DD wants the big bedroom, but I don’t want to give it to her & DH not backing me up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the obsession with equality among siblings. To me it is clear that different age kids need and get different things.

We have 3 kids who are 13, 8 and 5. The younger two have similar size bedrooms but the older one’s is nicer. The oldest has a much larger attic bedroom, practically a whole floor to himself. Also, they have all moved bedrooms at least once, and may do it again as time changes.

I’m guessing you are an oldest sibling.

I hope you make the oldest kid move his bedroom to the smallest bedroom when he goes to college so another sibling can take the better room

No, I'm the youngest sibling who never really had her own room growing up. My older sister did, though. She needed it more. My kids all have their own rooms but they get what each of them needs at their individual age. Not some random idea of equality.

My middle daughter did ask once why her older brother got a larger, nicer room. We told her, "because he carries your suitcase on trips, needs more privacy than you, and has more homework than you."

Bizzare answer. He does not need more privacy.

Agree. "Caries your suitcase on trips" ??? WTF. Some of the answers on this thread are downright weird.

Nope. If she were the oldest, she'd get the nicest biggest most private room. She isn't, so she doesn't.

No way. Because boys are stronger than girls and carries her suitcase, he gets the bigger room? My 14 year old son is undoubtedly stronger than my 16 year old daughter, and both of them would look at me like I’d lost my mind if I gave that reasoning.

NP. That’s because you don’t joke around with your kids. My kids would think it was funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd give her the room she wants. Lock the darn door, OP.

OP here. So my reasons against aren’t valid? I can see some people not finding my first two reasons compelling, but how about #3?

Wanting a playroom is valid. Do you have another option for that? If not, then that's what I'd do with that space.

A guest room is also valid, but guests don't need tons of space. With guests I consider more access to a bathroom - what's the difference between the two rooms there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re moving into a new house that has three children’s bedrooms. Two are identical to each other and okay in size, while the third is almost double the size. They all have built-in furniture, and the third bedroom is done in a very girly way. We have a DD9 and a DS4, and my DD9 is clamoring for the large, girly bedroom. I don’t want to give it to her for a variety of reasons -

1. Fairness. DS4 is little now, but he might get upset when he’s older that DD has a much bigger bedroom
2. Safety. The girly bedroom has its own door that goes to the driveway. Practically speaking, it’s not that much harder to sneak out of the house from one of the other bedrooms, but I think giving her this room is just asking for trouble in her teen years
3. Practical use. The girly bedroom is big enough to be used in other ways, such as a guest room or play room for when they have their friends over, whereas the two smaller ones are suitable only for being children’s bedrooms.

DH has agreed not to give DD the girly room now, but has told her that maybe she can have it when she’s older, which I’m not okay with for #2 above. He thinks I’m being unnecessarily paranoid in advance, whereas I think I’m being realistic. What does DCUM think, paranoid or realistic?

Also, I’m thinking that if I can get DH on board with not giving DD the girly bedroom, we should just rip out the girly built-ins, which is what makes the room so attractive to her, as much as I hate ripping out built-ins unnecessarily. WWYD?

You could always seal over the door. Although I'll say if you are going to have guests a lot, having their own private entrance could be nice.

[Anonymous]

The kids clearly get similar rooms and the big room is a guest room/play room. No question, team OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not OP, but I am stunned that anyone thinks OP isn't in the right. And DH is an ass for not fully supporting DW.

I agree with the OP, too, and growing up, I had a larger bedroom than my sister. I never thought about it but she did.

[Anonymous]

You are right, OP. Your DH is wrong.

The girly room was decorated that way, but when you redecorate it to look like an in law suite, which is likely what it is meant to be, and let her help decorate her room the way she wants to, it will be fine. She is attracted to the girly decor, not the size of the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kids clearly get similar rooms and the big room is a guest room/play room. No question, team OP.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the obsession with equality among siblings. To me it is clear that different age kids need and get different things.

We have 3 kids who are 13, 8 and 5. The younger two have similar size bedrooms but the older one’s is nicer. The oldest has a much larger attic bedroom, practically a whole floor to himself. Also, they have all moved bedrooms at least once, and may do it again as time changes.

I’m guessing you are an oldest sibling.

I hope you make the oldest kid move his bedroom to the smallest bedroom when he goes to college so another sibling can take the better room

No, I'm the youngest sibling who never really had her own room growing up. My older sister did, though. She needed it more. My kids all have their own rooms but they get what each of them needs at their individual age. Not some random idea of equality.

My middle daughter did ask once why her older brother got a larger, nicer room. We told her, "because he carries your suitcase on trips, needs more privacy than you, and has more homework than you."

Bizzare answer. He does not need more privacy.

Agree. "Caries your suitcase on trips" ??? WTF. Some of the answers on this thread are downright weird.

Nope. If she were the oldest, she'd get the nicest biggest most private room. She isn't, so she doesn't.

No way. Because boys are stronger than girls and carries her suitcase, he gets the bigger room? My 14 year old son is undoubtedly stronger than my 16 year old daughter, and both of them would look at me like I’d lost my mind if I gave that reasoning.

You know your children best. My 13-year old son looks out and takes care of his 8-year old sister, and with seniority comes privilege in our family.

It's not really about the suitcase, it's more of a reflection of how older children have more responsibilities and therefore more rewards. It works for us.

Maybe you should parent your youngest vs relying on the oldest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the obsession with equality among siblings. To me it is clear that different age kids need and get different things.

We have 3 kids who are 13, 8 and 5. The younger two have similar size bedrooms but the older one’s is nicer. The oldest has a much larger attic bedroom, practically a whole floor to himself. Also, they have all moved bedrooms at least once, and may do it again as time changes.

I don’t get it either. My mom was obsessed with fairness, and there was a lot that my siblings and I didn’t get to do because of it.
Not getting to choose your own bedroom is just the beginning.

This. Look, in a perfect world, all the rooms would be equally nice and the right number for your family. In the real world, sometimes some but not all siblings have to share, sometimes there’s a second en suite room, sometimes one sibling ends up with a sweet deal. Not using a great bedroom in the name of fairness is bonkers, although of course on a case by case basis I’ll grant that there may be other high use options for the room and that’s fine.

IMHO being fair with multiple kids means making sure they each win sometimes. Maybe rooms shuffle when the oldest goes to college. Or maybe it’s something else. The oldest shouldn’t always “win” of course and it’s important to tend to individual needs on a case by case basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the obsession with equality among siblings. To me it is clear that different age kids need and get different things.

We have 3 kids who are 13, 8 and 5. The younger two have similar size bedrooms but the older one’s is nicer. The oldest has a much larger attic bedroom, practically a whole floor to himself. Also, they have all moved bedrooms at least once, and may do it again as time changes.

I’m guessing you are an oldest sibling.

I hope you make the oldest kid move his bedroom to the smallest bedroom when he goes to college so another sibling can take the better room

No, I'm the youngest sibling who never really had her own room growing up. My older sister did, though. She needed it more. My kids all have their own rooms but they get what each of them needs at their individual age. Not some random idea of equality.

My middle daughter did ask once why her older brother got a larger, nicer room. We told her, "because he carries your suitcase on trips, needs more privacy than you, and has more homework than you."

Bizzare answer. He does not need more privacy.

Agree. "Caries your suitcase on trips" ??? WTF. Some of the answers on this thread are downright weird.

Nope. If she were the oldest, she'd get the nicest biggest most private room. She isn't, so she doesn't.

No way. Because boys are stronger than girls and carries her suitcase, he gets the bigger room? My 14 year old son is undoubtedly stronger than my 16 year old daughter, and both of them would look at me like I’d lost my mind if I gave that reasoning.

You know your children best. My 13-year old son looks out and takes care of his 8-year old sister, and with seniority comes privilege in our family.

It's not really about the suitcase, it's more of a reflection of how older children have more responsibilities and therefore more rewards. It works for us.

Maybe you should parent your youngest vs relying on the oldest.

This works for us, thanks.

[Anonymous]

you can just explain that bigger bedroom is for other purposes and ask her help make her room girly.

[Anonymous]

I’m not reading all these replies but I’m team DD. It makes more sense to give her the girly room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you can just explain that bigger bedroom is for other purposes and ask her help make her room girly.

But the bigger room isn’t for other purposes. OP doesn’t know what she will use it for or if she will use it at all.