My sister just does not get it

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’ll also point out, OP, that likely this sister spent a lot of time and money doing whatever activities, showers, wedding plans, etc you had even if it wasn’t super convenient for her. She now wants to celebrate herself - super generously to you, I might add - and you aren’t willing to make any concessions. I mean, really, you won’t go on an allexpense paid trip to HAWAII? Your kids are not old enough to give two hoots if they “miss time with friends” this summer and even if they were that wouldn’t prioritize over this trip for me.

My kids are two young, but there's a third sister with older kids and they will be the ones not wanting to miss time with friends and their activities.

I can’t imagine ANY kid saying “jeeze I’d rather hang out with my friends while we’re all on our phones and talking to eachother on our phones even though we’re three feet away. And also spend 1-6 weeks at a camp where I am just one of dozens of other kids who’s parents want a break from us; have to share showers and bathrooms with multiple other strange kids, not see any family, be in a strict-ish enviornment—instead of going on a FREE vacation to Hawaii or Europe!”

At quite literally any age, I would have said “Screw camp, and I love all my friends but I can see them during the school year—I’m spending the summer in luxury!”


I honestly can’t tell if this is just a verty subtle troll, or someone who is seriously dense enough to turn this kind of thing down. She’s literally going to hire two nannies and is offering to pay for everything

If this is real, she’s an amazing sister and OP does not deserve her. OP should be ashamed.

Your use of bolding for emphasis notwithstanding, I know many kids who would much rather got to camp and hang out with their friends than go on a family vacation with extended family including multiple aunts and much younger cousins. I also know kids who would jump at the chance. I also know kids who would have zero interest in Hawaii or Bali but be thrilled to go to Spain or Italy, and others who find the whole idea of Europe boring but would be very excited to to a beach resort almost anywhere.

It depends on the kids, what activities they do and their relationship to them, the families, the ages, etc. It is not an obvious yes or no. This could be a very hard sell for a kid who would have to miss the specialty soccer camp that everyone else on their team is attending and that might make it harder for them to get chosen as a forward next year. Or the 13-year-old who will be 3-12 years older than ever other kid on the trip, does not need a nanny, but also doesn't want to spend two whole weeks reading books and hanging out with his mom and aunts.

I am surprised by how many people on here are jumping all over OP when I can think of many scenarios in which what her sister is asking for just does not make sense for this specific family, and maybe doing a shorter trip somewhere a little closer (like a week at a nice resort in Mexico right after school gets out, where there won't be jet lag for the little kids and the older kids won't miss any of their planned summer activities) would make more sense. If OP and her other sisters are suggesting that kind of compromise and the sister is digging in her heels, I actually do think she "just doesn't get it." Sometimes kids are not convenient. It's just how it is.

I promise the 13 yo would be fine because they have WiFi in Hawaii. He/she can still be online with friends during down times.

I hate to break it to you but not every 13 year old is exactly the same or wants exactly the same thing. Also while Hawaii would work okay for that purpose (huge time difference but because it's 23 hours behind the east coast, they'd be awake at the same time as friends) the same would not be true for many of the other suggested destinations because the friends would asleep or doing other things when the 13 year old was free to chat.

Are these kids really not able to tolerate a week in Hawaii without their friends? Is it that big of a deal? They’ll come back and meet them right?

This is the difference between a vacation you plan for your own family and a vacation someone else plans for you:

There are certain activities or events that your child will absolutely freak out about missing, even for a vacation in Hawaii, and most parents will make an effort not to schedule a vacation during them. Like summer swim championships or their annual dance recital, or their birthday, or their best friend's birthday.

But if your sister is planning a trip that she is paying for that revolves around her birthday, she might not understand that expecting your 9 year old to miss her annual dance recital is not really a reasonable ask.

Also it sounds like she wants to go somewhere for more than a week.

People are getting distracted by "free international trip with free nannies" and not really paying attention to some of the details which actually do indicate that there are valid reasons why OP and her other sister might be pushing back a little on the proposed plan.

Some of us are raising our children to understand that the universe doesn’t always revolve around them. I can’t imagine my kids making a fuss over missing a few things for a once-in-a-lifetime trip with aunt. You’re spoiling your kids.

Uh, then who is spoiling the sister who thinks that her entire extended family including nieces and nephews should drop literally ALL of their commitments to celebrate her birthday in a foreign location for 2 weeks? Because that sounds a lot more like thinking the world revolves around you than a young child not wanting to miss an important event in their lives.

I'd be curious to know if this aunt has made all of these kids' important milestones. I'm guessing no, but maybe I'm wrong.

It’s two weeks and she’s paying. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want to go either. There is nothing fun about traveling with an 8-month old and 3-year old. In fact, I'd pay NOT to go. However, it's clear that a lot of people don't agree, and I would not be annoyed with the sister for not understanding. Even a lot of moms won't get it. She's being super generous, so I'd let her know how much you appreciate it, and don't portray this as a general kid situation that she doesn't get. Because it's more of a mom situation - some of us are like you and just can't, and others are happy to travel with babies. Tell her in a few years you'd love to plan something big, when all the kids have hit at least 4 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't want to go either. There is nothing fun about traveling with an 8-month old and 3-year old. In fact, I'd pay NOT to go. However, it's clear that a lot of people don't agree, and I would not be annoyed with the sister for not understanding. Even a lot of moms won't get it. She's being super generous, so I'd let her know how much you appreciate it, and don't portray this as a general kid situation that she doesn't get. Because it's more of a mom situation - some of us are like you and just can't, and others are happy to travel with babies. Tell her in a few years you'd love to plan something big, when all the kids have hit at least 4 years.

I have travelled a lot with kids of this age it's absolutely not true that there's 'nothing fun about it'.
It can be challenging, but a huge amount of the challenge is ameliorated by having childcare when you get there. It's also amazing in a lot of ways, especially if you go somewhere with a beach and a pool - my iphone sends me memories nearly every day of my kids at that age toddling around the beach and digging in the sand/ playing in the pool.
You can cast anything hard in a negative light, but 'nothing fun' about going on a paid vacation just because there are small children involved is a wild mischaracterization.