You walk into an OB office and sit next to a couple crying...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

Why assume anyone crying in the OB office is crying because of a dead baby or infertility?

Going on with their knitting is the least nosy thing they could do.

[Anonymous]

Go outside or in the bathroom if it offends you so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The world does not revolve around you.

They probably didn’t even notice you.

Thanks for the kind words. My dead 15 week baby also thanks you.

I'm sorry for your loss but this is correct. I doubt they decided to knit baby clothes just to make you feel bad. That is what they were working on probably for their own baby. It had nothing to do with you.

So you would knit baby clothes in front of the crying couple?

Yes, OP, many of us would.

I would not and any of my friends would think that it was appallingly insensitive. I am so sorry. Choosing not to knit for 15 minutes hardly amounts to "putting your life on hold."

They could have been crying for numerous reasons. Maybe even nothing to do with the OB. Maybe they found out some unrelated bad news. I’m not going to stop knitting in case I possibly may trigger a crying couple. That’s just ridiculous.
I mean I know you think you’re amazingly sensitive and compassionate, but most of us are just going about our day. And that’s not a bad thing.

Next time, I'll be sure to let the person know and ask them to stop. Because that can't be any more tacky than their actions, right?

Well the problem with your statement is that their actions were not tacky. They were normal.

So my request would be totally normal too.

No sorry and I realize it’s the grief talking but it’s simply not normal or acceptable to ask a person to stop performing an objectively perfectly innocuous activity in public because it’s triggering to you. (If a woman had come in with her baby for a postpartum checkup and sat next to you would you also feel entitled to ask her to move/leave because it was triggering?) Kindly, if her knitting was bothering you then you should have either moved to a different area yourself or asked your ObGYN office if they had a private area where you could wait to be seen.

Op you clearly are lashing out because you are (understandably) struggling. I hope you are able to find a counselor to help you process the grief.

[Anonymous]

OP, there is nothing in that a stranger could do to make you feel better about having just now lost a pregnancy. You were permitted to lament in public, because the people around you were kind. Your lashing out is tolerated here for the same reason. You aren't in your right state of mind, and that's completely understandable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

Why assume anyone crying in the OB office is crying because of a dead baby or infertility?

Going on with their knitting is the least nosy thing they could do.

What else is there to cry about at an OB office with a partner there? Cancer? Either way, it's not good news if someone is crying in a medical office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

OMG would you please stop saying "dead baby" and "dead in my body"? You are incredibly self involved and literally using a dead child to get sympathy on the internet.

Clearly it wouldn't even occur to you that your language and posts could be triggering for others even as you are going on and on about how awful it was for you to get triggered. You need to go get some sympathy from an appropriate place, not here.

DP: Stop scolding this poor women for expressing her grief in a perfectly natural way. No one need participate in a thread and you already know what this one is about.

OP I have no idea why people are being so hard on you today. Usually this is a more supportive area.

Women with live fetuses are people too, and don't serve to be the target of OP's grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really sorry for your loss. What you are going through is so unfair, and I really wish you healing and peace.

That said, I also don't think they did anything wrong, and if anything were trying to distract themselves from their nerves for their own appointment. I always get anxiety before my OB appointments and need to bring something to distract myself so this honestly could have been me - except crochet or embroidery instead of knitting.

Even if this were the case, there were plenty of other seats. If the person starts crying harder, how about moving somewhere else? Literally we were the only 3 people in the office. And this person sat right next to us.

You are in a bad place, we get that. But the world does not revolve around your and your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

Why assume anyone crying in the OB office is crying because of a dead baby or infertility?

Going on with their knitting is the least nosy thing they could do.

What else is there to cry about at an OB office with a partner there? Cancer? Either way, it's not good news if someone is crying in a medical office.

I'm really surprised the OB's office is so insensitive as to leave a couple crying in their waiting room. Usually they will get you in a private area asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

OMG would you please stop saying "dead baby" and "dead in my body"? You are incredibly self involved and literally using a dead child to get sympathy on the internet.

Clearly it wouldn't even occur to you that your language and posts could be triggering for others even as you are going on and on about how awful it was for you to get triggered. You need to go get some sympathy from an appropriate place, not here.

DP: Stop scolding this poor women for expressing her grief in a perfectly natural way. No one need participate in a thread and you already know what this one is about.

OP I have no idea why people are being so hard on you today. Usually this is a more supportive area.

+1. It’s appropriate to say “dead baby” and “dead in my body” because it’s the truth. No need to sugarcoat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really sorry for your loss. What you are going through is so unfair, and I really wish you healing and peace.

That said, I also don't think they did anything wrong, and if anything were trying to distract themselves from their nerves for their own appointment. I always get anxiety before my OB appointments and need to bring something to distract myself so this honestly could have been me - except crochet or embroidery instead of knitting.

Don’t you get it? It’s not about you and your own issues. It’s about the crying couple. They are the ones who matter here. Anxiety be damned.

"It is not about you! you! you! It is about ME! ME! ME!"

Everyone matters OP, even the not crying knitters of the world.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. As I was being wheeled in for a D&C at GW for a very wanted pregnancy, the head of Maternal and Fetal Medicine was asked by the other attending doctor when he could schedule his wife for a third trimester checkup. They were literally walking my wheeled bed into surgery discussing this. I doubt the knitter was trying to be insensitive deliberately, but some people are truly clueless.

[Anonymous]

It’s probably just one of the couple who can’t.
The other one needs to find someone else. Sad but that’s life.
That was the sign of the knitting lady

[Anonymous]

Yes, some people are just clueless and insensitive. Very sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of the time I walked in to our fertility clinic for morning monitoring and there was a lady crying and another couple gushing over their new sonogram pictures. Tbf I'd seen that lady crying before. It might not have had anything to do with the sonogram couple but that day I swore I'd never leave an exam room without putting them in my purse. Our clinic also has a no baby rule and you couldn't come to the office for any appointments if you were showing. Or bring a support person during reg monitoring hours if they were showing

Sorry for your loss OP but ultimately that person doesn't owe you anything. I wish your provider let you wait in a separate room. Take care of yourself. You're likely about to face a lot of triggers over the next period of time and that's hard but also something you'll get through

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The world does not revolve around you.

They probably didn’t even notice you.

Thanks for the kind words. My dead 15 week baby also thanks you.

I'm sorry for your loss but this is correct. I doubt they decided to knit baby clothes just to make you feel bad. That is what they were working on probably for their own baby. It had nothing to do with you.

So you would knit baby clothes in front of the crying couple?

Yes.

You were holding your husband’s hand, right? Did you make sure there were no widows in that waiting room?