how do I hide this particular trip from this particular friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"DH and I loved hearing about how much you adored Cooperstown - so much that he planned a trip with the kids when I was supposed to be on a business trip. Now my trip has been cancelled and I can go along with them. I'm so excited about seeing a place so meaningful to you - I can't wait to compare notes when we get home!"

I feel this reads sort of passive aggressively in the sense that OP knows it’s painful for her friend not to be able to go to this place and this phrasing kind of skirts around that issue and hides behind cheerful language. That would drive me nuts if I were the recipient of this. I’d prefer something more straightforward like: I know this is a trip you’ve been wanting to take and this place is really important to you. — And since this is such a good friend I’d offer to take pictures or whatever I could reasonably do.

You “feel like?” Who cares about your feelings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think part of the confusion here is you’ve characterized this as a road trip, and the example town you gave (Cooperstown NY) is a drivable destination from DC area. So I think people are imagining her hitching a ride with you and being dropped off at her kid’s place. If instead this is a cross country flight (DC to CA, or whatever), please specify.

Yes. Sorry. She lives in California now. I should have clarified!

NP. Yes, you should have. This is what happens when you leave key information out of an original post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"DH and I loved hearing about how much you adored Cooperstown - so much that he planned a trip with the kids when I was supposed to be on a business trip. Now my trip has been cancelled and I can go along with them. I'm so excited about seeing a place so meaningful to you - I can't wait to compare notes when we get home!"

I feel this reads sort of passive aggressively in the sense that OP knows it’s painful for her friend not to be able to go to this place and this phrasing kind of skirts around that issue and hides behind cheerful language. That would drive me nuts if I were the recipient of this. I’d prefer something more straightforward like: I know this is a trip you’ve been wanting to take and this place is really important to you. — And since this is such a good friend I’d offer to take pictures or whatever I could reasonably do.

You “feel like?” Who cares about your feelings?

NP. Um, the OP which is why she is soliciting advice from total strangers. Do you get it? What do you think OP thinks we’ll respond with, tarot card readings or complex math calculations? Thoughts and feelings are what she’s asking for, dude.

[Anonymous]

It’s a one day stop. Just don’t tell her. I went somewhere for 2 weeks and didn’t tell any close friends - only my neighbors who needed to know. And guess what? Nobody still knows and we are all fine.

[Anonymous]

Niagra Falls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"DH and I loved hearing about how much you adored Cooperstown - so much that he planned a trip with the kids when I was supposed to be on a business trip. Now my trip has been cancelled and I can go along with them. I'm so excited about seeing a place so meaningful to you - I can't wait to compare notes when we get home!"

I feel this reads sort of passive aggressively in the sense that OP knows it’s painful for her friend not to be able to go to this place and this phrasing kind of skirts around that issue and hides behind cheerful language. That would drive me nuts if I were the recipient of this. I’d prefer something more straightforward like: I know this is a trip you’ve been wanting to take and this place is really important to you. — And since this is such a good friend I’d offer to take pictures or whatever I could reasonably do.

You “feel like?” Who cares about your feelings?

NP. Um, the OP which is why she is soliciting advice from total strangers. Do you get it? What do you think OP thinks we’ll respond with, tarot card readings or complex math calculations? Thoughts and feelings are what she’s asking for, dude.

She never asked for “feelings.”

It’s so weird how people think their feelings are valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Niagra Falls?

This was my thought too.

[Anonymous]

I would not be friends with the kind of person who would be upset because someone is doing something she wants to do. You are not doing anything wrong. Your trip is not about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my goodness, you are friends and talk every day, she hasn’t seen her CHILDREN in 5 years, you are in a position to help her, and you won’t? That’s awful.

You don’t have to hang out with her, but take her. Drop her off at one of her kid’s houses.

What? No. That’s insane.

How about this lady’s adult kids pay to fly her out to see them and stay with them, instead of OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Niagra Falls?

Part of a road trip? Rock & Roll Hall of Fame on a trip to Niagra Falls. Ohio is the CA friend's home.


Your daughter has "been emailing" with your husband/her father about a six day road trip and you did not know the details until now?

Your friend lives across the country. Are you never supposed to travel through her home state because of it. Has she laid claim to other parts of the country too? If this is really her doing and not you being main character, she is not a good friend .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"DH and I loved hearing about how much you adored Cooperstown - so much that he planned a trip with the kids when I was supposed to be on a business trip. Now my trip has been cancelled and I can go along with them. I'm so excited about seeing a place so meaningful to you - I can't wait to compare notes when we get home!"

I feel this reads sort of passive aggressively in the sense that OP knows it’s painful for her friend not to be able to go to this place and this phrasing kind of skirts around that issue and hides behind cheerful language. That would drive me nuts if I were the recipient of this. I’d prefer something more straightforward like: I know this is a trip you’ve been wanting to take and this place is really important to you. — And since this is such a good friend I’d offer to take pictures or whatever I could reasonably do.

You “feel like?” Who cares about your feelings?

NP. Um, the OP which is why she is soliciting advice from total strangers. Do you get it? What do you think OP thinks we’ll respond with, tarot card readings or complex math calculations? Thoughts and feelings are what she’s asking for, dude.

She never asked for “feelings.”

It’s so weird how people think their feelings are valid.

When people talk and share ideas and reactions, they often say “I feel like” as a lead-in. Or in this case, the PP was reacting to someone else’s suggestion with another perspective. I’m glad I could help you understand more about how human people communicate. Are you always this rigid and literal with your interpretation of people’s words? Seriously asking because if so I can try to help you understand any post you need assistance with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Niagra Falls?

Part of a road trip? Rock & Roll Hall of Fame on a trip to Niagra Falls. Ohio is the CA friend's home.


Your daughter has "been emailing" with your husband/her father about a six day road trip and you did not know the details until now?

Your friend lives across the country. Are you never supposed to travel through her home state because of it. Has she laid claim to other parts of the country too? If this is really her doing and not you being main character, she is not a good friend .

If it’s Ohio and small kid wanted to go it is the pro football HoF in Canton. Not the Rock and Roll HoF.

[Anonymous]

There’s no reason to hide your trip. Her feelings are her own to manage, and she’s been doing it for 30 years. Why would she be mad at you? You have nothing to do with her life circumstances.

Tell her gently, and ask if she wants you to take any photos. You don’t need to treat her like a child and hide things from her. She might even be excited for you.

[Anonymous]

^especially if this is a popular tourist destination that you have the ability to drive to, and it’s something your family to see. She could not possibly expect that you’d avoid it on her behalf?

As PP said, rip off the bandaid and just tell her.

[Anonymous]

*something your family wants to see ^^