Told my DH to lose weight, it’s affecting everything
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Anonymous
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I’ve been married 20 years. DH has always struggled with weight due to short stature and genetics. He works out daily, but doesn’t eat great. He’s solid muscle except for a big belly and weight on his face. He’s a physician and works long hours.
I’ve encouraged him to talk to his doctor and get his T checked, which came back fine. I’ve hinted he might want to get on wegovy. He is furious with me and also really hurt. His self esteem is low and he says I’m embarrassed by him. I know I should be a good person and let it go but I am frustrated by this. First, he has a huge stomach and that’s a big red flag for heart attacks. I worry. Family history of stroke too. Second, it does impact him at both work and socially. He gets discounted or overlooked or dismissed. It’s so sad, but I do think people respect you more if you’re thin. Lastly; it is affecting our sex life. I know I need to adjust how I think, but I’m turned off by the big belly. When he eats food falls on it and sits there. When he’s hugging me his stomach is in the way. Such petty things for me to worry about. But I mentioned some of this (the health and social impact) and he was FURIOUS with me. Now he’s pulled away emotionally and is saying I’m embarrassed by him. To the point that when we’re at social events he hangs back behind me with a hound dog look and doesn’t engage with people he used to talk to. Which makes me sad but also angry. So I’ve hurt him and been selfish and I guess I should have just kept quiet. How do I fix this?? |
Anonymous
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Accept him and where he is in his life and career.
Stop looking to “be best” and relax |
Anonymous
| Aww it’s literally keeping you up at night. I hope it gets better. |
Anonymous
| Melania, we keep telling you. Just go. Don't look back. |
Anonymous
| OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me. |
Anonymous
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Most women would feel the same way he does if their husbands made the same comments you did. You knew he was insecure about it and you twisted the knife. Wanting a spouse to get healthier is different from you disgust me.
Sounds like he has always struggled with his weight so you knew he would struggle when you married him. No one is motivated in a healthy direction by body shaming. I am not sure what you want now. If he disgusts you so much, divorce him. You can probably get a lot of cash out of the divorce if he is a doctor and then you can find yourself some fit guy who meets your expectations for a partner. |
Anonymous
| You suck. He can do better |
Anonymous
Go to therapy and do the work. Stop starving yourself and complaining that you are hungry. I hope he's getting all the action he can handle from the nurses. |
Anonymous
This is more Loomer territory. |
Anonymous
I wouldn’t want to eff you either if you talked to me the way you’re talking to him. |
Anonymous
He sounds depressed, honestly. |
Anonymous
Yep, you care more about yourself and whether your needs are met than about him. He doesn't buy the thin excuse that you are concerned for his health. |
Anonymous
| My advice to him would be to quit his job and move to Florida. Lots of thin people there. |
Anonymous
| You told him he’s not good enough for you. You revealed your love to be conditional. Of course that would effect everything. |
Anonymous
| What do you do for a living? Maybe if you made more money, he could work less and dedicate time to his health. |