How to parent in hyper competitive type A area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went to top colleges and ivy grad schools. We now have a seven figure HHI and live in McLean. Many kids at our kids’ school have parents who attended ivy schools and/or were strong athletes. I have two kids in AAP and one kid currently in first grade. I expect youngest to also get into AAP. My kids are surrounded by high achieving kids and parents and my kids just know this as normal everyday life.

Neither DH nor I attended top colleges. Our grad degrees checked boxes for our employers and that's it. We do not have a 7 figure HHI. All 3 of my kids are in AAP. So do I get bragging rights too?

I am answering OP about living in a competitive UMC area. Dh and I are high achievers. My kids are high achievers. They have friends who are high achievers and have high achieving parents. You seem to care more about your lack of top college than I do. Maybe our kids play soccer or tennis together. I really wouldn’t care where you went to college.

How is this an answer to the OP? You’re literally the example of the hyper- competitive parents w/ hyper-competitive children OP is asking how to parent their own children around.

I actually just answered. I said I don’t put much pressure on my kids and encourage them to try their best. It isn’t like I tell them to seek out high achieving friends. They seem to naturally have friends who are smart and excel at a lot of things like themselves.

Helps to have silver spoon in mouth in McLean

If you mean having hard working parents who did well in school, sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went to top colleges and ivy grad schools. We now have a seven figure HHI and live in McLean. Many kids at our kids’ school have parents who attended ivy schools and/or were strong athletes. I have two kids in AAP and one kid currently in first grade. I expect youngest to also get into AAP. My kids are surrounded by high achieving kids and parents and my kids just know this as normal everyday life.

What an odd response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went to top colleges and ivy grad schools. We now have a seven figure HHI and live in McLean. Many kids at our kids’ school have parents who attended ivy schools and/or were strong athletes. I have two kids in AAP and one kid currently in first grade. I expect youngest to also get into AAP. My kids are surrounded by high achieving kids and parents and my kids just know this as normal everyday life.

What an odd response.

I wouldn’t say this out loud and of course acknowledging our privilege, but yes I’m just like PP but we live in Chevy Chase so whatever AAP equivalent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went to top colleges and ivy grad schools. We now have a seven figure HHI and live in McLean. Many kids at our kids’ school have parents who attended ivy schools and/or were strong athletes. I have two kids in AAP and one kid currently in first grade. I expect youngest to also get into AAP. My kids are surrounded by high achieving kids and parents and my kids just know this as normal everyday life.

Good to see your family is focused on the truly important stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went to top colleges and ivy grad schools. We now have a seven figure HHI and live in McLean. Many kids at our kids’ school have parents who attended ivy schools and/or were strong athletes. I have two kids in AAP and one kid currently in first grade. I expect youngest to also get into AAP. My kids are surrounded by high achieving kids and parents and my kids just know this as normal everyday life.

Neither DH nor I attended top colleges. Our grad degrees checked boxes for our employers and that's it. We do not have a 7 figure HHI. All 3 of my kids are in AAP. So do I get bragging rights too?

I am answering OP about living in a competitive UMC area. Dh and I are high achievers. My kids are high achievers. They have friends who are high achievers and have high achieving parents. You seem to care more about your lack of top college than I do. Maybe our kids play soccer or tennis together. I really wouldn’t care where you went to college.

How is this an answer to the OP? You’re literally the example of the hyper- competitive parents w/ hyper-competitive children OP is asking how to parent their own children around.

I actually just answered. I said I don’t put much pressure on my kids and encourage them to try their best. It isn’t like I tell them to seek out high achieving friends. They seem to naturally have friends who are smart and excel at a lot of things like themselves.

We learn from failure, not from success. Your kids have learned nothing in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went to top colleges and ivy grad schools. We now have a seven figure HHI and live in McLean. Many kids at our kids’ school have parents who attended ivy schools and/or were strong athletes. I have two kids in AAP and one kid currently in first grade. I expect youngest to also get into AAP. My kids are surrounded by high achieving kids and parents and my kids just know this as normal everyday life.

What an odd response.

I wouldn’t say this out loud and of course acknowledging our privilege, but yes I’m just like PP but we live in Chevy Chase so whatever AAP equivalent.

I am too, but that’s absolutely irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went to top colleges and ivy grad schools. We now have a seven figure HHI and live in McLean. Many kids at our kids’ school have parents who attended ivy schools and/or were strong athletes. I have two kids in AAP and one kid currently in first grade. I expect youngest to also get into AAP. My kids are surrounded by high achieving kids and parents and my kids just know this as normal everyday life.

Good to see your family is focused on the truly important stuff.

These are Asian values hello??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could move.

Op - moving is not an option. Our jobs are here.

I just want to try and find the balance between pushing my kids to excel and giving them space to enjoy their childhood. It seems like everyone around here does the first option to the detriment of the second.

There isn't a magic middle path where you get to have it all. Between DH and I, we have 4 ivy degrees and 2 oxbridge degrees, did a D1 sport and had a spot on a national team. We did not have enough money until quite recently, so we have been on both sides of the "being pushed to have a better life" and "having a better life" continuum. There are people at our children's school who expect that we will share their values of pushing, excelling, and seeking external validation over everything. That is not our value.

We have sidestepped it by not applying out to more highly ranked schools, helping the kids pursue sports that are out of the norm for our area or are more chill, and taking the foot off the gas with academics. We could buy a bigger house in the fancier part of the neighborhood and keep renovating to match what our kids' classmates' parents are doing, but we're choosing to spend our time and energy on other stuff. If the kids want to chase grades later, they can, but we're not playing the RSM/academic camp/gifted game. And we are very intentional about acknowledging the tradeoffs to ourselves and to our kids.

You have to make the choice. No one is going to make it for you or magically alter the culture of your community to get everyone to agree to be more chill. You have to have the courage to step off the treadmill or be willing to stay on it and play the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went to top colleges and ivy grad schools. We now have a seven figure HHI and live in McLean. Many kids at our kids’ school have parents who attended ivy schools and/or were strong athletes. I have two kids in AAP and one kid currently in first grade. I expect youngest to also get into AAP. My kids are surrounded by high achieving kids and parents and my kids just know this as normal everyday life.

What an odd response.

I wouldn’t say this out loud and of course acknowledging our privilege, but yes I’m just like PP but we live in Chevy Chase so whatever AAP equivalent.

I am too, but that’s absolutely irrelevant.

Exactly. The point of OPs post was asking how to raise kids in this over achieving pressure-cooker environment. They weren’t asking for confirmation that the area is flooded w/ high income parents w/ advanced Ivy degrees and similarly high-achieving kids who are also Olympic athletes. Op was asking how to deal w that and how hard to push, as her kids aren’t in AAP and aren’t seeking out the elite athletic teams… yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went to top colleges and ivy grad schools. We now have a seven figure HHI and live in McLean. Many kids at our kids’ school have parents who attended ivy schools and/or were strong athletes. I have two kids in AAP and one kid currently in first grade. I expect youngest to also get into AAP. My kids are surrounded by high achieving kids and parents and my kids just know this as normal everyday life.

What an odd response.

I wouldn’t say this out loud and of course acknowledging our privilege, but yes I’m just like PP but we live in Chevy Chase so whatever AAP equivalent.

I am too, but that’s absolutely irrelevant.

Exactly. The point of OPs post was asking how to raise kids in this over achieving pressure-cooker environment. They weren’t asking for confirmation that the area is flooded w/ high income parents w/ advanced Ivy degrees and similarly high-achieving kids who are also Olympic athletes. Op was asking how to deal w that and how hard to push, as her kids aren’t in AAP and aren’t seeking out the elite athletic teams… yet.

The answers are there:
1) raise your kid in a good school district
2) with like- minded families
3) make sure you and your spouse are well educated and high achieving

If you have these 3 things, and you mess it up, youre hopeless

[Anonymous]

Don’t send your kids to private.

Never discuss anything related to your kids that goes to their school work, sports or other extracurriculars. Keep it all vague and breezy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could move.

Op - moving is not an option. Our jobs are here.

I just want to try and find the balance between pushing my kids to excel and giving them space to enjoy their childhood. It seems like everyone around here does the first option to the detriment of the second.

There isn't a magic middle path where you get to have it all. Between DH and I, we have 4 ivy degrees and 2 oxbridge degrees, did a D1 sport and had a spot on a national team. We did not have enough money until quite recently, so we have been on both sides of the "being pushed to have a better life" and "having a better life" continuum. There are people at our children's school who expect that we will share their values of pushing, excelling, and seeking external validation over everything. That is not our value.

We have sidestepped it by not applying out to more highly ranked schools, helping the kids pursue sports that are out of the norm for our area or are more chill, and taking the foot off the gas with academics. We could buy a bigger house in the fancier part of the neighborhood and keep renovating to match what our kids' classmates' parents are doing, but we're choosing to spend our time and energy on other stuff. If the kids want to chase grades later, they can, but we're not playing the RSM/academic camp/gifted game. And we are very intentional about acknowledging the tradeoffs to ourselves and to our kids.

You have to make the choice. No one is going to make it for you or magically alter the culture of your community to get everyone to agree to be more chill. You have to have the courage to step off the treadmill or be willing to stay on it and play the game.

It does not sound like you have been successfully financially despite all your degrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went to top colleges and ivy grad schools. We now have a seven figure HHI and live in McLean. Many kids at our kids’ school have parents who attended ivy schools and/or were strong athletes. I have two kids in AAP and one kid currently in first grade. I expect youngest to also get into AAP. My kids are surrounded by high achieving kids and parents and my kids just know this as normal everyday life.

What an odd response.

I wouldn’t say this out loud and of course acknowledging our privilege, but yes I’m just like PP but we live in Chevy Chase so whatever AAP equivalent.

I am too, but that’s absolutely irrelevant.

Exactly. The point of OPs post was asking how to raise kids in this over achieving pressure-cooker environment. They weren’t asking for confirmation that the area is flooded w/ high income parents w/ advanced Ivy degrees and similarly high-achieving kids who are also Olympic athletes. Op was asking how to deal w that and how hard to push, as her kids aren’t in AAP and aren’t seeking out the elite athletic teams… yet.

It sounds like OP is seeking it though. I, like others earlier in this thread, read her more as being frustrated by the competition because her kids aren't winning it. Getting over that is an inside job. With no sarcasm, I suggest therapy.

[Anonymous]

Get that therapy asap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went to top colleges and ivy grad schools. We now have a seven figure HHI and live in McLean. Many kids at our kids’ school have parents who attended ivy schools and/or were strong athletes. I have two kids in AAP and one kid currently in first grade. I expect youngest to also get into AAP. My kids are surrounded by high achieving kids and parents and my kids just know this as normal everyday life.

What an odd response.

I wouldn’t say this out loud and of course acknowledging our privilege, but yes I’m just like PP but we live in Chevy Chase so whatever AAP equivalent.

I am too, but that’s absolutely irrelevant.

Exactly. The point of OPs post was asking how to raise kids in this over achieving pressure-cooker environment. They weren’t asking for confirmation that the area is flooded w/ high income parents w/ advanced Ivy degrees and similarly high-achieving kids who are also Olympic athletes. Op was asking how to deal w that and how hard to push, as her kids aren’t in AAP and aren’t seeking out the elite athletic teams… yet.

It sounds like OP is seeking it though. I, like others earlier in this thread, read her more as being frustrated by the competition because her kids aren't winning it. Getting over that is an inside job. With no sarcasm, I suggest therapy.

With no sarcasm, I think you’re the one who needs therapy.