My sister just does not get it

[Anonymous]

Let me start by saying she's a nice person, and my oldest and my other sister's kids love her, but she's soon to be 40, single, makes good money and no kids so she just doesn't understand things.


Like she just asked if my sister and I would be interested in doing a summer trip with the family, she's thinking of Italy, and Spain. Australia or New Zealand or we could go to Hawaii if we wanted to stay in the States. She's going to pay for everything including two nannies for us. She just wants to do something special for her birthday, and we haven't traveled as a family in years. She doesn't get that as a mom of a 3-year-old and a 8 month old this trip wouldn't be relaxing for me, or our sister with older kids She doesn't get that our nieces and nephew have activities and maybe want to do camps or hang out with friends and not aunts for half the summer. Her solution when I mentioned this was that she'd hire some nannies to give us a break and could hire someone to help us pack. I can tell she was disappointed when I said no, I don't like disappointing her, but I wish she could just be a little more realistic sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me start by saying she's a nice person, and my oldest and my other sister's kids love her, but she's soon to be 40, single, makes good money and no kids so she just doesn't understand things.


Like she just asked if my sister and I would be interested in doing a summer trip with the family, she's thinking of Italy, and Spain. Australia or New Zealand or we could go to Hawaii if we wanted to stay in the States. She's going to pay for everything including two nannies for us. She just wants to do something special for her birthday, and we haven't traveled as a family in years. She doesn't get that as a mom of a 3-year-old and a 8 month old this trip wouldn't be relaxing for me, or our sister with older kids She doesn't get that our nieces and nephew have activities and maybe want to do camps or hang out with friends and not aunts for half the summer. Her solution when I mentioned this was that she'd hire some nannies to give us a break and could hire someone to help us pack. I can tell she was disappointed when I said no, I don't like disappointing her, but I wish she could just be a little more realistic sometimes.

Have you calmly and politely explained to her the reasons it would not be realistic? She may not have thought out the logistics. Some people seem to think a baby is like a baby doll, you just pick it up, take it anywhere, change a diaper, give a bottle and it remains content. If she truly doesn't get it and tries to make you feel bad, I would detach with love a bit. Do things your family can handle, but just accept she is limited in empathy for things she has not experienced and don't feel responsible for her feelings.

[Anonymous]

Troll fail.

[Anonymous]

Something is wrong with you not to make this work.

[Anonymous]

OMG, you have someone willing to pay for your family trip and TWO Nannies and you’re complaining?!?

[Anonymous]

Another single sister hate thread.

[Anonymous]

Wow, free international trip with nannies and paying for help to pack your suitcases. I'd jump on it. In a few years you're going to wish you took her up on her very generous offer.

[Anonymous]

I feel that OP is the one who just doesn’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel that OP is the one who just doesn’t get it.

Plus 1. Or perhaps a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, free international trip with nannies and paying for help to pack your suitcases. I'd jump on it. In a few years you're going to wish you took her up on her very generous offer.

Was going to write the same!

- Parent of older kids who wishes she had done more of this right from the get-go after having kids (altho in my case no one offerred to pay!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me start by saying she's a nice person, and my oldest and my other sister's kids love her, but she's soon to be 40, single, makes good money and no kids so she just doesn't understand things.


Like she just asked if my sister and I would be interested in doing a summer trip with the family, she's thinking of Italy, and Spain. Australia or New Zealand or we could go to Hawaii if we wanted to stay in the States. She's going to pay for everything including two nannies for us. She just wants to do something special for her birthday, and we haven't traveled as a family in years. She doesn't get that as a mom of a 3-year-old and a 8 month old this trip wouldn't be relaxing for me, or our sister with older kids She doesn't get that our nieces and nephew have activities and maybe want to do camps or hang out with friends and not aunts for half the summer. Her solution when I mentioned this was that she'd hire some nannies to give us a break and could hire someone to help us pack. I can tell she was disappointed when I said no, I don't like disappointing her, but I wish she could just be a little more realistic sometimes.

Have you calmly and politely explained to her the reasons it would not be realistic? She may not have thought out the logistics. Some people seem to think a baby is like a baby doll, you just pick it up, take it anywhere, change a diaper, give a bottle and it remains content. If she truly doesn't get it and tries to make you feel bad, I would detach with love a bit. Do things your family can handle, but just accept she is limited in empathy for things she has not experienced and don't feel responsible for her feelings.

I have tried, but she still doesn't seem to understand why just having a nanny isn't a solution for little ones who will be out of routine and cranky and just want mom on a trip. But based on the responses some moms are fine just passing the kids off in this scenario so there's that. And no I don't hate my sister. I'm actually trying to think of away to celebrate with her that doesn't involve an big international trip. I just hate being in the position of having to say no.

[Anonymous]

Your loss. I hope your sister plans the trip of her dreams with people that appreciate her.

[Anonymous]

I’ll also point out, OP, that likely this sister spent a lot of time and money doing whatever activities, showers, wedding plans, etc you had even if it wasn’t super convenient for her. She now wants to celebrate herself - super generously to you, I might add - and you aren’t willing to make any concessions. I mean, really, you won’t go on an allexpense paid trip to HAWAII? Your kids are not old enough to give two hoots if they “miss time with friends” this summer and even if they were that wouldn’t prioritize over this trip for me.

[Anonymous]

If you have been clear with her that you don't want this kind of trip, you stop there. Ruminating about it won't help as it's just leading you further down the path of, oddly, resenting her for the way she wants to enjoy your company.

Focus on the good. She would love to spend time with you A lot of time. And have adventures with you. That is a very nice thing. Try to find more ways, that works for you, to enjoy her company.

[Anonymous]

I have a 2yo and 4yo. OP, would your sister accept strangers as her guests? I would love to take my kids on this type of trip for free! With nannies!