Told my DH to lose weight, it’s affecting everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you think that was going to land when you brought it up, OP?

If you two get divorced, I will happily marry your physician husband with a pot belly. His weight won’t bother me at all.

Too bad for you- no one wants a beggar anyway...

+1. My average-looking, middle-aged ENT with a pot belly just divorced his critical wife. There are many women interested in him.

This sounds 100% true and absolutely a set of facts everyone would know about their ENT.

This made me laugh 😂

[Anonymous]

ENTs are hot AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most women would feel the same way he does if their husbands made the same comments you did. You knew he was insecure about it and you twisted the knife. Wanting a spouse to get healthier is different from you disgust me.

Sounds like he has always struggled with his weight so you knew he would struggle when you married him.

No one is motivated in a healthy direction by body shaming. I am not sure what you want now. If he disgusts you so much, divorce him. You can probably get a lot of cash out of the divorce if he is a doctor and then you can find yourself some fit guy who meets your expectations for a partner.

This is absolutely correct. I have seen my stepmother body shame my dad for the better part of 20 years. He then gets upset snd reacts by eating and drinking more.

Everyone wants to be loved and accepted. If you focus on positive things, a lot of times you get ancillary improvements. Just focus on something positive- that your husband is smart, a good father, etc. Do not nitpick about the weight. Maybe once be feels less stress he will lose a few pounds. But shaming into skinniness is nor going to work.

Also, what if he tells you to go fly a kite. People can and do get sick of emotional conflict and they will leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who else is kind of hoping the husband goes on ozempic, loses the belly, then loses the wife for a younger, thinner and prettier model?

I think OP should just divorce him and find someone who she is sexually attracted to and she has respect for.

OP probably wouldn’t mind so much. She’ll walk away with half.

She'll be shallow all her life. Maybe she'll find some empathy when she's old and infirm.

It's not shallow to not find your partner as sexually attractive if they get fat. It's just not. It's not a moral failing for your body to not respond to someone else's body that is unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who else is kind of hoping the husband goes on ozempic, loses the belly, then loses the wife for a younger, thinner and prettier model?

I think OP should just divorce him and find someone who she is sexually attracted to and she has respect for.

OP probably wouldn’t mind so much. She’ll walk away with half.

She'll be shallow all her life. Maybe she'll find some empathy when she's old and infirm.

It's not shallow to not find your partner as sexually attractive if they get fat. It's just not. It's not a moral failing for your body to not respond to someone else's body that is unhealthy.

Does this go for anything that’s unhealthy?
Like, what if your partner takes up skiing or motorcycle riding? Is it okay to not have sex with them until they change their habits? Or what if they get cancer or Parkinson’s disease?

What if they don’t want to see a doctor regularly? Or they don’t take their meds every day?

None of these are some kind of physiological reaction to people having unhealthy bodies or making unhealthy decisions.
This is all just withholding sex and affection to manipulate your partner or justify your own actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who else is kind of hoping the husband goes on ozempic, loses the belly, then loses the wife for a younger, thinner and prettier model?

I think OP should just divorce him and find someone who she is sexually attracted to and she has respect for.

OP probably wouldn’t mind so much. She’ll walk away with half.

She'll be shallow all her life. Maybe she'll find some empathy when she's old and infirm.

It's not shallow to not find your partner as sexually attractive if they get fat. It's just not. It's not a moral failing for your body to not respond to someone else's body that is unhealthy.

Does this go for anything that’s unhealthy?
Like, what if your partner takes up skiing or motorcycle riding? Is it okay to not have sex with them until they change their habits? Or what if they get cancer or Parkinson’s disease?

What if they don’t want to see a doctor regularly? Or they don’t take their meds every day?

None of these are some kind of physiological reaction to people having unhealthy bodies or making unhealthy decisions.
This is all just withholding sex and affection to manipulate your partner or justify your own actions.

It's okay to not have sex with someone you don't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who else is kind of hoping the husband goes on ozempic, loses the belly, then loses the wife for a younger, thinner and prettier model?

I think OP should just divorce him and find someone who she is sexually attracted to and she has respect for.

OP probably wouldn’t mind so much. She’ll walk away with half.

She'll be shallow all her life. Maybe she'll find some empathy when she's old and infirm.

It's not shallow to not find your partner as sexually attractive if they get fat. It's just not. It's not a moral failing for your body to not respond to someone else's body that is unhealthy.

Does this go for anything that’s unhealthy?
Like, what if your partner takes up skiing or motorcycle riding? Is it okay to not have sex with them until they change their habits? Or what if they get cancer or Parkinson’s disease?

What if they don’t want to see a doctor regularly? Or they don’t take their meds every day?

None of these are some kind of physiological reaction to people having unhealthy bodies or making unhealthy decisions.
This is all just withholding sex and affection to manipulate your partner or justify your own actions.

It's okay to not have sex with someone you don't want to.

It’s not okay to refuse to ever have sex with your spouse in order to manipulate or shame them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who else is kind of hoping the husband goes on ozempic, loses the belly, then loses the wife for a younger, thinner and prettier model?

I think OP should just divorce him and find someone who she is sexually attracted to and she has respect for.

OP probably wouldn’t mind so much. She’ll walk away with half.

She'll be shallow all her life. Maybe she'll find some empathy when she's old and infirm.

It's not shallow to not find your partner as sexually attractive if they get fat. It's just not. It's not a moral failing for your body to not respond to someone else's body that is unhealthy.

Does this go for anything that’s unhealthy?
Like, what if your partner takes up skiing or motorcycle riding? Is it okay to not have sex with them until they change their habits? Or what if they get cancer or Parkinson’s disease?

What if they don’t want to see a doctor regularly? Or they don’t take their meds every day?

None of these are some kind of physiological reaction to people having unhealthy bodies or making unhealthy decisions.
This is all just withholding sex and affection to manipulate your partner or justify your own actions.

It's okay to not have sex with someone you don't want to.

It’s not okay to refuse to ever have sex with your spouse in order to manipulate or shame them.

But I feel it's okay to not have sex with them because they gained 50 lbs and you have zero attraction left and when you try to have sex you cry in the dark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Melania, we keep telling you. Just go. Don't look back.

While Donald has a gross body - I do not think he has a side-hustle as a M.D.

[Anonymous]

I think the desire to have a healthier and more physically attractive partner (within reason) is normal. Like I have no issue telling dh to change when he looks like a slob. I would never says anything about the fact that he’s balding because…what can he do. Weight is in between.

I think you handled it incorrectly. He’s clearly extremely sensitive about it (which doesn’t exactly cohere with the claim that he thinks he looks great?). I would have basically only said that I worry about your health because as a man with high waist hip circumference at your age you’re at higher risk for heart attack and I love you and can’t imagine life without you. Would you be willing to maybe explore getting. Healthier together, what does that look like, how can I help? I know you’re in good shape due to working out so maybe it’s genetics but we can do our best with diet and also maybe consider medication, which seems to work for people whose bodies are resistant to weight loss.

Gentle and supportive. That approach may also sting but it’s not telling from you’re embarrassed by him which was humiliating for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me.

You didn't think that commenting on weight wouldn't embarrass him? You didn't think that through, OP. You need to work on reframing the message. Message should be about health not weight.

[Anonymous]

Guy here. He needs to quit being such a baby and lose the weight. If you’re risking health problems and your wife is unattracted to you because you’re fat its time to make some changes.

And I totally sympathize with him - the only thing keeping me off of blood pressure and cholesterol medicine is my bike, the gym, so-so diet and staying lean. My family are like the Skywalkers of of diabetes - the A1C’s are strong with them. There are puts and takes with genetics and you don’t want to be the grandparent sitting in a chair, missing a leg and watching your grandchildren play. You want to be the grandparent playing with them!

Oh, and he needs to f*** his poor wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me.

He sounds depressed, honestly.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who else is kind of hoping the husband goes on ozempic, loses the belly, then loses the wife for a younger, thinner and prettier model?

I think OP should just divorce him and find someone who she is sexually attracted to and she has respect for.

OP probably wouldn’t mind so much. She’ll walk away with half.

She'll be shallow all her life. Maybe she'll find some empathy when she's old and infirm.

It's not shallow to not find your partner as sexually attractive if they get fat. It's just not. It's not a moral failing for your body to not respond to someone else's body that is unhealthy.

Does this go for anything that’s unhealthy?
Like, what if your partner takes up skiing or motorcycle riding? Is it okay to not have sex with them until they change their habits? Or what if they get cancer or Parkinson’s disease?

What if they don’t want to see a doctor regularly? Or they don’t take their meds every day?

None of these are some kind of physiological reaction to people having unhealthy bodies or making unhealthy decisions.
This is all just withholding sex and affection to manipulate your partner or justify your own actions.

It's okay to not have sex with someone you don't want to.

It’s not okay to refuse to ever have sex with your spouse in order to manipulate or shame them.

+1
Using sex as a manipulation tool is abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who else is kind of hoping the husband goes on ozempic, loses the belly, then loses the wife for a younger, thinner and prettier model?

I think OP should just divorce him and find someone who she is sexually attracted to and she has respect for.

OP probably wouldn’t mind so much. She’ll walk away with half.

She'll be shallow all her life. Maybe she'll find some empathy when she's old and infirm.

It's not shallow to not find your partner as sexually attractive if they get fat. It's just not. It's not a moral failing for your body to not respond to someone else's body that is unhealthy.

Does this go for anything that’s unhealthy?
Like, what if your partner takes up skiing or motorcycle riding? Is it okay to not have sex with them until they change their habits? Or what if they get cancer or Parkinson’s disease?

What if they don’t want to see a doctor regularly? Or they don’t take their meds every day?

None of these are some kind of physiological reaction to people having unhealthy bodies or making unhealthy decisions.
This is all just withholding sex and affection to manipulate your partner or justify your own actions.

It's okay to not have sex with someone you don't want to.

It’s not okay to refuse to ever have sex with your spouse in order to manipulate or shame them.

But I feel it's okay to not have sex with them because they gained 50 lbs and you have zero attraction left and when you try to have sex you cry in the dark.

+1