Should I say something to my friend’s reaction to husband’s comment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Misplaced anger. You are mad at your husband for making rhe comments and are taking your anger at your friend. If you were truly okay with the comments,you wouöd roll your eyes at your friend and laugh about it with your husband.

OP here. I don’t disagree with you. This is who he is and I’m used to it after all these years, but she had no right to judge and I’m just worried she’s going to amplify what he said and make it worse for both him and me.

Is your husband normally so creepy with new people you meet and old friends he recounts these tales to?

[Anonymous]

This is narcissistic behavior. Saying something he knows is out of bounds and basically daring people to react. Your problem is way bigger than what your friend thinks. I would have reacted the same way to such an inappropriate comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Misplaced anger. You are mad at your husband for making rhe comments and are taking your anger at your friend. If you were truly okay with the comments,you wouöd roll your eyes at your friend and laugh about it with your husband.

OP here. I don’t disagree with you. This is who he is and I’m used to it after all these years, but she had no right to judge and I’m just worried she’s going to amplify what he said and make it worse for both him and me.

You don't know if she was judging. You know her eyes got big. Is that allowed in your book?

[Anonymous]

I find the addition of "and sultry" to be the creepy bit here. I would be fine with my husband describing someone as stunning or beautiful or whatever, but sultry has a bit of a sexual connotation that I would also find odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Misplaced anger. You are mad at your husband for making rhe comments and are taking your anger at your friend. If you were truly okay with the comments,you wouöd roll your eyes at your friend and laugh about it with your husband.

OP here. I don’t disagree with you. This is who he is and I’m used to it after all these years, but she had no right to judge and I’m just worried she’s going to amplify what he said and make it worse for both him and me.

She has every right to react however she wants, just like he has every right to say sultry. That’s how free speech works. If you don’t like the way she reacts you can leave, just like she could have left if she was actually as offended as you seem to think she is.

[Anonymous]

Lady, seriously...you're reacting this intensely to a bri f facial expression that an acquaintance had in response to a creepy comment from your husband?

Let it go.

This wasn't important to her or anyone but you, because you are rightfully unsettled at your husband's creepiness and what his behavior suggests about you.

She hasn't given it much thought since then except to quietly file away this impression of your husband into her "eew" folder of people she doesn't seek to spend time with and doesn't be want to caught alone with. You have thought about this for 1000x longer than she has. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Misplaced anger. You are mad at your husband for making rhe comments and are taking your anger at your friend. If you were truly okay with the comments,you wouöd roll your eyes at your friend and laugh about it with your husband.

OP here. I don’t disagree with you. This is who he is and I’m used to it after all these years, but she had no right to judge and I’m just worried she’s going to amplify what he said and make it worse for both him and me.

You seem really wacky.

“Make it worse”?

Are you originally American?

Yes. Not sure what that has to do with anything.

[Anonymous]

I’m confused by what OP’s friend can do to paint her DH as a womanizer or “make things worse” for them. I can’t think of a situation where a friend could make things worse for me other than something they would do to me directly, which they wouldn’t do because, you know, they’re my friends.

But I’m more confused at all the negative reactions to OP’s DH describing someone they met once a year ago as sultry, or even stunning and sultry. It would be creepy if he was talking about someone at their table at dinner, or a mom they see at Larlo’s sporting event every week. Maybe it didn’t need to be said, but creepy or offensive? I just don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummm no you can’t control other people’s reactions to the way your husband is a creep who blatantly disrespects you. You might be used to it but no one else is.

“a creep who blatantly disrespects you”?

Please. I’m not OP but the first few replies here are clearly from the miserable DCUM divorcees who are bringing all their own baggage to the party.

It’s not inherently “disrespectful” for one spouse to refer to some other human as attractive. It’s utterly mundane. If you think this kind of comment is beyond the pale, that is a good hint about why you are bitter and alone.

He didn’t say she was attractive.

He said she was sultry.

He sounds creepy and my h and I often comment to each other when we see an attractive person

But we are not creepy about it.

Do you know what sultry means?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is narcissistic behavior. Saying something he knows is out of bounds and basically daring people to react. Your problem is way bigger than what your friend thinks. I would have reacted the same way to such an inappropriate comment.

How is that narcissistic behavior? Socially inept, sure, but I don’t really see it as narcissistic.

[Anonymous]

DH is a creep. What other behavior of his to you excuse?? Team facial expression!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummm no you can’t control other people’s reactions to the way your husband is a creep who blatantly disrespects you. You might be used to it but no one else is.

“a creep who blatantly disrespects you”?

Please. I’m not OP but the first few replies here are clearly from the miserable DCUM divorcees who are bringing all their own baggage to the party.

It’s not inherently “disrespectful” for one spouse to refer to some other human as attractive. It’s utterly mundane. If you think this kind of comment is beyond the pale, that is a good hint about why you are bitter and alone.

He didn’t say she was attractive.

He said she was sultry.

He sounds creepy and my h and I often comment to each other when we see an attractive person

But we are not creepy about it.

Do you know what sultry means?

Sultry is beyond attractive, it’s sexual in nature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Misplaced anger. You are mad at your husband for making rhe comments and are taking your anger at your friend. If you were truly okay with the comments,you wouöd roll your eyes at your friend and laugh about it with your husband.

OP here. I don’t disagree with you. This is who he is and I’m used to it after all these years, but she had no right to judge and I’m just worried she’s going to amplify what he said and make it worse for both him and me.

You seem really wacky.

“Make it worse”?

Are you originally American?

Yes. Not sure what that has to do with anything.

The way you communicate is odd. I thought it was a language or cultural barrier.

So you’re just wacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummm no you can’t control other people’s reactions to the way your husband is a creep who blatantly disrespects you. You might be used to it but no one else is.

“a creep who blatantly disrespects you”?

Please. I’m not OP but the first few replies here are clearly from the miserable DCUM divorcees who are bringing all their own baggage to the party.

It’s not inherently “disrespectful” for one spouse to refer to some other human as attractive. It’s utterly mundane. If you think this kind of comment is beyond the pale, that is a good hint about why you are bitter and alone.

He didn’t say she was attractive.

He said she was sultry.

He sounds creepy and my h and I often comment to each other when we see an attractive person

But we are not creepy about it.

Do you know what sultry means?

Yes.

Do you know the difference between someone getting in an elevator and saying wow, you look nice today as compared to looking you up and down and saying wow… You look sultry today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is narcissistic behavior. Saying something he knows is out of bounds and basically daring people to react. Your problem is way bigger than what your friend thinks. I would have reacted the same way to such an inappropriate comment.

How is that narcissistic behavior? Socially inept, sure, but I don’t really see it as narcissistic.

It’s a thing.

https://www.quora.com/Why-does-a-covert-narcissist-put-you-down-but-in-subtle-ways-to-where-they-re-just-joking