Trigger warning: Feels like sexual abuse but “a doctor told her to”. Am I wrong to feel this way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it sounds like you're conflating things.

Your mom sounds like you don't have the best relationship and that she is unkind and did not raise you in a loving and supportive household. And you sound like you clearly have a lot of resentment towards her.

You happen to have also had this poop issue as a child. The treatment for which was very invasive and required you to be treated by someone who you didn't trust very much (your mom).

As an adult you're working through this for some reason (did you just have children of your own? I had to do a lot of therapy to unpack trauma I thought I had long dealt with after I had kids, having your own really brings all this to the surface). So you likely see a lot of vague reasons for this relationship feeling unsafe, like your lack of trust, feeling like you were neglected, feeling like you were unsupported etc. And when you wonder why you feel this way you are examining events in your childhood. One large traumatic memory is this poop issue. And it is one that seems really clear cut and puts what could potentially be a really clear cut label of 'abuse' on your mother's behavior so you're latching onto it.

Like other PPs I don't think this was abuse. This was a mother dealing with a medical issue with her kid that can be life threatening in the way the child's doctors instructed and was commonplace at the time. I believe the whole situation was traumatic for sure but I don't think this was abuse.

But just because this was not abuse does not mean that you didn't suffer emotional abuse as a child. And just because you don't have some big event that you can easily point to and feel comfortable calling abuse doesn't mean you have to excuse your mother's behavior.

Therapy really helped me sort through my childhood, which sounds in some ways not dissimilar to your relationship with your mom.

I agree with this. Not pooping over long periods of time can be serious. If you want to read up on something read up on kids who have to wear diapers into adulthood for messing up their bowel movement functions. Or ones who have to have any number of surgeries to address the short-term and long-term consequences.

I doubt another doctor would have recommended anything different. I agree with seeking counseling and I would be really cautious about getting too much of your thoughts on this via the Internet. We have a family friend going through this with a young adult child who has turned virtually everything into abuse. It’s been based on Internet advice. It’s led to constant rumination and a cycle of accusations and anger over many typical parenting things like helping preschoolers take a bath and reminders about homework completion. (I’m not exaggerating.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suppositories or enemas to treat a health condition that if left untreated can have fatal results (blockage) is not sexual abuse. Unfortunately how the medical treatment was provided seems like it was traumatic for you. That can be the case for many invasive medical procedures. But it isn’t sexual abuse.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am a doctor and my dd had the same problem. I was aware of it becoming an issue so I was careful. There were times that I forced her into a sitting position on the toilet to help her push. I used tons of dietary fiber. Occasionally used laxatives. The time that she needed an enema I took her to the ER and a nurse did it. She actually loved the enema since it immediately relieved her problem. Since then I noticed that she’s kept the extra bottle they gave her that day so many years ago.
When I was in medical school, I saw a father who brought his toddler daughter in for phototherapy on her vagina. He would take her into the light box and hold her legs wide apart for the light to get to her labia. I found it to be odd. I hope that she’s ok now emotionally.

Omg that is horrific. What was the justification for that?? Aren’t they all mandated reporters in a medical facility? How did nobody care about that?

It was the 80s. A bunch of dermatologists, not thinking. And if I am not mistaken, the father was tasked with applying a cream to that area before the treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am a doctor and my dd had the same problem. I was aware of it becoming an issue so I was careful. There were times that I forced her into a sitting position on the toilet to help her push. I used tons of dietary fiber. Occasionally used laxatives. The time that she needed an enema I took her to the ER and a nurse did it. She actually loved the enema since it immediately relieved her problem. Since then I noticed that she’s kept the extra bottle they gave her that day so many years ago.
When I was in medical school, I saw a father who brought his toddler daughter in for phototherapy on her vagina. He would take her into the light box and hold her legs wide apart for the light to get to her labia. I found it to be odd. I hope that she’s ok now emotionally.

Omg that is horrific. What was the justification for that?? Aren’t they all mandated reporters in a medical facility? How did nobody care about that?

You're a doctor but took your DD to the ER to get an enema?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am a doctor and my dd had the same problem. I was aware of it becoming an issue so I was careful. There were times that I forced her into a sitting position on the toilet to help her push. I used tons of dietary fiber. Occasionally used laxatives. The time that she needed an enema I took her to the ER and a nurse did it. She actually loved the enema since it immediately relieved her problem. Since then I noticed that she’s kept the extra bottle they gave her that day so many years ago.
When I was in medical school, I saw a father who brought his toddler daughter in for phototherapy on her vagina. He would take her into the light box and hold her legs wide apart for the light to get to her labia. I found it to be odd. I hope that she’s ok now emotionally.

Omg that is horrific. What was the justification for that?? Aren’t they all mandated reporters in a medical facility? How did nobody care about that?

You're a doctor but took your DD to the ER to get an enema?

Yes. For several reasons. Didn’t want to be blamed for being doctor and messing up either physically or emotionally.

[Anonymous]

No it's not, save your victim blaming of your awful parents for something real

[Anonymous]

I would recommend therapy but there’s a 50% chance her therapist validates this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suppositories or enemas to treat a health condition that if left untreated can have fatal results (blockage) is not sexual abuse. Unfortunately how the medical treatment was provided seems like it was traumatic for you. That can be the case for many invasive medical procedures. But it isn’t sexual abuse.

This.

My sister had this issue as a child but no one gave her an enema or suppository at home. She was in constant pain and now has other health issues.

We also grew up with a single mom and had not much money but too much that we didn’t qualify for free state health insurance. Going to the doctor outside your yearly physical was expensive and there was no way our mom could have afforded a second opinion on this!

Now my sister sees a specialist and eats more fiber than anyone I know but still has some issues.

My elementary school child’s friend had to have surgery because her (single) mom didn’t see a doctor for the constipation and blockages of the child.

I’m sorry this happened to you. I think you should see a therapist.