Called Out a Misleading Profile Photo - AITA?

[Anonymous]

I may be in the minority here (🤭), but I think you had every right to call your date out.

From what you posted, it sounds like she purposely mislead you in the hopes that you wouldn’t notice or that you would like her personality so much that you would overlook her weight.

Since your initial meeting was based on deception - I can see how you would have been upset at her lack of integrity here.

She has no one but herself to blame for what you told her.

And yeesss…….
Videochat any prospective dates prior to meeting up in person!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You posted the same thing two weeks ago.

Nope that was me. I was decent enough to stay and even pay for the brunch.

This guy is not me. In hindsight I should have called out my fatty fatfish date and walked out / saved $100 on a go-nowhere brunch date.

But the fatty moms of dcum as expected support the fatfish lying and deceptive OLD girl geez

[Anonymous]

One person's flattering photo is someone else's lying photo.

Given there are different interpretations of that, and given many people, especially women, are pressured to look as good as possible online...

... I think you were a jerk for pointing it out so harshly.

You don't have to pay for a meal like PP did. You can pretext something else and leave politely. That way the message is sent loud and clear, but not from your mouth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had been chatting with a woman online for several days and we agreed to meet for a drink. She had several photos on her profile, two of which were full body length. When I arrived, I almost didn't recognize here because she was about 50 pound heavier than her photos depicted. I'm not sure if they were old or if she manipulated the camera angles, etc, but I told her directly: "You don't look like your photos online and I feel like this is not a good way to start a potential relationship". She then told me that I'm a shallow jerk and that I should get to know her for who she is. I then ended the conversation and left, and blocked her.

I can't help but wonder if I was wrong to call her out, but I felt really deceived, and it wasn't the weight, but the lying and manipulation that bothered me. I know people will say that next time to talk on video chat first before the date and I'll certainly be doing that going forward. Was what I said wrong?

I do think your comment was a jerk comment. She did not “manipulate” you, she posted flattering photos. I think you really jumped to conclusions about her intent.

<the date has entered the chat>

[Anonymous]

You’re not the a-hole. She knew exactly what she was doing, posting the misleading photos. I once showed up to a date with a guy who had clearly posted photos from 8+ years prior - he looked MUCH older in person and was balding. I didn’t call him out, but that was a one and done because I resented the deception (and it was an ice cream date so it wasn’t that long and I like ice cream…). I don’t blame you for not wanting to waste your time.

[Anonymous]

I am not confrontational so I would have said I didn’t feel well and might have Covid 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You posted the same thing two weeks ago.

Nope that was me. I was decent enough to stay and even pay for the brunch.

This guy is not me. In hindsight I should have called out my fatty fatfish date and walked out / saved $100 on a go-nowhere brunch date.

But the fatty moms of dcum as expected support the fatfish lying and deceptive OLD girl geez

NP. I don’t think OP was in the wrong and I don’t think you were in the wrong two weeks ago (you are entitled to your physical preferences) but your post here using the word “fatty” with glee is a$$holish; you can be a better human.

[Anonymous]

Well it depends— is every single aspect of your OLD profile completely attuned to avoid being seen in a flattering light? Like does your profile add a centimeter to your height, round your salary up to the nearest $10,000, or not mention debt? If so YTA because you’re a hypocrite and you needed to be polite.

If no one could possibly feel disappointed by you in real life vs on your profile than NTA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You posted the same thing two weeks ago.

Nope that was me. I was decent enough to stay and even pay for the brunch.

This guy is not me. In hindsight I should have called out my fatty fatfish date and walked out / saved $100 on a go-nowhere brunch date.

But the fatty moms of dcum as expected support the fatfish lying and deceptive OLD girl geez

Men see dates as paying into a sex fund. If she doesn't put out, or if you're not interested, you see it as a waste.

It's not. It's an opportunity to work on your own dating form, because y'all think you bring a lot to the table and most of you really don't. A date that doesn't "go anywhere" isn't a waste, it's an experience. It helps you refine your own lens, or reflect on what your lens is actually like.

For example, the pp is the sort of "man" who'd use "fatty fatfish" to describe a woman. That's a character defect: fatphobia. If he were smart, he'd get more than $100 worth out of some self-evaluation and empathy training which would make him more attractive to a future date.

Instead, he'll stew about how bitter he is that his $100 "investment" didn't pay out in a stranger's bedroom.

When we say "men are trash" this is the trashy behavior/mentality we're talking about, "gentlemen".

[Anonymous]

She then told me that I'm a shallow jerk and that I should get to know her for who she is.

Meanwhile, she gets to meet someone who looks exactly how she expected them to look, under a premise that she's not shallow.
She's a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She then told me that I'm a shallow jerk and that I should get to know her for who she is.

Meanwhile, she gets to meet someone who looks exactly how she expected them to look, under a premise that she's not shallow.
She's a jerk.

I'm a woman btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well it depends— is every single aspect of your OLD profile completely attuned to avoid being seen in a flattering light? Like does your profile add a centimeter to your height, round your salary up to the nearest $10,000, or not mention debt? If so YTA because you’re a hypocrite and you needed to be polite.

If no one could possibly feel disappointed by you in real life vs on your profile than NTA.

Everyone's OLD profile contains lies. The ancient pic of you with your ex's dog, the flattering angles, the cropped-out former lover, the vacation pic from that one trip you took 5 years ago...

What OP doesn't realize is that if everyone posted their whole, real self on OLD profiles, nobody would ever match. You have to go into it knowing it's 50% fluff and then go from there. And if you find a dealbreaker, how you deal with it is about you, not your OLD date.

OP wasn't technically wrong to point it out, but the way he did and the reasoning was crude and clinical. Behaving in a way you wouldn't want to be treated is a statement about yourself, and OP will hopefully have the opportunity to experience his own brand and learn this someday.

Maybe in bed, when the measurements he promised don't read the same in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had been chatting with a woman online for several days and we agreed to meet for a drink. She had several photos on her profile, two of which were full body length. When I arrived, I almost didn't recognize here because she was about 50 pound heavier than her photos depicted. I'm not sure if they were old or if she manipulated the camera angles, etc, but I told her directly: "You don't look like your photos online and I feel like this is not a good way to start a potential relationship". She then told me that I'm a shallow jerk and that I should get to know her for who she is. I then ended the conversation and left, and blocked her.

I can't help but wonder if I was wrong to call her out, but I felt really deceived, and it wasn't the weight, but the lying and manipulation that bothered me. I know people will say that next time to talk on video chat first before the date and I'll certainly be doing that going forward. Was what I said wrong?

Was it "wrong"? Technically, no. Was it kind, helpful, necessary, respectful or decent of you? Also no.

Be sure you have "no fats" in your profile in the future. Because, yes- women will use whatever angle is most flattering, and post their most attractive pic. It's stupid; we should all post pics of our double-chins and belly rolls, unshaven legs and first-thing-in-the-morning faces to see which men are looking for actual women and know what those actually look like. But we don't. We try to be attractive to men who want attractive women (only, in your case. Again: post the disclaimer).

If your profile didn't specifically say "I will leave if you're overweight" you're complicit. Fix that for yourself, especially since you seem so invested in the idea of honestly in OLD profiles. Tell the truth about yourself to your potential future matches and you'll avoid this scenario in the future (and they'll avoid you).

[Anonymous]

50lbs overweight is a deal breaker for me too. That's either a health or mental wellness issue going on that I want no part. I'm into fitness and health and expect my partner to be into those things as well. We are talking spending 2-3 hours at the gym daily, active lifestyle, growing my own foods, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:50lbs overweight is a deal breaker for me too. That's either a health or mental wellness issue going on that I want no part. I'm into fitness and health and expect my partner to be into those things as well. We are talking spending 2-3 hours at the gym daily, active lifestyle, growing my own foods, etc.

Please be sure this insufferable twattery is posted in your profile. 2-3 hours at the gym every day is narcissus-level. Gross.