You walk into an OB office and sit next to a couple crying...

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do that but you need to be prepared for lots of people going about their own lives as your heart is breaking. People are going to be excited for pregnancies and joyful about births. You'll need to modify your own behavior instead of being angry at others. Go sit somewhere else, avoid social media, avoid places you'd see things like diaper advertisements, etc.

[Anonymous]

Sheesh, a little empathy and understanding people. Of course it’s ok for a pregnant woman to knit baby clothes in the waiting room AND it’s ok for OP to feel complete grief and total rage (a part of grief) and come on here to let it out. It’s not like she screamed at the lady in the waiting room. I had a full term stillborn baby. I was angry at everyone. Especially people enjoying their little newborn babies. It was part of grief. It doesn’t make sense. Those happy people didn’t do anything to me. But I was full of grief and rage inside. It was private rage and pain. I didn’t hurt the happy people and they didn’t hurt me, but I was deeply hurt by something out of all of our control and their happiness reminded me of my pain. It took time for me to heal. Please be kind to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't expect that there were so many cold people out there, but now I know.

New to DCUM? Regularly makes me lose my faith in humanity.

👆👆👆

[Anonymous]

OP I’m the poster above who lost my full term baby. If you’re still reading this far in, I know this will be hard to believe, but time does heal wounds. It still makes me sad, I still wonder what my child would have been like at x age, and x age. But it doesn’t hurt like it did. And I came to realize that everyone has pain and grief in their lives. It helped me have more empathy for happy couples with little newborns. And my own heart healed in time, in its own way. Your heart will heal too. It’s raw and excruciating right now. But you will also find happiness again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I would direct my anger at the OB’s office that left you crying in the waiting room instead of finding a private place for you to grieve until you could compose yourselves enough to go home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

OMG would you please stop saying "dead baby" and "dead in my body"? You are incredibly self involved and literally using a dead child to get sympathy on the internet.

Clearly it wouldn't even occur to you that your language and posts could be triggering for others even as you are going on and on about how awful it was for you to get triggered. You need to go get some sympathy from an appropriate place, not here.

DP: Stop scolding this poor women for expressing her grief in a perfectly natural way. No one need participate in a thread and you already know what this one is about.

OP I have no idea why people are being so hard on you today. Usually this is a more supportive area.

+1. It’s appropriate to say “dead baby” and “dead in my body” because it’s the truth. No need to sugarcoat it.

+1 "Dead baby" and "dead in my body" are accurate and therefore normal to write.

To some people, the term "passed away" is far more offensive than "dead."

Fetus, not baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not enough that they get attention by crying in the waiting room, but they need all the additional attention by posting this on DCUM.
Your public cry for attention didn't work, and now you are mad.

What happened to you sucks, but demanding all this public sympathy isn't goi f to change your situation.

I was crying for the baby I very much wanted and was dead in my belly. My husband was crying. He's not an emotional person. This isn't some kind of cry for attention, I was in actual pain.

How far along were you OP?

[Anonymous]

When I lost my late term baby, I avoided waiting rooms for this reason. Dont be angry at the other woman, remove yourself from the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I’m the poster above who lost my full term baby. If you’re still reading this far in, I know this will be hard to believe, but time does heal wounds. It still makes me sad, I still wonder what my child would have been like at x age, and x age. But it doesn’t hurt like it did. And I came to realize that everyone has pain and grief in their lives. It helped me have more empathy for happy couples with little newborns. And my own heart healed in time, in its own way. Your heart will heal too. It’s raw and excruciating right now. But you will also find happiness again.

I agree with this sentiment because this was the case with me and I have three healthy children one of whom would not be here today if I had not had an mc but not everyone goes on to have a healthy baby and sometimes people have multiple mc’s before they have that healthy baby so I don’t know if this is universal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not enough that they get attention by crying in the waiting room, but they need all the additional attention by posting this on DCUM.
Your public cry for attention didn't work, and now you are mad.

What happened to you sucks, but demanding all this public sympathy isn't goi f to change your situation.

I was crying for the baby I very much wanted and was dead in my belly. My husband was crying. He's not an emotional person. This isn't some kind of cry for attention, I was in actual pain.

How far along were you OP?

No, no, no. Don’t do that. Don’t “it doesn’t count if XYZ” to the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

OMG would you please stop saying "dead baby" and "dead in my body"? You are incredibly self involved and literally using a dead child to get sympathy on the internet.

Clearly it wouldn't even occur to you that your language and posts could be triggering for others even as you are going on and on about how awful it was for you to get triggered. You need to go get some sympathy from an appropriate place, not here.

DP: Stop scolding this poor women for expressing her grief in a perfectly natural way. No one need participate in a thread and you already know what this one is about.

OP I have no idea why people are being so hard on you today. Usually this is a more supportive area.

+1. It’s appropriate to say “dead baby” and “dead in my body” because it’s the truth. No need to sugarcoat it.

+1 "Dead baby" and "dead in my body" are accurate and therefore normal to write.

To some people, the term "passed away" is far more offensive than "dead."

Fetus, not baby.

STFU. It is and was OP’s baby. I’m angry for OP now because of how she is being treated. F off.

[Anonymous]

OP, if it's at all possible I would really recommend trying to tune out other peoples' opinions and going to see a therapist who deals with infertility/loss issues. What you're dealing with is a really understandable and common reaction and it can be so helpful to talk things over with a professional. There are also some virtual support groups like RESOLVE and others. Hopefully your OB is directing you towards local resources too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not enough that they get attention by crying in the waiting room, but they need all the additional attention by posting this on DCUM.
Your public cry for attention didn't work, and now you are mad.

What happened to you sucks, but demanding all this public sympathy isn't goi f to change your situation.

I was crying for the baby I very much wanted and was dead in my belly. My husband was crying. He's not an emotional person. This isn't some kind of cry for attention, I was in actual pain.

How far along were you OP?

No, no, no. Don’t do that. Don’t “it doesn’t count if XYZ” to the OP.

And is that still irrelevant if we were talking about voluntary termination?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not enough that they get attention by crying in the waiting room, but they need all the additional attention by posting this on DCUM.
Your public cry for attention didn't work, and now you are mad.

What happened to you sucks, but demanding all this public sympathy isn't goi f to change your situation.

I was crying for the baby I very much wanted and was dead in my belly. My husband was crying. He's not an emotional person. This isn't some kind of cry for attention, I was in actual pain.

How far along were you OP?

No, no, no. Don’t do that. Don’t “it doesn’t count if XYZ” to the OP.

It’s not that it doesn’t count, it most certainly does.

It also matters for the story. Was OP was sent to the waiting room after learning of a first term MC? Or a third term loss? I would absolutely press OP to name and shame the practice that left them sobbing in a waiting room with a stillbirth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

OMG would you please stop saying "dead baby" and "dead in my body"? You are incredibly self involved and literally using a dead child to get sympathy on the internet.

Clearly it wouldn't even occur to you that your language and posts could be triggering for others even as you are going on and on about how awful it was for you to get triggered. You need to go get some sympathy from an appropriate place, not here.

DP: Stop scolding this poor women for expressing her grief in a perfectly natural way. No one need participate in a thread and you already know what this one is about.

OP I have no idea why people are being so hard on you today. Usually this is a more supportive area.

+1. It’s appropriate to say “dead baby” and “dead in my body” because it’s the truth. No need to sugarcoat it.

+1 "Dead baby" and "dead in my body" are accurate and therefore normal to write.

To some people, the term "passed away" is far more offensive than "dead."

Fetus, not baby.

To the writer she gets to say what this was to her. How dare you try to tone police. Go sit down and be quiet.