Impossible to find love as a minority woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a successful resume…that’s great . I’d probably hire you in a second for a job. Am I going to want to date you based off of what you just said? Nope.

Men want someone who is nice, pretty and not some boss babe. Men don’t like that.

Your look Amy have something to do with it, but doubtful. Most white guys I know like Asian, Latino and Indian women. But it’s how you carry yourself and how you act.

I’m sure you’re great looking, but the men you’re going for - especially if they’re successful- have many options. They’re going to pick the ones that best suit their needs and that will be to have children and raise a family for most of them. Your successful education and career are great for choosing a long term partner, if that partner has the goals of being a good wife and mother too. And if you don’t want those think thats fine too, you will just not find a guy who wants something serious.

My guess is you’re either too bossy or masculine or you aren’t as pretty as you think. Think about what men really want as well. They want an attractive, fun, nice and young woman to have a family. That’s basically it

So American men are sexist and fearful of successful women? Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - you are not alone. A woman making 400k here. I had terrible luck with “regular” men: even those who were genuinely in love would end up insecure because of income and lifestyle discrepancies
I was introduced to a fund manager at a social event. He’s a billionaire (I’m not kidding), and we immediately hit it off and still together 6 months after

Try dating in your circle you won’t find match at this income level on the apps

Everything’s a trade-off.
You prioritized education, career, and earning a high income.
Though these are great hiring traits, and great traits for home ownership and even prestigious club memberships, they are not traits that men prioritize in searching for a mate.
In fact, having 2 out of 3 of these can be overly-intimidating to men.Most are not
specifically looking for women who our-earn them or have more prestigious education pedigree or a more high-powered job. It’s not impossible to find, but it’s not easy.

It’s similar to being an extraordinarily tall woman. It’s not impossible to find a guy who wants to date a really tall woman, (or a tall woman who doesn’t mind dating a shorter man)—but it’s just more rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a successful resume…that’s great . I’d probably hire you in a second for a job. Am I going to want to date you based off of what you just said? Nope.

Men want someone who is nice, pretty and not some boss babe. Men don’t like that.

Your look Amy have something to do with it, but doubtful. Most white guys I know like Asian, Latino and Indian women. But it’s how you carry yourself and how you act.

I’m sure you’re great looking, but the men you’re going for - especially if they’re successful- have many options. They’re going to pick the ones that best suit their needs and that will be to have children and raise a family for most of them. Your successful education and career are great for choosing a long term partner, if that partner has the goals of being a good wife and mother too. And if you don’t want those think thats fine too, you will just not find a guy who wants something serious.

My guess is you’re either too bossy or masculine or you aren’t as pretty as you think. Think about what men really want as well. They want an attractive, fun, nice and young woman to have a family. That’s basically it

So American men are sexist and fearful of successful women? Got it.

The qualities you look for in a wife and mother of your children are different than someone you would want to hire. A successful man will want a smart attractive woman. Success may not be so important.

[Anonymous]

I am not as successful as you but an MBA making 175k in local government. I am Indian and married a fellow Indian guy who makes 900k. I am only 5’3” but damn cute if I say so myself. I don’t think it’s hard to find love as a POC woman, I dated White Men as well as Indian and Black men, all were good people in their own ways .

I will say one thing though, my criteria was to marry someone whom I loved and shared similar values with. I wasn’t too hung up on earning potential, educated yes but not crazy about money. The tragedy is that the most emotional decision of our lives is often driven by cold calculations whereas it should be an emotional decision from the heart.

The only thing that stood out to me in your post is too much emphasis on your resume plus resume of future spouse but not much emphasis on you or him as a person. Maybe it’s time to sit down and rethink your approach to this whole thing, just my 2 cents. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not as successful as you but an MBA making 175k in local government. I am Indian and married a fellow Indian guy who makes 900k. I am only 5’3” but damn cute if I say so myself. I don’t think it’s hard to find love as a POC woman, I dated White Men as well as Indian and Black men, all were good people in their own ways .

I will say one thing though, my criteria was to marry someone whom I loved and shared similar values with. I wasn’t too hung up on earning potential, educated yes but not crazy about money. The tragedy is that the most emotional decision of our lives is often driven by cold calculations whereas it should be an emotional decision from the heart.

The only thing that stood out to me in your post is too much emphasis on your resume plus resume of future spouse but not much emphasis on you or him as a person. Maybe it’s time to sit down and rethink your approach to this whole thing, just my 2 cents. Good luck!

Straight male here and I want to marry your DH. What does he do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a successful resume…that’s great . I’d probably hire you in a second for a job. Am I going to want to date you based off of what you just said? Nope.

Men want someone who is nice, pretty and not some boss babe. Men don’t like that.

Your look Amy have something to do with it, but doubtful. Most white guys I know like Asian, Latino and Indian women. But it’s how you carry yourself and how you act.

I’m sure you’re great looking, but the men you’re going for - especially if they’re successful- have many options. They’re going to pick the ones that best suit their needs and that will be to have children and raise a family for most of them. Your successful education and career are great for choosing a long term partner, if that partner has the goals of being a good wife and mother too. And if you don’t want those think thats fine too, you will just not find a guy who wants something serious.

My guess is you’re either too bossy or masculine or you aren’t as pretty as you think. Think about what men really want as well. They want an attractive, fun, nice and young woman to have a family. That’s basically it

So American men are sexist and fearful of successful women? Got it.

The qualities you look for in a wife and mother of your children are different than someone you would want to hire. A successful man will want a smart attractive woman. Success may not be so important.

Indian PP here and I agree with this poster. Successful men are looking for a woman they can love and build their life with, it’s not a job interview, so usual resume skills may not apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not as successful as you but an MBA making 175k in local government. I am Indian and married a fellow Indian guy who makes 900k. I am only 5’3” but damn cute if I say so myself. I don’t think it’s hard to find love as a POC woman, I dated White Men as well as Indian and Black men, all were good people in their own ways .

I will say one thing though, my criteria was to marry someone whom I loved and shared similar values with. I wasn’t too hung up on earning potential, educated yes but not crazy about money. The tragedy is that the most emotional decision of our lives is often driven by cold calculations whereas it should be an emotional decision from the heart.

The only thing that stood out to me in your post is too much emphasis on your resume plus resume of future spouse but not much emphasis on you or him as a person. Maybe it’s time to sit down and rethink your approach to this whole thing, just my 2 cents. Good luck!

Straight male here and I want to marry your DH. What does he do?

LOL.. he is a software engineer who ended up starting his own company in his 30s, so when I married him he was earning regular white collar job money. But he is an amazing partner and an awesome dad and that’s what matters. Money comes and goes but the nature of person remains unchanged.

[Anonymous]

Everybody is so caluculating. It’s really unattractive.

[Anonymous]

If you are on line dating do the following:

List that you graduated from college, delete mention of MBA, delete mention of Ivy

Delete mention you enjoy parttying

Instead of saying you work in crypto (sounds sleazy) say you work in finance

Delete mention of extensive world traveling

This should broaden your appeal to men. There are plenty of decent UVA and U of Md grads out there.
You need to broaden your dating pool.

At age 33 don't get tied down to a guy too soon. Date a lot of men casually.

Realistically you will probably need to date men earning less than you. Not a lot of people earn over 100k. If you meet a man earning 100k and you earn 300 k you all can make a very good living at 400k.

[Anonymous]

DCUM is truly hysterical. When a regular woman posts saying she wants to date a “high earner” everyone jumps down her throat shaming her for being a gold digger and then saying she needs to be a high earner herself.

When a high income woman posts you guys tell her she is status obsessed and needs to date down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is truly hysterical. When a regular woman posts saying she wants to date a “high earner” everyone jumps down her throat shaming her for being a gold digger and then saying she needs to be a high earner herself.

When a high income woman posts you guys tell her she is status obsessed and needs to date down.

I don’t necessarily think she has to date down. I think that she has missed the boat and a lot of men she would want are already taken. We live in an expensive area. 300k isn’t even that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is truly hysterical. When a regular woman posts saying she wants to date a “high earner” everyone jumps down her throat shaming her for being a gold digger and then saying she needs to be a high earner herself.

When a high income woman posts you guys tell her she is status obsessed and needs to date down.

No, she doesn’t need to date down but keep in mind that at 33 most of these high earners are taken. More importantly, marriage should be with the person not their status or resume and this is where OP has lost the plot.

[Anonymous]

Every woman wants a man who earns 300k+. These women include well educated high earning women, younger hot women, kind humble women, teachers, nurses, Orangetheory instructors. The man will have many choices to choose from.

I find the high value women and men find one another pretty quickly. Even in the divorced dating world, the good catches get taken almost immediately. The single dads earning 500k easily meet women. The pretty nice women are always desired whether they are 25 or a 45 divorced single mom.

The men OP wants are not wanting OP whether it is her personality, height, culture, skin, face, whatever. I doubt it is her degree and income that is turning them off.

[Anonymous]

I am a 35-year-old Asian male with four younger sisters, ranging from 23 to 29, and all four of them had no issue finding love. One interesting note is that all my BILs are white men, think they hit the lifetime lottery when they married my sisters, LOL.... Two of my BILs are doctors, one is in finance, and another one is a college professor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 35-year-old Asian male with four younger sisters, ranging from 23 to 29, and all four of them had no issue finding love. One interesting note is that all my BILs are white men, think they hit the lifetime lottery when they married my sisters, LOL.... Two of my BILs are doctors, one is in finance, and another one is a college professor.

I don’t see as many white men with south Asian women. In our UMC neighborhood, there are so many mixed Asian families, most of them are white and East Asian.