My sister just does not get it

[Anonymous]

I have traveled extensively with my kids when they were under 7 (once they hit 2nd grade we got more serious about not missing school), and I'm so glad we've done it.

You are a total jerk to be annoyed by this.

[Anonymous]

Just make it work.

We do something similar. Every other year we’ll rent an extra large house at some distinction like a beach, national park, foreign city, etc…. We’ll take care of the housing, we’ll hire a chef, childcare, drivers, and pay for any activities we are participating in. We just ask our siblings to get themselves there (but we pay for those that can’t afford airfare). I think the kids end up enjoying it the most as it is rare in modern American life for extended families to get together. One sibling and her spouse have never come on one of these trips. We accept it, but there is no obvious reason beyond simply not wanting to come. Wish they would come once.

Just go and make it work. There is ALWAYS going to be a reason to say no to anything.

[Anonymous]

I imagine this is a troll but if not this is totally a you problem, OP. Not being able to make a period of time in the summer work with kids your ages AND NANNIES is absolutely absurd.

[Anonymous]

I get not wanting a db on a huge trip, but if you have time why not just do a shorter sisters trip instead? Would she be open to that? Your sister sounds beyond generous and like she actually gets how children on a trip are a lot of work.

[Anonymous]

You sound selfish, inflexible, and frankly, lazy, OP. You're the one who doesn't get it, not your sister.

[Anonymous]

People are coming down hard on OP, but it sounds like there's maybe more at play. OP suggests that sister is oblivious to a lot of parenthood facts of life. The question is how this has manifested otherwise (if at all). Is this a one-off?

Alternatively, OP sounds like she's not getting the help and resources she needs in general (i'm not saying she needs to get it from the sister). But OP is directing this feeling of being overwhelmed to the sister (who probably isn't the source of why OP feels overwhelmed). We take things out on the most convenient scapegoats, and that's often family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me start by saying she's a nice person, and my oldest and my other sister's kids love her, but she's soon to be 40, single, makes good money and no kids so she just doesn't understand things.


Like she just asked if my sister and I would be interested in doing a summer trip with the family, she's thinking of Italy, and Spain. Australia or New Zealand or we could go to Hawaii if we wanted to stay in the States. She's going to pay for everything including two nannies for us. She just wants to do something special for her birthday, and we haven't traveled as a family in years. She doesn't get that as a mom of a 3-year-old and a 8 month old this trip wouldn't be relaxing for me, or our sister with older kids She doesn't get that our nieces and nephew have activities and maybe want to do camps or hang out with friends and not aunts for half the summer. Her solution when I mentioned this was that she'd hire some nannies to give us a break and could hire someone to help us pack. I can tell she was disappointed when I said no, I don't like disappointing her, but I wish she could just be a little more realistic sometimes.

Do you like your sister? I've never had anyone offer to give me a vacation like that!

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you just leave your kids at home with your DH then? I am confused. I would go on this trip in a heartbeat! With or without my kids. And I have 3 of them all under the age of 8. They would be fine with a nanny who takes them to fun places (as long as they are with each other).

You are pretty much being a downer in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Your sister sounds amazing. Plenty of people travel with kids your age. And your nieces and nephews can take a break from their activities to go on an incredible trip with family.

You sound like maybe you are jealous of her freedom and resources. I wouldn’t blame you. But she is trying to create something special for your family. Your reaction seems kind of like there’s more going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but no way would I go on a trip with a 3yr old and 8th month old. Sounds horrible

I’m also in this boat. Both of my kids at 8 mos would have freaked out being left with a strange nanny. Heck it would have been traumatic for them even at 3 — one of them started full time daycare at that age and cried all day long the first several days. Then there is the issue of being off schedule due to time change and all the extra moodiness and crankiness from sleepdisruption — no thank you! My in laws wanted us to go on a short Paris trip when our kids were slightly older than OP’s and I declined for all these reasons. Of course, I also do not care to spend time with my in laws, so in my case it was like enduring pain in order to do something also painful.

Yes, it's the ages and the fact that the nanny would be a total stranger. Some people might have kids who would be fine with that, but mine would not have been. I once used a drop in daycare with a co-working space during a childcare pinch, and we only made it to noon and my baby cried for most of the time. The daycare workers were great-- she was just at peak stranger danger phase and an unfamiliar face was terrifying to her. She would even fuss when when my mom held her when she came to visit during that time.

Throw in a 10-20 hr flight plus the time change... Some kids get SO grumpy when they don't get the sleep they need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but no way would I go on a trip with a 3yr old and 8th month old. Sounds horrible

I’m also in this boat. Both of my kids at 8 mos would have freaked out being left with a strange nanny. Heck it would have been traumatic for them even at 3 — one of them started full time daycare at that age and cried all day long the first several days. Then there is the issue of being off schedule due to time change and all the extra moodiness and crankiness from sleepdisruption — no thank you! My in laws wanted us to go on a short Paris trip when our kids were slightly older than OP’s and I declined for all these reasons. Of course, I also do not care to spend time with my in laws, so in my case it was like enduring pain in order to do something also painful.

Yes, it's the ages and the fact that the nanny would be a total stranger. Some people might have kids who would be fine with that, but mine would not have been. I once used a drop in daycare with a co-working space during a childcare pinch, and we only made it to noon and my baby cried for most of the time. The daycare workers were great-- she was just at peak stranger danger phase and an unfamiliar face was terrifying to her. She would even fuss when when my mom held her when she came to visit during that time.

Throw in a 10-20 hr flight plus the time change... Some kids get SO grumpy when they don't get the sleep they need.

How long will the trip be? I was assuming at least 2 weeks, so you’d have the flight (which would suck), then a couple days where everyone’s jet lagged and the kids are needy — just take them to the playground with parents AND nannies; I actually enjoy visiting playgrounds in new cities so this would be fun for my family — then at least a week where the kids are settled, the nannies are no longer strangers, and you can have them cover babysitting for a few hours a day and after bedtime. Now, again, this may not be worth it or enjoyable for you and there’s no shame in that or saying no, but it’s not the universal problem OP is trying to make it out to be and she shouldn’t be mad at the sister for asking/generously offering.

[Anonymous]

I don't do nannies ever so that would be a no for me. I would do a trip with adult siblings if my parents could watch kids (I don't have that in my life, but if you do...) or with sister for a weekend and dh watches the kids, or tell sister I would love to do the trip with kids when they are older and can just be in a local camp as we sightsee.

[Anonymous]

Single sisters need kids in tiny manageable doses like a two week trip to confirm their life choices. Have her buy a refundable changeable ticket then enjoy, if you don’t, go home. Easy peasy.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your sister is lonely, wants to feel more connected with the family, and has made a really generous offer. You sound like a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Haha WTF is wrong with you? Go!