Trigger warning: Feels like sexual abuse but “a doctor told her to”. Am I wrong to feel this way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much fake victimization going on with gen z lately. Parents can’t even practice normal parenting anymore. What a disappointment after 20 years of hard thankless work to end up with such self centered poor-me brats

+10000

[Anonymous]

You really need to move on. Your condition was severe and your mom did not have Google to find alternatives. Get therapy to work through your feelings but scapegoating your mom is not the answer.

[Anonymous]

My husband is a gastroenterologist. Yes, edemas are used if nothing else works. So sad that he would be accused of sexual abuse for doing this for a patient. After reading this, I will suggest to him to only have nurses do it, so that he doesn’t have to.

Maybe he should stop doing colonoscopies too. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

So your mom was supposed to shop around for another doctor until she got the diagnosis and treatment that you wanted? How about you Should have just pooped in. None of this would have happened

[Anonymous]

You're in the wrong to accuse your mom of sexual abuse. Hope you poo on the regs

[Anonymous]

I think it sounds like you're conflating things.

Your mom sounds like you don't have the best relationship and that she is unkind and did not raise you in a loving and supportive household. And you sound like you clearly have a lot of resentment towards her.

You happen to have also had this poop issue as a child. The treatment for which was very invasive and required you to be treated by someone who you didn't trust very much (your mom).

As an adult you're working through this for some reason (did you just have children of your own? I had to do a lot of therapy to unpack trauma I thought I had long dealt with after I had kids, having your own really brings all this to the surface). So you likely see a lot of vague reasons for this relationship feeling unsafe, like your lack of trust, feeling like you were neglected, feeling like you were unsupported etc. And when you wonder why you feel this way you are examining events in your childhood. One large traumatic memory is this poop issue. And it is one that seems really clear cut and puts what could potentially be a really clear cut label of 'abuse' on your mother's behavior so you're latching onto it.

Like other PPs I don't think this was abuse. This was a mother dealing with a medical issue with her kid that can be life threatening in the way the child's doctors instructed and was commonplace at the time. I believe the whole situation was traumatic for sure but I don't think this was abuse.

But just because this was not abuse does not mean that you didn't suffer emotional abuse as a child. And just because you don't have some big event that you can easily point to and feel comfortable calling abuse doesn't mean you have to excuse your mother's behavior.

Therapy really helped me sort through my childhood, which sounds in some ways not dissimilar to your relationship with your mom.

[Anonymous]

Back in the 90s, you just listened to what your doctor told you. There was no Internet, no texting friends for advice, no WebMD, etc. What do you expect that your mother could have done differently?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think many things here can be true.

Your feelings of being violated are your feelings. That said, feelings are not always facts.

Medical care has changed so much in 25 years, including treatment and understanding of things like encorpresis and withholding. Also, at the time, people were much less likely to question a doctor’s instructions or diagnosis. It would especially not have expected a single mother with a child who had already used other means to help to question what she had to do. She honestly did what she had to do in what could have been a life altering condition.

Now, are you in therapy now? I get the feeling there is much more to your feelings of being violated, especially considering your original issue was one of controlling your pelvis and anus, and this sounds like this area continues to be of grave concern for your mental health and control. I I don’t want to put ideas where they have no place, but is it possible you suffered earlier traumas in that area that caused the withholding and then refusal of treatments?

Please seek some professional assistance to help you resolve this anger and feeling of violation as I trust it affects other areas in your life.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you need to understand your mom was doing what she had to do to help you.

My kid was severely constipated after we returned from an international trip. I took her to the ER because she was too uncomfortable to sleep. If I remember correctly, they administered an enema. Frankly, I thought nothing of it at the time and so far as I know she didn't either. I'll have to ask her the next time she visits. She pooped a lot afterwards.

If I remember correctly, when you're so constipated you need medical attention, you can develop serious complications. Please don't hold this against your mother. She was doing what she needed to do to get you better. You probably need to address your resentment with the help of a *competent* therapist.

[Anonymous]

It’s not wrong that you feel violated, but it’s not sexual and it’s not abuse. I have to hold my kids in a bear hug to get vaccines - but that’s not abuse it’s for their own safety.

I am sure it was scary and uncomfortable. I got UTIs a lot as a kid and I remember crying and hyperventilating on the toilet because I was afraid to pee - and then having urinary accidents well into late elementary years until I got PT because my bladder and pelvic floor were wrecked from all time spent holding urine. Yes it sucks to have adults always looking at and talking to you about your genitals and bathroom functions. We also know more about how to treat these issues now than in the 80s and 90s.

[Anonymous]

A kid can be really constipated without having a trauma. Sometimes the poo is the trauma, because is is self cyclical- it hurts. No, your Mom wasn't abusing you. That pretty much is what needed to be done then, there's better things now.

Sorry you had a rough time with constipation, but don't turn it all into abuse. It isn't abuse.

[Anonymous]

We were enrolled in a medical trial for a vaccine and had to give blood every 4 to 6 months for 2 years. We were young elementary school aged and younger. To get the blood from the arm, we were strapped down because we weren't cooperative and that was scary, the blood draw was scary, and we had to watch our siblings get strapped and the same, watching the fear. My parents were in medicine which is why we were in the trial.
They didn't think it was abuse, just duty. That was the times. It wasn't really ethical and I can still feel sick thinking about it.

It was traumatizing, I was only little, but this vaccine was for measles, and I was in the control trial. It did pave the way for what basically eradicated measles, until people stopped getting vaccines and it returned.

[Anonymous]

OMG, no. You were not sexually abused. This whole nMom thing is starting to sound like Satanic Panic.

You had a dangerous medical condition and your mother followed the doctor’s orders. I’m sure it was alarming for her too. Maybe she wasn’t the best mom (sounds like she didn’t have the best circumstances), but she sought care for you and you might have died if she didn’t.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you went through that. It sounds like such an intense trauma and I can see why so many awful thoughts and accusations have been ruminating. It's ok and a normal reaction to feel violated for being pinned down, that would apply to anything. I don't think your mom had the parenting know how to make this happen an easier way. If being overwhelmed, stressed or anxious has ever made you be a bit more rushed, irrational and mistake prone in your actions, I hope you give others some grace to make mistakes too. I'm sure it was a terribly ugly feeling to go through that and I don't know how to get over something like that with a mom who cannot consider your feelings or show remorse but when people are traumatized, they are left holding the pain and it's not fair.

[Anonymous]

Read the first few posts. Do I understand this correctly? OP had a severe health issue that could have caused her to die. And the solution was what her mom did and what she was told to do to save her child's life? Can we assume that OP kicked and screamed to avoid this? I mean most kids would, right?
And now this is sexual abuse? Would op had to have lived in a hospital with a hose up her something otherwise?