how do I hide this particular trip from this particular friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are you spending 6 days for this one place?

6 days total, there and back. Just a day in this town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A close friend of mine is from a town that's basically only known for a single tourist attraction. Think Cooperstown, NY or similar. She has struggled financially since marrying 30 years ago and has not been able to return since, though she speaks fondly of it and has cried when she talks about how she can't afford to visit. Two of her adult children did move there, so she hasn't seen them in 5+ years, either. All that to say, there are emotions surrounding this place for her.

DH recently planned a trip to this city to visit this tourist attraction, and I know it'll hurt her feelings if she finds out. We speak almost every day, so hiding a 6-day road trip will be tough, especially if she asks where we are. Advice?

What does this mean? Did he plan this 6-day trip without your knowledge? I would've been upfront from the beginning. If this was a very close friend and I could afford it, I might even invite her to join us for the last couple of days.

He'd planned it for him and the kids because I had a business trip, but that trip cancelled, so now I'm going. He would definitely NOT pay to fly her out, a hotel room, and all her food (that's how financially poorly she's done). Would think it's very weird, even.

Is the difference that you're going instead of just Dh and the kids? Just explain that your business trip was canceled, so you'll join them.

Yes. I feel like it is. But you're right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems really strange to me that your friend has been "crying" about missing her hometown for 30 years, and you and dh decide to take a 6 day trip there. Of all the places to visit? Something seems off.

My middle child has been asking to visit this tourist attraction, and since DH recently got back from overseas, he agreed to an end-of-summer road trip. Would have agreed to anything to spend time with the kids, really. I had a business trip scheduled and wasn't part of this plan when it was originally made.

You talk to this person daily. Didn't you mention that your kid asked about the tourist attractions in her hometown? Didn't you share the news when dh decided to take the kids? I don't understand all the secrecy with such a close friend.

[Anonymous]

I am dying to know where this is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am dying to know where this is

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems really strange to me that your friend has been "crying" about missing her hometown for 30 years, and you and dh decide to take a 6 day trip there. Of all the places to visit? Something seems off.

My middle child has been asking to visit this tourist attraction, and since DH recently got back from overseas, he agreed to an end-of-summer road trip. Would have agreed to anything to spend time with the kids, really. I had a business trip scheduled and wasn't part of this plan when it was originally made.

You talk to this person daily. Didn't you mention that your kid asked about the tourist attractions in her hometown? Didn't you share the news when dh decided to take the kids? I don't understand all the secrecy with such a close friend.

My kid didn't mention it to me. This is an interest she shares with DH, and apparently they've been emailing back and forth for a while.

And no, of course I didn't tell her they were going when I found out. Why would I want to hurt her feelings like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A close friend of mine is from a town that's basically only known for a single tourist attraction. Think Cooperstown, NY or similar. She has struggled financially since marrying 30 years ago and has not been able to return since, though she speaks fondly of it and has cried when she talks about how she can't afford to visit. Two of her adult children did move there, so she hasn't seen them in 5+ years, either. All that to say, there are emotions surrounding this place for her.

DH recently planned a trip to this city to visit this tourist attraction, and I know it'll hurt her feelings if she finds out. We speak almost every day, so hiding a 6-day road trip will be tough, especially if she asks where we are. Advice?

Do a good deed and invite her to come as long as your expense. She could stay with her children.

[Anonymous]

Is it a road trip or a plane trip? Maybe both? If you require a plane to get to the first town, I can understand not being able to or wanting to pay for her—but if you are driving you’d bring her, right ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it a road trip or a plane trip? Maybe both? If you require a plane to get to the first town, I can understand not being able to or wanting to pay for her—but if you are driving you’d bring her, right ?

We live across the country from each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not take her? That seems strange she cannot afford a bus or plane ticket or to drive and stay with the kids.

Typical DCUM.

My MIL could not afford to travel. We paid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A close friend of mine is from a town that's basically only known for a single tourist attraction. Think Cooperstown, NY or similar. She has struggled financially since marrying 30 years ago and has not been able to return since, though she speaks fondly of it and has cried when she talks about how she can't afford to visit. Two of her adult children did move there, so she hasn't seen them in 5+ years, either. All that to say, there are emotions surrounding this place for her.

DH recently planned a trip to this city to visit this tourist attraction, and I know it'll hurt her feelings if she finds out. We speak almost every day, so hiding a 6-day road trip will be tough, especially if she asks where we are. Advice?

Do a good deed and invite her to come as long as your expense. She could stay with her children.

I don't have several thousand to throw at this (airfare, hotel, food, rental car), and DH would never agree to it. Her kids are living studio apartments without vehicles. This is...not an UMC NoVA lifestyle we're talking about here. I guess I didn't make that clear.

[Anonymous]

I think part of the confusion here is you’ve characterized this as a road trip, and the example town you gave (Cooperstown NY) is a drivable destination from DC area. So I think people are imagining her hitching a ride with you and being dropped off at her kid’s place. If instead this is a cross country flight (DC to CA, or whatever), please specify.

[Anonymous]

Unless there is a chance you will be spotted by someone, why divulge your destination? If say the place is Hershey, PA, I would tell the friend we are going on a road trip to upstate NY or something. Vague enough to be truthful but not specific enough to bring up the topic of her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think part of the confusion here is you’ve characterized this as a road trip, and the example town you gave (Cooperstown NY) is a drivable destination from DC area. So I think people are imagining her hitching a ride with you and being dropped off at her kid’s place. If instead this is a cross country flight (DC to CA, or whatever), please specify.

Yes. Sorry. She lives in California now. I should have clarified!

[Anonymous]

Ok I read your response that came through when I posted above. If the case is that you live in DC and are driving to NY (for ex), and she lives in CA or something, just explain to her: Larla really wanted to go to Cooperstown, so DH agreed to take her, and I’ll now be going too since a business trip I was supposed to take was cancelled. I know Cooperstown is near and dear to your heart — is there anything I can do for you while I’m there? Take a picture of your old house? FaceTime you for 10 min as we walk around downtown? Just make sure whatever you offer is doable.