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you're looking for a reason to be a victim and feel traumatized.
Your mom likely isn't the narcissist.
You are and probably have a plethora of untreated mental illnesses.

This is rough...but I kinda agree.
Your mom was told by a medical professional to do this.

[Anonymous]

I say this as nicely as possible.....you need therapy badly.

[Anonymous]

OP I am a doctor and my dd had the same problem. I was aware of it becoming an issue so I was careful. There were times that I forced her into a sitting position on the toilet to help her push. I used tons of dietary fiber. Occasionally used laxatives. The time that she needed an enema I took her to the ER and a nurse did it. She actually loved the enema since it immediately relieved her problem. Since then I noticed that she’s kept the extra bottle they gave her that day so many years ago.
When I was in medical school, I saw a father who brought his toddler daughter in for phototherapy on her vagina. He would take her into the light box and hold her legs wide apart for the light to get to her labia. I found it to be odd. I hope that she’s ok now emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to force my toddler to wear shoes so she could go to preschool 3 days a week- or really anywhere. She hated socks and any shoe known to man for about 2 years, but loved pre school. It was quite a feat (lol, no pun intended) but even the dog got in the act to help by lying across her and licking her face.

Yeah, it's called parenting and it's life. How has an entire generation twisted this into abuse. I've seen send ups of gentle parenting and several real time examples. Probably not going to be effective down the line.

NP, but the fact you equate putting shoes on to repeat forced enemas while restrained is super fucked up.

Well, there was a lot of screaming, biting, and kicking, so...
One is feet and one is poop. Neither are sexual. Neither are abuse. That is the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am a doctor and my dd had the same problem. I was aware of it becoming an issue so I was careful. There were times that I forced her into a sitting position on the toilet to help her push. I used tons of dietary fiber. Occasionally used laxatives. The time that she needed an enema I took her to the ER and a nurse did it. She actually loved the enema since it immediately relieved her problem. Since then I noticed that she’s kept the extra bottle they gave her that day so many years ago.
When I was in medical school, I saw a father who brought his toddler daughter in for phototherapy on her vagina. He would take her into the light box and hold her legs wide apart for the light to get to her labia. I found it to be odd. I hope that she’s ok now emotionally.

Omg that is horrific. What was the justification for that?? Aren’t they all mandated reporters in a medical facility? How did nobody care about that?

[Anonymous]

The PPs commenting about giving their kids finger and enemas and their kids feeling relief and wanting the procedure are missing the main point in the OP that she was deliberately holding in the poop. That has to be frustrating for a parent.