Trigger warning: Feels like sexual abuse but “a doctor told her to”. Am I wrong to feel this way?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like this woman has had over the top anxiety her entire life and is now projecting it onto her mom.

[Anonymous]

Using the term "nmom" is a big clue that OP spends her time in unsupervised "egging on" forums for mentally ill people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Using the term "nmom" is a big clue that OP spends her time in unsupervised "egging on" forums for mentally ill people.

This is such an ignorant comment. Although there are probably blamers in these forums that aren’t taking responsibility for their role in things, a lot of people suffered emotional physical and verbal abuse from a parent who in fact exhibit strong narcissistic tendencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Using the term "nmom" is a big clue that OP spends her time in unsupervised "egging on" forums for mentally ill people.

This is such an ignorant comment. Although there are probably blamers in these forums that aren’t taking responsibility for their role in things, a lot of people suffered emotional physical and verbal abuse from a parent who in fact exhibit strong narcissistic tendencies.

Helping a child deal with a medical problem is hardly being a narcissist. OP needs to grow up and deal with her own shit in every way.

[Anonymous]

As others have pointed out, medical procedures change over time. My mother had breast cancer at a time when women were put under and woke to find out their breasts had been removed. Decades later, another relative had breast cancer and a lumpectomy was the preferred treatment.

I don't know what you would have had your mother do. You needed treatment and she was following the doctor's orders. No doubt it felt (and was) invasive, but she couldn't just let it go without treating you. That would be child neglect.

[Anonymous]

It’s not sexual abuse, but if it was done to you by someone you already did not trust and wasn’t handled sensitively, it could have been very upsetting. I’m curious why you are even engaged in discussions about this with your mom? It seems like you’re trying to get something from her I think you know you will not get.

[Anonymous]

If you've done your research, you should be familiar with the work of Dr. Sean O'Regan who, in the 70s, demonstrated that virtually all cases of enuresis, encopresis, and recurrent UTIs in children are caused by chronic stool withholding and that daily enemas resolves these problems.

More recently, Dr. Steve Hodges brought more attention to this when his DS experienced bowel impaction because of chronic constipation and nearly ended up with bowel surgery. Dr. Hodges modified the protocol developed by Dr. O'Regan (aptly named the "Modified O'Regan Protocol or MOP) which is what I did with my DS to resolve his encopresis.

We'd done multiple Muralax "clean outs" to no avail. MOP was suggested on the Kids with SN forum so, yes, I gave my DS an enema nightly for 30 days, then every other night for 30 days, then 2x a week for another 30 days. Yeah, that's a lot of enemas and no one liked it but it what was medically necessary. It was another 9 months before his rectal muscles returned to normal and we could discontinue daily Miralax.

DS is now 18 and I don't believe he has the trauma you have. As others have suggested, it's likely related to your relationship with your mother. What I did to my DS was not abuse.

https://www.bedwettingandaccidents.com/

[Anonymous]

Clearly OP has no children or they would realize you often have to do a lot of unpleasant things as part of caring and raising a helpless person. You are up to your elbows in poop, urine, vomit, blood, snot, and everything else. A suppository isn’t even the worst thing I can imagine.

[Anonymous]

What does an enema do that an oral laxative does not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you're looking for a reason to be a victim and feel traumatized.
Your mom likely isn't the narcissist.
You are and probably have a plethora of untreated mental illnesses.

This. You refused to poop. Your single mom did her best and followed doctor’s orders.

Now you’re trying to be a victim and it’s gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does an enema do that an oral laxative does not?

Think of a tsunami. Moves things that don’t normally get moved by water.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have pointed out, medical procedures change over time. My mother had breast cancer at a time when women were put under and woke to find out their breasts had been removed. Decades later, another relative had breast cancer and a lumpectomy was the preferred treatment.

I don't know what you would have had your mother do. You needed treatment and she was following the doctor's orders. No doubt it felt (and was) invasive, but she couldn't just let it go without treating you. That would be child neglect.

Well said. You need to let this go, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suppositories or enemas to treat a health condition that if left untreated can have fatal results (blockage) is not sexual abuse. Unfortunately how the medical treatment was provided seems like it was traumatic for you. That can be the case for many invasive medical procedures. But it isn’t sexual abuse.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you're looking for a reason to be a victim and feel traumatized.
Your mom likely isn't the narcissist.
You are and probably have a plethora of untreated mental illnesses.

This. You refused to poop. Your single mom did her best and followed doctor’s orders.

Now you’re trying to be a victim and it’s gross.

+1 to this. Your mother was told that not doing this could cause damage to your bowel, potentially requiring surgery or worse. She was trying to keep you from harm.

You need therapy and not a therapist who reinforces your self diagnoses but one who actually challenges you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just reread what you wrote and you are wrong in saying that your mother's comment that she didn't want to do it means that she shouldn't have done it or that she knew it was wrong.

I didn't want to do wound care on my father's gangrenous toe multiple times a day. It was like opening up a rotten soft boiled egg each day. It made me want to vomit. I did it because I loved him and it kept him alive.

I NEVER want to clean my son's wounds with alcohol. It HURTS him and It hurts me to hurt him and I know he hates me a little but every time I say I love him too much to leave his wound dirty even though I don't want to do it.

I do the painful thing that I don't want to do, even though it hurts me, even though it hurts him, because I sincerely believe it is better for his health.

That's what parenting entails sometimes.

It doesn't absolve your mom of other things she may have done wrong, but not wanting do give you an enema doesn't mean that it was the wrong thing to do. It just means she loved you enough to do it.