how do I hide this particular trip from this particular friend?

[Anonymous]

This is all so confusing. Where is this place??

You just have to tell her! Why would it hurt her feelings?? She can’t afford to fly across the country, so you’re never allowed to go there? And her kids can’t pool money together to pay for her to visit them? Or to go out to see her?

I could see how it might be hurtful if you had been in a position to drive her there with you, but seeing as that’s not the case, tell her about how you’re excited to see a place that means so much to her and ask her for tips of places to check out?

[Anonymous]

"DH and I loved hearing about how much you adored Cooperstown - so much that he planned a trip with the kids when I was supposed to be on a business trip. Now my trip has been cancelled and I can go along with them. I'm so excited about seeing a place so meaningful to you - I can't wait to compare notes when we get home!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"DH and I loved hearing about how much you adored Cooperstown - so much that he planned a trip with the kids when I was supposed to be on a business trip. Now my trip has been cancelled and I can go along with them. I'm so excited about seeing a place so meaningful to you - I can't wait to compare notes when we get home!"

I feel this reads sort of passive aggressively in the sense that OP knows it’s painful for her friend not to be able to go to this place and this phrasing kind of skirts around that issue and hides behind cheerful language. That would drive me nuts if I were the recipient of this. I’d prefer something more straightforward like: I know this is a trip you’ve been wanting to take and this place is really important to you. — And since this is such a good friend I’d offer to take pictures or whatever I could reasonably do.

[Anonymous]

Want to add: and I think OP can be straightforward about how this materialized: daughter wanted to go and husband agreed to take her and I was able to join at the last minute.

[Anonymous]

She lives across the country from you, and you're worried she'll find out about your one day stop during your 6 day road trip?

None of this makes sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's a grown woman. Just rip the bandaid off. "Jenna, I really debated on whether to tell you this, but you're a grown adult and my friend, and I'd feel terrible keeping this from you: DH and I are going to Kentucky next month. We'll be gone a week. Please let me know if there's anything you want me to drop off with Jenna Jr or take pictures of for you while I'm there."

I still say my advice above is good, even having read BFF is in CA, with the edit to leave off dropping anything off to the adult kids. Text her this, she can manage her own jealousy and sadness privately and then respond to you when she's ready.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her and ask for her recommendations for the city. Listen, be receptive and that’s it. You don’t have to hide it or take her. Don’t hide it. That’s weird!

[Anonymous]

Just don’t tell her. Why would she ask where you are? Don’t tell any mutual friends, don’t post on social media, don’t mention it when you talk to her, and don’t talk to her every day.

I can’t imagine a friendship where going a week without talking to someone would be an issue, but surely you can tell her you are sick or slammed at work or something and just text a few times.

[Anonymous]

I’d tell her—like others said, mentioned it was a trip with DH and your kid, but you unexpectedly are able to join. Don’t hide it—it will slip out at some point and it will sting more when she realizes you tried to hide it. I had a close friend whose family when to Disneyland when I was broke and just out of college. She offhandedly mentioned it a month later and then I realized she had been trying to hide it. It was super weird. If you are as close as you say, don’t hide this. She’ll find out and then wonder why you hid it and it will make things awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She lives across the country from you, and you're worried she'll find out about your one day stop during your 6 day road trip?

None of this makes sense

I missed that it was a 1 day stop. Now I'm confused too.

[Anonymous]

Just share the location already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She lives across the country from you, and you're worried she'll find out about your one day stop during your 6 day road trip?

None of this makes sense

I missed that it was a 1 day stop. Now I'm confused too.

I think OP's family will do 6 day road trips round trips by driving, but they will only spend a day only at her BFF's hometown. It is either that her BFF's hometown is a small city/town that one day is good enough to explore or maybe that stop is just one of the visits of this 6 day road trips.

My family has never done real road trips, but we have driven 1.5 hour to a city and check into hotels for 2 days there, drive another 1.5 hour to anther city and check into hotels for 2 days there, and drive back home.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure this would even bother her? It's a weird thing for her to get upset about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She lives across the country from you, and you're worried she'll find out about your one day stop during your 6 day road trip?

None of this makes sense

+1. Unless she also regularly talks to your kids and husband I would just omit this information when speaking to her and not worry about it. Just say you are going on a road trip and be vague about destination (" oh we're just driving down the coast for a few days, will probably stop in [mention one or two stops that are not her hometown] but I'm not totally sure-- DH is figuring out the details."). That's also mostly true so should even feel like a lie.

[Anonymous]

^ should NOT feel like a lie