how do I hide this particular trip from this particular friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This friend is too much! Crying over a destination? Go work at Target and save up for bus fare. Gate keeping a location is beyond strange. Maybe get her therapy for a gift.

And PPs saying take get on their family vacation? What a weird boundary to cross!!

All the PP's suggesting this have major boundary issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Niagra Falls?

That’s what I was thinking too

You think the OP's husband, and one of her kids, share a fascination with . . . Niagra Falls?

I suppose anything is possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you spending 6 days for this one place?

6 days total, there and back. Just a day in this town.

OP, you keep referring to this as a road trip, and that it will take 5 days to travel there, but then you talk about how much air fare will cost. Unless this town is in the middle of the Australian outback, this makes no sense.

OP is taking a road trip, 6 days total. Presumably she lives around here. The friend lives out in California, so when people are saying oMg bRiNg yOuR FrIeNd, OP is saying that she cannot afford to pay for the friend’s airfare, accommodations, and food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is all so confusing. Where is this place??

You just have to tell her! Why would it hurt her feelings?? She can’t afford to fly across the country, so you’re never allowed to go there? And her kids can’t pool money together to pay for her to visit them? Or to go out to see her?

I could see how it might be hurtful if you had been in a position to drive her there with you, but seeing as that’s not the case, tell her about how you’re excited to see a place that means so much to her and ask her for tips of places to check out?

This is the best advice I've seen so far. I am also quite confused, but this gets it right.

If a friend was going to my hometown, it would make me feel happy for them, and I'd happily suggest restaurants for them to check out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A close friend of mine is from a town that's basically only known for a single tourist attraction. Think Cooperstown, NY or similar. She has struggled financially since marrying 30 years ago and has not been able to return since, though she speaks fondly of it and has cried when she talks about how she can't afford to visit. Two of her adult children did move there, so she hasn't seen them in 5+ years, either. All that to say, there are emotions surrounding this place for her.

DH recently planned a trip to this city to visit this tourist attraction, and I know it'll hurt her feelings if she finds out. We speak almost every day, so hiding a 6-day road trip will be tough, especially if she asks where we are. Advice?

What does this mean? Did he plan this 6-day trip without your knowledge? I would've been upfront from the beginning. If this was a very close friend and I could afford it, I might even invite her to join us for the last couple of days.

He'd planned it for him and the kids because I had a business trip, but that trip cancelled, so now I'm going. He would definitely NOT pay to fly her out, a hotel room, and all her food (that's how financially poorly she's done). Would think it's very weird, even.

How "financially poor she's done?" Wow. You sound like a peach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you spending 6 days for this one place?

6 days total, there and back. Just a day in this town.

OP, you keep referring to this as a road trip, and that it will take 5 days to travel there, but then you talk about how much air fare will cost. Unless this town is in the middle of the Australian outback, this makes no sense.

OP is taking a road trip, 6 days total. Presumably she lives around here. The friend lives out in California, so when people are saying oMg bRiNg yOuR FrIeNd, OP is saying that she cannot afford to pay for the friend’s airfare, accommodations, and food.

Yes, this is it exactly. Sorry. One of those instances where I'm so used to our setup that I forget the obvious part because I'm so used to it. But for whatever it's worth, our car isn't big enough to bring another person, anyway. I'm surprised the PP's suggesting we take her don't realize that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A close friend of mine is from a town that's basically only known for a single tourist attraction. Think Cooperstown, NY or similar. She has struggled financially since marrying 30 years ago and has not been able to return since, though she speaks fondly of it and has cried when she talks about how she can't afford to visit. Two of her adult children did move there, so she hasn't seen them in 5+ years, either. All that to say, there are emotions surrounding this place for her.

DH recently planned a trip to this city to visit this tourist attraction, and I know it'll hurt her feelings if she finds out. We speak almost every day, so hiding a 6-day road trip will be tough, especially if she asks where we are. Advice?

What does this mean? Did he plan this 6-day trip without your knowledge? I would've been upfront from the beginning. If this was a very close friend and I could afford it, I might even invite her to join us for the last couple of days.

He'd planned it for him and the kids because I had a business trip, but that trip cancelled, so now I'm going. He would definitely NOT pay to fly her out, a hotel room, and all her food (that's how financially poorly she's done). Would think it's very weird, even.

How "financially poor she's done?" Wow. You sound like a peach.

I'm actually very considerate toward her circumstances (I paid for her to attend both her parents' funerals with my airline miles), but I also know DCUM doesn't understand truly poor, so I wanted to make it crystal clear. But that's cool. Don't care what you think about me since she knows what I've done.

[Anonymous]

The advice to "not tell her" is also terrible. If one of my close friends went to my Cooperstown-like hometown, didn't tell me, but I found out later, I'd be so confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Niagra Falls?

Part of a road trip? Rock & Roll Hall of Fame on a trip to Niagra Falls. Ohio is the CA friend's home.


Your daughter has "been emailing" with your husband/her father about a six day road trip and you did not know the details until now?

Your friend lives across the country. Are you never supposed to travel through her home state because of it. Has she laid claim to other parts of the country too? If this is really her doing and not you being main character, she is not a good friend .

If it’s Ohio and small kid wanted to go it is the pro football HoF in Canton. Not the Rock and Roll HoF.

Do small kids make email arrangements with their father without any knowledge of the mother. Would make a little more sense if parents were divorced but isn't the case

Small kid is 14, and her father was deployed when they had the discussion. So yes, I had little knowledge of the matter until it was practically a done deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is all so confusing. Where is this place??

You just have to tell her! Why would it hurt her feelings?? She can’t afford to fly across the country, so you’re never allowed to go there? And her kids can’t pool money together to pay for her to visit them? Or to go out to see her?

I could see how it might be hurtful if you had been in a position to drive her there with you, but seeing as that’s not the case, tell her about how you’re excited to see a place that means so much to her and ask her for tips of places to check out?

+1. It has always been a dream of mine to go to Greece. My BFF is going with her family this summer. I can't afford to go, but I have discussed it a lot with her, where they are staying, where they are going, etc. I can't wait to hear all about it and see pictures when she gets back. I am jealous, but happy jealous, for her.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a friend on a very fixed income (disability) and lines can get blurry. I always pay when we go out to eat or do an activity. But, that has unfortunately expanded into her expecting my financial generosity, and I've had to step back from the relationship because of it.

My sense is that you may have some guilt about this trip, and /or you sense that when you tell your friend, she will expect you to pay her way / be hurt that you didn't offer.

I get it, because my friend on a fixed income would probably also react like that. But one more time - you do not owe your friend anything financially! She is responsible for her own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The advice to "not tell her" is also terrible. If one of my close friends went to my Cooperstown-like hometown, didn't tell me, but I found out later, I'd be so confused.

Why would you be confused? It’s not like OP is going to the town where the friend lives now and not telling her. If the mere mention of this lady’s hometown is so emotionally fraught, I totally understand why OP wouldn’t want to bring it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Niagra Falls?

That’s what I was thinking too

You think the OP's husband, and one of her kids, share a fascination with . . . Niagra Falls?

I suppose anything is possible.

This is likely why OP isn't sharing where the actual destination is. Because people like you will criticize and start saying how dumb it is. Smart move OP. Don't cave.
P.S. Niagara Falls is awesome to visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Niagra Falls?

That’s what I was thinking too

You think the OP's husband, and one of her kids, share a fascination with . . . Niagra Falls?

I suppose anything is possible.

This is likely why OP isn't sharing where the actual destination is. Because people like you will criticize and start saying how dumb it is. Smart move OP. Don't cave.
P.S. Niagara Falls is awesome to visit.

This is exactly why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you spending 6 days for this one place?

6 days total, there and back. Just a day in this town.

OP, you keep referring to this as a road trip, and that it will take 5 days to travel there, but then you talk about how much air fare will cost. Unless this town is in the middle of the Australian outback, this makes no sense.

OP is taking a road trip, 6 days total. Presumably she lives around here. The friend lives out in California, so when people are saying oMg bRiNg yOuR FrIeNd, OP is saying that she cannot afford to pay for the friend’s airfare, accommodations, and food.

Perhaps if OP had made it clear that OP and the friend live on opposite freaking coasts, there wouldn’t have been confusion.

At this point this thread is so stupid OP should just have it deleted.