Called Out a Misleading Profile Photo - AITA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:50lbs overweight is a deal breaker for me too. That's either a health or mental wellness issue going on that I want no part. I'm into fitness and health and expect my partner to be into those things as well. We are talking spending 2-3 hours at the gym daily, active lifestyle, growing my own foods, etc.

Agree with an earlier PP, you need to put these exact details in your profile. I'm not kidding. If you value 2-3 hours the gym daily for yourself, you might claim you dont' expect dates to do the same thing, but this information does tell dates a lot about you. Be sure to list that you are only interested in thin people, too. Don't just say "fit" because people can be fit at many different sizes, but you want thin. Say so. Save women the time of going out with you if they're not actually thin. And don't leap back in here to say curvy is fine, because to be blunt, what women think of as normally curvy or busty, most men today will run from as "fat."

I saw a profile of a man who was okay looking and normal by weight. I quickly calculated his BMI at 24.

He said in the profile he only would date women who are “thin” eg 20 and under BMI. Im 20 BMI and my son is a college swimmer with Olympic god body, so I know how 20 BMI and real athletic men look like.

The guy who wanted 20 BMI from women was okay but nowhere near the level of athleticism he claimed to be with 24 normal
BMI.

So I joked and asked him if he would consider dropping some weight for me as I also liked thin men. He never responded.

These are usually people who are full of themselves

[Anonymous]

[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:50lbs overweight is a deal breaker for me too. That's either a health or mental wellness issue going on that I want no part. I'm into fitness and health and expect my partner to be into those things as well. We are talking spending 2-3 hours at the gym daily, active lifestyle, growing my own foods, etc.

Agree with an earlier PP, you need to put these exact details in your profile. I'm not kidding. If you value 2-3 hours the gym daily for yourself, you might claim you dont' expect dates to do the same thing, but this information does tell dates a lot about you. Be sure to list that you are only interested in thin people, too. Don't just say "fit" because people can be fit at many different sizes, but you want thin. Say so. Save women the time of going out with you if they're not actually thin. And don't leap back in here to say curvy is fine, because to be blunt, what women think of as normally curvy or busty, most men today will run from as "fat."

Yea, men think “curvy” on a thin woman is 27 inch waist they can easily warp with two hands. BB boobs and normal size butt would look huge and curvy on such truly thin woman.

In day to day, non-fitness focused life, “curvy” means 175 pounds weight which is not what they are looking for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could have been more diplomatic, OP. I don't think this was a situation where it's OK to hurt someone's feelings. People who deceive in their profiles generally get the message... but there's no need to be so aggressive about it.

+1

I definitely went on a fair number of online dates back in the day and the guy would show up 3 inches shorter than his profile stated or with jacked up teeth (I then realized all photos were closed mouth smiles) or something else that maybe wasn’t clearly identified in their profile.

I would have a drink (happy hour glass of wine or cup of coffee or whatever planned) and then make some excuse to cut things short. If they followed up later I’d say I enjoyed meeting them, but didn’t think a connection was there. What is the point of berating them about their appearance or for spinning their appearance as something else in their profile. At some point they’ll have to figure out that their profile is false advertising and they’re wasting time with people who would not be attracted to them in person.

I am a very non-confrontational person though. Not worth my effort to get into a tiff and blocking anyone.

I agree this is more polite but frankly people spend a lot of time on OLD and go on lots of first dates. If it's clearly a flop at the start, it's too bad there isn't a way to just call it and move along without wasting time and money.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know why people keep going on so many real dates. Most of my dates are video and I rarely want to see the guy again. It’s very easy to figure out if he’s fat or looks much older than the profile

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could have been more diplomatic, OP. I don't think this was a situation where it's OK to hurt someone's feelings. People who deceive in their profiles generally get the message... but there's no need to be so aggressive about it.

+1

I definitely went on a fair number of online dates back in the day and the guy would show up 3 inches shorter than his profile stated or with jacked up teeth (I then realized all photos were closed mouth smiles) or something else that maybe wasn’t clearly identified in their profile.

I would have a drink (happy hour glass of wine or cup of coffee or whatever planned) and then make some excuse to cut things short. If they followed up later I’d say I enjoyed meeting them, but didn’t think a connection was there. What is the point of berating them about their appearance or for spinning their appearance as something else in their profile. At some point they’ll have to figure out that their profile is false advertising and they’re wasting time with people who would not be attracted to them in person.

I am a very non-confrontational person though. Not worth my effort to get into a tiff and blocking anyone.

I'm the same as you. Lots of guys lied about their height but that didn't particularly bother me since I'm very short. But the teeth thing happened more than once! Also had a guy whose photos were all clean-cut in business clothes, and he showed up looking like Jerry Garcia in a silkscreen Dragon Ball shirt. OMG!
I was too non-confrontational to say anything so I just got through the date and made an excuse to leave after an hour or so. I would try to pay as well. But there was no way I was going to develop an attraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had been chatting with a woman online for several days and we agreed to meet for a drink. She had several photos on her profile, two of which were full body length. When I arrived, I almost didn't recognize here because she was about 50 pound heavier than her photos depicted. I'm not sure if they were old or if she manipulated the camera angles, etc, but I told her directly: "You don't look like your photos online and I feel like this is not a good way to start a potential relationship". She then told me that I'm a shallow jerk and that I should get to know her for who she is. I then ended the conversation and left, and blocked her.

I can't help but wonder if I was wrong to call her out, but I felt really deceived, and it wasn't the weight, but the lying and manipulation that bothered me. I know people will say that next time to talk on video chat first before the date and I'll certainly be doing that going forward. Was what I said wrong?

I do think your comment was a jerk comment. She did not “manipulate” you, she posted flattering photos. I think you really jumped to conclusions about her intent.

<the date has entered the chat>

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had been chatting with a woman online for several days and we agreed to meet for a drink. She had several photos on her profile, two of which were full body length. When I arrived, I almost didn't recognize here because she was about 50 pound heavier than her photos depicted. I'm not sure if they were old or if she manipulated the camera angles, etc, but I told her directly: "You don't look like your photos online and I feel like this is not a good way to start a potential relationship". She then told me that I'm a shallow jerk and that I should get to know her for who she is. I then ended the conversation and left, and blocked her.

I can't help but wonder if I was wrong to call her out, but I felt really deceived, and it wasn't the weight, but the lying and manipulation that bothered me. I know people will say that next time to talk on video chat first before the date and I'll certainly be doing that going forward. Was what I said wrong?

Was it "wrong"? Technically, no. Was it kind, helpful, necessary, respectful or decent of you? Also no.

Be sure you have "no fats" in your profile in the future. Because, yes- women will use whatever angle is most flattering, and post their most attractive pic. It's stupid; we should all post pics of our double-chins and belly rolls, unshaven legs and first-thing-in-the-morning faces to see which men are looking for actual women and know what those actually look like. But we don't. We try to be attractive to men who want attractive women (only, in your case. Again: post the disclaimer).

If your profile didn't specifically say "I will leave if you're overweight" you're complicit. Fix that for yourself, especially since you seem so invested in the idea of honestly in OLD profiles. Tell the truth about yourself to your potential future matches and you'll avoid this scenario in the future (and they'll avoid you).

Love this answer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had been chatting with a woman online for several days and we agreed to meet for a drink. She had several photos on her profile, two of which were full body length. When I arrived, I almost didn't recognize here because she was about 50 pound heavier than her photos depicted. I'm not sure if they were old or if she manipulated the camera angles, etc, but I told her directly: "You don't look like your photos online and I feel like this is not a good way to start a potential relationship". She then told me that I'm a shallow jerk and that I should get to know her for who she is. I then ended the conversation and left, and blocked her.

I can't help but wonder if I was wrong to call her out, but I felt really deceived, and it wasn't the weight, but the lying and manipulation that bothered me. I know people will say that next time to talk on video chat first before the date and I'll certainly be doing that going forward. Was what I said wrong?

You dodged a bullet. Well done.

[Anonymous]

It was fine to leave if you’re not attracted, and obviously you need to give a reason, so I think what you said was fair.

However, you shouldn’t attempt to screen dates with video calls. I’m not doing my hair and make up for a FaceTime call, which I dislike even for family and friends. And it won’t give you a full length view anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You constantly post. There is a reason you are single.

You constantly eat. There is a reason you are fat.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have even approached her. I'd have just left withput identifying myslelf. That's some BS right there.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're a dick.
Didn't your parents ever teach you manners?

[Anonymous]

first dates should be low key .. drinks or coffee

if the chemistry is not there, no need to spend more than 30min $20 on a first date.

i'm a guy .. and last week met a lady who i'd been chatting to via text for a while. she shows up while im in line waiting for my coffee .. and she is already looking flustered. i ask if everything is ok. she says i smell bad. i say, ok thanks for the feedback, i will not be offended if you want to leave (and i'm thinking to myself she was flustered when she walked in and blurted that out in a minute and not having been particularly close to me to really smell me .. )

but she decides to stay a while and sit ..i offer to buy her coffee .. try to make small talk but she seems a million miles away talking to herself under hear breath .. bit weird .. and after about 10min of the most awkward date gets up and leaves

i could not stop laughing. at the situation. a couple days later i'm with my favorite fwb sharing our dating stories of the past couple weeks with her and she promises me i've never ever smelled bad .. and she knows my dating profile (helps me take pics and tweak it) and always tells me i look much better in person than my pics since I'm not particularly photogenic

I don't take that as a hit to my self esteem if anything i take it as wow, how bad a day that girl must have had

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could have been more diplomatic, OP. I don't think this was a situation where it's OK to hurt someone's feelings. People who deceive in their profiles generally get the message... but there's no need to be so aggressive about it.

+1

I definitely went on a fair number of online dates back in the day and the guy would show up 3 inches shorter than his profile stated or with jacked up teeth (I then realized all photos were closed mouth smiles) or something else that maybe wasn’t clearly identified in their profile.

I would have a drink (happy hour glass of wine or cup of coffee or whatever planned) and then make some excuse to cut things short. If they followed up later I’d say I enjoyed meeting them, but didn’t think a connection was there. What is the point of berating them about their appearance or for spinning their appearance as something else in their profile. At some point they’ll have to figure out that their profile is false advertising and they’re wasting time with people who would not be attracted to them in person.

I am a very non-confrontational person though. Not worth my effort to get into a tiff and blocking anyone.

I’m married and never did OLD. I have heard that initial meeting is best to be short (coffee or drink) to see if you actually are what you say and see if you want an actual real date.

[Anonymous]

As a man I will say that women are less likely than men to misrepresent themselves online.

Back to OP. You are a piece of sh**t. You are void of basic human decency. Even if you felt deceived you could have just spent the date with her, enjoy a few laughs and that's it. And second for most of guys dates are cheap. It's easy for us to quickly get ready no need for make up for sexy underwater for eyeliners etc. we just need to wear clothes that are clean and fit well and smell good, brush out teeth and come with a positive attitude.

My friend I am afraid you will be single for a very long time. And you may also have miss an opportunity to smash. Of I forgot she is fat give me a break lol.

Do better next time okay buddy!