How to parent in hyper competitive type A area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You make more than 95% of the people here, and probably more than 90% of the people on DCUM.

So shut up. You're part of the problem.

Op - isn’t the hope that our kids do better than we do?

I know dh and I have done significantly better than our own parents.

So you want your kids to be the richest investment bankers yet you don’t want to make them complete with peers. Ok!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You make more than 95% of the people here, and probably more than 90% of the people on DCUM.

So shut up. You're part of the problem.

Op - isn’t the hope that our kids do better than we do?

I know dh and I have done significantly better than our own parents.

PP you replied to. I am worth 15M in my 40s. I do not go about wringing my hands like you, even though one of my kids has special needs, and we are establishing a trust fund for them. You are tone deaf, and this is why I am admonishing you.

Come on, OP. You're better than this. Children are not guaranteed the successes of their parents. Generational wealth goes a long way to mitigate risks for the next generation. Instead of competing stupidly in things that don't matter... think how you're going to transmit wealth and teach your kids how to manage it. They will need be taught how not to be greedy, how to be patient instead of impulsive, how to play the long game, how to hedge their bets. They will need to build on whatever cognitive skills have been handed down to them, and apply themselves with decent work ethic to respectable careers, no matter what fortunes you transmit, even at an early age.

Ask yourself the right questions, instead of faux-complaining about a competition your kids may or may not need to be part of.

This is one of the smartest things I’ve seen written on dcum in a long time.

[Anonymous]

You parent by talking to your kids. Expose them to lots of opportunities: music, art, theater, different sports, etc. Once THEY feel they want to do more of x, you have the money to give them more of that x. Without sacrificing their mental health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You make more than 95% of the people here, and probably more than 90% of the people on DCUM.

So shut up. You're part of the problem.

+ that wasn’t even a humble brag, OP. That was a full on brag post. You make $600k-$700k? This is rich community, but you truly believe everyone on here makes in that neighborhood? Get some perspective. Many of us are feds, work in nonprofits, etc. go back to your rural hometown and act like a big wig. I bet you couldn’t raise down to earth kids if you tried, you’ve got your head up your arse.

[Anonymous]

You have to run your own race. My kid is as you describe because of his natural abilities. He just gets it athletically and academically without much effort. If he was pursuing something that is wrong for him like ballet or flute, then he would probably suck at it.

[Anonymous]

Just move to a mediocre public school district with 30%+ farms. Your problem will be solved. (I am not kidding.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move to a school that’s not full of rich white people.

Right. . . because the color of their skin is a problem for you. . .

This is just racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You make more than 95% of the people here, and probably more than 90% of the people on DCUM.

So shut up. You're part of the problem.

+100

[Anonymous]

Honestly, OP, sounds like getting off this website would benefit you. I dunno where you live but the world of DCUM is so different than what I actually encounter with parents in my close in neighborhood. We live in the Alexandria part of Fairfax so it’s not exactly McClean, but I know a lot of very successful parents who have totally reasonable expectations for their kids. The fact that this is an anonymous site means you have no idea what is true, what is one person posting over and over again, what is a fake or exaggerated detail, etc.

[Anonymous]

If you are as insecure as you sound OP, your kids are doomed. You need to either move or go see a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Just the fact that you list your own credentials (which are fine but nothing that exceptional) the way you do speaks volumes. This is one of the most expensive places in the country. I too am from somewhere else that is rural and was less competitive and my prize for being at the top of things (also not that exceptional) was the ability to go away to college and get out of there!!!! I also ate a big hunk of humble pie along the way when I got to college and then law school and was no longer the best academic performer. This was a little tough at the time but great for me in the long run. I am somewhat shocked you have gotten to the age where you have a nine year old kid and still lack that perspective!

[Anonymous]

What do you want most for your kids? For me it’s to be happy, healthy, have opportunities to try new things, and to be set up for career options that pays the bills (not necessarily to make $600k mind you, as I don’t think that’s necessary for a happy fulfilling life).

Healthy: that’s physical health and metal health. Living in a pressure cooker is not good for mental health. Knowing how to relax, having time for family and friends - all good for mental health. I remind myself that when there are decisions to be made about going up a level in sports, putting academic pressure on, etc.

Happy: I make a point to model, encourage, and talk about the things that actually are demonstrated to make people happy. Social connections. Having agency in your own life (ie kids have opportunity to make own decisions, and live with consequences even if those paths aren’t necessarily what you think is best). Listen to the episodes about raising happy kids in the Happiness Lab.

Career that pays the bills: we talk about different career paths, what it takes to get there, and the trade offs. We expect them to do well in school, but don’t review homework every night, hire tutors if they’re doing fine, etc. We’d definitely help if they are struggling, and give advice (encouraging them to talk to teachers, etc) but if they are meeting our basic standards of being respectful, turning work in, and generally not slacking, it’s their decision if they want to do Beast Academy for fun (something they did in elementary school) or join the debate team (something I’ve suggested to my HS daughter who is very self motivated to get into a good school but which I’m not pushing further, other than letting her know my I thought my experiences in things like debate and model un were great experiences that helped me later in college and jobs)

[Anonymous]

OP, we’re in a similar situation and we sold our house in a wealthy suburb and bought one in a mixed area with a range of kids from all socioeconomic backgrounds. It is so much better and it still boggles my mind why anyone would choose the elite suburbs. With a background in college admissions, I know that our choice of hometown will not hurt my kids in the college process and may even help… maybe others don’t realize that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you want most for your kids? For me it’s to be happy, healthy, have opportunities to try new things, and to be set up for career options that pays the bills (not necessarily to make $600k mind you, as I don’t think that’s necessary for a happy fulfilling life).

Healthy: that’s physical health and metal health. Living in a pressure cooker is not good for mental health. Knowing how to relax, having time for family and friends - all good for mental health. I remind myself that when there are decisions to be made about going up a level in sports, putting academic pressure on, etc.

Happy: I make a point to model, encourage, and talk about the things that actually are demonstrated to make people happy. Social connections. Having agency in your own life (ie kids have opportunity to make own decisions, and live with consequences even if those paths aren’t necessarily what you think is best). Listen to the episodes about raising happy kids in the Happiness Lab.

Career that pays the bills: we talk about different career paths, what it takes to get there, and the trade offs. We expect them to do well in school, but don’t review homework every night, hire tutors if they’re doing fine, etc. We’d definitely help if they are struggling, and give advice (encouraging them to talk to teachers, etc) but if they are meeting our basic standards of being respectful, turning work in, and generally not slacking, it’s their decision if they want to do Beast Academy for fun (something they did in elementary school) or join the debate team (something I’ve suggested to my HS daughter who is very self motivated to get into a good school but which I’m not pushing further, other than letting her know my I thought my experiences in things like debate and model un were great experiences that helped me later in college and jobs)

You have so much money and privilege to be able to write a post like this.

[Anonymous]

Stop reading dcum for starters.
Surround yourself with similar families/parents.