Should I say something to my friend’s reaction to husband’s comment?

[Anonymous]

No need to say anything. Don’t engage with people like that.

I had a friend make a nasty comment about me and my husband based on the fact that I sunbath topless on a beach where it is perfectly acceptable.

Another former friend got mad when I mentioned how beautiful a woman was standing in front of a restaurant we were walking into.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend whose husband will talk about women they've met who he finds gorgeous or exotic. It makes me a bit uncomfortable and I'm sure the first few times it happened my face conveyed my surprise over him so openly saying things like that. The only person I've said anything to is my DH, who was also there. And it was more of a "am I overreacting to how weird I found that?". I don't gossip about it with friends or talk about him otherwise.

[Anonymous]

People react to others. You have no role here. Op, you do not get to dictate their reaction.

[Anonymous]

You can’t chastise someone for:

1) how much she opened her eyes (!!??)

2) having an opinion about what she just heard your husband say.

You sound like you are an apologist or quite defensive about him. He is not you. His behavior will trigger what it does in observers, and that is not your mess to clean up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend whose husband will talk about women they've met who he finds gorgeous or exotic. It makes me a bit uncomfortable and I'm sure the first few times it happened my face conveyed my surprise over him so openly saying things like that. The only person I've said anything to is my DH, who was also there. And it was more of a "am I overreacting to how weird I found that?". I don't gossip about it with friends or talk about him otherwise.

My friend’s partner would regularly point out “exotic ” women that he thought were stunning.

My friend (who loved and cared for this man) looked nothing like those women. I hurt for her and resented his lack of sensitivity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Misplaced anger. You are mad at your husband for making rhe comments and are taking your anger at your friend. If you were truly okay with the comments,you wouöd roll your eyes at your friend and laugh about it with your husband.

OP here. I don’t disagree with you. This is who he is and I’m used to it after all these years, but she had no right to judge and I’m just worried she’s going to amplify what he said and make it worse for both him and me.

I mean, it is totally normal for her to be shocked he would say this in front of you. It sounds like she didn't say anything but her eyes got big? How would you even address this with her? If you say anything you will sound nuts. Tell your husband to use his filter when out.

[Anonymous]

No. You were ok with it. Why do you feel like you have to explain yourself to management?

[Anonymous]

What were you thinking of saying to her? I don't think you should but I'm curious what you had planned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend whose husband will talk about women they've met who he finds gorgeous or exotic. It makes me a bit uncomfortable and I'm sure the first few times it happened my face conveyed my surprise over him so openly saying things like that. The only person I've said anything to is my DH, who was also there. And it was more of a "am I overreacting to how weird I found that?". I don't gossip about it with friends or talk about him otherwise.

I dated a man who once was telling a male friend of mine how gorgeous the women in Senegal are; just really going on about it. (My date is from a different African country). My friend looked surprised and uncomfortable. And yes, my date was a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Whelp, we know you were not in Brasil.
The ex pats can’t hold a candle to the locals.

[Anonymous]

Is she a good friend, OP? If so, I think you should talk to her. But only if you are open to hearing her side, too. In fact, plan on doing more listening than talking.

[Anonymous]

Too much. I wouldn’t go on about how hot another guy was in mixed company. Maybe as a lighthearted joke among girlfriends, but in front of my husband and his friends — inappropriate!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she's one of those women with porn star looks? Very weird thing to say but less mean than calling someone trashy, slutty, etc. I knew a lady like this. There's something about her that seems too sexual and it's uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No need to say anything. Don’t engage with people like that.

I had a friend make a nasty comment about me and my husband based on the fact that I sunbath topless on a beach where it is perfectly acceptable.

Another former friend got mad when I mentioned how beautiful a woman was standing in front of a restaurant we were walking into.

People like what? The friend said NOTHING. She opened her eyes wider. Literally everything else is OP's interpretation and, frankly, projection.

[Anonymous]

For those of you identifying his comment as creepy, how would you feel if either a man or a woman told a travel anecdote that hinged somewhat on a person of the opposite sex being sultry? “So we had dinner with this seemingly normal couple, the woman was this super-sultry expat in revealing attire, and then later we learned from some other friends that they were having threesomes with a cabana boy.” Is it creepy/narcissistic/transgressive to share a White Lotus story like that?

I think the husband sounds like an idiot to pointlessly describe a never-to-be-encountered stranger as sultry; it just seems like a go-nowhere conversation point. It would be better to joke that DW seemed to have a crush on her jetski instructor. But maybe all you DCUM prudes just never say anything remotely naughty.