My sister just does not get it

[Anonymous]

I’m willing to bet the sister is actually a MIL in this scenario who just got turned down for a free trip by the parents of the grandchildren. And the one who wrote the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m willing to bet the sister is actually a MIL in this scenario who just got turned down for a free trip by the parents of the grandchildren. And the one who wrote the thread.

You’re crazy.

[Anonymous]

I do understand that you feel that traveling with kids would be difficult - and it will be.

I remember taking a trip when my kids were little (roughly your kids age) to see my sister and her husband in London when they were living there for 2 years. It was hard. Kids were off routine etc. But do you know what I remember? How much my sister and BIL wanted to see my kids. How they tried to come up with ways to show them stuff. Running around in parks and playgrounds. Fabulous pictures that my kids look back on (they obviously don’t have any memories) and know how important they are to the family.

Your sister (like mine) sounds loving and kind. Unlike mine, she is in a position to also be generous. Take her up on this. She won’t know your kids routines or what diapers to buy. But in their long lives, that will quickly become irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn't you just go without the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll also point out, OP, that likely this sister spent a lot of time and money doing whatever activities, showers, wedding plans, etc you had even if it wasn’t super convenient for her. She now wants to celebrate herself - super generously to you, I might add - and you aren’t willing to make any concessions. I mean, really, you won’t go on an allexpense paid trip to HAWAII? Your kids are not old enough to give two hoots if they “miss time with friends” this summer and even if they were that wouldn’t prioritize over this trip for me.

My kids are two young, but there's a third sister with older kids and they will be the ones not wanting to miss time with friends and their activities.

So their own parents aren’t ever going to take them on a vacation? Logic fail.

[Anonymous]

My inlaws cousins routinely take their 4 and 5 year olds for 2 weeks in a big rental house in Tuscany or France to see other relatives (who live in erurope). And pay for their siblings trips since they have the $$. They have done this since the kids were tiny and everyone loves the big family trip. It all depends on your attitude to family time.

[Anonymous]

we traveled all the time with a baby, it was great. They sleep in strollers and are very portable. Can you leave the kids at home with dad and just go on yuor own, even if its just for a week or so

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll also point out, OP, that likely this sister spent a lot of time and money doing whatever activities, showers, wedding plans, etc you had even if it wasn’t super convenient for her. She now wants to celebrate herself - super generously to you, I might add - and you aren’t willing to make any concessions. I mean, really, you won’t go on an allexpense paid trip to HAWAII? Your kids are not old enough to give two hoots if they “miss time with friends” this summer and even if they were that wouldn’t prioritize over this trip for me.

My kids are two young, but there's a third sister with older kids and they will be the ones not wanting to miss time with friends and their activities.

So their own parents aren’t ever going to take them on a vacation? Logic fail.

you would be surprised by how many teens would love to take a trip overseas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll also point out, OP, that likely this sister spent a lot of time and money doing whatever activities, showers, wedding plans, etc you had even if it wasn’t super convenient for her. She now wants to celebrate herself - super generously to you, I might add - and you aren’t willing to make any concessions. I mean, really, you won’t go on an allexpense paid trip to HAWAII? Your kids are not old enough to give two hoots if they “miss time with friends” this summer and even if they were that wouldn’t prioritize over this trip for me.

My kids are two young, but there's a third sister with older kids and they will be the ones not wanting to miss time with friends and their activities.

I can’t imagine ANY kid saying “jeeze I’d rather hang out with my friends while we’re all on our phones and talking to eachother on our phones even though we’re three feet away. And also spend 1-6 weeks at a camp where I am just one of dozens of other kids who’s parents want a break from us; have to share showers and bathrooms with multiple other strange kids, not see any family, be in a strict-ish enviornment—instead of going on a FREE vacation to Hawaii or Europe!”

At quite literally any age, I would have said “Screw camp, and I love all my friends but I can see them during the school year—I’m spending the summer in luxury!”


I honestly can’t tell if this is just a verty subtle troll, or someone who is seriously dense enough to turn this kind of thing down. She’s literally going to hire two nannies and is offering to pay for everything

If this is real, she’s an amazing sister and OP does not deserve her. OP should be ashamed.

Your use of bolding for emphasis notwithstanding, I know many kids who would much rather got to camp and hang out with their friends than go on a family vacation with extended family including multiple aunts and much younger cousins. I also know kids who would jump at the chance. I also know kids who would have zero interest in Hawaii or Bali but be thrilled to go to Spain or Italy, and others who find the whole idea of Europe boring but would be very excited to to a beach resort almost anywhere.

It depends on the kids, what activities they do and their relationship to them, the families, the ages, etc. It is not an obvious yes or no. This could be a very hard sell for a kid who would have to miss the specialty soccer camp that everyone else on their team is attending and that might make it harder for them to get chosen as a forward next year. Or the 13-year-old who will be 3-12 years older than ever other kid on the trip, does not need a nanny, but also doesn't want to spend two whole weeks reading books and hanging out with his mom and aunts.

I am surprised by how many people on here are jumping all over OP when I can think of many scenarios in which what her sister is asking for just does not make sense for this specific family, and maybe doing a shorter trip somewhere a little closer (like a week at a nice resort in Mexico right after school gets out, where there won't be jet lag for the little kids and the older kids won't miss any of their planned summer activities) would make more sense. If OP and her other sisters are suggesting that kind of compromise and the sister is digging in her heels, I actually do think she "just doesn't get it." Sometimes kids are not convenient. It's just how it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll also point out, OP, that likely this sister spent a lot of time and money doing whatever activities, showers, wedding plans, etc you had even if it wasn’t super convenient for her. She now wants to celebrate herself - super generously to you, I might add - and you aren’t willing to make any concessions. I mean, really, you won’t go on an allexpense paid trip to HAWAII? Your kids are not old enough to give two hoots if they “miss time with friends” this summer and even if they were that wouldn’t prioritize over this trip for me.

My kids are two young, but there's a third sister with older kids and they will be the ones not wanting to miss time with friends and their activities.

I can’t imagine ANY kid saying “jeeze I’d rather hang out with my friends while we’re all on our phones and talking to eachother on our phones even though we’re three feet away. And also spend 1-6 weeks at a camp where I am just one of dozens of other kids who’s parents want a break from us; have to share showers and bathrooms with multiple other strange kids, not see any family, be in a strict-ish enviornment—instead of going on a FREE vacation to Hawaii or Europe!”

At quite literally any age, I would have said “Screw camp, and I love all my friends but I can see them during the school year—I’m spending the summer in luxury!”


I honestly can’t tell if this is just a verty subtle troll, or someone who is seriously dense enough to turn this kind of thing down. She’s literally going to hire two nannies and is offering to pay for everything

If this is real, she’s an amazing sister and OP does not deserve her. OP should be ashamed.

Your use of bolding for emphasis notwithstanding, I know many kids who would much rather got to camp and hang out with their friends than go on a family vacation with extended family including multiple aunts and much younger cousins. I also know kids who would jump at the chance. I also know kids who would have zero interest in Hawaii or Bali but be thrilled to go to Spain or Italy, and others who find the whole idea of Europe boring but would be very excited to to a beach resort almost anywhere.

It depends on the kids, what activities they do and their relationship to them, the families, the ages, etc. It is not an obvious yes or no. This could be a very hard sell for a kid who would have to miss the specialty soccer camp that everyone else on their team is attending and that might make it harder for them to get chosen as a forward next year. Or the 13-year-old who will be 3-12 years older than ever other kid on the trip, does not need a nanny, but also doesn't want to spend two whole weeks reading books and hanging out with his mom and aunts.

I am surprised by how many people on here are jumping all over OP when I can think of many scenarios in which what her sister is asking for just does not make sense for this specific family, and maybe doing a shorter trip somewhere a little closer (like a week at a nice resort in Mexico right after school gets out, where there won't be jet lag for the little kids and the older kids won't miss any of their planned summer activities) would make more sense. If OP and her other sisters are suggesting that kind of compromise and the sister is digging in her heels, I actually do think she "just doesn't get it." Sometimes kids are not convenient. It's just how it is.

I promise the 13 yo would be fine because they have WiFi in Hawaii. He/she can still be online with friends during down times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws cousins routinely take their 4 and 5 year olds for 2 weeks in a big rental house in Tuscany or France to see other relatives (who live in erurope). And pay for their siblings trips since they have the $$. They have done this since the kids were tiny and everyone loves the big family trip. It all depends on your attitude to family time.

You are describing a regularly scheduled trip that their siblings and kids opt into. There may be some years where not everyone makes it and that's fine because it's an annual thing and of course sometimes things come up with kids (unlike a once in a lifetime milestone birthday trip). Also, a trip to the same part of the world on a regular basis means that the families involved have the routine down. The older kids will be familiar with the trips from prior years, the adults will know how to handle the younger kids from prior practice and trial and error. I bet the first few trips didn't involve kids at all, or only one or two babies, and it grew from there. That makes it a lot easier.

OP is talking about a one time trip unlike any this family has ever taken before, involving a wide range of kids and ages, involving potential destinations that ALL involve huge time changes, and going for a fairly long period of time, when this family is clearly used to shorter, domestic visits and just has no idea how they kids are going to handle such a big change. It's totally reasonable that OP might not be responding the same as your in-laws' cousins' siblings do to what is actually a really different situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll also point out, OP, that likely this sister spent a lot of time and money doing whatever activities, showers, wedding plans, etc you had even if it wasn’t super convenient for her. She now wants to celebrate herself - super generously to you, I might add - and you aren’t willing to make any concessions. I mean, really, you won’t go on an allexpense paid trip to HAWAII? Your kids are not old enough to give two hoots if they “miss time with friends” this summer and even if they were that wouldn’t prioritize over this trip for me.

My kids are two young, but there's a third sister with older kids and they will be the ones not wanting to miss time with friends and their activities.

I can’t imagine ANY kid saying “jeeze I’d rather hang out with my friends while we’re all on our phones and talking to eachother on our phones even though we’re three feet away. And also spend 1-6 weeks at a camp where I am just one of dozens of other kids who’s parents want a break from us; have to share showers and bathrooms with multiple other strange kids, not see any family, be in a strict-ish enviornment—instead of going on a FREE vacation to Hawaii or Europe!”

At quite literally any age, I would have said “Screw camp, and I love all my friends but I can see them during the school year—I’m spending the summer in luxury!”


I honestly can’t tell if this is just a verty subtle troll, or someone who is seriously dense enough to turn this kind of thing down. She’s literally going to hire two nannies and is offering to pay for everything

If this is real, she’s an amazing sister and OP does not deserve her. OP should be ashamed.

Your use of bolding for emphasis notwithstanding, I know many kids who would much rather got to camp and hang out with their friends than go on a family vacation with extended family including multiple aunts and much younger cousins. I also know kids who would jump at the chance. I also know kids who would have zero interest in Hawaii or Bali but be thrilled to go to Spain or Italy, and others who find the whole idea of Europe boring but would be very excited to to a beach resort almost anywhere.

It depends on the kids, what activities they do and their relationship to them, the families, the ages, etc. It is not an obvious yes or no. This could be a very hard sell for a kid who would have to miss the specialty soccer camp that everyone else on their team is attending and that might make it harder for them to get chosen as a forward next year. Or the 13-year-old who will be 3-12 years older than ever other kid on the trip, does not need a nanny, but also doesn't want to spend two whole weeks reading books and hanging out with his mom and aunts.

I am surprised by how many people on here are jumping all over OP when I can think of many scenarios in which what her sister is asking for just does not make sense for this specific family, and maybe doing a shorter trip somewhere a little closer (like a week at a nice resort in Mexico right after school gets out, where there won't be jet lag for the little kids and the older kids won't miss any of their planned summer activities) would make more sense. If OP and her other sisters are suggesting that kind of compromise and the sister is digging in her heels, I actually do think she "just doesn't get it." Sometimes kids are not convenient. It's just how it is.

I promise the 13 yo would be fine because they have WiFi in Hawaii. He/she can still be online with friends during down times.

I hate to break it to you but not every 13 year old is exactly the same or wants exactly the same thing. Also while Hawaii would work okay for that purpose (huge time difference but because it's 23 hours behind the east coast, they'd be awake at the same time as friends) the same would not be true for many of the other suggested destinations because the friends would asleep or doing other things when the 13 year old was free to chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll also point out, OP, that likely this sister spent a lot of time and money doing whatever activities, showers, wedding plans, etc you had even if it wasn’t super convenient for her. She now wants to celebrate herself - super generously to you, I might add - and you aren’t willing to make any concessions. I mean, really, you won’t go on an allexpense paid trip to HAWAII? Your kids are not old enough to give two hoots if they “miss time with friends” this summer and even if they were that wouldn’t prioritize over this trip for me.

My kids are two young, but there's a third sister with older kids and they will be the ones not wanting to miss time with friends and their activities.

I can’t imagine ANY kid saying “jeeze I’d rather hang out with my friends while we’re all on our phones and talking to eachother on our phones even though we’re three feet away. And also spend 1-6 weeks at a camp where I am just one of dozens of other kids who’s parents want a break from us; have to share showers and bathrooms with multiple other strange kids, not see any family, be in a strict-ish enviornment—instead of going on a FREE vacation to Hawaii or Europe!”

At quite literally any age, I would have said “Screw camp, and I love all my friends but I can see them during the school year—I’m spending the summer in luxury!”


I honestly can’t tell if this is just a verty subtle troll, or someone who is seriously dense enough to turn this kind of thing down. She’s literally going to hire two nannies and is offering to pay for everything

If this is real, she’s an amazing sister and OP does not deserve her. OP should be ashamed.

It sounds like you’ve never met a kid. They’re teens not adults not middle aged investment bankers.

[Anonymous]

I similarly have 2 sisters, one with kids and one who is single and does not have kids. And I think it is truly hard to "get it" when you are only responsible for yourself. My childless sister is not offering to pay for cool vacations like OP's , but she plans things without consulting us and then is baffled when we can't drop everything to attend or afford it. For example, she booked a milestone anniversary party for our parents without consulting us on the date, venue, or cost. At the time, my nuclear family was literally living overseas, and she planned the party for the weekend before my kids' international school was resuming for the fall term. She wouldn't have known that, but it didn't occur to her to ask.

[Anonymous]

OP must be a troll. Zero replies from her after the initial post.