You walk into an OB office and sit next to a couple crying...

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. I realized after my own miscarriage (an early one) that people truly don’t understand pregnancy loss and that it happens. It makes people uncomfortable for me to even talk about it openly. I’m much more aware of this dynamic but not everyone is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. As I was being wheeled in for a D&C at GW for a very wanted pregnancy, the head of Maternal and Fetal Medicine was asked by the other attending doctor when he could schedule his wife for a third trimester checkup. They were literally walking my wheeled bed into surgery discussing this. I doubt the knitter was trying to be insensitive deliberately, but some people are truly clueless.

I also had the nurse checking me in for my D&C ask if I was pregnant. I was speechless. Eventually I said, yes, but the baby is dead. I don't know how someone can be that ill prepared to bring a patient back.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry you lost your baby. I had 2 miscarriages late first trimester and had to have D&Cs.

My honest reaction is I wouldn’t sit in a waiting room crying. I’d find a more private area. Which is not to say you did anything wrong but to point out everyone reacts and sees the world differently.

I don’t think what she did was some great offense I think you are in a bad spot and very sensitive.

[Anonymous]

It’s fine to knit in a waiting room. Or read a baby book. Or scroll through pictures on your phone of your kids. Or watch your baby while you wait for an appointment. Not everything is about you.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for your loss, op.

I do think that your anger is misplaced. At an OB there are pregnant women and new babies around you everywhere. It's okay to be hurt and sensitive, but unfair to expect someone to be focused on you and assume they should change their behavior while sitting around in a waiting room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. As I was being wheeled in for a D&C at GW for a very wanted pregnancy, the head of Maternal and Fetal Medicine was asked by the other attending doctor when he could schedule his wife for a third trimester checkup. They were literally walking my wheeled bed into surgery discussing this. I doubt the knitter was trying to be insensitive deliberately, but some people are truly clueless.

I also had the nurse checking me in for my D&C ask if I was pregnant. I was speechless. Eventually I said, yes, but the baby is dead. I don't know how someone can be that ill prepared to bring a patient back.

PP here. I'm so sorry, that's awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine to knit in a waiting room. Or read a baby book. Or scroll through pictures on your phone of your kids. Or watch your baby while you wait for an appointment. Not everything is about you.

I have a specialist appointment that requires me to walk through the "special" pregnancy area. The office keeps rescheduling my appointment and now I have no childcare. Am I am evil witch demon if I bring my three kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really sorry for your loss. What you are going through is so unfair, and I really wish you healing and peace.

That said, I also don't think they did anything wrong, and if anything were trying to distract themselves from their nerves for their own appointment. I always get anxiety before my OB appointments and need to bring something to distract myself so this honestly could have been me - except crochet or embroidery instead of knitting.

Even if this were the case, there were plenty of other seats. If the person starts crying harder, how about moving somewhere else? Literally we were the only 3 people in the office. And this person sat right next to us.

Okay, now that is very strange, for a waiting room to be practically empty, and then for someone to sit right next to you, a crying couple. That is not a person who has social skills or awareness. And then to bust out some baby clothing knitting? That's a classic Tragedy Vulture move. Tragedy Vultures are a kind of narcissistic person who feeds off sad things that happen to other people. Did she try to talk to you?

People can be weird at OB offices, though. In the waiting room at the MFM office, there was a very AMA mom there with her husband and she was loudly praying to god to forgive her for being such a sinner and questioning His Plan by getting an amniocentesis. Like super duper loud, calling a lot of attention to herself, in a room full of women who were all pretty on edge anyways.

I am sorry that happened to you, and I dont' understand why people here are being so insensitive.

Or it is not a person who exists...

[Anonymous]

I've been there and it sucks. To be honest I don't remember anyone else in the waiting room at all. There were probably others there. I was just sitting there crying and all I remember is that someone from the office staff kindly gave me a water or Kleenex or something I don't even remember what. It's not the knitter, it's just an emotional experience and she was the nearest target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

Why assume anyone crying in the OB office is crying because of a dead baby or infertility?

Going on with their knitting is the least nosy thing they could do.

What else is there to cry about at an OB office with a partner there? Cancer? Either way, it's not good news if someone is crying in a medical office.

Yes.

Stop complaining about people triggering you with their ignorance as you trigger others with yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine to knit in a waiting room. Or read a baby book. Or scroll through pictures on your phone of your kids. Or watch your baby while you wait for an appointment. Not everything is about you.

I have a specialist appointment that requires me to walk through the "special" pregnancy area. The office keeps rescheduling my appointment and now I have no childcare. Am I am evil witch demon if I bring my three kids?

Are you sure you can even bring 3 kids? Some have a strict no kids policy and you will have to reschedule again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The world does not revolve around you.

They probably didn’t even notice you.

Thanks for the kind words. My dead 15 week baby also thanks you.

I'm sorry for your loss but this is correct. I doubt they decided to knit baby clothes just to make you feel bad. That is what they were working on probably for their own baby. It had nothing to do with you.

So you would knit baby clothes in front of the crying couple?

Yes, OP, many of us would.

Not op here but you can speak for yourself but not many people would do this. Let alone in the OB which is obvious but even in other setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

Why assume anyone crying in the OB office is crying because of a dead baby or infertility?

Going on with their knitting is the least nosy thing they could do.

What else is there to cry about at an OB office with a partner there? Cancer? Either way, it's not good news if someone is crying in a medical office.

I'm really surprised the OB's office is so insensitive as to leave a couple crying in their waiting room. Usually they will get you in a private area asap.

Yeah, Im not understanding why they were sent back to the waiting room when they weren't done. This is the office's fault for double and triple booking patients and turning their office into a conveyor belt of appointments.

[Anonymous]

I think that it's a natural reaction when encountered with something uncomfortable - like a couple next to you in a very sad situation where privacy is not possible and there is a lot of awkwardness - that people don't make the best decisions.

It's unlikely they were trying to upset you. I mean, it was an OB office. Lots of upsetting stuff around in your situation. They may have even been trying to just keep their head down and away from you. Also, it could have been a glove or a hat or something else?

I am sorry you were upset, in general, and about this. It's hard. But I don't think they meant to hurt you.

[Anonymous]

I would not put the burden on the clueless person knitting baby clothes, OP, even though I think most people would not have sat down next to you, and not gotten baby stuff out. I pass no judgement on this person, however.

I would put the burden on the OB's office to place you immediately in a different room, so you did not have to wait with these people. It's more efficient than relying on a group of distracted patients who might or might not be sensitive to your needs.