You walk into an OB office and sit next to a couple crying...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really sorry for your loss. What you are going through is so unfair, and I really wish you healing and peace.

That said, I also don't think they did anything wrong, and if anything were trying to distract themselves from their nerves for their own appointment. I always get anxiety before my OB appointments and need to bring something to distract myself so this honestly could have been me - except crochet or embroidery instead of knitting.

Don’t you get it? It’s not about you and your own issues. It’s about the crying couple. They are the ones who matter here. Anxiety be damned.

DP but no the crying couple doesn't matter...the world doesn't revolve around them. It's too bad the OB's office didn't give you guys a private space while you waited. Everyone is dealing with their own stuff. Getting pissed about someone knitting baby clothes is a real misdirection of your anger/sadness/grief. Very sorry for your loss, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss. It’s not unreasonable to expect some sensitivity in an OB’s office.

Sorry but knitting is not insensitive. Just like being there pregnant or with a newborn would not be insensitive. Would it be insensitive for someone there with a newborn for their six week to coo? To breastfeed? The answer here is for the practice to move the grieving couple to a room where they can have privacy.

OP gets a total pass on this in my book, she can be mad at any stranger if it helps, but it doesn’t make her right on this.

[Anonymous]

Op, I've been where you are. The misdirected anger doesn't help at all. Trust me. I lashed out so much during my grief at people who didn't deserve it (even when they did something wrong, my reaction was over the top). All it did was prolong my grieving because instead of dealing with my loss, I just redirected my feelings into my anger at others.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP, I am sorry, I have been where you are and the loss and pain is excruciating. These people commenting that it was no big deal are bonkers! The best you can do is tell them to be grateful they don’t understand. I can’t even imagine what this knitting person was thinking, but I bet they weren’t thinking. It is unlikely they were doing it to be cruel. So yes I will validate for you your pain and incredulous ness and hope people maybe pause a minute and do something else should they encounter similar someday or at the very least give the poor couple or single person crying in a waiting room some space. But also the office sure should have a piece of your mind when you can about not hustling you into a room for privacy as well.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The world does not revolve around you.

They probably didn’t even notice you.

Thanks for the kind words. My dead 15 week baby also thanks you.

I'm sorry for your loss but this is correct. I doubt they decided to knit baby clothes just to make you feel bad. That is what they were working on probably for their own baby. It had nothing to do with you.

So you would knit baby clothes in front of the crying couple?

Yes, OP, many of us would.

I would not and any of my friends would think that it was appallingly insensitive. I am so sorry. Choosing not to knit for 15 minutes hardly amounts to "putting your life on hold."

They could have been crying for numerous reasons. Maybe even nothing to do with the OB. Maybe they found out some unrelated bad news. I’m not going to stop knitting in case I possibly may trigger a crying couple. That’s just ridiculous.
I mean I know you think you’re amazingly sensitive and compassionate, but most of us are just going about our day. And that’s not a bad thing.

Next time, I'll be sure to let the person know and ask them to stop. Because that can't be any more tacky than their actions, right?

Well the problem with your statement is that their actions were not tacky. They were normal.

So my request would be totally normal too.

Disagree. Your request would be self centered. Why not just get up and move?
(Still wondering how moving to another seat makes the knitters actions less triggering)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP, I am sorry, I have been where you are and the loss and pain is excruciating. These people commenting that it was no big deal are bonkers! The best you can do is tell them to be grateful they don’t understand. I can’t even imagine what this knitting person was thinking, but I bet they weren’t thinking. It is unlikely they were doing it to be cruel. So yes I will validate for you your pain and incredulous ness and hope people maybe pause a minute and do something else should they encounter similar someday or at the very least give the poor couple or single person crying in a waiting room some space. But also the office sure should have a piece of your mind when you can about not hustling you into a room for privacy as well.

No one said the pain isn’t excruciating. We are saying the knitter was not a big deal. Which it wasn’t.

[Anonymous]

Op, I’m so sorry. It’s hard. When I lost a pregnancy I felt white hot anger toward all the pregnant women, just for existing.

The person who said this has nothing to do with the knitting is right though. It’s easier to be mad at her than face the grief.

[Anonymous]

She was probably asking herself why you didn’t leave the office to cry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...and decide to whip out a knitting set and knit baby clothing in front of them.

Are people really this daft? Do they think people crying at an OB office are just there so they can watch you knit something for a baby they no longer have?

This is horrible and I’m so sorry this happened to you. I get it and unfortunately many do.
Sending you wishes for strength and peace.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The world does not revolve around you.

They probably didn’t even notice you.

Thanks for the kind words. My dead 15 week baby also thanks you.

I'm sorry for your loss but this is correct. I doubt they decided to knit baby clothes just to make you feel bad. That is what they were working on probably for their own baby. It had nothing to do with you.

So you would knit baby clothes in front of the crying couple?

Yes, OP, many of us would.

I would not and any of my friends would think that it was appallingly insensitive. I am so sorry. Choosing not to knit for 15 minutes hardly amounts to "putting your life on hold."

They could have been crying for numerous reasons. Maybe even nothing to do with the OB. Maybe they found out some unrelated bad news. I’m not going to stop knitting in case I possibly may trigger a crying couple. That’s just ridiculous.
I mean I know you think you’re amazingly sensitive and compassionate, but most of us are just going about our day. And that’s not a bad thing.

Next time, I'll be sure to let the person know and ask them to stop. Because that can't be any more tacky than their actions, right?

Well the problem with your statement is that their actions were not tacky. They were normal.

So my request would be totally normal too.

Disagree. Your request would be self centered. Why not just get up and move?
(Still wondering how moving to another seat makes the knitters actions less triggering)

It doesn't make it less triggering, of course. The person's actions already triggered more crying. So, yeah, at that point moving isn't really going to help.

Literally I've seen OBs for 20+ years and never once saw someone knitting in the waiting room until the day my baby was dead.

[Anonymous]

The thing that helped me cope most with pregnancy loss was talking to a friend who lost seven pregnancies. (I knew she’d had losses but didn’t know the scale). She was okay after all that and I realized I would be too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The world does not revolve around you.

They probably didn’t even notice you.

Thanks for the kind words. My dead 15 week baby also thanks you.

I think it would be very uncomfortable for pregnant moms to have a crying person in the waiting room. The OB should have given you a private space to cry. I am sure miscarriages or unviable pregnancies are not rare occurrences in their business.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it was insensitive. Even more insensitive are the people on this site.

-from someone else who had a loss in the second trimester

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

There’s a good (at least 1 in 4) chance that the knitting woman beside you has gone through a similar experience. For my subsequent pregnancies after my first loss I was a shaking bundle of nerves before every ultrasound. I’m a big reader so I would try my best to just focus on a book and tune out everything around me…maybe that woman does the same through knitting.

Just because you’re rightfully devastated about your own situation doesn’t mean you need turn innocent bystanders into the enemy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really sorry for your loss. What you are going through is so unfair, and I really wish you healing and peace.

That said, I also don't think they did anything wrong, and if anything were trying to distract themselves from their nerves for their own appointment. I always get anxiety before my OB appointments and need to bring something to distract myself so this honestly could have been me - except crochet or embroidery instead of knitting.

Even if this were the case, there were plenty of other seats. If the person starts crying harder, how about moving somewhere else? Literally we were the only 3 people in the office. And this person sat right next to us.

Jesus. Serious main character syndrome right here. Wherever they were on the waiting room, I’m sure you could see them. What does it matter where they sit?

This waiting room has 2 areas, so no, if they were in the other area I would not be able to see them knit if they needed to knit for whatever reason.