You walk into an OB office and sit next to a couple crying...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I’m sorry this happened to you.

I didn’t have an OB appointment recently so I’m confident it wasn’t me, but I always knit in the waiting room. My OB recommended it to me because I have very high risk pregnancies and like many patients I get anxious before exams.

If I had noticed you crying I would have been doing my best to ignore you so as not to trigger *my own* anxiety. Not because I was insensitive to your pain.

If you can't control your emotions then go to ladies room.

[Anonymous]

Was this recent, OP? Or some time ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...and decide to whip out a knitting set and knit baby clothing in front of them.

Are people really this daft? Do they think people crying at an OB office are just there so they can watch you knit something for a baby they no longer have?

Who even knits? Were they like.. 70+? Setting a record for oldest parents ever?..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

I'm not following this. He deserves special treatment because he is a "military officer"? Or are you using "military officer" to try to demonstrate that his grief is somehow more deserving/pure/real than the grief of others? I know you military families get a lot of special treatment in general, but come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not enough that they get attention by crying in the waiting room, but they need all the additional attention by posting this on DCUM.
Your public cry for attention didn't work, and now you are mad.

What happened to you sucks, but demanding all this public sympathy isn't goi f to change your situation.

I was crying for the baby I very much wanted and was dead in my belly. My husband was crying. He's not an emotional person. This isn't some kind of cry for attention, I was in actual pain.

Tempted to start a drinking game where we drink every time OP uses the words "baby" and "dead" in the same sentence. The desperate need for attention is ridiculous.

-- someone who has lost multiple pregnancies and never threw those words around for attention

but do you have a miitary husband?

Excuse you, military OFFICER husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a couple crying in an OB's office doesn't care whether or not someone else in the waiting room is knitting.

I did, yes, and started crying harder because it was triggering.

I’m sorry for your loss. Your OB should have let you stay in the room longer instead of kicking you out to the waiting room.

That said, there are going to be pregnant women at an OB office. If it hadn’t been the knitting it would have been a book about pregnancy or baby names. I think you’re fixating on the knitting because it’s easier to project your anguish on that pregnant woman than face your grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a couple crying in an OB's office doesn't care whether or not someone else in the waiting room is knitting.

I did, yes, and started crying harder because it was triggering.

I’m sorry for your loss. Your OB should have let you stay in the room longer instead of kicking you out to the waiting room.

That said, there are going to be pregnant women at an OB office. If it hadn’t been the knitting it would have been a book about pregnancy or baby names. I think you’re fixating on the knitting because it’s easier to project your anguish on that pregnant woman than face your grief.

I agree that the office should have put you in another room. Sitting beside an 8 month pregnant woman would have been just as triggering as someone knitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

OMG would you please stop saying "dead baby" and "dead in my body"? You are incredibly self involved and literally using a dead child to get sympathy on the internet.

Clearly it wouldn't even occur to you that your language and posts could be triggering for others even as you are going on and on about how awful it was for you to get triggered. You need to go get some sympathy from an appropriate place, not here.

DP: Stop scolding this poor women for expressing her grief in a perfectly natural way. No one need participate in a thread and you already know what this one is about.

OP I have no idea why people are being so hard on you today. Usually this is a more supportive area.

+1. It’s appropriate to say “dead baby” and “dead in my body” because it’s the truth. No need to sugarcoat it.

+1 "Dead baby" and "dead in my body" are accurate and therefore normal to write.

To some people, the term "passed away" is far more offensive than "dead."

Fetus, not baby.

Fine.

But emotionally-healthy people feel attachment and love for that fetus.
They start envisioning a future with an expansion to their family.
They care about what happens to that fetus, so they practice self care and seek prenatal care.
They plan for that fetus so they can bring it home.

It is normal and healthy to grieve for loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...and decide to whip out a knitting set and knit baby clothing in front of them.

Are people really this daft? Do they think people crying at an OB office are just there so they can watch you knit something for a baby they no longer have?

Who even knits? Were they like.. 70+? Setting a record for oldest parents ever?..

Lots of people. I was 31 during my last pregnancy and I did a lot of knitting in waiting rooms — it’s a good way to pass the time. Although I generally wasn’t making baby stuff; usually socks or working on a shawl at the time. I would never have sat next to an obviously upset couple (or anyone actually) if there were other seats available, but if would never have occurred to me to stop knitting in the waiting area because someone happened to be crying — it’s unlikely that I would make the connection between my knitting and their distress given that I would likely also be sharing the area with any number of heavily pregnant women, newborns, and indeed older children (no one hires a babysitter to go see their OB).

That being said, OP, I’m very terribly sorry for your loss and I’m very sorry you had a bad time in that waiting area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

OP, I am so very sorry. What I don't understand is why the staff of that office did not provide you a private space for you to cry? They just let you sit in the waiting area and bawl? Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Some OB offices have private non-examination rooms. So sorry you were not afforded some space to grieve privately. If you are willing to, try to mention it to the office when you can to save others from the same anguish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

OP, I am so very sorry. What I don't understand is why the staff of that office did not provide you a private space for you to cry? They just let you sit in the waiting area and bawl? Good lord.

Sounds pretty disruptive to the rest of the patients.

[Anonymous]

I miscarried a second trimester fetus and honestly I don’t think that if u saw crying people in a OB office I would think they had a miscarriage. I might think that they just had a fight, or that maybe their mom just died, or they just got laid off from work. When I learned of my miscarriage, I talked to the doctor and then went home. I wasn’t sitting in the waiting room and it would never occur to me that they would put a couple that had just been informed of a pregnancy loss in the waiting room. That is really the last thing I would think.
I’m sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Isn’t the whole place and everything happening there a reminder of babies? I don’t get the problem specifically with knitting. Would it be insensitive to read the parenting magazine on the table if someone is crying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...and decide to whip out a knitting set and knit baby clothing in front of them.

Are people really this daft? Do they think people crying at an OB office are just there so they can watch you knit something for a baby they no longer have?

Why are you in the waiting room after you saw a doctor?