Before I overreact, am I right to be mad at the school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a mild and totally ordinary event for a tween or teen to go through.

How could it make you so upset that you can’t think rationally, by your own account?

You need to chill out and gain some perspective. Your kid is going to make lots of social mistakes. He’s going to experience all kinds of socially difficult interactions. He needs some space to work through them himself. It sounds like the school is aware and handled it. I don’t understand why you would be angry at the school.

This.

OP, is your child in 6th grade? Just chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are out of line. Your kid talked trash and paid the price. School handled fine.

Agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a shame the teacher was there, your son was about to learn a valuable lesson.

This thread is so odd. A girl just died in CA today after a dumb fight. Yes, trash talking is wrong. It happens every day. We need to teach our kids restraint with words and actions, self control. That teacher helped avoid something potentially terrible. I’d want to profusely thank them.

And getting your ass kicked is a great way for a kid to learn self control.

Just so I'm really clear, you think it is entirely appropriate and should be completely socially acceptable for a person, any person, to be assaulted because they said that somebody "sucks at basketball"?

(Not OP, and I understand this is counterfactual. But this point of view, if PP actually means it, is fascinating and dangerous.)

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are out of line.

This is a lesson to your son, to *know who to trust*.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are out of line. Your kid talked trash and paid the price. School handled fine.

You think it’s OK for another boy to start a fight in the school halls and not be reprimanded? I don’t. I also don’t think what my son did was acceptable, but we will be handling that at home.

Your kid started it. Other kid put him in his place. Other kids parents can handle at home just like you're doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m upset because the school has no proof my son said anything (he claims he didn’t and he’s being thrown under the bus, but of course, grain of salt) but they are treating that as a greater offense than having a close and escalating verbal altercation in the hallway that had to be broken up by an adult. (The boy is still in class as we speak. My son thinks he will try to fight him after school now but is afraid to tell anyone because they aren’t on “his side”.)

No one is on his side. Makes me think he's badmouthed some of the other kids. And they're not putting up with it.

[Anonymous]

If this happened to my son, I would think he learned a valuable lesson.

If my son was B, I would be glad that he stuck up for himself.

DS had a falling out with a boy in elementary. The kid was a jerk always trash talking others. He did the same when he started middle school but he messed with the wrong kid and got the crap beaten out of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are out of line. Your kid talked trash and paid the price. School handled fine.

Agreed. Also, you are getting this info from your son so many many grains of salt need to be included.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m upset because the school has no proof my son said anything (he claims he didn’t and he’s being thrown under the bus, but of course, grain of salt) but they are treating that as a greater offense than having a close and escalating verbal altercation in the hallway that had to be broken up by an adult. (The boy is still in class as we speak. My son thinks he will try to fight him after school now but is afraid to tell anyone because they aren’t on “his side”.)

No one is on his side. Makes me think he's badmouthed some of the other kids. And they're not putting up with it.

Do people here actually have teens? "you suck at basketball" is garden variety trash talk the vast majority of kids hear daily, and that includes my kids who would NEVER retaliate over this. If you think it justifies physical harm you are.out.of.your.mind and part of the problem. I wonder if this is just mean ganging up behavior against op, who is concerned about her kid who yes, was a little douche, but that doesn't justify him getting hurt.

[Anonymous]

A fight “was about to” break out. Come on, OP. How do you know this? Are you in the heads of these kids? You only know what your son tells you. He is saying the other boy “was about to” hit him? Or was he the one about to throw a punch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m upset because the school has no proof my son said anything (he claims he didn’t and he’s being thrown under the bus, but of course, grain of salt) but they are treating that as a greater offense than having a close and escalating verbal altercation in the hallway that had to be broken up by an adult. (The boy is still in class as we speak. My son thinks he will try to fight him after school now but is afraid to tell anyone because they aren’t on “his side”.)

No one is on his side. Makes me think he's badmouthed some of the other kids. And they're not putting up with it.

Do people here actually have teens? "you suck at basketball" is garden variety trash talk the vast majority of kids hear daily, and that includes my kids who would NEVER retaliate over this. If you think it justifies physical harm you are.out.of.your.mind and part of the problem. I wonder if this is just mean ganging up behavior against op, who is concerned about her kid who yes, was a little douche, but that doesn't justify him getting hurt.

Umm, he wasn't hurt at all.

And if the "confrontation" was "escalating" then he was an active participant in that exchange as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a shame the teacher was there, your son was about to learn a valuable lesson.

This thread is so odd. A girl just died in CA today after a dumb fight. Yes, trash talking is wrong. It happens every day. We need to teach our kids restraint with words and actions, self control. That teacher helped avoid something potentially terrible. I’d want to profusely thank them.

And getting your ass kicked is a great way for a kid to learn self control.

Just so I'm really clear, you think it is entirely appropriate and should be completely socially acceptable for a person, any person, to be assaulted because they said that somebody "sucks at basketball"?

(Not OP, and I understand this is counterfactual. But this point of view, if PP actually means it, is fascinating and dangerous.)

You're putting words in my mouth. I never said "entirely appropriate." It's somewhat appropriate; it serves a function but has some potential costs. Especially among teenage boys, violence comes with positives and negatives. The negatives are obvious, but it can be an important tool for combating this kind of misbehavior. It's how I learned lessons of that sort as a teenage boy, and it worked. I got my ass kicked, and I came out better able to navigate relationships with my peers. I think an outcome where OP's son gets his ass kicked a little bit would likely have been better, for all parties involved, than what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a shame the teacher was there, your son was about to learn a valuable lesson.

This thread is so odd. A girl just died in CA today after a dumb fight. Yes, trash talking is wrong. It happens every day. We need to teach our kids restraint with words and actions, self control. That teacher helped avoid something potentially terrible. I’d want to profusely thank them.

And getting your ass kicked is a great way for a kid to learn self control.

Just so I'm really clear, you think it is entirely appropriate and should be completely socially acceptable for a person, any person, to be assaulted because they said that somebody "sucks at basketball"?

(Not OP, and I understand this is counterfactual. But this point of view, if PP actually means it, is fascinating and dangerous.)

You're putting words in my mouth. I never said "entirely appropriate." It's somewhat appropriate; it serves a function but has some potential costs. Especially among teenage boys, violence comes with positives and negatives. The negatives are obvious, but it can be an important tool for combating this kind of misbehavior. It's how I learned lessons of that sort as a teenage boy, and it worked. I got my ass kicked, and I came out better able to navigate relationships with my peers. I think an outcome where OP's son gets his ass kicked a little bit would likely have been better, for all parties involved, than what happened.

So is it right or wrong to assault somebody for saying you "suck at basketball"?
Or are you saying that "the ends justify the means"? It would be wrong for the kid to beat him up, but if it happened the parent should appreciate it as a way to learn a lesson?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a shame the teacher was there, your son was about to learn a valuable lesson.

This thread is so odd. A girl just died in CA today after a dumb fight. Yes, trash talking is wrong. It happens every day. We need to teach our kids restraint with words and actions, self control. That teacher helped avoid something potentially terrible. I’d want to profusely thank them.

And getting your ass kicked is a great way for a kid to learn self control.

Just so I'm really clear, you think it is entirely appropriate and should be completely socially acceptable for a person, any person, to be assaulted because they said that somebody "sucks at basketball"?

(Not OP, and I understand this is counterfactual. But this point of view, if PP actually means it, is fascinating and dangerous.)

You're putting words in my mouth. I never said "entirely appropriate." It's somewhat appropriate; it serves a function but has some potential costs. Especially among teenage boys, violence comes with positives and negatives. The negatives are obvious, but it can be an important tool for combating this kind of misbehavior. It's how I learned lessons of that sort as a teenage boy, and it worked. I got my ass kicked, and I came out better able to navigate relationships with my peers. I think an outcome where OP's son gets his ass kicked a little bit would likely have been better, for all parties involved, than what happened.

Or to ask another way- If your own child beat somebody up because he heard that the other kid had told somebody that he "sucked at basketball", would you be angry at your kid? Any consequences or discipline?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a shame the teacher was there, your son was about to learn a valuable lesson.

This thread is so odd. A girl just died in CA today after a dumb fight. Yes, trash talking is wrong. It happens every day. We need to teach our kids restraint with words and actions, self control. That teacher helped avoid something potentially terrible. I’d want to profusely thank them.

And getting your ass kicked is a great way for a kid to learn self control.

Just so I'm really clear, you think it is entirely appropriate and should be completely socially acceptable for a person, any person, to be assaulted because they said that somebody "sucks at basketball"?

(Not OP, and I understand this is counterfactual. But this point of view, if PP actually means it, is fascinating and dangerous.)

You're putting words in my mouth. I never said "entirely appropriate." It's somewhat appropriate; it serves a function but has some potential costs. Especially among teenage boys, violence comes with positives and negatives. The negatives are obvious, but it can be an important tool for combating this kind of misbehavior. It's how I learned lessons of that sort as a teenage boy, and it worked. I got my ass kicked, and I came out better able to navigate relationships with my peers. I think an outcome where OP's son gets his ass kicked a little bit would likely have been better, for all parties involved, than what happened.

Or to ask another way- If your own child beat somebody up because he heard that the other kid had told somebody that he "sucked at basketball", would you be angry at your kid? Any consequences or discipline?

I don't get angry with my kid for misbehavior; that's idiotic. I would impose discipline if my kid beat someone up in this situation, but I would do so with the understanding that what my kid did also likely had a positive effect. Beating people up is wrong, as a general rule, but it can be a positive experience for the person who gets beaten up under the right circumstances.