DD wants the big bedroom, but I don’t want to give it to her & DH not backing me up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can always get rid of a door. In our house we had an exterior door from one of the bedrooms, and we converted it to a window during a renovation. It wasn’t that hard to do.

This.

And you can tell your daughter that she has to sleep in one of the smaller bedrooms when guests come to visit.

[Anonymous]

Give her the big girly room. This is a chance for your daughter to have something special and for you to totally delight her.

I'm usually the strict, practical parent, but it saddens me to think you'll waste this opportunity, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP, thanks to everyone for your replies, some of you gave me ideas I hadn’t thought about! To respond to a few points -

- The smaller bedrooms wouldn’t work as guest rooms, they’re pretty narrow and would fit only a full-sized bed at best.

- It’s a good-sized house, but limited on # rooms. Also, I’m not thinking of using the third bedroom only for guests; I’d have the kids use it as their shared space the 95% of the time that we don’t have guests.

- I’m not an evil mom who wants to traumatize DD by ripping out the girly built-ins lol. The built-ins only work for bedroom use and I was thinking they’d be a sore reminder to her of how much she wanted the room for herself. And I figured it’d make more sense to completely redo the room to fit the use, i.e. guest/playroom.

- I said from the get-go that DD would not get the girly bedroom. But DD kept asking, and DH eventually said well, maybe.

I really appreciate the suggestions, I’m going to see if we can somehow rework some of the girly built-ins in one of the smaller bedrooms. But if we can’t, and DD doesn’t get over not getting the bigger bedroom, I’ll suggest to her redoing her room the way she wants. I think she would be THRILLED, and this would be a great compromise.

No means no. Get her sone girly wall paper, paint, carpet, bedding and if needed furniture. Make the room you give her pretty and fun.

Of course no means no. But some of you give the vibe that you want to say no just to show you are a hard a** than for an actual reason.

NP. I think “it’s unfair to your brother” is a legitimate reason.

It’s not unfair though. The 4 year old brother is not complaining and we don’t know that this will ever be an issue for him particularly if he gets the room later.

+1.
My kids have wildly different sized rooms. They are now 9, 12, 14, and 15. My 14 year old has the biggest room by far. My 9 year old’s room has no closet and all of his nice clothes hang from hooks on the wall. I have never heard any of them complain or care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP, thanks to everyone for your replies, some of you gave me ideas I hadn’t thought about! To respond to a few points -

- The smaller bedrooms wouldn’t work as guest rooms, they’re pretty narrow and would fit only a full-sized bed at best.

- It’s a good-sized house, but limited on # rooms. Also, I’m not thinking of using the third bedroom only for guests; I’d have the kids use it as their shared space the 95% of the time that we don’t have guests.

- I’m not an evil mom who wants to traumatize DD by ripping out the girly built-ins lol. The built-ins only work for bedroom use and I was thinking they’d be a sore reminder to her of how much she wanted the room for herself. And I figured it’d make more sense to completely redo the room to fit the use, i.e. guest/playroom.

- I said from the get-go that DD would not get the girly bedroom. But DD kept asking, and DH eventually said well, maybe.

I really appreciate the suggestions, I’m going to see if we can somehow rework some of the girly built-ins in one of the smaller bedrooms. But if we can’t, and DD doesn’t get over not getting the bigger bedroom, I’ll suggest to her redoing her room the way she wants. I think she would be THRILLED, and this would be a great compromise.

No means no. Get her sone girly wall paper, paint, carpet, bedding and if needed furniture. Make the room you give her pretty and fun.

Of course no means no. But some of you give the vibe that you want to say no just to show you are a hard a** than for an actual reason.

Op has good reasons to say no. Kid does not need that room and gets her own room.

Her husband, the child’s father, disagrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP, thanks to everyone for your replies, some of you gave me ideas I hadn’t thought about! To respond to a few points -

- The smaller bedrooms wouldn’t work as guest rooms, they’re pretty narrow and would fit only a full-sized bed at best.

- It’s a good-sized house, but limited on # rooms. Also, I’m not thinking of using the third bedroom only for guests; I’d have the kids use it as their shared space the 95% of the time that we don’t have guests.

- I’m not an evil mom who wants to traumatize DD by ripping out the girly built-ins lol. The built-ins only work for bedroom use and I was thinking they’d be a sore reminder to her of how much she wanted the room for herself. And I figured it’d make more sense to completely redo the room to fit the use, i.e. guest/playroom.

- I said from the get-go that DD would not get the girly bedroom. But DD kept asking, and DH eventually said well, maybe.

I really appreciate the suggestions, I’m going to see if we can somehow rework some of the girly built-ins in one of the smaller bedrooms. But if we can’t, and DD doesn’t get over not getting the bigger bedroom, I’ll suggest to her redoing her room the way she wants. I think she would be THRILLED, and this would be a great compromise.

No means no. Get her sone girly wall paper, paint, carpet, bedding and if needed furniture. Make the room you give her pretty and fun.

Of course no means no. But some of you give the vibe that you want to say no just to show you are a hard a** than for an actual reason.

Op has good reasons to say no. Kid does not need that room and gets her own room.

Her husband, the child’s father, disagrees.

Not PP, but the dad does agree. He just said that maybe she can have it when she’s older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP, thanks to everyone for your replies, some of you gave me ideas I hadn’t thought about! To respond to a few points -

- The smaller bedrooms wouldn’t work as guest rooms, they’re pretty narrow and would fit only a full-sized bed at best.

- It’s a good-sized house, but limited on # rooms. Also, I’m not thinking of using the third bedroom only for guests; I’d have the kids use it as their shared space the 95% of the time that we don’t have guests.

- I’m not an evil mom who wants to traumatize DD by ripping out the girly built-ins lol. The built-ins only work for bedroom use and I was thinking they’d be a sore reminder to her of how much she wanted the room for herself. And I figured it’d make more sense to completely redo the room to fit the use, i.e. guest/playroom.

- I said from the get-go that DD would not get the girly bedroom. But DD kept asking, and DH eventually said well, maybe.

I really appreciate the suggestions, I’m going to see if we can somehow rework some of the girly built-ins in one of the smaller bedrooms. But if we can’t, and DD doesn’t get over not getting the bigger bedroom, I’ll suggest to her redoing her room the way she wants. I think she would be THRILLED, and this would be a great compromise.

No means no. Get her sone girly wall paper, paint, carpet, bedding and if needed furniture. Make the room you give her pretty and fun.

Of course no means no. But some of you give the vibe that you want to say no just to show you are a hard a** than for an actual reason.

Op has good reasons to say no. Kid does not need that room and gets her own room.

Her husband, the child’s father, disagrees.

Not PP, but the dad does agree. He just said that maybe she can have it when she’s older.

OP and her DH do not agree. That’s the entire point of the post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the STEPmom or the bio mom, OP.
Just asking because this reads a little like you are gatekeeping your DH from granting a request from his 9-year-old DD. The 4yo son is too young to care about this.

I think she is a step mom also.
The kids are 5 years apart. You smaller xhild will not be jealous and things change. At any time I can reconfigure my house to make it flow better. Also kids don't play with toys forever. A playroom is a temporary thing in the grand scheme so your husband saying maybe when your are older makes sense. My oldest and second have a wide age gap. They started out with their own rooms, shared a room with the extra being a playroom etc. Op, just make the room onto a playroom. Use the girly builtins for decor to give her a pretty space in the playroom. Also why did you buy this house if the layout causes grief.

Also from this post i get the feeling you are a step parent or you dont like your daughter so you should explore the why there also. Do you favor your son? Admitting it to yourself and working to get help to control how much you show favoritism could help. Getting help now will benefit you later on.

[Anonymous]

A door that goes to the driveway seems really odd. Strange features like this may turn off a future buyer. Can you hire a contractor to drywall over it or make it into a window? Consider it an investment in your home’s resale value. If you need the bigger room for another purpose, that’s a different consideration. Regardless, you ahd DH need to make a joint decision and be on the same page and present it to your DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A door that goes to the driveway seems really odd. Strange features like this may turn off a future buyer. Can you hire a contractor to drywall over it or make it into a window? Consider it an investment in your home’s resale value. If you need the bigger room for another purpose, that’s a different consideration. Regardless, you ahd DH need to make a joint decision and be on the same page and present it to your DD.

I would think the door makes it closer to say an in-law suite or a room that could be rented out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A door that goes to the driveway seems really odd. Strange features like this may turn off a future buyer. Can you hire a contractor to drywall over it or make it into a window? Consider it an investment in your home’s resale value. If you need the bigger room for another purpose, that’s a different consideration. Regardless, you ahd DH need to make a joint decision and be on the same page and present it to your DD.

Ha! I was actually thinking this sounds like a pretty ideal set up for an Au pair or live in nanny, and I would be hesitant to get rid of it.

[Anonymous]

Just give her the big room. My siblings and I had different size rooms, and we also changed rooms during our childhoods. No big deal. I don’t buy that there is nothing else you can do with that other small bedroom. If it can be a child’s bedroom, it can be a guest room, or an office, or something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you the STEPmom or the bio mom, OP.
Just asking because this reads a little like you are gatekeeping your DH from granting a request from his 9-year-old DD. The 4yo son is too young to care about this.

I think she is a step mom also.
The kids are 5 years apart. You smaller xhild will not be jealous and things change. At any time I can reconfigure my house to make it flow better. Also kids don't play with toys forever. A playroom is a temporary thing in the grand scheme so your husband saying maybe when your are older makes sense. My oldest and second have a wide age gap. They started out with their own rooms, shared a room with the extra being a playroom etc. Op, just make the room onto a playroom. Use the girly builtins for decor to give her a pretty space in the playroom. Also why did you buy this house if the layout causes grief.

Also from this post i get the feeling you are a step parent or you dont like your daughter so you should explore the why there also. Do you favor your son? Admitting it to yourself and working to get help to control how much you show favoritism could help. Getting help now will benefit you later on.

Disagree that OP sounds like a stepparent. Also don’t get how giving a kid the same size room as their brother, instead of a room twice the size, shows favoritism towards the brother. The options here are either equality, or favoritism towards the daughter.

[Anonymous]

Are you a stepmom to the daughter? Usually the older child gets the bigger room. The fact that you want to rip out the built-ins simply because your dd loves the built-ins is cruel.

[Anonymous]

An “entitled princess,” and you agreed with that comment? You showed her a house with an amazing, “girly” room that has “girly” built-ins. OF COURSE SHE WANTS IT.

You sound jealous of your own daughter. So gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a family or a princess and her court? Each CHILD gets a small room and the family shares the larger one.

This right here. I’m surprised by some of the comments on this thread. They are children. The adults make the decisions.

Im bothered by the “DD will remember and be angry” comments. Perhaps what will really happen is that DD will learn that the smaller room is sufficient and we don’t always get every whim handed to us.

Hahaha this made me laugh. Are you an only child? My siblings and I remember most things we perceived as unfair from my childhood despite the lesson my parents thought they were teaching. We talk and laugh about them when we get together. So while not angry we remember and try to do better with our own
kids. We all know and agree who our parents favorite is my parents disagree.