DD wants the big bedroom, but I don’t want to give it to her & DH not backing me up

[Anonymous]

I think fairness is very important, completely agree with you OP. They each get small bedroom, then large bedroom has nice study area with desks for both plus shared play/hangout area with nice pullout that can accommodate guests (including for DD sleepovers).

[Anonymous]

Clear that the inmates are running the asylum in most of y’all’s homes. Team OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think fairness is very important, completely agree with you OP. They each get small bedroom, then large bedroom has nice study area with desks for both plus shared play/hangout area with nice pullout that can accommodate guests (including for DD sleepovers).

I don’t get the fairness thing.
If the little boy gets into hockey or mountain biking, should he only be allowed to do it if the DD chooses an equally expensive and time intensive sport?

What if he wants to take an international trip in high school? Can he only go if his sister went on a similar trip?

And does he have to stay in the smaller bedroom all through high school even after his sister moves out?

[Anonymous]

Op wants the room for other things. This has nothing to do with fairness. Both kids will get equal sized rooms. Op can decorate the girls room girly.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Who are you a-holes being so mean to OP? I think her plan makes sense and I would absolutely not indulge my 9 year old child (boy or girl). Plus she says she'll put in girly fancy stuff into her child's smaller room. Your girl gets to design her dream room, tell her you'll do whatever she wants, she'll get over not having the big room SO quickly once you paint her walls the color she wants, put in shelving she wants, bedding she wants, etc...

So isn't that indulging your daughter, OP?

I'm not OP. And it's indulging her, but OP needs to use the larger room for other purposes - she said a guest bed would not fit in one of the smaller rooms, for example. She wants the kids to have a playroom/multi-purpsoe room. I truly thought most people would agree with OP that her daughter doesn't need to have the large room, I was so surprised to hear all these people saying "screw practicality, spoil your sweet sweet baby and give her the big room".


I am confident that if it was the boy that wanted a bigger, boy-themed room, OR if OP hadn't mentioned the room was already decorated in a girly manner, NONE of you would say "give it to the child". Bunch of weirdos on today.

Either that or you're all just so rich and have such huge houses that you can't even fathom having to make a decision like this for practical reasons because you have so much extra space and giant rooms in your own house.

A guest bed wouldn’t FIT in the room Op wants to give the kid? OP that’s insane to think you can fit a bed, dresser, desk, toys, etc in a bedroom that won’t fit a double bed

If OP makes the larger room into a playroom, then she doesn' need toys in her bedroom. Also, children don't need desks in their bedroom. My kids have rooms big enough to fit desks, but they do their homework in the dining room. You guys are acting like the bedroom is where the child is going to spend ALL of her waking hours. Some kids just use their bedrooms to sleep, get dressed, and maybe read a book. You don't need a ton of space for that.

They will need a desk in their room by middle school.

Mine have small rooms no desk. We have a desk in a common office with a gaming computer. No way I’d keep a computer in a kids room.

But where do they do their algebra or write papers?

Kitchen table. Sometimes homework is on the bed, couch or our bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Couldn’t the boy be given both of the two smaller rooms for himself and the girl have the big room? The boy could then have a separate play room which the OP could repurpose as a guest bedroom when required.

Multiple posters are suggesting this equitable solution, with slight variations. Anybody have an issue with it, including OP?

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the obsession with equality among siblings. To me it is clear that different age kids need and get different things.

We have 3 kids who are 13, 8 and 5. The younger two have similar size bedrooms but the older one’s is nicer. The oldest has a much larger attic bedroom, practically a whole floor to himself. Also, they have all moved bedrooms at least once, and may do it again as time changes.

[Anonymous]

So much sexism and favoritism towards a little girl here. Disgusting. OP give them equally sized rooms. Your daughter is 9, she will get over it quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much sexism and favoritism towards a little girl here. Disgusting. OP give them equally sized rooms. Your daughter is 9, she will get over it quickly.

I don’t think it’s sexism. I’m in favor of giving the girl the room. In my house, my son has the larger room, and my daughter has a smaller room. He wanted the larger room because he wanted a bunk bed, and the larger room has a higher ceiling. DD didn’t care which room she had, so we gave it to him.

[Anonymous]

This thread is pretty wild. But I am team OP here. Small bedrooms for the kids, larger room as a common play/study area/guest room.

When I was a kid I really really wanted the room my father wanted as his study. I got a different room and was able to see the pluses of that room/arrangement once we were living there. I realize it's not the same thing but the uses of rooms is 100% a parent decision and while the kid might be disappointed it will be quickly gotten over - especially if she is involved in decorating her bedroom the way she likes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is pretty wild. But I am team OP here. Small bedrooms for the kids, larger room as a common play/study area/guest room.

When I was a kid I really really wanted the room my father wanted as his study. I got a different room and was able to see the pluses of that room/arrangement once we were living there. I realize it's not the same thing but the uses of rooms is 100% a parent decision and while the kid might be disappointed it will be quickly gotten over - especially if she is involved in decorating her bedroom the way she likes.

I would agree with you if there was an adult use for the room. Like if OP wanted to use it as an office/craft room or something.
Maybe OP is some kind of master decorator or something, and she really can make a space that simultaneously serves as a little boy’s playroom/ tween girl’s hangout area/ adult guest bedroom. But if she’s like most people, it’s probably going to be filled with a bunch of LEGOs set up on the built-ins that she never quite got around to tearing out and the nugget couch. Once a quarter, when guests come, they will move the toys and drag in a queen mattress.

[Anonymous]

I'd let DD have the big room, but tell it means that her room will be the playroom for DS too. Stick to that. If she's happy, she's happy. If she's not, she voluntarily gives up the bigger room.

[Anonymous]

I don't really care about fairness and I don't care about what DD wants. I would be done with the "discussion" and both kids get the same sized room. That's it.

She's a child. She can have a bigger room when she's an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clear that the inmates are running the asylum in most of y’all’s homes. Team OP

I agree completely. The pathological DCUM need to blast every OP is off the rails.

To the OP - you are fine in your decisions. Do not listen to the crazy parents on here who are all raising Veruca Salts.

Your DH needs to get on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the obsession with equality among siblings. To me it is clear that different age kids need and get different things.

We have 3 kids who are 13, 8 and 5. The younger two have similar size bedrooms but the older one’s is nicer. The oldest has a much larger attic bedroom, practically a whole floor to himself. Also, they have all moved bedrooms at least once, and may do it again as time changes.

I’m guessing you are an oldest sibling.

I hope you make the oldest kid move his bedroom to the smallest bedroom when he goes to college so another sibling can take the better room