My sister just does not get it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but no way would I go on a trip with a 3yr old and 8th month old. Sounds horrible

I’m also in this boat. Both of my kids at 8 mos would have freaked out being left with a strange nanny. Heck it would have been traumatic for them even at 3 — one of them started full time daycare at that age and cried all day long the first several days. Then there is the issue of being off schedule due to time change and all the extra moodiness and crankiness from sleepdisruption — no thank you! My in laws wanted us to go on a short Paris trip when our kids were slightly older than OP’s and I declined for all these reasons. Of course, I also do not care to spend time with my in laws, so in my case it was like enduring pain in order to do something also painful.

[Anonymous]

So OP's sister invited her on a trip. Anticipating the concern about schlepping the kids around, she generously offered to hire not one, but two, nannies, in addition to paying for the entire trip.

OP declined, which is her right (I can actually understand not wanting to drag the kids around even with a nanny, whom the kids don't know).

OP's sister apparently accepted this gracefully, as OP gives no indication otherwise. All OP says is that she could tell her sister was disappointed, which tells me the sister didn't say anything negative.

This is still not enough for OP. She also wants her sister to "understand" and be "more realistic." Lol. In other words, it sounds like she wants her sister to apologize for having the audacity!

I doubt OP is interested in any good faith advice given here, if this is real.

[Anonymous]

I think you are crazy op. What an amazing opportunity, especially with the offer to pay for a nanny. Sure, it won’t be as relaxing as a kid free vacation, but still will be a change of scenery with childcare help in an awesome place. I’d jump on that opportunity immediately!

Btw I have 3 kids myself, and started traveling with all of them as babies. It’s doable and even fun!

[Anonymous]

People without kids in this country tend to not have a clue what it’s like, since there’s no large or extended family to learn from.

Your sister sounds generous and maybe lonely. It sounds like she hasn’t spent much time with you to see what it’s like having a young family. Maybe invite her over more?

I personally would never have traveled either with babies or toddlers unless visiting relatives, and wouldn’t trust my kids with a rando nanny I don’t know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but no way would I go on a trip with a 3yr old and 8th month old. Sounds horrible

I’m also in this boat. Both of my kids at 8 mos would have freaked out being left with a strange nanny. Heck it would have been traumatic for them even at 3 — one of them started full time daycare at that age and cried all day long the first several days. Then there is the issue of being off schedule due to time change and all the extra moodiness and crankiness from sleepdisruption — no thank you! My in laws wanted us to go on a short Paris trip when our kids were slightly older than OP’s and I declined for all these reasons. Of course, I also do not care to spend time with my in laws, so in my case it was like enduring pain in order to do something also painful.

Thank you! I think some posters just don't remember what it's like to have small children. Sure two nannies are great in theory, but not really practical for clingy toddlers, there's no just handing them over to people they just met. And my other sister's kids are also involved in sports so missing a month would also make it difficult.

unlike some posters are trying to imply, I do like my sister, we see each other frequently. I would like to be able to go, but can't and feel bad about saying no, and I know she's disappointed things aren't what she had hoped. I also don't think it's fair for me to ask her to go somewhere else or take a shorter trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but no way would I go on a trip with a 3yr old and 8th month old. Sounds horrible

I’m also in this boat. Both of my kids at 8 mos would have freaked out being left with a strange nanny. Heck it would have been traumatic for them even at 3 — one of them started full time daycare at that age and cried all day long the first several days. Then there is the issue of being off schedule due to time change and all the extra moodiness and crankiness from sleepdisruption — no thank you! My in laws wanted us to go on a short Paris trip when our kids were slightly older than OP’s and I declined for all these reasons. Of course, I also do not care to spend time with my in laws, so in my case it was like enduring pain in order to do something also painful.

Thank you! I think some posters just don't remember what it's like to have small children. Sure two nannies are great in theory, but not really practical for clingy toddlers, there's no just handing them over to people they just met. And my other sister's kids are also involved in sports so missing a month would also make it difficult.

unlike some posters are trying to imply, I do like my sister, we see each other frequently. I would like to be able to go, but can't and feel bad about saying no, and I know she's disappointed things aren't what she had hoped. I also don't think it's fair for me to ask her to go somewhere else or take a shorter trip.

I’m a poster who would love to go on the trip with or without nannies. I *have* small children and have taken them on several long trips and enjoyed it (although it’s very tiring). I don’t think people who don’t want to go are wrong or crazy — not all kids are good travellers, not all parents like travelling, not all routines are flexible — but I do think the responses should indicate that your annoyance at your sister for “not understanding” is overblown. She may not understand your specific situation and moods and desires but that doesn’t mean she’s clueless or terrible or uninformed as your original post seemed to imply.

I hope you’re able to do some nice celebration for her you can all enjoy.

[Anonymous]

I'm a mom of two. I would jump on a trip like this as long as my youngest was 6mo+.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you don't like your sister. She's offering you a free trip for you and your family including nannies. Most people would take her up on the offer unless she was crazy or would constantly remind you about the trip.

[Anonymous]

I have two kids, and I have travelled with them since they were babies (11 yo twins now). They've been to multiple other countries and all across the US many times. I can't imagine saying no to my sister who wanted to pay for a trip for me and my kids to spend some QT with us. Boggles my mind....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids, and I have travelled with them since they were babies (11 yo twins now). They've been to multiple other countries and all across the US many times. I can't imagine saying no to my sister who wanted to pay for a trip for me and my kids to spend some QT with us. Boggles my mind....

Same. But I think OP's overall attitude is pretty nasty so I wonder if she's just one of those negative type people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me start by saying she's a nice person, and my oldest and my other sister's kids love her, but she's soon to be 40, single, makes good money and no kids so she just doesn't understand things.


Like she just asked if my sister and I would be interested in doing a summer trip with the family, she's thinking of Italy, and Spain. Australia or New Zealand or we could go to Hawaii if we wanted to stay in the States. She's going to pay for everything including two nannies for us. She just wants to do something special for her birthday, and we haven't traveled as a family in years. She doesn't get that as a mom of a 3-year-old and a 8 month old this trip wouldn't be relaxing for me, or our sister with older kids She doesn't get that our nieces and nephew have activities and maybe want to do camps or hang out with friends and not aunts for half the summer. Her solution when I mentioned this was that she'd hire some nannies to give us a break and could hire someone to help us pack. I can tell she was disappointed when I said no, I don't like disappointing her, but I wish she could just be a little more realistic sometimes.

Have you calmly and politely explained to her the reasons it would not be realistic? She may not have thought out the logistics. Some people seem to think a baby is like a baby doll, you just pick it up, take it anywhere, change a diaper, give a bottle and it remains content. If she truly doesn't get it and tries to make you feel bad, I would detach with love a bit. Do things your family can handle, but just accept she is limited in empathy for things she has not experienced and don't feel responsible for her feelings.

Lots of families do travel internationally (and domestically) with infants and toddlers. OP is saying that she wouldn't be able to relax in Hawaii with a sister paying for a nanny? Ummm... OK.

[Anonymous]

How is this a hard trip with two nannies? And, she's paying for it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll fail.

Why do you accuse everyone whose life experience differs from yours as being a troll? Every thread, like clockwork!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll also point out, OP, that likely this sister spent a lot of time and money doing whatever activities, showers, wedding plans, etc you had even if it wasn’t super convenient for her. She now wants to celebrate herself - super generously to you, I might add - and you aren’t willing to make any concessions. I mean, really, you won’t go on an allexpense paid trip to HAWAII? Your kids are not old enough to give two hoots if they “miss time with friends” this summer and even if they were that wouldn’t prioritize over this trip for me.

My kids are two young, but there's a third sister with older kids and they will be the ones not wanting to miss time with friends and their activities.

I can’t imagine ANY kid saying “jeeze I’d rather hang out with my friends while we’re all on our phones and talking to eachother on our phones even though we’re three feet away. And also spend 1-6 weeks at a camp where I am just one of dozens of other kids who’s parents want a break from us; have to share showers and bathrooms with multiple other strange kids, not see any family, be in a strict-ish enviornment—instead of going on a FREE vacation to Hawaii or Europe!”

At quite literally any age, I would have said “Screw camp, and I love all my friends but I can see them during the school year—I’m spending the summer in luxury!”


I honestly can’t tell if this is just a verty subtle troll, or someone who is seriously dense enough to turn this kind of thing down. She’s literally going to hire two nannies and is offering to pay for everything

If this is real, she’s an amazing sister and OP does not deserve her. OP should be ashamed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but no way would I go on a trip with a 3yr old and 8th month old. Sounds horrible

I’m also in this boat. Both of my kids at 8 mos would have freaked out being left with a strange nanny. Heck it would have been traumatic for them even at 3 — one of them started full time daycare at that age and cried all day long the first several days. Then there is the issue of being off schedule due to time change and all the extra moodiness and crankiness from sleepdisruption — no thank you! My in laws wanted us to go on a short Paris trip when our kids were slightly older than OP’s and I declined for all these reasons. Of course, I also do not care to spend time with my in laws, so in my case it was like enduring pain in order to do something also painful.

Thank you! I think some posters just don't remember what it's like to have small children. Sure two nannies are great in theory, but not really practical for clingy toddlers, there's no just handing them over to people they just met. And my other sister's kids are also involved in sports so missing a month would also make it difficult.

unlike some posters are trying to imply, I do like my sister, we see each other frequently. I would like to be able to go, but can't and feel bad about saying no, and I know she's disappointed things aren't what she had hoped. I also don't think it's fair for me to ask her to go somewhere else or take a shorter trip.

I’ll go with your sister. i don’t even know this saint of a women, but I’d go. Hands down. My family would too.