Called Out a Misleading Profile Photo - AITA?

[Anonymous]

In a perfect world Op, you would have said and thought the deception was the problem, not the weight. Maybe stated it better, "it's not the weight, it's you going to such great lengths to deceive. That's the problem."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re not the a-hole. She knew exactly what she was doing, posting the misleading photos. I once showed up to a date with a guy who had clearly posted photos from 8+ years prior - he looked MUCH older in person and was balding. I didn’t call him out, but that was a one and done because I resented the deception (and it was an ice cream date so it wasn’t that long and I like ice cream…). I don’t blame you for not wanting to waste your time.

Did you read his follow-up? He's very much the a-hole, a grinning-from-ear-to-ear and oh-so-pleased-with-himself a-hole.

[Anonymous]

I had a guy let out a huge “phew!” when we met up. Said I looked just like my photos. So did he. No connection though.

[Anonymous]

I haven't dated in a while, but back in the day calling your date fat was considered pretty rude, yeah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You posted the same thing two weeks ago.

Nope that was me. I was decent enough to stay and even pay for the brunch.

This guy is not me. In hindsight I should have called out my fatty fatfish date and walked out / saved $100 on a go-nowhere brunch date.

But the fatty moms of dcum as expected support the fatfish lying and deceptive OLD girl geez

Men see dates as paying into a sex fund. If she doesn't put out, or if you're not interested, you see it as a waste.

It's not. It's an opportunity to work on your own dating form, because y'all think you bring a lot to the table and most of you really don't. A date that doesn't "go anywhere" isn't a waste, it's an experience. It helps you refine your own lens, or reflect on what your lens is actually like.

For example, the pp is the sort of "man" who'd use "fatty fatfish" to describe a woman. That's a character defect: fatphobia. If he were smart, he'd get more than $100 worth out of some self-evaluation and empathy training which would make him more attractive to a future date.

Instead, he'll stew about how bitter he is that his $100 "investment" didn't pay out in a stranger's bedroom.

When we say "men are trash" this is the trashy behavior/mentality we're talking about, "gentlemen".

+1 That guy's post unveils him for his true self, yet he still believes he was doing some noble thing by staying and paying for a meal.

His date dodged a bullet. I pity any woman he finds sufficiently good-looking to want to date; she'll just be wasting her time. The instant he sees her without makeup, or she undresses and her breasts are as perfectly perky as he wants, he'll be out of there, and talking to his bro friends about how unattractive she was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not wrong

she posted misleading photos that do not represent her as she currently is

This. She just hopes that one guy won’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:50lbs overweight is a deal breaker for me too. That's either a health or mental wellness issue going on that I want no part. I'm into fitness and health and expect my partner to be into those things as well. We are talking spending 2-3 hours at the gym daily, active lifestyle, growing my own foods, etc.

Agree with an earlier PP, you need to put these exact details in your profile. I'm not kidding. If you value 2-3 hours the gym daily for yourself, you might claim you dont' expect dates to do the same thing, but this information does tell dates a lot about you. Be sure to list that you are only interested in thin people, too. Don't just say "fit" because people can be fit at many different sizes, but you want thin. Say so. Save women the time of going out with you if they're not actually thin. And don't leap back in here to say curvy is fine, because to be blunt, what women think of as normally curvy or busty, most men today will run from as "fat."

[Anonymous]

You're not wrong. She in essence lied. I would not pursue anything with someone who is deceptive. I've been tricked by fake pics and its an automatic and instant No Thanks and Goodbye.

This has nothing to do with being superficial for me or OP. I will certainly date someone who is not perfect looking. It's about dishonesty and lack of integrity.

[Anonymous]

I think that was deceptive of her. I’m sure she looked nice in that picture, but she could also post a current picture. I think for the purposes of dating people need to be accurate. It’s not just a random Facebook post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had been chatting with a woman online for several days and we agreed to meet for a drink. She had several photos on her profile, two of which were full body length. When I arrived, I almost didn't recognize here because she was about 50 pound heavier than her photos depicted. I'm not sure if they were old or if she manipulated the camera angles, etc, but I told her directly: "You don't look like your photos online and I feel like this is not a good way to start a potential relationship". She then told me that I'm a shallow jerk and that I should get to know her for who she is. I then ended the conversation and left, and blocked her.

I can't help but wonder if I was wrong to call her out, but I felt really deceived, and it wasn't the weight, but the lying and manipulation that bothered me. I know people will say that next time to talk on video chat first before the date and I'll certainly be doing that going forward. Was what I said wrong?

I once met a guy for a date who said in his profile he was 6'4" and I couldn't find him at the bar because there was no one noticeably tall there. He finally came and tapped me on the shoulder and he was maybe 5'8"? It was really strange because why lie so badly about something so provable? I didn't call him out and leave/block him, but I definitely stopped thinking about him as a serious option because it's just such a weird lie, and a weird position to be in for your first in-person impression of someone to be "oh, you're a liar".

Before anyone says men *have to* lie or they're screened out, I never had any height restrictions on my filters, even though I'm tall myself. I dated guys shorter than him, I just didn't date liars.

[Anonymous]

You can be correct and the a&$hole at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could have been more diplomatic, OP. I don't think this was a situation where it's OK to hurt someone's feelings. People who deceive in their profiles generally get the message... but there's no need to be so aggressive about it.

+1

I definitely went on a fair number of online dates back in the day and the guy would show up 3 inches shorter than his profile stated or with jacked up teeth (I then realized all photos were closed mouth smiles) or something else that maybe wasn’t clearly identified in their profile.

I would have a drink (happy hour glass of wine or cup of coffee or whatever planned) and then make some excuse to cut things short. If they followed up later I’d say I enjoyed meeting them, but didn’t think a connection was there. What is the point of berating them about their appearance or for spinning their appearance as something else in their profile. At some point they’ll have to figure out that their profile is false advertising and they’re wasting time with people who would not be attracted to them in person.

I am a very non-confrontational person though. Not worth my effort to get into a tiff and blocking anyone.

[Anonymous]

Chubby woman here. When I was on OLD I made a v concerted effort to include full body photos from multiple angles just to be sure men knew 100% what they were getting into. A few times I got “you look better than your pictures” upon first meeting.

So Im in the camp that I think that she was purposely trying to mislead, hoping that you would be so into her by the time you met in person that a few extra lbs wouldn't matter. Which imho means that she hasn’t accepted herself for who she is and doesnt expect men to love her for who she is, which is sad.

[Anonymous]

The problem imo is that you see yourself as some sort of referee or policeman of other people.

This is a person you don’t know and don’t want to see again. Just have a coffee and go home. Or, if you are offended and want to go home, make an excuse and leave. “I don’t think this is going to turn into a relationship and I don’t want to waste your time tonight. Good luck with your search.” And then leave.

The fact that you feel it’s appropriate to call out someone you don’t know, for what? That’s probably a big part of why you’re single. If I were the girl of your dreams on the next barstool and I watched that interaction, I would never go out with you, because I would think you were unkind and just unnecessary/not strategic. But if you turned around and asked me to have a drink, I wouldn’t say that. I would just say “thank you I’m flattered but otherwise engaged” or something. Because it’s not my job to call you out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be in the minority here (🤭), but I think you had every right to call your date out.

From what you posted, it sounds like she purposely mislead you in the hopes that you wouldn’t notice or that you would like her personality so much that you would overlook her weight.

Since your initial meeting was based on deception - I can see how you would have been upset at her lack of integrity here.

She has no one but herself to blame for what you told her.

And yeesss…….
Videochat any prospective dates prior to meeting up in person!

Well sure, OP has “the right” to be rude, but it’s not necessary and it looks terrible.