Should I say something to my friend’s reaction to husband’s comment?

[Anonymous]

I know people who think that kind of talk is totally fine and some who would find it really off putting. It's OK to feel differently about this and the context. She doesn't need to be as cool with it as you so you have no reason to check her.

[Anonymous]

Why does your husband need to go out of his way to acknowledge how "sultry" another woman was to your friends?

[Anonymous]

What??? I am sure she has forgotten the comment unless it’s something your husband does often.

If that was out of character, everyone will forget about it. Unless you bring it up and then they will wonder why you are overthinking it and assume you have marital troubles.

If it was in character, then you are married to a creep, and it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Do not do anything about this ever. You will make it much worse. I know you are catastrophizing right now. Maybe your community has a problem with gossip and it unnerved you to the point you feel you cannot make any wrong moves? She is either not ever going to think about it again or she might just mention thinking he is a bit creepy if someone ever mentions him. She won't because most people look bad smearing others. Even if she did, she won't go into too much detail and she isn't out for blood over someone being awkward. Much worse types have gotten away with more because they simply continue as if nothing untoward happened. The damage will come from dwelling on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No need to say anything. Don’t engage with people like that.

I had a friend make a nasty comment about me and my husband based on the fact that I sunbath topless on a beach where it is perfectly acceptable.

Another former friend got mad when I mentioned how beautiful a woman was standing in front of a restaurant we were walking into.

People like what? The friend said NOTHING. She opened her eyes wider. Literally everything else is OP's interpretation and, frankly, projection.

Taking OP at face value.

People like what??

Judgmental ones, those that are judgmental without knowing context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummm no you can’t control other people’s reactions to the way your husband is a creep who blatantly disrespects you. You might be used to it but no one else is.

“a creep who blatantly disrespects you”?

Please. I’m not OP but the first few replies here are clearly from the miserable DCUM divorcees who are bringing all their own baggage to the party.

It’s not inherently “disrespectful” for one spouse to refer to some other human as attractive. It’s utterly mundane. If you think this kind of comment is beyond the pale, that is a good hint about why you are bitter and alone.

He didn’t say she was attractive.

He said she was sultry.

He sounds creepy and my h and I often comment to each other when we see an attractive person

But we are not creepy about it.

How, exactly, does use of the adjective "sultry" make him a creep? Explain it to me like I'm 5. Maybe it was an accurate description of the woman? I don't understand how descriptions of others are disrespectful or creepy. Some of you are so weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was recently out at dinner with my DH and several couple friends. We were talking about a trip overseas DH and I had made last year and some ex pats we met out one night. When DH mentioned how stunning and sultry one of the women we met was, a woman at the table got kind of big eyes like she was shocked and disgusted he would say that.

I’m not ok with her reaction, I felt like she was really judging my DH unfairly and like this could come back to bite DH and/or me if he’s going to be potentially painted as some creep or womanizer. I am not sure if I should say something to her or just distance myself just in case?

Like what?! Oh don't worry, my husband isn't creepy? She's allowed to have whatever reaction she wants to what your husband said. This isn't a story she's hearing about third hand, she was there! There are many things wrong with this scenario. You *think* you know how this woman felt, but you don't. You are *sure* that your husband didn't say something creepy, when in reality people could take it that way. You *feel* like this woman was judging your husband for something he said...which she has every right to do. You are being very defensive about your husband, almost to the point that it seems like he says stuff like this often and you're concerned about it or someone has said something to you before.

I'm not a prude and I don't think I'd react much to what your husband said, but the fact that you are so upset with this woman's reaction is very odd. Absolutely do not say anything about it, it would only make things worse. Your husband has to live with the consequences of people's reactions to his words. That's called life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Misplaced anger. You are mad at your husband for making rhe comments and are taking your anger at your friend. If you were truly okay with the comments,you wouöd roll your eyes at your friend and laugh about it with your husband.

OP here. I don’t disagree with you. This is who he is and I’m used to it after all these years, but she had no right to judge and I’m just worried she’s going to amplify what he said and make it worse for both him and me.

Actually, she has every right to think whatever she wants about what your husband says. The fact you're "used to" this behavior doesn't make it ok. You should be talking to your husband about this, not your friend.

[Anonymous]

Wow, no offense to you OP but how are you annoyed that this person reacted so strongly to what your husband commented and not at all annoyed at your disrespectful husband……????

What your husband said was disrespectful of you as his wife as well as super creepy & I would have reacted in the same manner that she did.
The fact that you are overlooking the fact that your husband referred to another woman as “sultry,” is problematic in itself.

Maybe you should consider this other person’s reaction a red flag 🚩 regarding your marriage…..

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ummm no you can’t control other people’s reactions to the way your husband is a creep who blatantly disrespects you. You might be used to it but no one else is.

dp. My thoughts exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummm no you can’t control other people’s reactions to the way your husband is a creep who blatantly disrespects you. You might be used to it but no one else is.

“a creep who blatantly disrespects you”?

Please. I’m not OP but the first few replies here are clearly from the miserable DCUM divorcees who are bringing all their own baggage to the party.

It’s not inherently “disrespectful” for one spouse to refer to some other human as attractive. It’s utterly mundane. If you think this kind of comment is beyond the pale, that is a good hint about why you are bitter and alone.

Happily married but I would find it offensive if my husband said what he said in front of my friends. Sorry you are getting walked all over in your personal life.

Really? Do you really think your husband never finds anyone else attractive? Just because he does and says it doesn’t mean he’s riding off into the sunset with them. Sorry you would find this threatening.

[Anonymous]

People don't cut others off for being a little trashy

[Anonymous]

Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Misplaced anger. You are mad at your husband for making rhe comments and are taking your anger at your friend. If you were truly okay with the comments,you wouöd roll your eyes at your friend and laugh about it with your husband.

OP here. I don’t disagree with you. This is who he is and I’m used to it after all these years, but she had no right to judge and I’m just worried she’s going to amplify what he said and make it worse for both him and me.

This.

From what you describe, she didn’t say anything. She had a facial reaction and kept her thoughts unsaid. What are you going to say? “You opened your eyes wide and yiu don’t have the right to have your own thoughts about what my husband said”? That’s bonkers. She has the right to react. You are not her thought police.

Actually, she has every right to think whatever she wants about what your husband says. The fact you're "used to" this behavior doesn't make it ok. You should be talking to your husband about this, not your friend.