How to parent in hyper competitive type A area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

My friends with unathletic boys struggle socially. The unathletic not social boys don’t necessarily seem to be smarter, just not athletic and struggling socially. Boys tend to run around and hang out together.

This is such a a weird and limited outlook, I don't get it.

I think some of you are obsessed with this image of adolescence of being about being a varsity athlete, getting invited to all the parties, having the largest volume of friends. It feels very antiquated to me. I have a MS kid and HS kid and this is not the world they live in. The social scenes at their schools are not centralized around athletics. It's not 1952.

Haha it is funny that people are implying I’m obsessed with sports. I have never been interested in sports and was never athletic. My oldest is in high school and he does play three varsity sports. My second son is more athletic than my oldest.

I commented earlier that everyone is different and excel in different areas, not necessarily sports. Whether you want to go to Harvard or Duke, you won’t get into a good school or get a desired job by puttering around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

My friends with unathletic boys struggle socially. The unathletic not social boys don’t necessarily seem to be smarter, just not athletic and struggling socially. Boys tend to run around and hang out together.

This is such a a weird and limited outlook, I don't get it.

I think some of you are obsessed with this image of adolescence of being about being a varsity athlete, getting invited to all the parties, having the largest volume of friends. It feels very antiquated to me. I have a MS kid and HS kid and this is not the world they live in. The social scenes at their schools are not centralized around athletics. It's not 1952.

I agree. My kid is not athletic, but he is not struggling socially. He has other activities, and friends, and they hang out and have fun together. They have no interest in going to parties of kids who aren't their friends (and certainly not the ones where kids are drinking and taking all kinds of risks). It seems really self-centered to suggest that if a kid isn't at the same party as yours they are somehow missing out on a social life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

How old are your kids?

I have a son in middle and high school. Much of their social life revolves around sports. I do not think the parents drive the sports obsession. In our school, the sporty kids are often the more popular kids. Your kid doesn’t have to be popular or want to be popular but if your kid plays soccer or basketball or baseball, he will want to be good. No one is talking about elite athletes, at least no one in my circles.

They are popular with each other. They aren't popular with the kids who aren't into what they do. Those other kids are popular with each other and don't really notice your kids any more than your kids notice them.

I grew up in the nineties. The popular kids back then and the popular kids now don’t look that different. At my high school in an UMC neighborhood, there were the rich, good looking, smart athletes who played field hockey, lacrosse, tennis, etc who went to an ivy. I worked in finance and you see the same kinds of people there too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.

Goodness, you have a very narrow world view. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.

Goodness, you have a very narrow world view. LOL

Not the pp. I am an Asian American immigrant whose parents focused on academics and not sports. I was a nerd and definitely not an athlete and spent decades thinking America is such a sports obsessed country. My Asian relatives have kids who study around the clock. I often think how lucky my kids are to live in America where they get to enjoy life, have such a healthy lifestyle. I let my kids try out various activities and sports. While they are not the best or necessarily elite, they can swim, ski, golf, have played on various athletic teams. America is a sports obsessed society. Whether you actually played or not, Americans enjoy watching sports. Dh and his friends and colleagues will plan trips to go to Super Bowl, play golf or tennis, hang out with one another watching football or baseball.

This is America. America loves sports. I never liked sports. I still don’t. I do enjoy watching my kids play. I sign up my kids and drive them to practice and games.

[Anonymous]

I will add that knowing how to relate to sports and play things like golf is very very helpful in the business world. How many times have you heard of tech, finance and law people who have “golf outing” and go to sporting events as a way to mingle, generate business and meet new people. A lot.

My sister is a top sales rep for a tech company. She is a great golfer. She managed to get into the “good old guys” club and be competitive with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

How old are your kids?

I have a son in middle and high school. Much of their social life revolves around sports. I do not think the parents drive the sports obsession. In our school, the sporty kids are often the more popular kids. Your kid doesn’t have to be popular or want to be popular but if your kid plays soccer or basketball or baseball, he will want to be good. No one is talking about elite athletes, at least no one in my circles.

They are popular with each other. They aren't popular with the kids who aren't into what they do. Those other kids are popular with each other and don't really notice your kids any more than your kids notice them.

I grew up in the nineties. The popular kids back then and the popular kids now don’t look that different. At my high school in an UMC neighborhood, there were the rich, good looking, smart athletes who played field hockey, lacrosse, tennis, etc who went to an ivy. I worked in finance and you see the same kinds of people there too.

The "popular kids" look the same to you because you have a strong personal preference for a certain kind of person, and that preference has been the same since the 90s. So you look at your kids school and you are drawn to the kids who have they same qualities as the kids you were drawn to in high school. You think of these kids as "the popular kids" because you want to be friends with them/want your kids to be friends with them. But the entire thing is based on your personal value system, and plenty of people don't share it.

When I was in high school in the 90s, I played no sports. I did speech and debate, drama, and some service organizations. I had tons of friends, won academic and achievement awards, had the lead in several school plays and stage managed another, and was a class-elected speaker at my high school graduation. There were also kids I went to school with who played multiple varsity sports, served in student government, got great grades, and won awards. We were both "popular" in the sense that people liked us and we had large friend groups and were well known in the school community. You can do this with sports and without it. I knew a guy in high school who was aggressive unathletic, was best known for being the star of the "mathletes" team, and he was extremely well liked, wound up our valedictorian, attended a top school, got an MBA and law degree, and now is an executive at a FANG company. This guy did an independent study to satisfy his gym requirement our senior year in which he took walks and produced a detailed report on how he increased his calorie burn via walking by increasing distance, speed, and utilizing walking techniques of "distance walkers." He was beloved for stuff like this and the school wound up creating a class based on this called "Walking for Fitness" (unofficially known as "Nerd Gym" among students). He was popular!

The only time that sports actually dictate whether kids are socially successful or not are in very narrow, weak schools where sports are the only activity that gets funding or community support and where no one cares about any other metric of success. And becoming popular via sports in a place like that is not a road to success in life unless it is your dream to run a local car dealership chain and serve on the city council of some podunk town in the middle of nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will add that knowing how to relate to sports and play things like golf is very very helpful in the business world. How many times have you heard of tech, finance and law people who have “golf outing” and go to sporting events as a way to mingle, generate business and meet new people. A lot.

My sister is a top sales rep for a tech company. She is a great golfer. She managed to get into the “good old guys” club and be competitive with them.

But you can do this without being a competitive athlete as a kid. I was a very poor athlete as a child and only played sports into middle school (where I was not good and was often the slowest person on any given team). Did not even go out for sports in high school. But I enjoy sports, am a huge football and baseball fan with deep knowledge of both sports. I also swim, play golf and tennis, and took up running in middle age. I am still not fast but I'm very fit and have a lot of sports knowledge and that has come in handy in my career as sports can be an easy way to develop camaraderie with others in the workplace. You do not need to play travel sports or HS sports in order to be a "sporty" adult who uses sports to make friends and develop connections. I went golfing for the very first time in grad school, didn't play tennis until my 30s. Has not hindered me in any way.

Most adults are out of shape, including most who played sports has kids. Even the ones who were good at it. People eat too much, drink too much, and don't make enough time for fitness when they get busy with work and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

How old are your kids?

I have a son in middle and high school. Much of their social life revolves around sports. I do not think the parents drive the sports obsession. In our school, the sporty kids are often the more popular kids. Your kid doesn’t have to be popular or want to be popular but if your kid plays soccer or basketball or baseball, he will want to be good. No one is talking about elite athletes, at least no one in my circles.

They are popular with each other. They aren't popular with the kids who aren't into what they do. Those other kids are popular with each other and don't really notice your kids any more than your kids notice them.

I grew up in the nineties. The popular kids back then and the popular kids now don’t look that different. At my high school in an UMC neighborhood, there were the rich, good looking, smart athletes who played field hockey, lacrosse, tennis, etc who went to an ivy. I worked in finance and you see the same kinds of people there too.

The "popular kids" look the same to you because you have a strong personal preference for a certain kind of person, and that preference has been the same since the 90s. So you look at your kids school and you are drawn to the kids who have they same qualities as the kids you were drawn to in high school. You think of these kids as "the popular kids" because you want to be friends with them/want your kids to be friends with them. But the entire thing is based on your personal value system, and plenty of people don't share it.

When I was in high school in the 90s, I played no sports. I did speech and debate, drama, and some service organizations. I had tons of friends, won academic and achievement awards, had the lead in several school plays and stage managed another, and was a class-elected speaker at my high school graduation. There were also kids I went to school with who played multiple varsity sports, served in student government, got great grades, and won awards. We were both "popular" in the sense that people liked us and we had large friend groups and were well known in the school community. You can do this with sports and without it. I knew a guy in high school who was aggressive unathletic, was best known for being the star of the "mathletes" team, and he was extremely well liked, wound up our valedictorian, attended a top school, got an MBA and law degree, and now is an executive at a FANG company. This guy did an independent study to satisfy his gym requirement our senior year in which he took walks and produced a detailed report on how he increased his calorie burn via walking by increasing distance, speed, and utilizing walking techniques of "distance walkers." He was beloved for stuff like this and the school wound up creating a class based on this called "Walking for Fitness" (unofficially known as "Nerd Gym" among students). He was popular!

The only time that sports actually dictate whether kids are socially successful or not are in very narrow, weak schools where sports are the only activity that gets funding or community support and where no one cares about any other metric of success. And becoming popular via sports in a place like that is not a road to success in life unless it is your dream to run a local car dealership chain and serve on the city council of some podunk town in the middle of nowhere.

I dated an all star athlete who went to HBS and is also now a FAANG executive. You can get to the same place in many ways.

I grew up in a wealthy suburb of NYC, not some podunk town in the middle of nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.

The bolded is just false. And this is nothing against travel sports or sports in general. If that's what your kid is into and you want to commit to it, have at it. But the idea that the easiest, best way to make sure your kid stays of screens, gets exercise, has friends, and has a good relationship with you is travel sports is one of the most insane things I've ever heard, especially given how many families I know for whom travel sports means they never spend weekends together as a family, their kids can't participate in a lot of school-based activities, and younger siblings often wind up at the mercy of an older sibling's travel sport schedule.

I don't disagree with some of the other stuff you say, and I do think it's very, very worthwhile for kids to have dedicated activities that parents are invovled/interested in, whether that's scouting or sports or an artistic interest or something else. But the argument that travel sports is the best/easiest of all available options is not only narrow minded but just not born out by the average travel sport experience. There are good things about travel sports and negative things about it, and depending on the family, the bad can easily outweigh the good. It just depends on the kid, the family, the sport (and the team).

There's no magic bullet here. You have to actually talk to and get to know your kid, follow their lead a bit on what interests them (and what they are good at -- letting your kids gravitate towards stuff they have natural ability at can help a lot, and if that's not sports, trying to force them into sports isn't going to work). The attitude that travel sports are *the* solution is just super weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.

The bolded is just false. And this is nothing against travel sports or sports in general. If that's what your kid is into and you want to commit to it, have at it. But the idea that the easiest, best way to make sure your kid stays of screens, gets exercise, has friends, and has a good relationship with you is travel sports is one of the most insane things I've ever heard, especially given how many families I know for whom travel sports means they never spend weekends together as a family, their kids can't participate in a lot of school-based activities, and younger siblings often wind up at the mercy of an older sibling's travel sport schedule.

I don't disagree with some of the other stuff you say, and I do think it's very, very worthwhile for kids to have dedicated activities that parents are invovled/interested in, whether that's scouting or sports or an artistic interest or something else. But the argument that travel sports is the best/easiest of all available options is not only narrow minded but just not born out by the average travel sport experience. There are good things about travel sports and negative things about it, and depending on the family, the bad can easily outweigh the good. It just depends on the kid, the family, the sport (and the team).

There's no magic bullet here. You have to actually talk to and get to know your kid, follow their lead a bit on what interests them (and what they are good at -- letting your kids gravitate towards stuff they have natural ability at can help a lot, and if that's not sports, trying to force them into sports isn't going to work). The attitude that travel sports are *the* solution is just super weird.

I posted previously about being a non athletic nerd. I learned to swim when I turned 40. I started running at 42. As a kid who was the last to get picked in kickball, I think you are doing a huge disservice to your kids if you don’t encourage them to play sports and have a healthy and active lifestyle. I think a boy should be able to play soccer or hit a baseball. Maybe that is sexist but I think these are basic skills a boy should have, like reading and writing.

My 7 year old is learning to ride a bike. I never learned. I will add that to the list of things I want to do before age 50.

[Anonymous]

I find the “sports are so pointless” posters interesting, because they are undoubtedly the same posters claiming that the one and only way for a child to be successful in life is through advanced academics, with the goal being multiple Ivy degrees that the kids can work into any conversation until the end of time.

The concept of being a great athlete at a state university being another path to professional success is unthinkable to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am among those who don't get the sports obsession.

I do get playing sports and encouraging kids to play sports. And if a kid shows promise in a sport, or even just really likes it, supporting them in pursuing it. All normal. Sports are great.

But some of you talk about it like becoming an "elite athlete" is the only path to success. Most of my friends are very successful professionally-- lots of Ivy and equivalent grads, lawyers, consultants, etc. Many played sports in adolescence, almost none did so in college. I can think of a handful who did play in college, and only one *might* have been considered elite. That's it.

What they have in common is not athletic prowess but academic success. Great grades, genuine interest in learning and succeeding academically. Good test takers, voracious readers, interested in and engaged with the world. Sports/athletics are pretty beside the point. Some are athletic now, some aren't.

So if your goal is raising kids who are successful in life, I don't understand this fixation on sports. Again, I think it always makes sense to support and encourage a kid in an interest where they show promise, but that could be soccer or music or math or debate club. If your kid isn't that into sports or just isn't good enough to play at a high level, I don't think it really matters in terms of success.

Now, if your kid struggles with reading or math, is disinterested in school, etc? That's an issue. At least if your goal for them is professional success.

I can’t believe that this was written by someone parenting today. Travel sports is by far the easiest and most fun way to limit screen time, make sure your dc is physicaly fit and give them positive opportunities to socialize.

To duplicate the experience of travel sports (at least for the under 13 set) you would have to set up multiple playdates a week, work out with your kids multiple days per week and develop an interest that both of you could talk and strategize about.

Even if you did all of those things you would miss out on the thrill of watching your child compete, struggle, and occasionally win. You would miss out on the community of parents who you learn from and in my case became some of my best friends.

But what you miss the most is the conversations with your child after games and in the hotel rooms during tournaments. Those moments give you a chance to talk about disappointments, defeats, difficult personal situations. Those moments are some of the best I’ve had as a dad.

I will say that athletic success can not be the expectation. There are too many variables- your kid’s athletic ability, his interest and competition. Also I don’t think it has to be sports but it does have to be something physical and on going. You might get similar results with dance or scouts.

Finally, in my experience raising your kids so that they have a project that you help them work on over the years is a great way to parent.

The bolded is just false. And this is nothing against travel sports or sports in general. If that's what your kid is into and you want to commit to it, have at it. But the idea that the easiest, best way to make sure your kid stays of screens, gets exercise, has friends, and has a good relationship with you is travel sports is one of the most insane things I've ever heard, especially given how many families I know for whom travel sports means they never spend weekends together as a family, their kids can't participate in a lot of school-based activities, and younger siblings often wind up at the mercy of an older sibling's travel sport schedule.

I don't disagree with some of the other stuff you say, and I do think it's very, very worthwhile for kids to have dedicated activities that parents are invovled/interested in, whether that's scouting or sports or an artistic interest or something else. But the argument that travel sports is the best/easiest of all available options is not only narrow minded but just not born out by the average travel sport experience. There are good things about travel sports and negative things about it, and depending on the family, the bad can easily outweigh the good. It just depends on the kid, the family, the sport (and the team).

There's no magic bullet here. You have to actually talk to and get to know your kid, follow their lead a bit on what interests them (and what they are good at -- letting your kids gravitate towards stuff they have natural ability at can help a lot, and if that's not sports, trying to force them into sports isn't going to work). The attitude that travel sports are *the* solution is just super weird.

If not travel sports what is your suggestion? I think you are missing my point. I’m not saying that you can’t duplicate all the advantages of travel sports with other activities- I am simply stating that it’s far easier and has more fringe benefits than trying to piece it out on your own.

If cost is a factor I could get your concern but what other activities will let your kid get all the advantages I mentioned in my previous post. I can’t think of one.

I’ve raised 3 kids and at least in elementary school travel was easier and more fun than scouts, musicals, dance, piano and choir. And it was way more enjoyable than policing screen time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the “sports are so pointless” posters interesting, because they are undoubtedly the same posters claiming that the one and only way for a child to be successful in life is through advanced academics, with the goal being multiple Ivy degrees that the kids can work into any conversation until the end of time.

The concept of being a great athlete at a state university being another path to professional success is unthinkable to them.

I posted previously about being not athletic. I was a mathlete, went to HYP and was a nerd. My DH would chuckle if he saw that his unathletic wife who complains constantly about driving the kids to sports was being called the sports obsessed parent.

For me personally, I can appreciate athletes and artists. Maybe it was because I was so bad at these that I appreciate this much more as an adult. I was a quant jock, made a lot of money and often felt left out of sports related outings in my professional career. DH makes a few million per year. My kids are strong students. I’m not worried about them academically or professionally.