Before I overreact, am I right to be mad at the school?

[Anonymous]

In the real world, talking trash about the wrong person could end up with violence. This experience sounds like a valuable lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are out of line. Your kid talked trash and paid the price. School handled fine.

You think it’s OK for another boy to start a fight in the school halls and not be reprimanded? I don’t. I also don’t think what my son did was acceptable, but we will be handling that at home.

You said he confronted him. Did a fight break out?

In the OP I literally said a fight was about to break out before a teacher separated them. Yes.

"about to break out" is a whole lot different than "the other kid punched my kid".

But what if the boy hadn’t been there. That’s like saying drunk driving is ok as long as you didn’t hit the car.

No it is like you were getting in the car to drive drunk but someone got you in a cab.

[Anonymous]

Teach your kid about the harm of gossip and talking behind people's backs. It is a form of bullying as it grows, and a huge part of the mental health crisis in kids today. You should give your kid stronger consequences than the school did and make him watch some bullying programs so he truly understands the harmful environment he is contributing to in his school environment.

Please take this seriously, OP.

[Anonymous]

Talk sh#t, get hit.

You never taught your kid this, op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m upset because the school has no proof my son said anything (he claims he didn’t and he’s being thrown under the bus, but of course, grain of salt) but they are treating that as a greater offense than having a close and escalating verbal altercation in the hallway that had to be broken up by an adult. (The boy is still in class as we speak. My son thinks he will try to fight him after school now but is afraid to tell anyone because they aren’t on “his side”.)

No one is on his side. Makes me think he's badmouthed some of the other kids. And they're not putting up with it.

Do people here actually have teens? "you suck at basketball" is garden variety trash talk the vast majority of kids hear daily, and that includes my kids who would NEVER retaliate over this. If you think it justifies physical harm you are.out.of.your.mind and part of the problem. I wonder if this is just mean ganging up behavior against op, who is concerned about her kid who yes, was a little douche, but that doesn't justify him getting hurt.

Don't be so sure about that. Pride goeth before a fall. All kids are capable of sh*tty behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m upset because the school has no proof my son said anything (he claims he didn’t and he’s being thrown under the bus, but of course, grain of salt) but they are treating that as a greater offense than having a close and escalating verbal altercation in the hallway that had to be broken up by an adult. (The boy is still in class as we speak. My son thinks he will try to fight him after school now but is afraid to tell anyone because they aren’t on “his side”.)

No one is on his side. Makes me think he's badmouthed some of the other kids. And they're not putting up with it.

Do people here actually have teens? "you suck at basketball" is garden variety trash talk the vast majority of kids hear daily, and that includes my kids who would NEVER retaliate over this. If you think it justifies physical harm you are.out.of.your.mind and part of the problem. I wonder if this is just mean ganging up behavior against op, who is concerned about her kid who yes, was a little douche, but that doesn't justify him getting hurt.

Don't be so sure about that. Pride goeth before a fall. All kids are capable of sh*tty behavior.

I think most of us managed to make it to adulthood without punching someone. Did you not? My dh has never punched anyone either.

[Anonymous]

Here’s the thing, your son is responsible for his actions and whatever consequences those actions have. It doesn’t matter if he thinks those actions are justified or if the consequences seem unfair. He didn’t have to say anything negative about the other boy, he chose to. Not justifying the aggressive response but it’s not relevant really.

[Anonymous]

I cannot believe so many people here think it’s fine the other kid to beat up OP’s kid for saying he is bad at basketball. WTH. Do this at 18 and you’ll be charged with assault.

All involved made bad choices: your son for making mean comments, boy A for telling boy B, and boy B for losing his temper. BUT, it sounds like a fight didn’t actually happen and no one was hit, so I would just move on. None of the boys got punished, other than being talking to- at least that is what I gather. And frankly, nothing that happened seems like a punishable offense anyhow

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people are (justifiably) negative about OP's approach to this, blaming another kid. BUT they are transferring that negativity to her DS.

The child said something negative about one kid to another kid. This is one of those things that shouldn't happen, but it is INCREDIBLY common. The kid is not "an ass" nor does he deserve to get beat up. He deserves a conversation about not talking about people behind their back, and discretion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe so many people here think it’s fine the other kid to beat up OP’s kid for saying he is bad at basketball. WTH. Do this at 18 and you’ll be charged with assault.

All involved made bad choices: your son for making mean comments, boy A for telling boy B, and boy B for losing his temper. BUT, it sounds like a fight didn’t actually happen and no one was hit, so I would just move on. None of the boys got punished, other than being talking to- at least that is what I gather. And frankly, nothing that happened seems like a punishable offense anyhow

That didn’t happen though. The fight never started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe so many people here think it’s fine the other kid to beat up OP’s kid for saying he is bad at basketball. WTH. Do this at 18 and you’ll be charged with assault.

All involved made bad choices: your son for making mean comments, boy A for telling boy B, and boy B for losing his temper. BUT, it sounds like a fight didn’t actually happen and no one was hit, so I would just move on. None of the boys got punished, other than being talking to- at least that is what I gather. And frankly, nothing that happened seems like a punishable offense anyhow

That didn’t happen though. The fight never started.

I know, but there are many comments about how her child deserves to beat up, and needs to learn a lesson by getting his a** kicked, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are out of line. Your kid talked trash and paid the price. School handled fine.

Agree

Another agree. OP’s son talked crap and it came back to bite him. I’d rather my kid FAFO in 6th grade than when he’s older.

Maybe the other kid was talked to as well. The school won’t tell you and he’s not your kid to parent anyway. Focus on your own kid and don’t let him off the hook by letting him see himself as a victim of kid B.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach your kid about the harm of gossip and talking behind people's backs. It is a form of bullying as it grows, and a huge part of the mental health crisis in kids today. You should give your kid stronger consequences than the school did and make him watch some bullying programs so he truly understands the harmful environment he is contributing to in his school environment.

Please take this seriously, OP.

Too much. The kid learned his lesson but its pretty clear this other kid isn't any good at basketball. If he was he would just show him, not tell him. So while OP's kid is right, he should just learn to keep his opinions to himself. Especially if his friend is a little backstabber who runs around telling people what he just said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a shame the teacher was there, your son was about to learn a valuable lesson.

This thread is so odd. A girl just died in CA today after a dumb fight. Yes, trash talking is wrong. It happens every day. We need to teach our kids restraint with words and actions, self control. That teacher helped avoid something potentially terrible. I’d want to profusely thank them.

And getting your ass kicked is a great way for a kid to learn self control.

Just so I'm really clear, you think it is entirely appropriate and should be completely socially acceptable for a person, any person, to be assaulted because they said that somebody "sucks at basketball"?

(Not OP, and I understand this is counterfactual. But this point of view, if PP actually means it, is fascinating and dangerous.)

Not the PP, but I don’t think most posters are saying violence as a response is okay.

But I think there were 2 wrongs here and 2 wrongs don’t make a right. And instead of focusing on what her kid did wrong, OP is enabling her kid’s narrative of himself as the victim who is being wronged by the school, no one is in his side etc. When a) she doesn’t have all the facts, just the POV of her own kid, and b) kid B is not her kid to worry about (nor will the school tell her anything about him).

She needs to focus on what is going on with her own kid. Yes, trash talking is normal at this age. But it’s still not a great behavior.

Also, I have boys and know there is a difference between the run of the mill trashing talking to someone’s face (which seems to be a weird bonding mechanism at times) and the behind someone’s back trash talking.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like nothing actually happened. The only person you should be upset with is your son for being a jerk.