My sister just does not get it

[Anonymous]

I’d love to have a generous sister like this and I’d personally take her up on this offer. The almost 40 yo single sister I have is selfish and bipolar and would never in a million years offer such a trip. You’re very lucky

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me start by saying she's a nice person, and my oldest and my other sister's kids love her, but she's soon to be 40, single, makes good money and no kids so she just doesn't understand things.


Like she just asked if my sister and I would be interested in doing a summer trip with the family, she's thinking of Italy, and Spain. Australia or New Zealand or we could go to Hawaii if we wanted to stay in the States. She's going to pay for everything including two nannies for us. She just wants to do something special for her birthday, and we haven't traveled as a family in years. She doesn't get that as a mom of a 3-year-old and a 8 month old this trip wouldn't be relaxing for me, or our sister with older kids She doesn't get that our nieces and nephew have activities and maybe want to do camps or hang out with friends and not aunts for half the summer. Her solution when I mentioned this was that she'd hire some nannies to give us a break and could hire someone to help us pack. I can tell she was disappointed when I said no, I don't like disappointing her, but I wish she could just be a little more realistic sometimes.

Figure it out. This sounds awesome. I would not go to Australia, but a flight to Europe is fine with kids, I take them frequently. It is good for kids to learn young to get used to things like that. My close friend has 1 year old twins and they live in Australia. Her family lives in the US, her husband's family is in Turkey. Her kids have come to the US 2x first 12 months of life and Turkey 1x. When they come to the US they visit west coast, Arizona, and the East Coast. They also flew to Germany to visit another relative. Her kids are easy travelers now. I took my son to Europe when he was a little over 1 year old, super easy and in European time I kept him on the same schedule so instead of bed at 6:30PM he went to bed at 11:30PM. Easy peesy. That meant he woke up later, but that was fine.

The older kids can miss a week of activities to go to Europe! There must be a period where they have a break.

Just find a place that is accessible by plane. If you dont want kids to go could you ask in laws to watch and you and sister go for a long weekend with other sister? It isn't pushing your kids off on other people but your kids need to be comfortable being with people other than you or you'll have issues when they get older. My spouse and I flew to Paris for 2 nights (overnight flight and then morning flight on 3rd day) and it was totally fine. In laws watched the kids. You could do something like this, but just the sisters.

Your sister has probably showed up to every shower, wedding, baby birthday you had. Do something for her.

Azores, Caribbean, Bermuda, Paris, London, Spain. We just went to the Biltmore in Phoenix and it was very family friendly, but also had an adults only pool, great spa, fitness center, golf, biking, yoga and workout classes, and great restaurants. BUT the flight was almost as long as to Europe...

I have a single 40 something sister who does not have her life together, is a mooch and expects all of us to cover her. Be grateful you have such an awesome sister! If you are worried about the kids leave them at home and do a sisters weekend somewhere in Europe. Go to Paris spend all your day walking, drinking wine, and eating croissants!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll fail.

Yes, we should start guessing the characteristics of the troll. I think a young person without kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll also point out, OP, that likely this sister spent a lot of time and money doing whatever activities, showers, wedding plans, etc you had even if it wasn’t super convenient for her. She now wants to celebrate herself - super generously to you, I might add - and you aren’t willing to make any concessions. I mean, really, you won’t go on an allexpense paid trip to HAWAII? Your kids are not old enough to give two hoots if they “miss time with friends” this summer and even if they were that wouldn’t prioritize over this trip for me.

My kids are two young, but there's a third sister with older kids and they will be the ones not wanting to miss time with friends and their activities.

Yeah, the older kids would have a terrible time spending days at the beach, eating shave ice, and taking surfing lessons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll fail.

Yes, we should start guessing the characteristics of the troll. I think a young person without kids.

Interesting. It's not a Brunch Granny, because the OP would be peppered with phrases like "sister gave away the milk so no one wanted to buy the cow and now she's a lonely spinster".

[Anonymous]

I'm one of three girls too, and one of us doesn't have children, and I'm team single sister. She seems to be willing to throw money at the two of you to spend time togther. She's not asking you to leave your kids, or pay for yourselves, she's just asking you to show up.

I have 3 kids and recognize that traveling with them isn't easy, in fact I used to just call it taking the show on the road, and felt like I'd rather just be home on many a family trip - but that's when we were paying for the trip ourselves. This scenario is not that.

And the older kids not wanting to take a vacation lest they miss time with friends? Whatever. That's either allowing the tail to wag the dog or those kids are being used as a scapegoat. Families typically vacation over the summer so it's not outside of normative behavior for a teen to leave town with their family for a week or so. It's not that big of a deal and if it is your sister has bigger parenting problems.

You two are telling each other that single sister is wrong and that she just doesn't understand, but it sounds like she's trying to make it work and you guys are just bad sisters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me start by saying she's a nice person, and my oldest and my other sister's kids love her, but she's soon to be 40, single, makes good money and no kids so she just doesn't understand things.


Like she just asked if my sister and I would be interested in doing a summer trip with the family, she's thinking of Italy, and Spain. Australia or New Zealand or we could go to Hawaii if we wanted to stay in the States. She's going to pay for everything including two nannies for us. She just wants to do something special for her birthday, and we haven't traveled as a family in years. She doesn't get that as a mom of a 3-year-old and a 8 month old this trip wouldn't be relaxing for me, or our sister with older kids She doesn't get that our nieces and nephew have activities and maybe want to do camps or hang out with friends and not aunts for half the summer. Her solution when I mentioned this was that she'd hire some nannies to give us a break and could hire someone to help us pack. I can tell she was disappointed when I said no, I don't like disappointing her, but I wish she could just be a little more realistic sometimes.

Have you calmly and politely explained to her the reasons it would not be realistic? She may not have thought out the logistics. Some people seem to think a baby is like a baby doll, you just pick it up, take it anywhere, change a diaper, give a bottle and it remains content. If she truly doesn't get it and tries to make you feel bad, I would detach with love a bit. Do things your family can handle, but just accept she is limited in empathy for things she has not experienced and don't feel responsible for her feelings.

I have tried, but she still doesn't seem to understand why just having a nanny isn't a solution for little ones who will be out of routine and cranky and just want mom on a trip. But based on the responses some moms are fine just passing the kids off in this scenario so there's that. And no I don't hate my sister. I'm actually trying to think of away to celebrate with her that doesn't involve an big international trip. I just hate being in the position of having to say no.

Passing kids off? We get it, you're the bestest mommy in the whole martyr kingdom. But really you just don't get it. You want to rub it in her face how "happy" you are with your family and pathetic she is for still being single. Also, you've never traveled like this so how would you know how it would go?

+1 OP is smug and deeply unkind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get both where OP is coming from and where some of the incredulous posters are coming from.

It's the kind of thing that sounds amazing but I see what OP is saying about the devil being in the details. Someone providing a nanny sounds great... unless you have a kid who gets extra clingy and suspicious of strangers when tired or out of routine. OP knows her kids and feels the trip would be really hard for her. As the mom to a kid on the spectrum who was pretty hard at those ages, I'm inclined to trust her instincts. Sometimes childcare isn't the solution you hope it will be because of your specific kid.

OP, is there any way you can talk her into a slightly shorter trip closer to home? A nice resort in Jamaica or Mexico? Or an Alaskan cruise? Something that might be easier on the kids and you but still scratch her itch for a big trip.

I'm in this camp as well. Some kids get clingy and cranky when off schedule and in weird places. A nanny doesn't help in those scenarios. But I do think that OP needs to sit down with sister and explain what the issues are, so that perhaps they can come up with a better option.

[Anonymous]

I'm the single childless sister. If you dont want to take her up on her generous offer, dont. She doesnt need to pay a bunch of money to take along a bunch of ingrates. She can have more fun on her own or with friends if this is your attitude.

I feel bad for the older kids who are missing out on a trip to europe or new zealand because their mom thinks they can't bear to be away from their friends or summer camps for a week or so....

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a pretty obvious manifestation of jealousy: OP's sister is wealthier, less busy, and generous. OP is angry-jealous about that, so they direct their anger to "I am so put upon! The audacity of a clueless childless person!"

I understand that, but reeeeeeally encourage OP to let that go and get on that plane!

[Anonymous]

Send your oldest and DH. You can stay home with the younger kids.

[Anonymous]

Oh wow. I'm a single 40-something mom and if I had a sibling offer this, I would gladly accept. We all only have one go at life and this is something I would absolutely not pass up.

[Anonymous]

Wow I really hope this is a troll. If not I feel so badly for your sister. We’ve gone on these trips with our kids when your children’s ages and older - as have MANY families. And we do it without a nanny and pay for them. And it is so worth it!!

[Anonymous]

I think OP is rigid and melodramatic. There are lots of people in this world who travel with children from the moment they are born - without benefit of nannies and someone to help pack the bags.

OP has a superiority complex, and looks down her nose at her happy, childfree sister with all her free time and money - things she probably envies desperately so she must cling to the hardship of mothering like it was diamonds.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry but no way would I go on a trip with a 3yr old and 8th month old. Sounds horrible