How to parent in hyper competitive type A area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the “sports are so pointless” posters interesting, because they are undoubtedly the same posters claiming that the one and only way for a child to be successful in life is through advanced academics, with the goal being multiple Ivy degrees that the kids can work into any conversation until the end of time.

The concept of being a great athlete at a state university being another path to professional success is unthinkable to them.

It’s not unthinkable- it’s just not a likely path and so not really a wise one to follow.

At elite grad schools and jobs, they aren’t full of state school athletes. There may be a few. But not many. They are full of people who got good grades and went to top colleges. It’s just a fact

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

How old are your kids?

I have a son in middle and high school. Much of their social life revolves around sports. I do not think the parents drive the sports obsession. In our school, the sporty kids are often the more popular kids. Your kid doesn’t have to be popular or want to be popular but if your kid plays soccer or basketball or baseball, he will want to be good. No one is talking about elite athletes, at least no one in my circles.

They are popular with each other. They aren't popular with the kids who aren't into what they do. Those other kids are popular with each other and don't really notice your kids any more than your kids notice them.

I grew up in the nineties. The popular kids back then and the popular kids now don’t look that different. At my high school in an UMC neighborhood, there were the rich, good looking, smart athletes who played field hockey, lacrosse, tennis, etc who went to an ivy. I worked in finance and you see the same kinds of people there too.

Stereotype straight out of a movie. I’m from a family of athletes, siblings, cousins, nephews, nieces, all varsity sports, college sports and a few professional. Growing up with it athletes they are no better looking or worse looking than the average non-athlete. They have all different abilities in academics from learning difficulties to taking all top classes. Some are outgoing some are not. Stop stereotyping!

And field hockey? There are ice hockey teams for females, that’s where the real athletes are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life is long. Everyone trying to program their kid to gain some college or job admission system that is 5, 10, 15 years off… so much can happen in between.

Anyway we’re due for a pendulum swing. Watch for the articles in the coming years talking about how many struggles those elite competitive kids are having.

Cute but you’re wayyyy off.

NP here. I think PP is spot on. I used to teach at an Ivy and the number of graduates who end up as failure to launches (or were professionally successful but had zero EQ) was alarmingly high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.

The bolded is just false. And this is nothing against travel sports or sports in general. If that's what your kid is into and you want to commit to it, have at it. But the idea that the easiest, best way to make sure your kid stays of screens, gets exercise, has friends, and has a good relationship with you is travel sports is one of the most insane things I've ever heard, especially given how many families I know for whom travel sports means they never spend weekends together as a family, their kids can't participate in a lot of school-based activities, and younger siblings often wind up at the mercy of an older sibling's travel sport schedule.

I don't disagree with some of the other stuff you say, and I do think it's very, very worthwhile for kids to have dedicated activities that parents are invovled/interested in, whether that's scouting or sports or an artistic interest or something else. But the argument that travel sports is the best/easiest of all available options is not only narrow minded but just not born out by the average travel sport experience. There are good things about travel sports and negative things about it, and depending on the family, the bad can easily outweigh the good. It just depends on the kid, the family, the sport (and the team).

There's no magic bullet here. You have to actually talk to and get to know your kid, follow their lead a bit on what interests them (and what they are good at -- letting your kids gravitate towards stuff they have natural ability at can help a lot, and if that's not sports, trying to force them into sports isn't going to work). The attitude that travel sports are *the* solution is just super weird.

If not travel sports what is your suggestion? I think you are missing my point. I’m not saying that you can’t duplicate all the advantages of travel sports with other activities- I am simply stating that it’s far easier and has more fringe benefits than trying to piece it out on your own.

If cost is a factor I could get your concern but what other activities will let your kid get all the advantages I mentioned in my previous post. I can’t think of one.

I’ve raised 3 kids and at least in elementary school travel was easier and more fun than scouts, musicals, dance, piano and choir. And it was way more enjoyable than policing screen time.

The stupid in this post is incredible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.

The bolded is just false. And this is nothing against travel sports or sports in general. If that's what your kid is into and you want to commit to it, have at it. But the idea that the easiest, best way to make sure your kid stays of screens, gets exercise, has friends, and has a good relationship with you is travel sports is one of the most insane things I've ever heard, especially given how many families I know for whom travel sports means they never spend weekends together as a family, their kids can't participate in a lot of school-based activities, and younger siblings often wind up at the mercy of an older sibling's travel sport schedule.

I don't disagree with some of the other stuff you say, and I do think it's very, very worthwhile for kids to have dedicated activities that parents are invovled/interested in, whether that's scouting or sports or an artistic interest or something else. But the argument that travel sports is the best/easiest of all available options is not only narrow minded but just not born out by the average travel sport experience. There are good things about travel sports and negative things about it, and depending on the family, the bad can easily outweigh the good. It just depends on the kid, the family, the sport (and the team).

There's no magic bullet here. You have to actually talk to and get to know your kid, follow their lead a bit on what interests them (and what they are good at -- letting your kids gravitate towards stuff they have natural ability at can help a lot, and if that's not sports, trying to force them into sports isn't going to work). The attitude that travel sports are *the* solution is just super weird.

If not travel sports what is your suggestion? I think you are missing my point. I’m not saying that you can’t duplicate all the advantages of travel sports with other activities- I am simply stating that it’s far easier and has more fringe benefits than trying to piece it out on your own.

If cost is a factor I could get your concern but what other activities will let your kid get all the advantages I mentioned in my previous post. I can’t think of one.

I’ve raised 3 kids and at least in elementary school travel was easier and more fun than scouts, musicals, dance, piano and choir. And it was way more enjoyable than policing screen time.

PP here and I have personally found it way easier to take a more balanced approach to activities, especially in elementary school that have all the benefits you mention.

I personally have never found it hard to keep screen time low. We didn't get our kids tablets or phones in elementary school. They used our tablet if they needed it for school. We watched movies as a family. Kids didn't get daily screen time. My kids aren't into video games (they'll play them but they aren't into them). So this was just not an issue. I confess I don't understand why screen time is such a big thing because I found it really easy to limit screen time.

The easiest activities to sign my kids up for were either (1) through school, (2) local rec sports, or (3) studio/gym based sports that were close to home. For one kid this was school basketball paired with rec basketball and gymnastics, for the other this was year round ballet at a nearby studio paired with an after school dance club and doing the school musical. Spouse and I volunteered with activities for both kids, they made friends and had good bonding experiences, developed skills over time, and weren't on screens. It was cheaper and easier than travel sports. Notably, it kept weekends pretty free for family time. Ballet would have a couple recitals during the year that would be on the weekend, but we'd know months in advance and it was easy to plan around them. Basketball had some weekend tournaments but since it was through school and parks and rec, it was all local.

Both kids are physically fit and we're a very active family. We hike and kayak together and our vacations tend to have a lot of physical activity. It would be really hard for us to do that stuff with the frequency we do in travel sports.

Both kids are in MS now and both still do their main physical activity (basketball for one, ballet for the other) plus have gotten involved with other clubs through school. I think they have good attitudes about their extra-curriculars, in that they work hard while they are there but it's not their whole world. We've always told them that if it stops being fun, that's a sign we need to make a change.

The both get good grades and test above grade level, have lots of friends and seem to be in good mental health, and are just generally good kids. At no point have I felt we were missing out on not doing travel sports. They both did soccer in PK/K/1st but not travel and neither was a huge fan of it. I know there are travel basketball teams but the time commitment has never seemed worth it to my kid or us.

Zero regrets here. I think it's fine if others do travel sports but the idea that it's the best or easiest or most efficient way to keep kids active and social and off screens just sounds bizarre to me. It's expensive and time consuming and doesn't make sense for all or even most families. It's like arguing that competitive dance or intensive tutoring are the easiest and best ways to get kids arts exposure or keep them on track in school. It might make sense for you but it's definitely not universal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.

The bolded is just false. And this is nothing against travel sports or sports in general. If that's what your kid is into and you want to commit to it, have at it. But the idea that the easiest, best way to make sure your kid stays of screens, gets exercise, has friends, and has a good relationship with you is travel sports is one of the most insane things I've ever heard, especially given how many families I know for whom travel sports means they never spend weekends together as a family, their kids can't participate in a lot of school-based activities, and younger siblings often wind up at the mercy of an older sibling's travel sport schedule.

I don't disagree with some of the other stuff you say, and I do think it's very, very worthwhile for kids to have dedicated activities that parents are invovled/interested in, whether that's scouting or sports or an artistic interest or something else. But the argument that travel sports is the best/easiest of all available options is not only narrow minded but just not born out by the average travel sport experience. There are good things about travel sports and negative things about it, and depending on the family, the bad can easily outweigh the good. It just depends on the kid, the family, the sport (and the team).

There's no magic bullet here. You have to actually talk to and get to know your kid, follow their lead a bit on what interests them (and what they are good at -- letting your kids gravitate towards stuff they have natural ability at can help a lot, and if that's not sports, trying to force them into sports isn't going to work). The attitude that travel sports are *the* solution is just super weird.

If not travel sports what is your suggestion? I think you are missing my point. I’m not saying that you can’t duplicate all the advantages of travel sports with other activities- I am simply stating that it’s far easier and has more fringe benefits than trying to piece it out on your own.

If cost is a factor I could get your concern but what other activities will let your kid get all the advantages I mentioned in my previous post. I can’t think of one.

I’ve raised 3 kids and at least in elementary school travel was easier and more fun than scouts, musicals, dance, piano and choir. And it was way more enjoyable than policing screen time.

The stupid in this post is incredible.

The argument that the only way to keep kids off screens is travel sports is the give away here. If you are finding the only way to keep your kids off screens is to ensure they are committed to multiple weekday practices and are out of the house all weekend, you didn't discover a cool parenting hack. You messed up somewhere else and this is your emergency solution.

My kid can spend literally the entire weekend at home and not spend any time on screens. That's not how we choose to spend our weekends, but we just have a low-screen environment generally and our lives don't revolve around them so it's not an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the “sports are so pointless” posters interesting, because they are undoubtedly the same posters claiming that the one and only way for a child to be successful in life is through advanced academics, with the goal being multiple Ivy degrees that the kids can work into any conversation until the end of time.

The concept of being a great athlete at a state university being another path to professional success is unthinkable to them.

It’s not unthinkable- it’s just not a likely path and so not really a wise one to follow.

At elite grad schools and jobs, they aren’t full of state school athletes. There may be a few. But not many. They are full of people who got good grades and went to top colleges. It’s just a fact

Are “elite grad schools and jobs” the only path to a successful life, though? You are missing my point while also proving it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.

The bolded is just false. And this is nothing against travel sports or sports in general. If that's what your kid is into and you want to commit to it, have at it. But the idea that the easiest, best way to make sure your kid stays of screens, gets exercise, has friends, and has a good relationship with you is travel sports is one of the most insane things I've ever heard, especially given how many families I know for whom travel sports means they never spend weekends together as a family, their kids can't participate in a lot of school-based activities, and younger siblings often wind up at the mercy of an older sibling's travel sport schedule.

I don't disagree with some of the other stuff you say, and I do think it's very, very worthwhile for kids to have dedicated activities that parents are invovled/interested in, whether that's scouting or sports or an artistic interest or something else. But the argument that travel sports is the best/easiest of all available options is not only narrow minded but just not born out by the average travel sport experience. There are good things about travel sports and negative things about it, and depending on the family, the bad can easily outweigh the good. It just depends on the kid, the family, the sport (and the team).

There's no magic bullet here. You have to actually talk to and get to know your kid, follow their lead a bit on what interests them (and what they are good at -- letting your kids gravitate towards stuff they have natural ability at can help a lot, and if that's not sports, trying to force them into sports isn't going to work). The attitude that travel sports are *the* solution is just super weird.

If not travel sports what is your suggestion? I think you are missing my point. I’m not saying that you can’t duplicate all the advantages of travel sports with other activities- I am simply stating that it’s far easier and has more fringe benefits than trying to piece it out on your own.

If cost is a factor I could get your concern but what other activities will let your kid get all the advantages I mentioned in my previous post. I can’t think of one.

I’ve raised 3 kids and at least in elementary school travel was easier and more fun than scouts, musicals, dance, piano and choir. And it was way more enjoyable than policing screen time.

The stupid in this post is incredible.

The argument that the only way to keep kids off screens is travel sports is the give away here. If you are finding the only way to keep your kids off screens is to ensure they are committed to multiple weekday practices and are out of the house all weekend, you didn't discover a cool parenting hack. You messed up somewhere else and this is your emergency solution.

My kid can spend literally the entire weekend at home and not spend any time on screens. That's not how we choose to spend our weekends, but we just have a low-screen environment generally and our lives don't revolve around them so it's not an issue.

This is not what that poster said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.

The bolded is just false. And this is nothing against travel sports or sports in general. If that's what your kid is into and you want to commit to it, have at it. But the idea that the easiest, best way to make sure your kid stays of screens, gets exercise, has friends, and has a good relationship with you is travel sports is one of the most insane things I've ever heard, especially given how many families I know for whom travel sports means they never spend weekends together as a family, their kids can't participate in a lot of school-based activities, and younger siblings often wind up at the mercy of an older sibling's travel sport schedule.

I don't disagree with some of the other stuff you say, and I do think it's very, very worthwhile for kids to have dedicated activities that parents are invovled/interested in, whether that's scouting or sports or an artistic interest or something else. But the argument that travel sports is the best/easiest of all available options is not only narrow minded but just not born out by the average travel sport experience. There are good things about travel sports and negative things about it, and depending on the family, the bad can easily outweigh the good. It just depends on the kid, the family, the sport (and the team).

There's no magic bullet here. You have to actually talk to and get to know your kid, follow their lead a bit on what interests them (and what they are good at -- letting your kids gravitate towards stuff they have natural ability at can help a lot, and if that's not sports, trying to force them into sports isn't going to work). The attitude that travel sports are *the* solution is just super weird.

If not travel sports what is your suggestion? I think you are missing my point. I’m not saying that you can’t duplicate all the advantages of travel sports with other activities- I am simply stating that it’s far easier and has more fringe benefits than trying to piece it out on your own.

If cost is a factor I could get your concern but what other activities will let your kid get all the advantages I mentioned in my previous post. I can’t think of one.

I’ve raised 3 kids and at least in elementary school travel was easier and more fun than scouts, musicals, dance, piano and choir. And it was way more enjoyable than policing screen time.

The stupid in this post is incredible.

The argument that the only way to keep kids off screens is travel sports is the give away here. If you are finding the only way to keep your kids off screens is to ensure they are committed to multiple weekday practices and are out of the house all weekend, you didn't discover a cool parenting hack. You messed up somewhere else and this is your emergency solution.

My kid can spend literally the entire weekend at home and not spend any time on screens. That's not how we choose to spend our weekends, but we just have a low-screen environment generally and our lives don't revolve around them so it's not an issue.

This is not what that poster said.

I mean, what the poster said was that travel sports are the easiest way to accomplish the parenting goals of limiting screen time, get exercise, socialize. But she also reiterated the screen time thing multiple times.

So yeah, it does seem like she thinks travel sports are the best/easiest way to limit screen time for kids. Which is bringing gun to a knife fight, but whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

How old are your kids?

I have a son in middle and high school. Much of their social life revolves around sports. I do not think the parents drive the sports obsession. In our school, the sporty kids are often the more popular kids. Your kid doesn’t have to be popular or want to be popular but if your kid plays soccer or basketball or baseball, he will want to be good. No one is talking about elite athletes, at least no one in my circles.

They are popular with each other. They aren't popular with the kids who aren't into what they do. Those other kids are popular with each other and don't really notice your kids any more than your kids notice them.

I grew up in the nineties. The popular kids back then and the popular kids now don’t look that different. At my high school in an UMC neighborhood, there were the rich, good looking, smart athletes who played field hockey, lacrosse, tennis, etc who went to an ivy. I worked in finance and you see the same kinds of people there too.

Stereotype straight out of a movie. I’m from a family of athletes, siblings, cousins, nephews, nieces, all varsity sports, college sports and a few professional. Growing up with it athletes they are no better looking or worse looking than the average non-athlete. They have all different abilities in academics from learning difficulties to taking all top classes. Some are outgoing some are not. Stop stereotyping!

And field hockey? There are ice hockey teams for females, that’s where the real athletes are.

Don’t know what to tell you. I find good looking, smart athletic guys to be attractive. I’m pretty sure most other women will agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.

The bolded is just false. And this is nothing against travel sports or sports in general. If that's what your kid is into and you want to commit to it, have at it. But the idea that the easiest, best way to make sure your kid stays of screens, gets exercise, has friends, and has a good relationship with you is travel sports is one of the most insane things I've ever heard, especially given how many families I know for whom travel sports means they never spend weekends together as a family, their kids can't participate in a lot of school-based activities, and younger siblings often wind up at the mercy of an older sibling's travel sport schedule.

I don't disagree with some of the other stuff you say, and I do think it's very, very worthwhile for kids to have dedicated activities that parents are invovled/interested in, whether that's scouting or sports or an artistic interest or something else. But the argument that travel sports is the best/easiest of all available options is not only narrow minded but just not born out by the average travel sport experience. There are good things about travel sports and negative things about it, and depending on the family, the bad can easily outweigh the good. It just depends on the kid, the family, the sport (and the team).

There's no magic bullet here. You have to actually talk to and get to know your kid, follow their lead a bit on what interests them (and what they are good at -- letting your kids gravitate towards stuff they have natural ability at can help a lot, and if that's not sports, trying to force them into sports isn't going to work). The attitude that travel sports are *the* solution is just super weird.

If not travel sports what is your suggestion? I think you are missing my point. I’m not saying that you can’t duplicate all the advantages of travel sports with other activities- I am simply stating that it’s far easier and has more fringe benefits than trying to piece it out on your own.

If cost is a factor I could get your concern but what other activities will let your kid get all the advantages I mentioned in my previous post. I can’t think of one.

I’ve raised 3 kids and at least in elementary school travel was easier and more fun than scouts, musicals, dance, piano and choir. And it was way more enjoyable than policing screen time.

The stupid in this post is incredible.

The argument that the only way to keep kids off screens is travel sports is the give away here. If you are finding the only way to keep your kids off screens is to ensure they are committed to multiple weekday practices and are out of the house all weekend, you didn't discover a cool parenting hack. You messed up somewhere else and this is your emergency solution.

My kid can spend literally the entire weekend at home and not spend any time on screens. That's not how we choose to spend our weekends, but we just have a low-screen environment generally and our lives don't revolve around them so it's not an issue.

This is not what that poster said.

I mean, what the poster said was that travel sports are the easiest way to accomplish the parenting goals of limiting screen time, get exercise, socialize. But she also reiterated the screen time thing multiple times.

So yeah, it does seem like she thinks travel sports are the best/easiest way to limit screen time for kids. Which is bringing gun to a knife fight, but whatever.

You should focus on your own academic performance rather than worrying about others’ kids so much. First, that poster was a Dad (so presumably not a “she”), and second, in no universe is stating one’s opinion that Path A is the easiest and most fun way to Point B the same thing as saying it’s the only way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.

The bolded is just false. And this is nothing against travel sports or sports in general. If that's what your kid is into and you want to commit to it, have at it. But the idea that the easiest, best way to make sure your kid stays of screens, gets exercise, has friends, and has a good relationship with you is travel sports is one of the most insane things I've ever heard, especially given how many families I know for whom travel sports means they never spend weekends together as a family, their kids can't participate in a lot of school-based activities, and younger siblings often wind up at the mercy of an older sibling's travel sport schedule.

I don't disagree with some of the other stuff you say, and I do think it's very, very worthwhile for kids to have dedicated activities that parents are invovled/interested in, whether that's scouting or sports or an artistic interest or something else. But the argument that travel sports is the best/easiest of all available options is not only narrow minded but just not born out by the average travel sport experience. There are good things about travel sports and negative things about it, and depending on the family, the bad can easily outweigh the good. It just depends on the kid, the family, the sport (and the team).

There's no magic bullet here. You have to actually talk to and get to know your kid, follow their lead a bit on what interests them (and what they are good at -- letting your kids gravitate towards stuff they have natural ability at can help a lot, and if that's not sports, trying to force them into sports isn't going to work). The attitude that travel sports are *the* solution is just super weird.

If not travel sports what is your suggestion? I think you are missing my point. I’m not saying that you can’t duplicate all the advantages of travel sports with other activities- I am simply stating that it’s far easier and has more fringe benefits than trying to piece it out on your own.

If cost is a factor I could get your concern but what other activities will let your kid get all the advantages I mentioned in my previous post. I can’t think of one.

I’ve raised 3 kids and at least in elementary school travel was easier and more fun than scouts, musicals, dance, piano and choir. And it was way more enjoyable than policing screen time.

The stupid in this post is incredible.

The argument that the only way to keep kids off screens is travel sports is the give away here. If you are finding the only way to keep your kids off screens is to ensure they are committed to multiple weekday practices and are out of the house all weekend, you didn't discover a cool parenting hack. You messed up somewhere else and this is your emergency solution.

My kid can spend literally the entire weekend at home and not spend any time on screens. That's not how we choose to spend our weekends, but we just have a low-screen environment generally and our lives don't revolve around them so it's not an issue.

This is not what that poster said.

I mean, what the poster said was that travel sports are the easiest way to accomplish the parenting goals of limiting screen time, get exercise, socialize. But she also reiterated the screen time thing multiple times.

So yeah, it does seem like she thinks travel sports are the best/easiest way to limit screen time for kids. Which is bringing gun to a knife fight, but whatever.

You should focus on your own academic performance rather than worrying about others’ kids so much. First, that poster was a Dad (so presumably not a “she”), and second, in no universe is stating one’s opinion that Path A is the easiest and most fun way to Point B the same thing as saying it’s the only way.

The poster did not identify themselves as a dad. We don't know their gender. They did say "I've raised 3 kids" at one point, and IME that's much more likely to be a mom than a dad, but we don't actually know.

And this was their exact quote to describe their position on travel sports, in response to a PP who didn't criticize travel sports but simply said that kids do not have to become "elite athletes" in order to be successful in school or in life:

"I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.

The bolded is just false. And this is nothing against travel sports or sports in general. If that's what your kid is into and you want to commit to it, have at it. But the idea that the easiest, best way to make sure your kid stays of screens, gets exercise, has friends, and has a good relationship with you is travel sports is one of the most insane things I've ever heard, especially given how many families I know for whom travel sports means they never spend weekends together as a family, their kids can't participate in a lot of school-based activities, and younger siblings often wind up at the mercy of an older sibling's travel sport schedule.

I don't disagree with some of the other stuff you say, and I do think it's very, very worthwhile for kids to have dedicated activities that parents are invovled/interested in, whether that's scouting or sports or an artistic interest or something else. But the argument that travel sports is the best/easiest of all available options is not only narrow minded but just not born out by the average travel sport experience. There are good things about travel sports and negative things about it, and depending on the family, the bad can easily outweigh the good. It just depends on the kid, the family, the sport (and the team).

There's no magic bullet here. You have to actually talk to and get to know your kid, follow their lead a bit on what interests them (and what they are good at -- letting your kids gravitate towards stuff they have natural ability at can help a lot, and if that's not sports, trying to force them into sports isn't going to work). The attitude that travel sports are *the* solution is just super weird.

If not travel sports what is your suggestion? I think you are missing my point. I’m not saying that you can’t duplicate all the advantages of travel sports with other activities- I am simply stating that it’s far easier and has more fringe benefits than trying to piece it out on your own.

If cost is a factor I could get your concern but what other activities will let your kid get all the advantages I mentioned in my previous post. I can’t think of one.

I’ve raised 3 kids and at least in elementary school travel was easier and more fun than scouts, musicals, dance, piano and choir. And it was way more enjoyable than policing screen time.

The stupid in this post is incredible.

The argument that the only way to keep kids off screens is travel sports is the give away here. If you are finding the only way to keep your kids off screens is to ensure they are committed to multiple weekday practices and are out of the house all weekend, you didn't discover a cool parenting hack. You messed up somewhere else and this is your emergency solution.

My kid can spend literally the entire weekend at home and not spend any time on screens. That's not how we choose to spend our weekends, but we just have a low-screen environment generally and our lives don't revolve around them so it's not an issue.

This is not what that poster said.

I mean, what the poster said was that travel sports are the easiest way to accomplish the parenting goals of limiting screen time, get exercise, socialize. But she also reiterated the screen time thing multiple times.

So yeah, it does seem like she thinks travel sports are the best/easiest way to limit screen time for kids. Which is bringing gun to a knife fight, but whatever.

You should focus on your own academic performance rather than worrying about others’ kids so much. First, that poster was a Dad (so presumably not a “she”), and second, in no universe is stating one’s opinion that Path A is the easiest and most fun way to Point B the same thing as saying it’s the only way.

The poster did not identify themselves as a dad. We don't know their gender. They did say "I've raised 3 kids" at one point, and IME that's much more likely to be a mom than a dad, but we don't actually know.

And this was their exact quote to describe their position on travel sports, in response to a PP who didn't criticize travel sports but simply said that kids do not have to become "elite athletes" in order to be successful in school or in life:

"I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize."

I am not that pp but I do also have 3 kids. The pp’s wording is poor. Being in team sports is a nice way to be part of the community whether it is the local pool swim team, country club tennis team, travel soccer, AAU basketball, travel baseball and any other team sports that are popular in your school or community.

It keeps kids healthy and fit. It keeps kids out of trouble and yes, it keeps kids off screens. I would never list less screen time as a reason to play sports but it isn’t wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.

The bolded is just false. And this is nothing against travel sports or sports in general. If that's what your kid is into and you want to commit to it, have at it. But the idea that the easiest, best way to make sure your kid stays of screens, gets exercise, has friends, and has a good relationship with you is travel sports is one of the most insane things I've ever heard, especially given how many families I know for whom travel sports means they never spend weekends together as a family, their kids can't participate in a lot of school-based activities, and younger siblings often wind up at the mercy of an older sibling's travel sport schedule.

I don't disagree with some of the other stuff you say, and I do think it's very, very worthwhile for kids to have dedicated activities that parents are invovled/interested in, whether that's scouting or sports or an artistic interest or something else. But the argument that travel sports is the best/easiest of all available options is not only narrow minded but just not born out by the average travel sport experience. There are good things about travel sports and negative things about it, and depending on the family, the bad can easily outweigh the good. It just depends on the kid, the family, the sport (and the team).

There's no magic bullet here. You have to actually talk to and get to know your kid, follow their lead a bit on what interests them (and what they are good at -- letting your kids gravitate towards stuff they have natural ability at can help a lot, and if that's not sports, trying to force them into sports isn't going to work). The attitude that travel sports are *the* solution is just super weird.

If not travel sports what is your suggestion? I think you are missing my point. I’m not saying that you can’t duplicate all the advantages of travel sports with other activities- I am simply stating that it’s far easier and has more fringe benefits than trying to piece it out on your own.

If cost is a factor I could get your concern but what other activities will let your kid get all the advantages I mentioned in my previous post. I can’t think of one.

I’ve raised 3 kids and at least in elementary school travel was easier and more fun than scouts, musicals, dance, piano and choir. And it was way more enjoyable than policing screen time.

The stupid in this post is incredible.

The argument that the only way to keep kids off screens is travel sports is the give away here. If you are finding the only way to keep your kids off screens is to ensure they are committed to multiple weekday practices and are out of the house all weekend, you didn't discover a cool parenting hack. You messed up somewhere else and this is your emergency solution.

My kid can spend literally the entire weekend at home and not spend any time on screens. That's not how we choose to spend our weekends, but we just have a low-screen environment generally and our lives don't revolve around them so it's not an issue.

This is not what that poster said.

I mean, what the poster said was that travel sports are the easiest way to accomplish the parenting goals of limiting screen time, get exercise, socialize. But she also reiterated the screen time thing multiple times.

So yeah, it does seem like she thinks travel sports are the best/easiest way to limit screen time for kids. Which is bringing gun to a knife fight, but whatever.

Don’t you want to bring a gun to a knife fight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.

The bolded is just false. And this is nothing against travel sports or sports in general. If that's what your kid is into and you want to commit to it, have at it. But the idea that the easiest, best way to make sure your kid stays of screens, gets exercise, has friends, and has a good relationship with you is travel sports is one of the most insane things I've ever heard, especially given how many families I know for whom travel sports means they never spend weekends together as a family, their kids can't participate in a lot of school-based activities, and younger siblings often wind up at the mercy of an older sibling's travel sport schedule.

I don't disagree with some of the other stuff you say, and I do think it's very, very worthwhile for kids to have dedicated activities that parents are invovled/interested in, whether that's scouting or sports or an artistic interest or something else. But the argument that travel sports is the best/easiest of all available options is not only narrow minded but just not born out by the average travel sport experience. There are good things about travel sports and negative things about it, and depending on the family, the bad can easily outweigh the good. It just depends on the kid, the family, the sport (and the team).

There's no magic bullet here. You have to actually talk to and get to know your kid, follow their lead a bit on what interests them (and what they are good at -- letting your kids gravitate towards stuff they have natural ability at can help a lot, and if that's not sports, trying to force them into sports isn't going to work). The attitude that travel sports are *the* solution is just super weird.

If not travel sports what is your suggestion? I think you are missing my point. I’m not saying that you can’t duplicate all the advantages of travel sports with other activities- I am simply stating that it’s far easier and has more fringe benefits than trying to piece it out on your own.

If cost is a factor I could get your concern but what other activities will let your kid get all the advantages I mentioned in my previous post. I can’t think of one.

I’ve raised 3 kids and at least in elementary school travel was easier and more fun than scouts, musicals, dance, piano and choir. And it was way more enjoyable than policing screen time.

The stupid in this post is incredible.

The argument that the only way to keep kids off screens is travel sports is the give away here. If you are finding the only way to keep your kids off screens is to ensure they are committed to multiple weekday practices and are out of the house all weekend, you didn't discover a cool parenting hack. You messed up somewhere else and this is your emergency solution.

My kid can spend literally the entire weekend at home and not spend any time on screens. That's not how we choose to spend our weekends, but we just have a low-screen environment generally and our lives don't revolve around them so it's not an issue.

This is not what that poster said.

I mean, what the poster said was that travel sports are the easiest way to accomplish the parenting goals of limiting screen time, get exercise, socialize. But she also reiterated the screen time thing multiple times.

So yeah, it does seem like she thinks travel sports are the best/easiest way to limit screen time for kids. Which is bringing gun to a knife fight, but whatever.

You should focus on your own academic performance rather than worrying about others’ kids so much. First, that poster was a Dad (so presumably not a “she”), and second, in no universe is stating one’s opinion that Path A is the easiest and most fun way to Point B the same thing as saying it’s the only way.

The poster did not identify themselves as a dad. We don't know their gender. They did say "I've raised 3 kids" at one point, and IME that's much more likely to be a mom than a dad, but we don't actually know.

And this was their exact quote to describe their position on travel sports, in response to a PP who didn't criticize travel sports but simply said that kids do not have to become "elite athletes" in order to be successful in school or in life:

"I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize."

“I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.”

Again, worry about your own academic performance, PP. Start with attention span, reading comprehension, and recall.