Called Out a Misleading Profile Photo - AITA?

[Anonymous]

I had been chatting with a woman online for several days and we agreed to meet for a drink. She had several photos on her profile, two of which were full body length. When I arrived, I almost didn't recognize here because she was about 50 pound heavier than her photos depicted. I'm not sure if they were old or if she manipulated the camera angles, etc, but I told her directly: "You don't look like your photos online and I feel like this is not a good way to start a potential relationship". She then told me that I'm a shallow jerk and that I should get to know her for who she is. I then ended the conversation and left, and blocked her.

I can't help but wonder if I was wrong to call her out, but I felt really deceived, and it wasn't the weight, but the lying and manipulation that bothered me. I know people will say that next time to talk on video chat first before the date and I'll certainly be doing that going forward. Was what I said wrong?

[Anonymous]

No it wasn't wrong. Old is tough to be 100 percent real on. If you're looking for real look for love in real life. I hate video calls BTW. I'm 115 and feel they make me look 150.

[Anonymous]

You constantly post. There is a reason you are single.

[Anonymous]

Were they current photos? I don't think it is deception for her to look heavier in person. Although most people look heavier on camera, so did she apply filters or edit the photos?

[Anonymous]

Eh. A lot of men are deceptive about their income. I see a lot of “I’m an entrepreneur!” And when you meet up you find out they drive DoorDash and DJ once a month.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you did anything wrong. But I think it’s more “normal” for people to not be honest about what they look like—height, weight, age.

I think you should have told her you know that she lies and is deceptive so you have gotten to know her and you’re not interested.

Can you tell Im tired of this game with OLD?

—female

[Anonymous]

not wrong

she posted misleading photos that do not represent her as she currently is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had been chatting with a woman online for several days and we agreed to meet for a drink. She had several photos on her profile, two of which were full body length. When I arrived, I almost didn't recognize here because she was about 50 pound heavier than her photos depicted. I'm not sure if they were old or if she manipulated the camera angles, etc, but I told her directly: "You don't look like your photos online and I feel like this is not a good way to start a potential relationship". She then told me that I'm a shallow jerk and that I should get to know her for who she is. I then ended the conversation and left, and blocked her.

I can't help but wonder if I was wrong to call her out, but I felt really deceived, and it wasn't the weight, but the lying and manipulation that bothered me. I know people will say that next time to talk on video chat first before the date and I'll certainly be doing that going forward. Was what I said wrong?

I wouldn't say it was wrong, but her reaction was to be expected.

[Anonymous]

It's fine. Better than wasting everyone's time and money on the date if you're not interested.

[Anonymous]

She got what she deserved. I accept that people put forward their best photos but some are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

You could have been more diplomatic, OP. I don't think this was a situation where it's OK to hurt someone's feelings. People who deceive in their profiles generally get the message... but there's no need to be so aggressive about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had been chatting with a woman online for several days and we agreed to meet for a drink. She had several photos on her profile, two of which were full body length. When I arrived, I almost didn't recognize here because she was about 50 pound heavier than her photos depicted. I'm not sure if they were old or if she manipulated the camera angles, etc, but I told her directly: "You don't look like your photos online and I feel like this is not a good way to start a potential relationship". She then told me that I'm a shallow jerk and that I should get to know her for who she is. I then ended the conversation and left, and blocked her.

I can't help but wonder if I was wrong to call her out, but I felt really deceived, and it wasn't the weight, but the lying and manipulation that bothered me. I know people will say that next time to talk on video chat first before the date and I'll certainly be doing that going forward. Was what I said wrong?

I do think your comment was a jerk comment. She did not “manipulate” you, she posted flattering photos. I think you really jumped to conclusions about her intent.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, YATA. There are ways of getting out of a date politely. Do you want to be called out rudely for your own misjudgements? I'm sure there are many.

Sounds like you're a misogynist jerk who just reflexively hates fatties.

[Anonymous]

You posted the same thing two weeks ago.

[Anonymous]

How can someone post a picture of themselves that isn’t realistic? You know the date will be disappointed. Personally I’d hate to see that on their face when I walked in.