DD wants the big bedroom, but I don’t want to give it to her & DH not backing me up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the obsession with equality among siblings. To me it is clear that different age kids need and get different things.

We have 3 kids who are 13, 8 and 5. The younger two have similar size bedrooms but the older one’s is nicer. The oldest has a much larger attic bedroom, practically a whole floor to himself. Also, they have all moved bedrooms at least once, and may do it again as time changes.

I don’t get it either. My mom was obsessed with fairness, and there was a lot that my siblings and I didn’t get to do because of it.
Not getting to choose your own bedroom is just the beginning.

[Anonymous]

There’s a door to the driveway in the larger room? That’s a big safety issue for me, so no way would any of my kids be sleeping in there. I would not be worried about them sneaking out, more worried about bad people using it as a point of entry.

How do built ins make a room girly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the obsession with equality among siblings. To me it is clear that different age kids need and get different things.

We have 3 kids who are 13, 8 and 5. The younger two have similar size bedrooms but the older one’s is nicer. The oldest has a much larger attic bedroom, practically a whole floor to himself. Also, they have all moved bedrooms at least once, and may do it again as time changes.

I’m guessing you are an oldest sibling.

I hope you make the oldest kid move his bedroom to the smallest bedroom when he goes to college so another sibling can take the better room

No, I'm the youngest sibling who never really had her own room growing up. My older sister did, though. She needed it more. My kids all have their own rooms but they get what each of them needs at their individual age. Not some random idea of equality.

My middle daughter did ask once why her older brother got a larger, nicer room. We told her, "because he carries your suitcase on trips, needs more privacy than you, and has more homework than you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each kid gets one of the smaller rooms, and the big room becomes a TV room, study, something of a common room.

Can you pull the girl built ins and install them in a reduced portion to one of the small rooms? Or make one of the small ones cute and girly?

Sounds like DH is trying to create an entitled princess.

OP, I should have added that I completely agree with you on all points.

Me too.

[Anonymous]

Who has an elementary aged kid in a bedroom with an external exit? That's not a bedroom, it's a common room now. You have two children bedrooms, not three in that house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the obsession with equality among siblings. To me it is clear that different age kids need and get different things.

We have 3 kids who are 13, 8 and 5. The younger two have similar size bedrooms but the older one’s is nicer. The oldest has a much larger attic bedroom, practically a whole floor to himself. Also, they have all moved bedrooms at least once, and may do it again as time changes.

I’m guessing you are an oldest sibling.

I hope you make the oldest kid move his bedroom to the smallest bedroom when he goes to college so another sibling can take the better room

No, I'm the youngest sibling who never really had her own room growing up. My older sister did, though. She needed it more. My kids all have their own rooms but they get what each of them needs at their individual age. Not some random idea of equality.

My middle daughter did ask once why her older brother got a larger, nicer room. We told her, "because he carries your suitcase on trips, needs more privacy than you, and has more homework than you."

Bizzare answer. He does not need more privacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the obsession with equality among siblings. To me it is clear that different age kids need and get different things.

We have 3 kids who are 13, 8 and 5. The younger two have similar size bedrooms but the older one’s is nicer. The oldest has a much larger attic bedroom, practically a whole floor to himself. Also, they have all moved bedrooms at least once, and may do it again as time changes.

I’m guessing you are an oldest sibling.

I hope you make the oldest kid move his bedroom to the smallest bedroom when he goes to college so another sibling can take the better room

No, I'm the youngest sibling who never really had her own room growing up. My older sister did, though. She needed it more. My kids all have their own rooms but they get what each of them needs at their individual age. Not some random idea of equality.

My middle daughter did ask once why her older brother got a larger, nicer room. We told her, "because he carries your suitcase on trips, needs more privacy than you, and has more homework than you."

Bizzare answer. He does not need more privacy.

Agree. "Caries your suitcase on trips" ??? WTF. Some of the answers on this thread are downright weird.

[Anonymous]

At 9 she’ll most likely get scared of sleeping with an external door - she doesn’t think she will but when it happens she will. Let her spend a couple nights in its- she’ll back off.

Honestly I agree with your husband- it’s a no at age 9 but I’d revisits it when she gets older and please don’t rip out beautiful built-ins.

[Anonymous]

Tell me you’re a #boymom without telling me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really care about fairness and I don't care about what DD wants. I would be done with the "discussion" and both kids get the same sized room. That's it.

She's a child. She can have a bigger room when she's an adult.

Sure.

Something tells me that once the boy asks for the big room when he’s a teen and his sister is in college, it will somehow “make sense” for the boy to have the big room.

The girl can wait. She will never “need” a big room in the same way that the golden child will.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like the DD is being very entitled. Looking at a house and deciding the playroom area should be her bedroom would be a no go for me with the external door and the 2 available same size rooms for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the obsession with equality among siblings. To me it is clear that different age kids need and get different things.

We have 3 kids who are 13, 8 and 5. The younger two have similar size bedrooms but the older one’s is nicer. The oldest has a much larger attic bedroom, practically a whole floor to himself. Also, they have all moved bedrooms at least once, and may do it again as time changes.

I’m guessing you are an oldest sibling.

I hope you make the oldest kid move his bedroom to the smallest bedroom when he goes to college so another sibling can take the better room

No, I'm the youngest sibling who never really had her own room growing up. My older sister did, though. She needed it more. My kids all have their own rooms but they get what each of them needs at their individual age. Not some random idea of equality.

My middle daughter did ask once why her older brother got a larger, nicer room. We told her, "because he carries your suitcase on trips, needs more privacy than you, and has more homework than you."

Bizzare answer. He does not need more privacy.

Agree. "Caries your suitcase on trips" ??? WTF. Some of the answers on this thread are downright weird.

Nope. If she were the oldest, she'd get the nicest biggest most private room. She isn't, so she doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the obsession with equality among siblings. To me it is clear that different age kids need and get different things.

We have 3 kids who are 13, 8 and 5. The younger two have similar size bedrooms but the older one’s is nicer. The oldest has a much larger attic bedroom, practically a whole floor to himself. Also, they have all moved bedrooms at least once, and may do it again as time changes.

I’m guessing you are an oldest sibling.

I hope you make the oldest kid move his bedroom to the smallest bedroom when he goes to college so another sibling can take the better room

No, I'm the youngest sibling who never really had her own room growing up. My older sister did, though. She needed it more. My kids all have their own rooms but they get what each of them needs at their individual age. Not some random idea of equality.

My middle daughter did ask once why her older brother got a larger, nicer room. We told her, "because he carries your suitcase on trips, needs more privacy than you, and has more homework than you."

Bizzare answer. He does not need more privacy.

Agree. "Caries your suitcase on trips" ??? WTF. Some of the answers on this thread are downright weird.

Nope. If she were the oldest, she'd get the nicest biggest most private room. She isn't, so she doesn't.

No way. Because boys are stronger than girls and carries her suitcase, he gets the bigger room? My 14 year old son is undoubtedly stronger than my 16 year old daughter, and both of them would look at me like I’d lost my mind if I gave that reasoning.

[Anonymous]

Um, take that room for yourself. The kids get the kids' rooms. DH can stay in the master.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the obsession with equality among siblings. To me it is clear that different age kids need and get different things.

We have 3 kids who are 13, 8 and 5. The younger two have similar size bedrooms but the older one’s is nicer. The oldest has a much larger attic bedroom, practically a whole floor to himself. Also, they have all moved bedrooms at least once, and may do it again as time changes.

I’m guessing you are an oldest sibling.

I hope you make the oldest kid move his bedroom to the smallest bedroom when he goes to college so another sibling can take the better room

No, I'm the youngest sibling who never really had her own room growing up. My older sister did, though. She needed it more. My kids all have their own rooms but they get what each of them needs at their individual age. Not some random idea of equality.

My middle daughter did ask once why her older brother got a larger, nicer room. We told her, "because he carries your suitcase on trips, needs more privacy than you, and has more homework than you."

Bizzare answer. He does not need more privacy.

Agree. "Caries your suitcase on trips" ??? WTF. Some of the answers on this thread are downright weird.

Nope. If she were the oldest, she'd get the nicest biggest most private room. She isn't, so she doesn't.

No way. Because boys are stronger than girls and carries her suitcase, he gets the bigger room? My 14 year old son is undoubtedly stronger than my 16 year old daughter, and both of them would look at me like I’d lost my mind if I gave that reasoning.

You know your children best. My 13-year old son looks out and takes care of his 8-year old sister, and with seniority comes privilege in our family.

It's not really about the suitcase, it's more of a reflection of how older children have more responsibilities and therefore more rewards. It works for us.