Told my DH to lose weight, it’s affecting everything

[Anonymous]

I often commented to my husband that I felt he should lose weight and he agreed but he never made much of an effort. It was our adult children, one a doctor, who really got on him. When he said Wegovy is too expensive my daughter said it’s less expensive than a heart attack. So, he made need encouragement from someone other than you. FWIW, my husband has lost over 15 pounds in about 12 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married 20 years. DH has always struggled with weight due to short stature and genetics. He works out daily, but doesn’t eat great. He’s solid muscle except for a big belly and weight on his face. He’s a physician and works long hours.
I’ve encouraged him to talk to his doctor and get his T checked, which came back fine. I’ve hinted he might want to get on wegovy. He is furious with me and also really hurt. His self esteem is low and he says I’m embarrassed by him.
I know I should be a good person and let it go but I am frustrated by this. First, he has a huge stomach and that’s a big red flag for heart attacks. I worry. Family history of stroke too. Second, it does impact him at both work and socially. He gets discounted or overlooked or dismissed. It’s so sad, but I do think people respect you more if you’re thin. Lastly; it is affecting our sex life. I know I need to adjust how I think, but I’m turned off by the big belly. When he eats food falls on it and sits there. When he’s hugging me his stomach is in the way.
Such petty things for me to worry about. But I mentioned some of this (the health and social impact) and he was FURIOUS with me. Now he’s pulled away emotionally and is saying I’m embarrassed by him. To the point that when we’re at social events he hangs back behind me with a hound dog look and doesn’t engage with people he used to talk to. Which makes me sad but also angry. So I’ve hurt him and been selfish and I guess I should have just kept quiet. How do I fix this??

I’m intrigued by this sentence. Does it just stay there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She’ll walk off with half their assets and find a hotter guy.

Exactly. Win for her. No one would tell a man he just needs to suck it up and have sex with a super fat woman he's not attracted to... why are women any different? Especially because weight gain on a man doesn't do ANYTHING positive, unlike with women- there are no bigger boobs, hips, butt to distract yourself with. Just a lose lose all around.

In the context of a marriage or committed relationship where you supposedly love the whole person, not just the desirable sex parther in the body you prefer, changes to your spouse's or partner's body are not supposed to send you running to dump or cheat on your spouse. They're either normal aging (and good luck avoiding that changing your own body) or they're possibly signs that your partner may need help with health issues. And you deal with both those things as a team. That is, IF you believe commitment goes beyond "I'll stick with you as long as you're within this designated range of weight...wrinkle coverage...gray in the hair..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She probably won't care. So win/win.

She’s gonna care when she realizes how alimony law has evolved over the past couple decades. (Hint: DW will need to go back to work herself after a period of retraining / transition).

Not if they have been married 20 years (can be lifetime in VA)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married 20 years. DH has always struggled with weight due to short stature and genetics. He works out daily, but doesn’t eat great. He’s solid muscle except for a big belly and weight on his face. He’s a physician and works long hours.
I’ve encouraged him to talk to his doctor and get his T checked, which came back fine. I’ve hinted he might want to get on wegovy. He is furious with me and also really hurt. His self esteem is low and he says I’m embarrassed by him.
I know I should be a good person and let it go but I am frustrated by this. First, he has a huge stomach and that’s a big red flag for heart attacks. I worry. Family history of stroke too. Second, it does impact him at both work and socially. He gets discounted or overlooked or dismissed. It’s so sad, but I do think people respect you more if you’re thin. Lastly; it is affecting our sex life. I know I need to adjust how I think, but I’m turned off by the big belly. When he eats food falls on it and sits there. When he’s hugging me his stomach is in the way.
Such petty things for me to worry about. But I mentioned some of this (the health and social impact) and he was FURIOUS with me. Now he’s pulled away emotionally and is saying I’m embarrassed by him. To the point that when we’re at social events he hangs back behind me with a hound dog look and doesn’t engage with people he used to talk to. Which makes me sad but also angry. So I’ve hurt him and been selfish and I guess I should have just kept quiet. How do I fix this??

I feel sorry for your husband, he made a BIG mistake when he chose you. This is all about you and appearances. Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She probably won't care. So win/win.

She’s gonna care when she realizes how alimony law has evolved over the past couple decades. (Hint: DW will need to go back to work herself after a period of retraining / transition).

Not if they have been married 20 years (can be lifetime in VA)

Nope, she should and will go back to work, that is if she is thin enough to be accepted at any work environment.

[Anonymous]

DH has a belly and it’s not sexy to me and I talk to him about his weight and general health.

But I still have sex with him. A lot. So he’s happy. If my partner seemed unhappy I would be more concerned with the source of his unhappiness than my own discomfort about his looks.

[Anonymous]

DH and I have the same doctor and we both felt that DH should lose weight so we “conspired” to get our messaging to be effective and not rejected. It’s really worked and he’s lost about 25 pounds. He doesn’t yet have six pack abs but his body is definitely sexier and I let him know it. In response I’ve lost some weight too.

[Anonymous]

My extremely overweight husband with similar family history did have a very serious stroke, and on top of his paralysis and brain damage, it’s just generally absolutely ruined our lives. Your husband is like mine and thinks it won’t happen to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married 20 years. DH has always struggled with weight due to short stature and genetics. He works out daily, but doesn’t eat great. He’s solid muscle except for a big belly and weight on his face. He’s a physician and works long hours.
I’ve encouraged him to talk to his doctor and get his T checked, which came back fine. I’ve hinted he might want to get on wegovy. He is furious with me and also really hurt. His self esteem is low and he says I’m embarrassed by him.
I know I should be a good person and let it go but I am frustrated by this. First, he has a huge stomach and that’s a big red flag for heart attacks. I worry. Family history of stroke too. Second, it does impact him at both work and socially. He gets discounted or overlooked or dismissed. It’s so sad, but I do think people respect you more if you’re thin. Lastly; it is affecting our sex life. I know I need to adjust how I think, but I’m turned off by the big belly. When he eats food falls on it and sits there. When he’s hugging me his stomach is in the way.
Such petty things for me to worry about. But I mentioned some of this (the health and social impact) and he was FURIOUS with me. Now he’s pulled away emotionally and is saying I’m embarrassed by him. To the point that when we’re at social events he hangs back behind me with a hound dog look and doesn’t engage with people he used to talk to. Which makes me sad but also angry. So I’ve hurt him and been selfish and I guess I should have just kept quiet. How do I fix this??

I feel sorry for your husband, he made a BIG mistake when he chose you. This is all about you and appearances. Shame on you.

She thought to herself “uh oh he’s short, but he’s a doctor, so he still makes me look good.”

Not good enough for her, I guess. 😂🤣😂

[Anonymous]

What about women with belly fat? Are they healthy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She’ll walk off with half their assets and find a hotter guy.

Exactly. Win for her. No one would tell a man he just needs to suck it up and have sex with a super fat woman he's not attracted to... why are women any different? Especially because weight gain on a man doesn't do ANYTHING positive, unlike with women- there are no bigger boobs, hips, butt to distract yourself with. Just a lose lose all around.

In the context of a marriage or committed relationship where you supposedly love the whole person, not just the desirable sex parther in the body you prefer, changes to your spouse's or partner's body are not supposed to send you running to dump or cheat on your spouse. They're either normal aging (and good luck avoiding that changing your own body) or they're possibly signs that your partner may need help with health issues. And you deal with both those things as a team. That is, IF you believe commitment goes beyond "I'll stick with you as long as you're within this designated range of weight...wrinkle coverage...gray in the hair..."

A massive potbelly where you cant even get your arms around the man in question is NOT normal aging. Deal with your obesity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about women with belly fat? Are they healthy?

Is that what this thread is about? Or are you trying to set up a nice strawman?

Have you had the fat checked in your head?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me.

Bc he can’t get it up? He needs to see a doctor. That a major sign of heart disease.

[Anonymous]

Oh man you really did a number on his self-esteem. You're married to a doctor who helps people all day he knows the risks of not eating well as you said hes busy a lot and still makes time to work out daily. You messed this up. This is a you problem you sound vain.