Called Out a Misleading Profile Photo - AITA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You were unnecessarily rude, OP and you hurt this poor woman when she didn't deserve it. There are ways of leaving diplomatically. I promise you, a man excusing himself makes the message that you should post more accurate photos devastatingly clear. No rudeness necessary!

No, not rude but honest. Liars like Ops date should try living honestly and see if their interpersonal interactions improve. But OP doesn’t owe kindness and gratitude to someone who deliberately mislead him. If the date was embarrassed maybe she will update her photos to avoid a repeat situation. Much better for everyone.

The same effect would have been achieved without the blunt words. If you can be effective without being rude, that's always the way to go.

I am certain that all of you defending OP would be incredibly hurt if people called you out on all your little foibles and lies. Don't pretend you never lie or make yourself out to be better than you are.

How could OP have left without saying something about why (unless he lied and just faked an unrelated emergency or something)?

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid this isn't going to work out. Have a nice evening."

This is what polite people say, when they discover their date has significantly misrepresented themselves.

The implication is obvious, *but unsaid*, to allow everyone to save face. The date goes home knowing exactly why it didn't work out, but is able to hold their head up while on the way home. It's called diplomacy, and some brutal posters on here, including the OP, really need to develop some.

Don't kid yourselves that you wouldn't be hurt if someone used blunt and embarrassing words to shame you in public. And don't kid yourselves that you haven't had your share of little lies.

Golden rule, etc...

Liars and tricksters don’t deserve kindness. OP owes that woman no such thing.

By your "logic" nobody should be treated kindly. Everyone has lied, and will. You can put some sort of weight system on that, but the reality is that humans lie. All of us. You've told lies, and so have I.

Treat other liars the way you'd want to be treated by someone who discovered your brand of BS, because what goes around comes around.

Your comment speaks to your character. Yes, agree that what goes around, comes around. I lie very little. And the lies I tell are usually along the lines of “oh yea, your dish tastes great” when it doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Not only are you NTA, but you are providing a public service.

This type of behavior must be stamped out and "politely" going along with it or finding another pretext to end the date isn't going to get it done.

She should feel the shame for lying and will hopefully stop the behavior and stop wasting people's time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a man I will say that women are less likely than men to misrepresent themselves online.

Back to OP. You are a piece of sh**t. You are void of basic human decency. Even if you felt deceived you could have just spent the date with her, enjoy a few laughs and that's it. And second for most of guys dates are cheap. It's easy for us to quickly get ready no need for make up for sexy underwater for eyeliners etc. we just need to wear clothes that are clean and fit well and smell good, brush out teeth and come with a positive attitude.

My friend I am afraid you will be single for a very long time. And you may also have miss an opportunity to smash. Of I forgot she is fat give me a break lol.

Do better next time okay buddy!

Fat girl is all yours! Go for it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You were unnecessarily rude, OP and you hurt this poor woman when she didn't deserve it. There are ways of leaving diplomatically. I promise you, a man excusing himself makes the message that you should post more accurate photos devastatingly clear. No rudeness necessary!

No, not rude but honest. Liars like Ops date should try living honestly and see if their interpersonal interactions improve. But OP doesn’t owe kindness and gratitude to someone who deliberately mislead him. If the date was embarrassed maybe she will update her photos to avoid a repeat situation. Much better for everyone.

I agree, and I am a woman. I post the most recent pics of myself on OLD. No sense in false advertising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had been chatting with a woman online for several days and we agreed to meet for a drink. She had several photos on her profile, two of which were full body length. When I arrived, I almost didn't recognize here because she was about 50 pound heavier than her photos depicted. I'm not sure if they were old or if she manipulated the camera angles, etc, but I told her directly: "You don't look like your photos online and I feel like this is not a good way to start a potential relationship". She then told me that I'm a shallow jerk and that I should get to know her for who she is. I then ended the conversation and left, and blocked her.

I can't help but wonder if I was wrong to call her out, but I felt really deceived, and it wasn't the weight, but the lying and manipulation that bothered me. I know people will say that next time to talk on video chat first before the date and I'll certainly be doing that going forward. Was what I said wrong?

No and good for you!

[Anonymous]

I mean, I think there’s also a middle ground interpretation that’s possible where she posted a very flattering and slightly older photo, maybe when she first started OLD and then gained a some weight and is in denial about it or about how much she’s gained. I have had a few oh sh*t moments where I realize all of a sudden gained weight and need to buckle down. I feel like the assumption that she knows exactly how much heavier she looks and is trying to deceive you is not the most charitable or the only interpretation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I think there’s also a middle ground interpretation that’s possible where she posted a very flattering and slightly older photo, maybe when she first started OLD and then gained a some weight and is in denial about it or about how much she’s gained. I have had a few oh sh*t moments where I realize all of a sudden gained weight and need to buckle down. I feel like the assumption that she knows exactly how much heavier she looks and is trying to deceive you is not the most charitable or the only interpretation.

Really, a 50 pounds difference? I can imagine 10-15 pounds difference but 50 pounds is significant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You were unnecessarily rude, OP and you hurt this poor woman when she didn't deserve it. There are ways of leaving diplomatically. I promise you, a man excusing himself makes the message that you should post more accurate photos devastatingly clear. No rudeness necessary!

No, not rude but honest. Liars like Ops date should try living honestly and see if their interpersonal interactions improve. But OP doesn’t owe kindness and gratitude to someone who deliberately mislead him. If the date was embarrassed maybe she will update her photos to avoid a repeat situation. Much better for everyone.

The same effect would have been achieved without the blunt words. If you can be effective without being rude, that's always the way to go.

I am certain that all of you defending OP would be incredibly hurt if people called you out on all your little foibles and lies. Don't pretend you never lie or make yourself out to be better than you are.

How could OP have left without saying something about why (unless he lied and just faked an unrelated emergency or something)?

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid this isn't going to work out. Have a nice evening."

This is what polite people say, when they discover their date has significantly misrepresented themselves.

The implication is obvious, *but unsaid*, to allow everyone to save face. The date goes home knowing exactly why it didn't work out, but is able to hold their head up while on the way home. It's called diplomacy, and some brutal posters on here, including the OP, really need to develop some.

Don't kid yourselves that you wouldn't be hurt if someone used blunt and embarrassing words to shame you in public. And don't kid yourselves that you haven't had your share of little lies.

Golden rule, etc...

Liars and tricksters don’t deserve kindness. OP owes that woman no such thing.

By your "logic" nobody should be treated kindly. Everyone has lied, and will. You can put some sort of weight system on that, but the reality is that humans lie. All of us. You've told lies, and so have I.

Treat other liars the way you'd want to be treated by someone who discovered your brand of BS, because what goes around comes around.

If you lie you deserve the consequences. I don’t worry about this because i don’t lie. This sounds like your lack of morals and values at play. Your parents must be really proud of how you turned out. Just because you do this often doesn’t mean everyone does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I think there’s also a middle ground interpretation that’s possible where she posted a very flattering and slightly older photo, maybe when she first started OLD and then gained a some weight and is in denial about it or about how much she’s gained. I have had a few oh sh*t moments where I realize all of a sudden gained weight and need to buckle down. I feel like the assumption that she knows exactly how much heavier she looks and is trying to deceive you is not the most charitable or the only interpretation.

She told him he was shallow when shes the one posting pics that look nothing like her. If she wasn’t so shallow she’d use current and accurate ones. Her motive was clear she knew exactly what she was doing.

[Anonymous]

I think it's OK to call it out. By not saying anything, this fool thinks nobody notices. Silence does the misrepresenting person no good because by continuing to act this way, this person is sending serious red flags about their capacity for honesty.
We all know first impressions matter and online dating is not exempt from this basic rule of thumb.
The fact that they were defensive about it does not bode well for any other interactions in the future. What else are they going to lie about?
Just stay away from people like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I think there’s also a middle ground interpretation that’s possible where she posted a very flattering and slightly older photo, maybe when she first started OLD and then gained a some weight and is in denial about it or about how much she’s gained. I have had a few oh sh*t moments where I realize all of a sudden gained weight and need to buckle down. I feel like the assumption that she knows exactly how much heavier she looks and is trying to deceive you is not the most charitable or the only interpretation.

Really, a 50 pounds difference? I can imagine 10-15 pounds difference but 50 pounds is significant.

I’m saying I think there’s a good chance she thinks it’s a lot less of a weight gain than it is. I do WW to maintain my weight and people are always posting about not realizing how heavy they had gotten until they are like 220 lbs or something. If she’s thinking of herself as having gained just a little weight OP probably came across really badly. I can tell he doesn’t really care but I think it’s possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You were unnecessarily rude, OP and you hurt this poor woman when she didn't deserve it. There are ways of leaving diplomatically. I promise you, a man excusing himself makes the message that you should post more accurate photos devastatingly clear. No rudeness necessary!

No, not rude but honest. Liars like Ops date should try living honestly and see if their interpersonal interactions improve. But OP doesn’t owe kindness and gratitude to someone who deliberately mislead him. If the date was embarrassed maybe she will update her photos to avoid a repeat situation. Much better for everyone.

I agree, and I am a woman. I post the most recent pics of myself on OLD. No sense in false advertising.

+1 when I did OLD, I picked flattering but current/representative pix (so like, dressed up for a wedding but not a pic from 5 yrs ago). I would hate for someone's first reaction upon meeting me to be disappointment. I'd rather have fewer dates than deal with a lot of first dates that go nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I think there’s also a middle ground interpretation that’s possible where she posted a very flattering and slightly older photo, maybe when she first started OLD and then gained a some weight and is in denial about it or about how much she’s gained. I have had a few oh sh*t moments where I realize all of a sudden gained weight and need to buckle down. I feel like the assumption that she knows exactly how much heavier she looks and is trying to deceive you is not the most charitable or the only interpretation.

Really, a 50 pounds difference? I can imagine 10-15 pounds difference but 50 pounds is significant.

I’m saying I think there’s a good chance she thinks it’s a lot less of a weight gain than it is. I do WW to maintain my weight and people are always posting about not realizing how heavy they had gotten until they are like 220 lbs or something. If she’s thinking of herself as having gained just a little weight OP probably came across really badly. I can tell he doesn’t really care but I think it’s possible.

She’s delusional then. She knows, she’s embarrassed and doesn’t want to share her current size. OP noticing doesn't make him the bad guy. Be real and you have a better chance of finding the right match. No way her sparkling personality was going to compensate for this complete misrepresentation.

[Anonymous]

OP, when I was younger, I wanted my photos to look legit natural. I was coached to take different photos that were more flattering.

[Anonymous]

That's happened to me more times than I can count. I've never had the balls to say it, I just go through with the date and ghost her after. I'm sure every one of them knew why. Welcome to online dating. It's only getting worse with everyone using filters and deceptive camera angles.